Dangerous
Chapter Twenty-Eight: I Tear My Heart Open Just To Feel
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
As Jack and Alex were making their way to their class, the head master's voice was heard through the speakers on the wall.
"Jack Barakat and...Alex Gaskarth, please report to my office right now. Room 234, thank you." His voice didn't sound very happy, so Jack and Alex looked at each other with worrying eyes before they quickly made their way to room 234. They both knew why they were asked to attend to the head master's office, and they weren't very excited for it either.
~~~
"Hello boys, take a seat," The head master says, giving both boys a stained look. They both had their heads ducked as they sat down on the chairs next to each other, looking down at their hands like told off six year-olds. Both boys were oblivious to the other presence that they both hated with a passion.
"So first thing's first...why are you two skipping History class halfway through? That's not acceptable, boys." The head master says, a wary sound to his gravely, harsh voice. Jack, nor Alex speak up, too afraid to.
"Sir, they're obviously not gonna say-"
"Shut up, Jason!" The head master interrupts. Alex's head snaps up at Jason's name. The last he expected was him to show up at the head master's room. He instantly ducks it when he sees the glare on Jason's face.
"Are you going to tell me, or are you going to get yourselves into a detention with me everyday after school for the rest of the week?" He asks, sighing. Alex takes this as a call to tell the head master that it's because Jason.
"B-Because of Jason." Alex says quietly, turning his head to the side to look at Jason; he doesn't look very happy. In fact, he looks like he could kill someone- Alex to be precise. Alex looks away, finally looking at the head master, innocent eyes shining as he tries to persuade him that he didn't start it. The head master just turns away from Alex's eyes, looking over to Jason.
"And what is your reason for disturbing the class while they're trying to learn? Hmm?" He asks, a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic smile on his lips.
"Dunno." Jason shrugs, slouched on the chair.
"What did you say?"
"Dunno, sir." Jason plays with his jeans.
"You don't know what you said?" It's quiet for a second, but then laughter from the head master surrounded the small room.
"Works every time." He says, wiping a tear. Alex frowns, not really seeing why it was so funny. Jack wasn't really paying attention, just playing with his thumbs endlessly. Fake, sarcastic laughter could be heard escaping Jason's mouth, the un-amusement showing through the forced laugh.
"Get yourself out, son. I'll bring you back in when I think you've thought of a good enough excuse." He says, wiping one last tear as he points to the door, indicating Jason to leave the room. Jason mumbled a 'whatever' as he gets up, hands in his pockets. An open and then closed door echoed throughout the room.
"Okay, so now are you ready to tell me what's happening?"
~~~
Half an hour later, the head master finally let Jack and Alex go with a warning. Alex had told him about Jason's behaviour towards both him himself and Jack. When the head master had asked Jack a question, knowing that Jack wouldn't talk to him, Alex had interjected and answered the questions for him. They've been told not to cut anymore lessons otherwise they will in be detention and parents will be told. Jack kinda shivered by the fact if they did miss another lesson-History mainly- a letter would be sent home, meaning that his dad will know about what he's doing at school. He tried shrugging off the thought of his dad, and keep quiet about the obvious fear of him knowing, which is quite an easy task for Jack anyway. They make their way to Religious Education as they walked through the crowded halls.
~~~
As the final bell went, people got up from their chairs, picking bags up and leaving, Jack and Alex following slowly. They make their way out of school, walking a little quicker to get to the bus on time. Luckily, five minutes later, they arrived on the bus, showing their ID's to the driver and finding seats near the front. They sit down, Alex closest to the window. The bus starts a couple seconds later, Alex looking straight out the window while Jack sits there playing with his thumbs.
It's only a couple of minutes later until Alex decides to speak up as the quietness was getting the best of him. He didn't feel awkward, he just felt like he needed to say something.
"So, are you- you're not going back home, are you?" Alex asks quietly, close to Jack's ear. Jack tries not to shiver at Alex's breath on his ears, instead he shrugs, not really knowing what to do. He sort of wants to stay with Alex, but he also knows he can't stay away from his dad forever. His dad might go twice as crazy knowing that he has no one to point guns at, or terrorize.
