I was lucky, no one was up yet. I let myself in to the house and crept up to my room, softly closing the door behind me. I pulled my shoes off and changed into old sweats and a baggy shirt. I pulled back the covers and slipped between them, breathing in the fresh smell. I lay there on my side, digesting what had just happened. To someone else, someone normal, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But for me it was.
I stared at my phone sat on the bedside table, wondering if Alex would ever call me. If I would be the person he needed when he was on a low. Of course I knew the answer to that. No. I didn’t know him very well, but I didn’t need to to know he was an incredibly popular guy. I was sure there were plenty of people he would call before thinking about calling me. I hadn’t been in bed long before there was a knock at the door. I shouted for whoever was behind it to come in. Vic poked his head around the door, he had obviously been awake a while.

“Morning” He said cheerily with a smile. I frowned at him.

“What’s the time?”

“9” I groaned in response pulling the covers over my head. I hadn’t had the chance to even close my eyes all night. I could hear the muffled sound of Vic’s laughter.

“Come down when you’re ready, I’ll make you some breakfast” He waited for a sign that I had heard him and then left, closing the door behind him. I threw back the covers with my arms and huffed loudly, lying still for a moment before swinging my legs round and sitting on the edge of the bed. After considering it, I decided not to bother getting dressed. It wasn’t like I was going anywhere. I reluctantly made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where I found more people than I was expecting. There was a girl I didn’t recognise sat at the table. I stopped in the doorway, realising what I must have looked like. I was about to run back to my room and make myself look less of a tramp when Mikey spotted me.

“Morning Phoebs” He said brightly. I stopped and turned back to face him. Of course now everyone was looking at me, including the mystery guest. Vic was sat at the end of the table. Tony wasn’t anywhere to be seen, I just assumed that he hadn’t gotten up yet.

“Uh… morning” I flashed him a quick smile as I stood in the doorway awkwardly, not sure whether to sit down or run and hide breakfast out in my room. Jamie looked at me curiously, following my gaze to the girl sat next to him.

“Oh, Phoebe, this is Amber” He said proudly, putting his arm round her shoulders. This seemed to make her a little awkward. She smiled at me shyly.

“Hello” She said in a timid voice. She was pretty, brunette with small features and a heart shaped face.

“Hey” I smiled back at her, before pulling out a chair and sitting opposite. I didn’t speak to anyone throughout breakfast. Just nodding or laughing along when necessary. Amber didn’t speak either, only quietly to Jamie. I caught her looking at me a few times. The moment our eyes met she would get awkward and look away embarrassed. It was beginning to make me feel really uncomfortable. I was sure she was just curious, but too shy to speak to me. But I couldn’t stop feeling self-conscious. I stared at the food sat in front of me, not feeling hungry in the slightest. I only sipped my water. As I lifted the glass to my mouth, I noticed Amber staring at me again from the corner of my eye. But she wasn’t staring at my face this time. She was looking at my wrists, or should I say checking them. I slammed my glass down, wanting to hide my arms. But I did it too quickly and the glass toppled over, throwing its contents all over me and rolling off the table shattering on the floor tiles. Everyone turned to look at me.

“You okay Phoebs?” Mikey appeared beside me with a towel in his hand, his eyebrows pulled together and his voice concerned. Amber turned to look at Jamie with a worried expression. But Jamie didn’t meet her gaze. I dropped my eyes to the floor, I could feel my face heating up. Jamie had obviously told Amber everything. Who else had they been telling? Did the All Time Low boys know? Vic got out of his seat and bent down and began collecting the shards of glass. I shot up out of my seat.

“No. Don’t Vic” I dropped onto my knees, picking up the larger pieces of glass.

“It’s my fault”

“Phoebs it’s fine, I’ll-“ I interrupted him.

