Promise Me One More Time?
Mistakes
Jack's POV
The loud buzzing of the small alarm clock on my dresser rang through my room. Groaning loudly, I hit snooze and rolled back over. I didn't care about getting up. Hell, I didn't even want to be alive. It wasn't like I mattered to anyone. The one person I actually loved more than anything had left more for the party crowd. Hearing yelling coming from the farther end of the hallway, I pushed the covers off of my chest. I didn't feel like getting yelled at by my father this morning.
Pushing the comforter off of my chest, I walked over to my closet and skimmed through it quickly. Looking down at my arms, I sighed and grabbed a black longsleeve shirt. It was cold outside so I guess that was a good enough excuse. I wanted Alex to know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to know that he caused me to cut myself. Everything was his fucking fault and he's too stupid to realize it! Pulling on a pair of black skinny jeans, I trudged over to my mirror and fixed my hair a bit.
"God, I look like hell." I mumbled as I moved to my dresser to get my phone.
Sliding my phone into my back pocket, I opened the drawer closet to floor and moved the clothes I used to hide my razors. Finding the small plastic box I kept them in, I smiled and put the box into my other pocket. It seemed that these were the only things that gave me somewhat of a feeling now. Grabbing a gray jacket, I pulled it over my arms and made sure it covered my back pockets. I didn't need anyone finding out about my way of dealing with life.
Opening my bedroom door, I peeked out quietly and found my dad with a beer on the couch. Fuck. It's only 7 and he already has a damn beer. I thought as I grabbed my bag off of the stool in the kitchen. "Bye dad." I said softly and earned a grunt in response. It wasn't like he really cared anyways. Trudging down to the stop sign at the end of my street, I waited for the bus. I wished the school was closer so I could walk. I hated the bus with a passion. I was just happy I had headphones this morning.
Popping the headphone sinto my ears, I blasted Blink 182, my favorite band, and saw the bus approaching. As soon as I set foot in the vehicle paper began to get thrown at me. On top of that people, mostly Alex's "friends", were yelling things.
"Hey Barafag!" One of them shouted. I think his name was Danny or something.
"Did you suck any dick last night?" Laughter erupted between the stupid fucktards.
"I bet he's sore from last night! Look! He's limping!" One by the name of Rian called.
I was limping but for an entirely different reason. My dad decided to hit me worse than usually so that was a lot of fun. Sitting down finally, I turned the music up higher, attempting to drown out the namecalling and harsh words. One of the guys jerked my left headphone out and I yelped.
"Hey Barafag, have you found another boyfriend? Is that why you're limping?" A guy by the name of Zack said.
"Fuck off!" I shouted and he backed away. I usually didn't respond to them but this morning I had enough. I was sick and tired of them saying things like this. Alex used to stand up for me but he now goes alone with it. In fact, he was the next stop which meant that things were about to get worse.
As the bus came to a halt, the boy that broke my heart stepped on with a cocky smirk plastered on his face. His perfect brownish-blonde hair falling into his eyes a bit. Stop it Jack! He broke your heart. You shouldn't be caling him perfect. I thought to myself as I watched Alex sit down next to Danny and laugh. What happened to my caring and sweet Alex? Oh yeah, he just stopped giving a fuck about everything except for all the stupid idiots he called friends and having sex with anything that had boobs and a heartbeat.
I turned my head a bit to see Alex approaching me. Here we go again. I thought and bit my lip, hard.
"Hey Barafag." He called to me with the proudest smirk plastered on his face.
Ignorning him, I kept my gaze forward. I didn't want to deal with his shit this morning.
"I'm talking to you, fag!" He shouted at me and pushed me forcefully.
"Hi, Alex." I said through locked teeth. God, how had I loved someone like this?
"So, we have that history project due next week. You better have it finished on time and write my name on it." Alex said with pure hatred in his voice.