"Well, I really don't want you to go back there, not if he's going to hurt you. You can stay with me, you'll be safe, I promise." Alex says, biting down on his lip. He knows it's not his decision to pick if Jack stays or not, but he doesn't want Jack back there.
Jack doesn't answer Alex's question, and it goes quiet from the boys. That is until they get off the bus.
"Jack..." Alex says as he watches Jack look in the direction he doesn't want him going through. Jack turns around and ducks his head, sticking his hands in his pockets nervously.
"At least stay another night, I know Tinks will be happy." Alex says with a smile. He just really doesn't want Jack going back to his home, knowing it might get twice as bad. Jack's heart melted at Alex's words. Half because of Tinkerbell, the other because he had asked him to stay another night, even though he had asked on the bus, it just seemed different. Jack walks over to Alex and takes his hands out his pockets, wrapping his arms around Alex and hugging him. Alex just smiles, hugging him back. It was like one of them typical movie scenes when the son forgives his dad for whatever he did. Both of them were just enjoying the closeness. That was until Alex finally decided to break it.
"Come on, sappy shit." Alex chuckles, not being able to hid the smile on his face as he walks Jack to his house.
~~~
"Okay, so, my mum's not home until later, and I don't know how to cook, so it's just really good fat stuff for now." Alex laughs, making his way over to the kitchen and looking in cupboards while Jack awkwardly stands between the living room and kitchen.
"Alright." Alex says after collecting a massive amount of food, stocking it in his arms and carrying it out the kitchen, up the stairs and on to his bed, nearly hitting the cat with a chocolate bar. Alex sat down, moving the food and inviting Jack to sit down next to him. Jack did as Alex gestured, sitting to the opposite side of the food, instantly petting Tinkerbell. The cat mewled, stretching her body out, getting up and placing herself in Jack's laps; where she clawed him in attempt to get comfortable.
"Um...what do you want to do?" Alex asks, picking up an energy drink, pushing it away from him this time, remembering the last incident. It opened without exploding, and Alex signed mentally with relief.
"W-What do you want to do?" Jack asks shyly. Alex thinks to himself. Kiss the fuck out of him because he looks so adorable right now. Was Alex's first thought, but he let it pass, despite he had the urge.
"I'm not sure. We could play the guitar?" Alex says, looking over at Jack for approval. Jack nods, his head down with his fringe blocking his eyes. Alex just smiled a little, moving over to pick his guitar up from where he last placed it (Near the little table).
"Here, you play, right?" Alex asks, remembering Jack telling him that he plays. Jack nods, moving Tinkerbell to beside his lap, feeling a little guilty by moving her. He places the guitar in his lap, fingers nervously over the strings.
"'m not very good." Jack mumbles, beginning to play Scars by Papa Roach. Alex smiles, listening to Jack's sweet playing, tapping on his laps. Jack bit his lip, trying to control his smile. He hasn't been on his guitar for months due to his father smashing it. He felt like his other half was back because his guitar was defiantly a release to the world. The only problem was when he had his guitar, he could only play it when his father was out at the bar. Alex had to stop himself from singing, not wanting to ruining Jack's amazing playing.
After a while, Jack had stopped playing, and Alex had tears in the back of his eyes. He knew the lyrics to the song, making him feel even more emotional. Alex could tell Jack was playing it with all his heart.
"Jack, that was beautiful." Alex breathed out, still able to hear Jack's guitar playing through his head. Jack blushed, ducking his head and passing Alex the guitar.
"T-Thank you." Jack mumbled just enough for Alex to hear. Said boy did hear, and he couldn't help the smile on his face to widen.
"It's okay. Do you wanna watch a movie?" Alex asks nicely.
"I um..." Jack pauses. He's never liked watching films because he could never get to the ending without getting bored and turning the film off.
"What's up?" Alex sensed Jack's troubled sense, staring at him oddly.
"Well...it's just that I-I don't like films." Jack mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed with the situation. Alex's mouth practically hung open, gasping dryly.