“No” I shouted a little louder then I intended to, I surprised myself. I stopped and looked up at Vic. He tried to hide his confusion with a sympathetic smile. He got up to retrieve something, returning after a moment with a brush. Mikey put his hand on my shoulder from behind me, his lips shared the same sympathetic smile as Vic’s. It made me feel even worse; everyone was tip-toeing round me. I slowly stood up, stepping back and letting the boys clean my mess up. I could barely lift my eyes from the floor. I didn’t dare look at Amber, though I could feel her eyes on my face. I stood awkwardly by the door for only a moment before turning and climbing the stairs to my room. As soon as the door was closed the tears came. I crawled back under the cool bed sheets and pulled them over my head. I thought I had gotten away from all of this. Everyone was judging me and I couldn’t handle it. Me and Jamie needed to have serious words later, he had some explaining to do. It was obvious Amber knew something; I just wasn’t sure how much. There was a timid knock at the door. There was no point in hiding the fact I’d been crying, I couldn’t if I wanted to.

“Yeah” I shouted from under the covers. My voice sounded strange. I didn’t move to look who it was behind the door as it opened. Light flooded in as the bed sheets were lifted to reveal a pair of brown eyes I didn’t expect.

“Alex?” He was knelt at the side of the bed.

“Sorry, the guys said to come straight up” His eyes were soft and sympathetic. But it didn’t bother me as much, I knew he understood. I didn’t speak, only nodding in response.

“I came to thank you for last night and to take you up on your offer, but…” he looked at me with worry. I could tell he wanted to know what was wrong but didn’t know how to ask.

“It’s just been one of those mornings “I half smiled at him, wiping my cheeks from under the covers. He smiled kindly back, but the lines in his forehead only softened subtly.

“Well Jack’s not far behind me so it’s about to get a whole lot worse” His remark made me smile naturally. He grinned in response, showing me his white teeth. I huffed loudly, rolling onto my back and pushing the cotton covers off of my face. I needed to snap out of it. I knew I was being irrational.

“Sorry” I said as I sat up, trying to flatten the haystack of hair on top of my head. I tapped the mattress, telling Alex to join me.

“For what?” He asked as he pulled off his shoes and climbed up next to me, folding his legs underneath him.

“I dunno, for being a drama queen” I shrugged. I caught site of myself in the mirror, suddenly realising I was still wet through. I felt my face heat up. I gathered up the sheets around me and pulled them into my lap, trying to hide the wet patches in my sweats and the bottom of my shirt. Alex eyed me curiously but didn’t question it.

“I can’t comment, I don’t know what happened. But I’m sure you’re not” He dropped his eyes, playing with his hands.
I flopped back down onto my back, pulling Alex down with me. I kept my eyes on the ceiling.

“The guys just introduced me to Jamie’s girlfriend”

“You don’t like her?”

“No, no. I don’t really know her, she didn’t speak much. She just stared at me, she was really awkward. I didn’t think much of it until I saw her look at my wrists”

“She knows”

“Yep, looks that way. Jamie’s obviously told her. I just don’t know how much she knows” He was silent for a short while after I said this.

“Is there much else to know?” He asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure if he wanted yes or no, or an explanation.

“Much more” I sighed. I would tell Alex, but not today. I looked over at him. He was on his back like me, staring at the ceiling. He nodded slightly at my answer, not pressing me for anything further. He took my hand in his and drew small circles on my palm. I could tell he was being hesitant, unsure where the boundaries were in our friendship.

“So, what did you want to do today?” I asked him, forcing myself to be more cheerful. I didn’t really care what we did, I was quite happy just to lay here with him all day.

“Well” He kept hold of my hand, shifting so his head was resting on my stomach and his legs were hanging off the side of the bed. I rested my free hand in his hair, playing with it.

“As my dog is so fond of you, I thought we could take him for a walk to start with. I haven’t really worked out anything else past that” He chuckled once and shrugged. I smiled running my hand through his hair. Alex lifted his arms over his head, stroking my side through my shirt. He chuckled again. I frowned.

“What?” I ask

“Why are you wet?” I half laughed, groaning.

“It’s nothing important,” I assured him.

“But i should get dressed, it’s probably almost noon by now” Alex whined as I began to sit up.

“But I was getting comfortable” He jutted out his bottom lip and gave me puppy eyes.

“Poor baby” I said laughing. He slowly dragged himself to his feet, holding out his hand for me. I took it and he pulled me up. I gently pushed him backwards towards the door. He frowned at me.

“Wait for me downstairs, I won’t be long. Promise” I smiled up at him. He smiled back at me and nodded.

“You better not be” He leant down and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving, closing the door behind him.

Notes

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