I looked at him with pleading eyes, hoping he would realize that he was being a dumbass and would come back to me. Shaking my head, I looked at Alex's eyes. The same eyes I had fallen in love with. I knew he would never come back to me but part of myself had a small bit of hope.
That bit of hope was shattered when Alex's fist collided with my jaw.
"Fuck!" I shouted and looked over at Alex. He was laughing at my pain along with all his other friends.
"What happened to you, Alex? You used to be the best person I knew! Always caring and sweet and now you're this arrogant ass who thinks he's better than everyone else! Why did you change?" I blurted out and saw Alex's expression change for once. I looked at him with pleading eyes for a few moments before looking at the ground.
The rest of the ride to school remained silent. I guess I had finally struck soemthing with Alex because he remained quiet. His eyes had changed from the one's full of hatred that I knew all too well, to eyes full of sadness and regret. I really hoped I would be able to change him. I knew it was a stupid thing to think but I really wanted him to change back into the Alex I knew.
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3rd period
Alex's POV
I sat in the back of class as usual as the teacher droned on about English. I kept my eyes locked on my desk the whole time. What Jack had said earlier really hit me hard. Usually I didn't give a fuck about what he said but the hurt look in his eyes showed that he meant what he said.
I began to ponder on the thought that I had actually ruined his life. He had told me many times before that I made his life a living hell but I never actually believed him. Running a hand through my hair, I bit my lip. I still had his number in my phone and I know he still had mine. Despite how much he wanted to hate me, I knew part of him still wanted me.
"Mr. Gaskarth! Pay attention!" The teacher snapped at me causing me to snap out of my thoughts about Jack.
"Sorry." I mumbled and looked at the board. I noticed Jack looking at me and I quickly looked away. His large brown eyes were full of hurt and I couldn't believe I hadn't realized how stupid I was before. Sighing softly, I kept daydreaming until the period ended. As the bell rang out loudly, I quickly picked up my stuff and ran out of the classroom. I didn't care about meeting all my friends in the hallway like I usually did. I ran straight for the bathroom. I needed time to think.
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Jack's POV
I noticed how Alex had been acting different all day. Had I really struck something with him? Had I finally made him realize that he hurt me a lot? Probably not. Sighing softly, I walked into the bathroom and heard soft crying coming from the last stall. Alex? That couldn't be him. The only time he ever cried was the anniversary of his brother’s death.
I noticed a bag sitting in front of the stall door and recognized it as Alex's. Why would he be crying? I thought as I stayed quiet. I didn't think I would actually change anything by saying what I did. Had I really made Alex notice what he did to me? He didn't know about my cutting and now I felt a bit guilty about wanting him to see the scars and know he caused it.
"Alex?" I called out softly.
The crying came to a halt and I knew he was trying to keep it together.
"Yes?" He croaked out.
I was surprised he actually responded to me. Maybe he didn't hate me as much as I thought he did.
"Can you unlock the stall so I can see you?" I asked softly, knowing I would be faced with rejection. I nearly jumped when I heard the sound of the stall unlocking. As I stepped in, I found Alex sitting on the ground with puffy eyes. Seeing him like this made me want to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.
His sad eyes glanced up at me and I moved closer to him before sitting down. I didn't want to get too close and end up getting punched. That had already happened today and I didn't need it to happen again. I brushed my blonde streaked bangs to the side and looked at Alex intently.
"What wrong, Alex?" I asked and kept my gaze locked on the bathroom tile. I began counting the tiles, not expecting an answer.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled before breaking into sobs again.
"I'm sorry for everything. The namecalling, the abuse, the constant look of hate towards you. I just..." His voice broke off at the end and I decided to stand up.
"It feels great to here you say that Alex. I really hope you mean it." I said as I grabbed my bag and moved out of the stall.
As I walked out of the bathroom I heard Alex call out something to me.
"I swear I mean it!" Alex shouted and I shook my head.
Was I really about to forgive someone who tormented me for over a year and broke my heart like it was nothing? I wasn't really sure yet.
