"Bitch, what do you think you're doing? You can't get away. You will never fucking get away. You're too much of a coward. You're never going to get anywhere."

"Please, just shut up. Leave me alone. I'm leaving you, you need to get a grip."

"No Kay, if you walk out that door, I'll fucking kill you."

"Watch me."

Sean reaches into his pocket and pulls out the shiny blade he has used against me so many times before. He lunges, pinning me to the wall and pressing the blade to my neck. I smell the alcohol on his breath.

"You think you're some sort of badass? Is that it? I own you, bitch."

Presses harder. I feel the soft bite of the metal, not enough to do any real damage, but enough to inflict pain.

"Fuck you, Sean. You can burn in hell for all I care." I spit. He slaps me. Hard. He backs away and I slide down the wall, sobbing. Suddenly, the scene changes. It is morning.

"Kay?"

I look up.

"Jack? What are you doing here? You need to get out, before he gets back!"

"It's okay, he left a while ago. Come on, we need to get out of here."

He takes my hand and helps me up. We move towards the door.

"Shit. My sketchbook. It's upstairs. I can't leave it."

"Okay, run up and get it. I'll wait. Hurry, though."

I race up the stairs to Sean's bedroom. I open the door and the smell of weed and alcohol overwhelms me. I gag. My sketchbook is on the bed. The second I touch it, I hear a crash and shouts from the entryway.

"Shit." I run out of the room and down the hallway to the stairs. I step and step, but the hallway just gets longer. I hear Sean's voice, yelling terrible things. I hear Jack scream profanities and threats. I hear another, more violent crash, followed by Jack's voice, screaming, "Kay, run. Don't wait for me. Don't look back. Run."

"Jack?" I scream, finally reaching the stairs. I fly down them and round the corner. I take in the sight and let out a long, exasperated scream.

Jack on the floor.

Blood.

Sean, standing over him.

"What have you done?" Me. Sobs.

"Why? Why couldn't you just let me go?" More sobs.

More blood.

Blood.

Blood.

Blood.

I scream.

---

KAY

"Kay!" I flick open my eyes to see a very alive and concerned Jack. His hands were on my shoulders, lightly shaking me.

"Jack!" I yell back.

"You were screaming and crying and flipping out and I was really scared and so was everyone else. We thought you were dying."

Just then, I realize the curtain of my bunk had been flung open. Alex, Zack, Rian, and Matt stood there, looking equally as concerned.

"I had a really bad nightmare. Sometimes that happens. It hasn't in a while. I thought they had stopped." I said, running a hand through my hair.

"You were flipping out." Alex said. "You were screaming stuff like 'What have you done?' and 'Why couldn't you let me go?' and Jack's name and stuff. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now. It's over." I sighed. "Where are we, anyway?"

"Currently, Indianapolis. We have a day off today though." Matt said.

"Food." Jack muttered.

"Yes. Now." Rian and Zack said in unison.

"I guess we can go get food. Panera, anyone?" Matt laughed.

"Panera!" Jack screamed, jumping down from the bunk. I hopped down and grabbed my clothes from my bag and walked to the bathroom. I shut the door and undressed. I turned to face the small mirror, wearing only my bra and panties. For the first time in what felt like forever, I took in myself. I really looked at myself. Scars criss-crossed my upper and inner thighs, made by me. More were sprinkled across my stomach, caused mostly by me, but some by Sean. My chest was clear. My upper arms, too. My wrists were scarred by my own doing. The lovely reminder of my flaws on my back was done all by Sean. Tears were welling in my eyes by now. It hurt so much to see. I looked into my makeup bag. I pulled out the razor in the bottom. Tears spilled over. I put it down. You can't go back there. Never again. I looked back into the mirror and tried to focus on the good. Flat stomach. Decent curves. A belly ring. A tattoo of a dandelion with the seeds turning into birds on my hip. I made eyecontact with myself in the mirror. A light rap on the door tore me from my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Kay? Can I come in? I have to pee." Jack's voice said.

"Hang on." I tugged on my jeans and a top that showed off my tattoo, but still concealed my scars. I turned and opened the door. Jack ran in and went to the bathroom.

"Oh my God, I feel so much better." He said, turning to face the mirror. I was brushing my hair and putting makeup on. I pulled a gray beanie on and combed my bangs into my eyes. I smiled at him.

"You want to tell me what the dream was about?" He said, hugging me from behind.

"Not really." I looked to the floor.

"Please?" He pouted.

"You died. It should have been me instead. I was upset." I said, eager to change the subject. He squeezed me around my waist and kissed my shoulder.

"You ready to leave?" He said.

"Yeah." I said as I opened the door. Jack followed and took my hand. When we entered the front lounge, Alex was jumping around again, but this time Jack joined him.

"Panera!" They both yelled.

"I'm getting a panini! And a cookie. And a brownie. And a bagel." Alex yelled.

"Hell yeah! Make that two!" Jack yelled. I laughed and grabbed them both by their arms.

"Let's go or they're going to eat without us." I said as we got off the bus.

--------

Hey, guess what. I don't own Panera. :3

-Sammy

XOXO