"What the actual fuck? How can you not like movies? There's The Mask, Liar Liar, basically all movies that have Jim Carrey in." Alex was shocked, defiantly. Now, for anyone else, they would've thought Jack was a sore, boring guy that didn't like to have fun (which they thought that anyway, even though it's not 100% true), but Alex was stunned by Jack's answer, but that just added more to his personality that he came to love.
"I-I can never g-get to the end of the film w-without getting bored, sorry." Jack stutters, feeling a little bad that he had basically put down one of the things Alex wants to do.
"The ending is like, the best bit. Look, would you be able to stay awake to watch the end of Peter Pan? It's not that long." Alex asks with pleading eyes. He used to watch that moving with Tom, and hasn't watched it since the day he left. Alex didn't quite know why he suddenly wanted to watch Peter Pan again for the first time in years, but it felt right. Jack bit his lip and nodded, hoping that he'll be able to watch the whole thing without getting angry and turning it off, or walking out the room until it's finished, and hopefully not fall asleep.
"Yes! Okay, I'm gonna go sort the thingy out, and yeah." Alex chuckled happily, getting off the bed and onto the floor, his legs tucked behind him. That's the happiest Jack has ever seen Alex, and it confused him a little. He was wondering how one person could get excited over a film. It must be his favourite film. Jack shrugged, Alex jumping back on the bed. He placed his back against the wall, patting the spot next to him for Jack to copy how he was sitting. Jack blushed, very awkwardly moving himself backwards until his back touched the wall.
"Though this may be a 'children's' film, I love it a lot." Alex smiles, seeming more joyful. He pressed play, letting the movie go on.
Fifteen minutes into the film, Alex was stating facts about the film; where it was made and the cast of ever character in the film.
Jack was looking at Alex, watching the way he was talking about the film. Jack found him adorable, and just continued to stare at his face, not paying any attention to what he was saying. That was until he clicked to the last sentence.
"You're missing the film." Alex turns his head, looking over and Jack. Jack stares at Alex a little longer before looking back at the screen.
He felt eyes on him, so he slowly moves his head, suddenly finding Alex's eyes staring at him, shiny slightly with admiration. It went silent for Jack. He couldn't hear the movie. It was silent, but the thing he could hear clearly was Alex's breathing. Jack couldn't draw his attention back to the T.V. He couldn't look anywhere else but at Alex's eyes. The only time they moved was when Alex had been leaning closer, his eyes dropped down at his lips. They looked so soft, and Jack just wanted them against his. Alex's face was getting closer and closer to Jack's, and Jack leaned in very slowly.
Suddenly, their lips were against each other, moving freely with love. Alex was trying to send a message. A message telling Jack that he is a beautiful creature that's so perfect in so many ways, even though he doesn't agree himself.
Alex's hands were at Jack's waist, leaving Jack to put his hands around Alex's neck. Amazing feelings and emotions were created just by lips moving together with a little biting. Jack was still nervous, only just managed to put his hands behind Alex's neck, remembering that was what Alex had done before. Both boys let the feeling in their gut guide them. Alex pushed Jack against the bed softly, getting inbetween his legs. He let his forehead rest against Jack's, his mouth ghostly letting breaths on Jack's lips. He suddenly felt like it was the right time to tell Jack. To tell him his feelings.
"Jack... I- wait, is this making you uncomfortable?" He suddenly becomes a little panicked. Jack shakes his head, a smile letting Alex know he's okay.
"Right, well... I just. Fuck, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be." Alex groaned, becoming frustrated with himself. He takes a deep breath, ready to burst it out.
"Jack, I like you a lot. I mean that, so I was wondering if...if youwantedtobemyboyfriend?" Alex squinted his eyes, already ready for rejection. It was very quiet, the movie drowning out as Alex was trying to hear the words he wanted Jack to say. Jack couldn't even speak. He was in pure shock and his body laid frozen. Alex then felt like crying. He felt like he was being rejected, so he moved, slowly getting off Jack, until hands on his stop him.
Jack looked deeply into Alex's brown eyes, wanting to make sure that this wasn't a joke. When he could see himself through Alex's eyes, he just knew. Knew that what Alex was feeling was no joke. That it was the reality of love that he wanted to explore with Jack, and for Jack to feel the same.
"I would love to."
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
As Jack and Alex were making their way to their class, the head master's voice was heard through the speakers on the wall.
