He Hasn't Been Sober For Days

After a couple of days of thinking about what Lisa had said, I realised I needed to get the fuck over my pride. If I really wanted to keep Lisa, I had to man up and go to the alcoholics anonymous meeting. If I didn't go, I'd lose her and I didn't want that to happen, it was as simple as that. We'd been through thick and thin together, I couldn't let my ego break us apart now. And besides, maybe she was right. Maybe losing the alcohol would be good for me.


However, when I arrived at the small building the meeting was held in, any sort of confidence I previously had shrivelled up into nothingness. Before I knew what I was even doing, I was backing away, stumbling over the uneven ground in my hurry to get away. Once I was back in the safety of my car, I took the bottle of vodka I had stashed in my glove compartment and took a swig of it to steady my nerves. What was I doing here? I was no alcoholic. I drink no more than anybody else. There was no reason for me to be going to an alcoholics anonymous meeting. I was perfectly fine. I was completely normal. I definitely didn't drink in excess. What was Lisa thinking? I didn't need to be here.


After stopping at Starbucks to get a coffee to pass the time and get the fragrance of the vodka off my breath, I returned home.

"hey, baby. How was the meeting? Was it ok?"

"oh, yeah, yeah, it was fine. Bit boring but I'll keep going. For you" I told her. A smile spread across her face and she pulled me close to kiss me.

"you didn't go, did you?" she asked, her voice drenched with disappointment, her face just centimetres from mine.

"y-yeah, of course I did, babe"

"that's fucking bullshit, Alex. You're a terrible liar, you always have been. It's written all over your fucking face. Did you really think you could get away with that?! How stupid do you think I am? I'm not some fucking airhead, Alex. Why didn't you go? And spare me the crap please, I'm not a fucking idiot"

"okay, fine, I'm sorry, ok? I got there and I just couldn't go in. I'm not like them. I don't need it"

"are you fucking serious? Do you not care if I leave you or not? I told you I would if you didn't go. I wasn't joking. You know what? I knew you wouldn't go. I fucking knew it. I already packed my bags. I'm sick of your false promises. You clearly don't want me around anymore, otherwise you'd have gone. Half an hour, Alex. You couldn't even sit in a room with a few strangers for half an hour to keep me. That just shows how little I mean to you, doesn't it? I'm done here" she looked away from me before pushing past me into our bedroom. She reappeared a minute later with a couple of bags. I stood and watched her, silent and still. I should have been protesting, defending myself, begging her to stay. I was screaming and breaking down inside my head but on the outside, I looked like I really didn't care. I guess I knew that my chances were up. I'd blown them all. I'd ruined things for myself.


"Alex? I'm gonna say this because I care about you..you need to take a serious look at yourself. Admit that you have a problem, get some help. It's the only way you won't ruin the rest of your life" her voice cracked and tears rolled down her face. She choked out a goodbye before rushing out of the door and out of my life. As always, I turned to drinking for comfort.


Nearly a full bottle of jack later, I realised that even if I didn't have a problem, I could go to this shitty little meeting and say I did. That way, Lisa would come back to me. And a week later, that's what I did.

"my names Alex and..I'm an..alcoholic" I said nervously. The group smiled up at me and chorally murmured back a "hey Alex" before the group leader turned to someone else, allowing me to take a seat again.

"would you like to introduce yourself?" the group leader spoke to a young man with a very chiselled jaw and spiky dishevelled hair the colour of a raven. He was leaning right back in his chair without a care in the world, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"does it look like I want to introduce myself?"

"could you please introduce yourself anyway?"

"erm..no? It's called alcoholics anonymous. Emphasis on anonymous. What the fuck is anonymous about telling everyone my name? That's not anonymous, that's jacked up. I don't wanna be friends with any of these people, they can all go fuck themselves" the man spoke calmly. I let out a chuckle but quickly stopped myself when I noticed nobody else was laughing. Apparently this wasn't supposed to be funny. He turned to glance at me and I caught his eye, quickly looking away and clearing my throat awkwardly. My face grew hot as I blushed. I could feel his gaze boring into me.

"something funny?" he asked me sarcastically. My head whipped up in shock.

"wha-no-no-I just-no" I stuttered. He laughed cruelly at me before mockingly imitating me.

"maybe you shouldn't go fuck yourself, Alex. You'd probably screw it up" he told me. Wow, that really hit home.

After losing Lisa and screwing everything up with her, I didn't need a complete stranger telling me I'd screw stuff up. Whoever the man was, he was right: I didn't want to be friends with any of these people.


I resisted the urge to say something back, instead, I calmly got up and walked out.

"hey! wait up!" I heard that same mans voice coming closer to me.

"what do you want?" I grumbled. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anybody now.

"uhh.." he said. I turned to look at him. His hand found mine and he shook it.

"my names jack and..I'm an alcoholic"

Notes

Chapter title song credit: The Death Of Me - City And Colour

hey!:D the response we've had to this fic already after only the first chapter is amazing, I'm so glad y'all are liking it!^.^


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