The loud buzzing of the small alarm clock on my dresser rang through my room. Groaning loudly, I hit snooze and rolled back over. I didn't care about getting up. Hell, I didn't even want to be alive. It wasn't like I mattered to anyone. The one person I actually loved more than anything had left more for the party crowd. Hearing yelling coming from the farther end of the hallway, I pushed the covers off of my chest. I didn't feel like getting yelled at by my father this morning.
Pushing the comforter off of my chest, I walked over to my closet and skimmed through it quickly. Looking down at my arms, I sighed and grabbed a black longsleeve shirt. It was cold outside so I guess that was a good enough excuse. I wanted Alex to know how much he hurt me. I wanted him to know that he caused me to cut myself. Everything was his fucking fault and he's too stupid to realize it! Pulling on a pair of black skinny jeans, I trudged over to my mirror and fixed my hair a bit.
"God, I look like hell." I mumbled as I moved to my dresser to get my phone.
Sliding my phone into my back pocket, I opened the drawer closet to floor and moved the clothes I used to hide my razors. Finding the small plastic box I kept them in, I smiled and put the box into my other pocket. It seemed that these were the only things that gave me somewhat of a feeling now. Grabbing a gray jacket, I pulled it over my arms and made sure it covered my back pockets. I didn't need anyone finding out about my way of dealing with life.
Opening my bedroom door, I peeked out quietly and found my dad with a beer on the couch. Fuck. It's only 7 and he already has a damn beer. I thought as I grabbed my bag off of the stool in the kitchen. "Bye dad." I said softly and earned a grunt in response. It wasn't like he really cared anyways. Trudging down to the stop sign at the end of my street, I waited for the bus. I wished the school was closer so I could walk. I hated the bus with a passion. I was just happy I had headphones this morning.
Popping the headphone sinto my ears, I blasted Blink 182, my favorite band, and saw the bus approaching. As soon as I set foot in the vehicle paper began to get thrown at me. On top of that people, mostly Alex's "friends", were yelling things.
"Hey Barafag!" One of them shouted. I think his name was Danny or something.
"Did you suck any dick last night?" Laughter erupted between the stupid fucktards.
"I bet he's sore from last night! Look! He's limping!" One by the name of Rian called.
I was limping but for an entirely different reason. My dad decided to hit me worse than usually so that was a lot of fun. Sitting down finally, I turned the music up higher, attempting to drown out the namecalling and harsh words. One of the guys jerked my left headphone out and I yelped.
"Hey Barafag, have you found another boyfriend? Is that why you're limping?" A guy by the name of Zack said.
"Fuck off!" I shouted and he backed away. I usually didn't respond to them but this morning I had enough. I was sick and tired of them saying things like this. Alex used to stand up for me but he now goes alone with it. In fact, he was the next stop which meant that things were about to get worse.
As the bus came to a halt, the boy that broke my heart stepped on with a cocky smirk plastered on his face. His perfect brownish-blonde hair falling into his eyes a bit. Stop it Jack! He broke your heart. You shouldn't be caling him perfect. I thought to myself as I watched Alex sit down next to Danny and laugh. What happened to my caring and sweet Alex? Oh yeah, he just stopped giving a fuck about everything except for all the stupid idiots he called friends and having sex with anything that had boobs and a heartbeat.
I turned my head a bit to see Alex approaching me. Here we go again. I thought and bit my lip, hard.
"Hey Barafag." He called to me with the proudest smirk plastered on his face.
Ignorning him, I kept my gaze forward. I didn't want to deal with his shit this morning.
"I'm talking to you, fag!" He shouted at me and pushed me forcefully.
"Hi, Alex." I said through locked teeth. God, how had I loved someone like this?
"So, we have that history project due next week. You better have it finished on time and write my name on it." Alex said with pure hatred in his voice.