"Jack Barakat and...Alex Gaskarth, please report to my office right now. Room 234, thank you." His voice didn't sound very happy, so Jack and Alex looked at each other with worrying eyes before they quickly made their way to room 234. They both knew why they were asked to attend to the head master's office, and they weren't very excited for it either.
~~~
"Hello boys, take a seat," The head master says, giving both boys a stained look. They both had their heads ducked as they sat down on the chairs next to each other, looking down at their hands like told off six year-olds. Both boys were oblivious to the other presence that they both hated with a passion.
"So first thing's first...why are you two skipping History class halfway through? That's not acceptable, boys." The head master says, a wary sound to his gravely, harsh voice. Jack, nor Alex speak up, too afraid to.
"Sir, they're obviously not gonna say-"
"Shut up, Jason!" The head master interrupts. Alex's head snaps up at Jason's name. The last he expected was him to show up at the head master's room. He instantly ducks it when he sees the glare on Jason's face.
"Are you going to tell me, or are you going to get yourselves into a detention with me everyday after school for the rest of the week?" He asks, sighing. Alex takes this as a call to tell the head master that it's because Jason.
"B-Because of Jason." Alex says quietly, turning his head to the side to look at Jason; he doesn't look very happy. In fact, he looks like he could kill someone- Alex to be precise. Alex looks away, finally looking at the head master, innocent eyes shining as he tries to persuade him that he didn't start it. The head master just turns away from Alex's eyes, looking over to Jason.
"And what is your reason for disturbing the class while they're trying to learn? Hmm?" He asks, a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic smile on his lips.
"Dunno." Jason shrugs, slouched on the chair.
"What did you say?"
"Dunno, sir." Jason plays with his jeans.
"You don't know what you said?" It's quiet for a second, but then laughter from the head master surrounded the small room.
"Works every time." He says, wiping a tear. Alex frowns, not really seeing why it was so funny. Jack wasn't really paying attention, just playing with his thumbs endlessly. Fake, sarcastic laughter could be heard escaping Jason's mouth, the un-amusement showing through the forced laugh.
"Get yourself out, son. I'll bring you back in when I think you've thought of a good enough excuse." He says, wiping one last tear as he points to the door, indicating Jason to leave the room. Jason mumbled a 'whatever' as he gets up, hands in his pockets. An open and then closed door echoed throughout the room.
"Okay, so now are you ready to tell me what's happening?"
~~~
Half an hour later, the head master finally let Jack and Alex go with a warning. Alex had told him about Jason's behaviour towards both him himself and Jack. When the head master had asked Jack a question, knowing that Jack wouldn't talk to him, Alex had interjected and answered the questions for him. They've been told not to cut anymore lessons otherwise they will in be detention and parents will be told. Jack kinda shivered by the fact if they did miss another lesson-History mainly- a letter would be sent home, meaning that his dad will know about what he's doing at school. He tried shrugging off the thought of his dad, and keep quiet about the obvious fear of him knowing, which is quite an easy task for Jack anyway. They make their way to Religious Education as they walked through the crowded halls.
~~~
As the final bell went, people got up from their chairs, picking bags up and leaving, Jack and Alex following slowly. They make their way out of school, walking a little quicker to get to the bus on time. Luckily, five minutes later, they arrived on the bus, showing their ID's to the driver and finding seats near the front. They sit down, Alex closest to the window. The bus starts a couple seconds later, Alex looking straight out the window while Jack sits there playing with his thumbs.
It's only a couple of minutes later until Alex decides to speak up as the quietness was getting the best of him. He didn't feel awkward, he just felt like he needed to say something.
"So, are you- you're not going back home, are you?" Alex asks quietly, close to Jack's ear. Jack tries not to shiver at Alex's breath on his ears, instead he shrugs, not really knowing what to do. He sort of wants to stay with Alex, but he also knows he can't stay away from his dad forever. His dad might go twice as crazy knowing that he has no one to point guns at, or terrorize.
"Well, I really don't want you to go back there, not if he's going to hurt you. You can stay with me, you'll be safe, I promise." Alex says, biting down on his lip. He knows it's not his decision to pick if Jack stays or not, but he doesn't want Jack back there.
