On the drive home, I couldn’t get the look on Alex’s face out of my head. I stared blankly out of the front window, occasionally nodding my head at Vic who was talking at me. None of what he was saying was going in.

“Phoebs?” I turned to face him and realised the car had stopped.

“You sure you’re okay?” Vic frowned at me. I stared through him for a moment, not focusing on his face. There was no way I was telling him what I had seen. I dropped my eyes to the floor.

“…Yeah” I said flatly before swinging open the car door and stepping back out into the heat. It had cooled down by now. I walked in front, pushing the front door open. I could hear Vic following behind. I knew he knew there was something up but had obviously chosen to leave me be, for now at least. Mike appeared in front of me from the lounge.

“She’s alive” He said mockingly with a grin. I smiled back at him weakly.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to the weather” he said as he pulled me into a hug. He pulled away and headed towards the kitchen. I followed him through, looking into each room as I went. Mike put some water on to boil.

“Where is everyone?” I asked as I leant against the kitchen counter, crossing my arms across my chest.

“Tony’s out with Barakat and Jamie’s with Amber” He said as he reached into the cupboards, taking out a mug. He held one up at me, as if to ask if I wanted one. I shook my head.

“Who’s Amber?” It was a name I couldn’t remember hearing before. He talked with his back turned as he filled his mug.

“Oh, Jamie’s girlfriend” I sighed internally. It made me so sad to think of all the things I’d missed. He turned to look at me when I didn’t answer. Mike misread my expression.

“Don’t worry, she’s awesome. You two will get on just fine” He smiled reassuringly at me, now leaning on the counter like me and holding his drink. He carefully sipped it without breaking eye contact. I tried, but couldn’t smile back at him convincingly. I had too much going on in my head. His smile faltered. That was my cue to leave. I could literally feel questions hanging in the air and I really didn’t feel like pouring my heart out.

“You know what, I think I’m gunna get my head down. Today’s really taken it out of me” I turned, passing Vic as I walked out into the hallway.

“Thanks for everything” I hug him quickly before climbing the stairs, not bothering to look back at the pair. I knew they’d probably be talking about me as soon as my bedroom door was closed. I didn’t care. I just needed some head space. I needed to work out how I felt about the situation with Alex. I shut the door behind me, flopping down on my bed. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling for a while, completely lost in thought. The more I thought about Alex, the more I dug into feelings I had long shut out of my conscious mind. I knew nothing about him, not really. All I could do was compare what I saw in him to what I saw in myself. I remembered the feeling of having nowhere else to turn, taking it out on myself. Not knowing how to act around people, how to make out I was okay. So I stayed in to avoid having to pretend to anyone. I remembered the pained look in Alex’s eyes when we stood at the door. I couldn’t bear to think of him feeling like that. He was too kind.


It was dark outside now. My curtains were open, silver moonlight filled the room. No one had bothered me for hours. Only Vic had been up to check on me. I sat up slowly from the bed where I had not moved. My head was still running circles. I walked over to the window which overlooked the road, I opened it wide. I closed my eyes and leant on the window sill , letting the cold air brush my skin. I didn’t expect to get any sleep that night. When I opened my eyes again, I spotted a very familiar ball of fluff bouncing proudly down the dark road. I huffed to myself. I was going to have to take him home. I quietly made my way out of the front door, shutting it silently. Not so silently that the little thing didnt hear me. He whipped his head round to stare at me, before trotting over. I knelt down, reaching my hand out to meet him. He pushed his muzzle into my palm, calmly sitting down.

"Let's get you home boy" I scooped him up carefully and began the walk to Alex's house.

Notes

Sorry, i know it's not much. More soon! (:
Comments would be lovely (:
Thankyou! xxx