I looked at him with pleading eyes, hoping he would realize that he was being a dumbass and would come back to me. Shaking my head, I looked at Alex's eyes. The same eyes I had fallen in love with. I knew he would never come back to me but part of myself had a small bit of hope.
That bit of hope was shattered when Alex's fist collided with my jaw.
"Fuck!" I shouted and looked over at Alex. He was laughing at my pain along with all his other friends.
"What happened to you, Alex? You used to be the best person I knew! Always caring and sweet and now you're this arrogant ass who thinks he's better than everyone else! Why did you change?" I blurted out and saw Alex's expression change for once. I looked at him with pleading eyes for a few moments before looking at the ground.
The rest of the ride to school remained silent. I guess I had finally struck soemthing with Alex because he remained quiet. His eyes had changed from the one's full of hatred that I knew all too well, to eyes full of sadness and regret. I really hoped I would be able to change him. I knew it was a stupid thing to think but I really wanted him to change back into the Alex I knew.
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3rd period
Alex's POV
I sat in the back of class as usual as the teacher droned on about English. I kept my eyes locked on my desk the whole time. What Jack had said earlier really hit me hard. Usually I didn't give a fuck about what he said but the hurt look in his eyes showed that he meant what he said.
I began to ponder on the thought that I had actually ruined his life. He had told me many times before that I made his life a living hell but I never actually believed him. Running a hand through my hair, I bit my lip. I still had his number in my phone and I know he still had mine. Despite how much he wanted to hate me, I knew part of him still wanted me.
"Mr. Gaskarth! Pay attention!" The teacher snapped at me causing me to snap out of my thoughts about Jack.
"Sorry." I mumbled and looked at the board. I noticed Jack looking at me and I quickly looked away. His large brown eyes were full of hurt and I couldn't believe I hadn't realized how stupid I was before. Sighing softly, I kept daydreaming until the period ended. As the bell rang out loudly, I quickly picked up my stuff and ran out of the classroom. I didn't care about meeting all my friends in the hallway like I usually did. I ran straight for the bathroom. I needed time to think.
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Jack's POV
I noticed how Alex had been acting different all day. Had I really struck something with him? Had I finally made him realize that he hurt me a lot? Probably not. Sighing softly, I walked into the bathroom and heard soft crying coming from the last stall. Alex? That couldn't be him. The only time he ever cried was the anniversary of his brother’s death.
I noticed a bag sitting in front of the stall door and recognized it as Alex's. Why would he be crying? I thought as I stayed quiet. I didn't think I would actually change anything by saying what I did. Had I really made Alex notice what he did to me? He didn't know about my cutting and now I felt a bit guilty about wanting him to see the scars and know he caused it.
"Alex?" I called out softly.
The crying came to a halt and I knew he was trying to keep it together.
"Yes?" He croaked out.
I was surprised he actually responded to me. Maybe he didn't hate me as much as I thought he did.
"Can you unlock the stall so I can see you?" I asked softly, knowing I would be faced with rejection. I nearly jumped when I heard the sound of the stall unlocking. As I stepped in, I found Alex sitting on the ground with puffy eyes. Seeing him like this made me want to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.
His sad eyes glanced up at me and I moved closer to him before sitting down. I didn't want to get too close and end up getting punched. That had already happened today and I didn't need it to happen again. I brushed my blonde streaked bangs to the side and looked at Alex intently.
"What wrong, Alex?" I asked and kept my gaze locked on the bathroom tile. I began counting the tiles, not expecting an answer.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled before breaking into sobs again.
"I'm sorry for everything. The namecalling, the abuse, the constant look of hate towards you. I just..." His voice broke off at the end and I decided to stand up.
"It feels great to here you say that Alex. I really hope you mean it." I said as I grabbed my bag and moved out of the stall.
As I walked out of the bathroom I heard Alex call out something to me.
"I swear I mean it!" Alex shouted and I shook my head.
Was I really about to forgive someone who tormented me for over a year and broke my heart like it was nothing? I wasn't really sure yet.
4/26/13