Jack doesn't answer Alex's question, and it goes quiet from the boys. That is until they get off the bus.
"Jack..." Alex says as he watches Jack look in the direction he doesn't want him going through. Jack turns around and ducks his head, sticking his hands in his pockets nervously.
"At least stay another night, I know Tinks will be happy." Alex says with a smile. He just really doesn't want Jack going back to his home, knowing it might get twice as bad. Jack's heart melted at Alex's words. Half because of Tinkerbell, the other because he had asked him to stay another night, even though he had asked on the bus, it just seemed different. Jack walks over to Alex and takes his hands out his pockets, wrapping his arms around Alex and hugging him. Alex just smiles, hugging him back. It was like one of them typical movie scenes when the son forgives his dad for whatever he did. Both of them were just enjoying the closeness. That was until Alex finally decided to break it.
"Come on, sappy shit." Alex chuckles, not being able to hid the smile on his face as he walks Jack to his house.
~~~
"Okay, so, my mum's not home until later, and I don't know how to cook, so it's just really good fat stuff for now." Alex laughs, making his way over to the kitchen and looking in cupboards while Jack awkwardly stands between the living room and kitchen.
"Alright." Alex says after collecting a massive amount of food, stocking it in his arms and carrying it out the kitchen, up the stairs and on to his bed, nearly hitting the cat with a chocolate bar. Alex sat down, moving the food and inviting Jack to sit down next to him. Jack did as Alex gestured, sitting to the opposite side of the food, instantly petting Tinkerbell. The cat mewled, stretching her body out, getting up and placing herself in Jack's laps; where she clawed him in attempt to get comfortable.
"Um...what do you want to do?" Alex asks, picking up an energy drink, pushing it away from him this time, remembering the last incident. It opened without exploding, and Alex signed mentally with relief.
"W-What do you want to do?" Jack asks shyly. Alex thinks to himself. Kiss the fuck out of him because he looks so adorable right now. Was Alex's first thought, but he let it pass, despite he had the urge.
"I'm not sure. We could play the guitar?" Alex says, looking over at Jack for approval. Jack nods, his head down with his fringe blocking his eyes. Alex just smiled a little, moving over to pick his guitar up from where he last placed it (Near the little table).
"Here, you play, right?" Alex asks, remembering Jack telling him that he plays. Jack nods, moving Tinkerbell to beside his lap, feeling a little guilty by moving her. He places the guitar in his lap, fingers nervously over the strings.
"'m not very good." Jack mumbles, beginning to play Scars by Papa Roach. Alex smiles, listening to Jack's sweet playing, tapping on his laps. Jack bit his lip, trying to control his smile. He hasn't been on his guitar for months due to his father smashing it. He felt like his other half was back because his guitar was defiantly a release to the world. The only problem was when he had his guitar, he could only play it when his father was out at the bar. Alex had to stop himself from singing, not wanting to ruining Jack's amazing playing.
After a while, Jack had stopped playing, and Alex had tears in the back of his eyes. He knew the lyrics to the song, making him feel even more emotional. Alex could tell Jack was playing it with all his heart.
"Jack, that was beautiful." Alex breathed out, still able to hear Jack's guitar playing through his head. Jack blushed, ducking his head and passing Alex the guitar.
"T-Thank you." Jack mumbled just enough for Alex to hear. Said boy did hear, and he couldn't help the smile on his face to widen.
"It's okay. Do you wanna watch a movie?" Alex asks nicely.
"I um..." Jack pauses. He's never liked watching films because he could never get to the ending without getting bored and turning the film off.
"What's up?" Alex sensed Jack's troubled sense, staring at him oddly.
"Well...it's just that I-I don't like films." Jack mumbled, feeling slightly embarrassed with the situation. Alex's mouth practically hung open, gasping dryly.
"What the actual fuck? How can you not like movies? There's The Mask, Liar Liar, basically all movies that have Jim Carrey in." Alex was shocked, defiantly. Now, for anyone else, they would've thought Jack was a sore, boring guy that didn't like to have fun (which they thought that anyway, even though it's not 100% true), but Alex was stunned by Jack's answer, but that just added more to his personality that he came to love.
"I-I can never g-get to the end of the film w-without getting bored, sorry." Jack stutters, feeling a little bad that he had basically put down one of the things Alex wants to do.
"The ending is like, the best bit. Look, would you be able to stay awake to watch the end of Peter Pan? It's not that long." Alex asks with pleading eyes. He used to watch that moving with Tom, and hasn't watched it since the day he left. Alex didn't quite know why he suddenly wanted to watch Peter Pan again for the first time in years, but it felt right. Jack bit his lip and nodded, hoping that he'll be able to watch the whole thing without getting angry and turning it off, or walking out the room until it's finished, and hopefully not fall asleep.
"Yes! Okay, I'm gonna go sort the thingy out, and yeah." Alex chuckled happily, getting off the bed and onto the floor, his legs tucked behind him. That's the happiest Jack has ever seen Alex, and it confused him a little. He was wondering how one person could get excited over a film. It must be his favourite film. Jack shrugged, Alex jumping back on the bed. He placed his back against the wall, patting the spot next to him for Jack to copy how he was sitting. Jack blushed, very awkwardly moving himself backwards until his back touched the wall.
"Though this may be a 'children's' film, I love it a lot." Alex smiles, seeming more joyful. He pressed play, letting the movie go on.
Fifteen minutes into the film, Alex was stating facts about the film; where it was made and the cast of ever character in the film.
Jack was looking at Alex, watching the way he was talking about the film. Jack found him adorable, and just continued to stare at his face, not paying any attention to what he was saying. That was until he clicked to the last sentence.
"You're missing the film." Alex turns his head, looking over and Jack. Jack stares at Alex a little longer before looking back at the screen.
He felt eyes on him, so he slowly moves his head, suddenly finding Alex's eyes staring at him, shiny slightly with admiration. It went silent for Jack. He couldn't hear the movie. It was silent, but the thing he could hear clearly was Alex's breathing. Jack couldn't draw his attention back to the T.V. He couldn't look anywhere else but at Alex's eyes. The only time they moved was when Alex had been leaning closer, his eyes dropped down at his lips. They looked so soft, and Jack just wanted them against his. Alex's face was getting closer and closer to Jack's, and Jack leaned in very slowly.
Suddenly, their lips were against each other, moving freely with love. Alex was trying to send a message. A message telling Jack that he is a beautiful creature that's so perfect in so many ways, even though he doesn't agree himself.
Alex's hands were at Jack's waist, leaving Jack to put his hands around Alex's neck. Amazing feelings and emotions were created just by lips moving together with a little biting. Jack was still nervous, only just managed to put his hands behind Alex's neck, remembering that was what Alex had done before. Both boys let the feeling in their gut guide them. Alex pushed Jack against the bed softly, getting inbetween his legs. He let his forehead rest against Jack's, his mouth ghostly letting breaths on Jack's lips. He suddenly felt like it was the right time to tell Jack. To tell him his feelings.
"Jack... I- wait, is this making you uncomfortable?" He suddenly becomes a little panicked. Jack shakes his head, a smile letting Alex know he's okay.
"Right, well... I just. Fuck, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be." Alex groaned, becoming frustrated with himself. He takes a deep breath, ready to burst it out.
"Jack, I like you a lot. I mean that, so I was wondering if...if youwantedtobemyboyfriend?" Alex squinted his eyes, already ready for rejection. It was very quiet, the movie drowning out as Alex was trying to hear the words he wanted Jack to say. Jack couldn't even speak. He was in pure shock and his body laid frozen. Alex then felt like crying. He felt like he was being rejected, so he moved, slowly getting off Jack, until hands on his stop him.
Jack looked deeply into Alex's brown eyes, wanting to make sure that this wasn't a joke. When he could see himself through Alex's eyes, he just knew. Knew that what Alex was feeling was no joke. That it was the reality of love that he wanted to explore with Jack, and for Jack to feel the same.
"I would love to."
Notes
Do you forgive me now? ;>
EEP CUTE HAPPY JACK CUTE ANGRY MOTHERLY ALEX YAAASSSSS
9/22/14