My hands feel weak, but I still try to push myself up in a sitting position.

“Fuck,” I hiss as a sharp pain shoots through my spine and down my legs leaving the tip of my toes tingling. I fall back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. It’s not too dark, but it’s not too bright too so it should be early morning.

A groan comes to my ears and I turn my head to the side to see Jack slowly opening his eyes. He looks tired, dark circles under his eyes and hairs messy.

“Alex?” he blinks his eyes few times before he realizes that I’m looking at him, “you’re awake? How long have you been like this? I hope not too long I need to change your bandage or Arnold will kill me and…”

“Jack?” my voice sounds weak, but that’s how I feel.

He looks at me with worried expression.

“How long have I been…unconscious?”

“Almost four days. First two days was the worst. It felt like you’re going to die. You were cold and…but then something changed, you had a little fever, which kind of helped in this case. Well that’s what Arnold said. It kind of restored your blood circulation and everything… not that it was needed for your leg…” he got up from the bed and walked to my side, pulling covers away and looking down at my leg, “it’s still bleeding and it won’t stop…”

“Jack, please, I don’t want to know this. If you need to talk then better tell me what happened. How many is dead, what about horses?” I look around the room and realize it’s not mine, “and were am I?”

“Sorry, yeah…Well, your room was pretty much…ruined so Arnold put you in this one…five were killed and two more died because of the injuries few days later, three, including you, are still injured and…yeah…” his hands move fast over my leg, but I don’t look down. I really don’t want to see this, “Arnold found three horses by that pond in the forest, but not your…he was in the stable when that happened. I’m sorry…”

I feel tears filling my eyes. I knew this will happen to him if I won’t get him out, but I didn’t even get the chance to get myself out.

“This will burn,” he mumbles before pouring something on my leg and that really burns, just like when I felt it first time, when I was unconscious. But now everything I feel is much more intense than before so are the burning. And again I try to pull my leg away and this time it works and I can really move my leg.

“Don’t move. You need this,” he pleads.

Why does he look so sad? Is it really because of my leg or something else? It looks like he would be blaming himself about what happened. But he mentioned something about that! I heard that!

“Jack? What do you… Do you blame yourself for this?”

“What? How do you…”

“I heard few things when I was unconscious…most of that didn’t make any sense, but I heard you saying something about that.”

He wraps my leg in a clean gauze and sighs.

“My father…he did this… I was there when he talked to everyone and I really did try to change his mind,” I see few tears running down his cheek, “at first he wanted me to come too, but after everything I said to him, he locked me in his house and left me there while he and the rest came here. I talked to Mark before that and he said he’ll try and find you and help you to get out before…this...”

“He did find me,” I look at Jack to see him looking down at his hands, covered in my bloods.

“But then what…how did this happened?”

“Some man around forty stopped us and…kind of beat me up.”

“Did he…did he shot you?”

“No, he left me there, said he’s not a killer and hoped that someone else will finish the job. He left me there and pulled Mark away with him…”

“Then who did this to you?”

“I don’t know,” I feel my breathing getting heavier, it’s getting harder to breath, “I just felt that, but whoever he was, he didn’t shot again and then someone hit me or something…I don’t know what then…” I let out a loud breath, making Jack to look at me.

“You need to sleep, you look bad,” he gets up to walk to some chair with a bowl on it and starts to wash his hands slowly.

“Well, I can’t look good now, can I?” I try to lighten up the mood, but it’s not working with Jack.
He turns around with towel in his hands, ”Just sleep, Alex. Really. You need it.”

“Fine, but you won’t leave me? Just in case if I get…stuck in there again,” I smile at him.

“Sure, I wouldn’t even dream of it,” he sits beside me and runs his fingers through my hair, “just sleep, babe.”

---

“I don’t know, his temperature is still high.”

“Mhm, you did clean his wound and change the bandage?”

“Yeah, when he woke up.”

“When was that?”

“Three hours ago, I think.”

“Jack, your I think doesn’t work here.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “It was three full hours ago and soon should be thirty minutes,” ouch! Someone’s annoyed.

“Then you should change it again in half an hour, if it’s necessary.”

“If it’s necessary,” he scoffs at Arnold’s answer.

I slowly open my eyes to see them both standing just besides the bed, staring at each other.

“Jack, it’s hard for all of us now, it’s not just for you.”

“I never said that it was, it’s just your attitude to everything that’s happening. It’s like you doesn’t even care!”

“Jack,” I don’t want them to get in a fight. Not now, not here, not ever.

His eyes locks with mine the moment he hears my voice and his eyes fills with warmth, which was gone while he was talking to Arnold.

“Alex, how do you feel?” Arnold was closer to me so his hand instantly flies to my forehead.

“Amm…bad…”

“Alex, this is not enough. How’s your leg, your stomach and ribs?”

“I don’t know. When I tried to get up previously I couldn’t. It hurts. Everything hurts. And my back…there’s something wrong with it,” I whisper the last part. Everyone knows that back is the weak point. I see Jack’s warm eyes changing.

“What do you mean? You…you do feel your legs?”

“Yes, it’s just…It hurts really bad and it continuous to my legs and then…there’s this weird feeling in my fingers…like…I don’t know…just weird…”

“That’s not good,” he looks away from me, “Jack, clean his wound and…do the rest.”

“You said only if necessary!” he almost shouts, but already has started to work on my leg.

“I’ll come back later. I need to check on Andrew and then I’ll come and give him something to get his temperature back to normal,” he looks at me for the last time and leaves the small room.

I look at Jack’s face, filled with concentration as he unwraps my leg, cleans it with water, then it burns and then he puts on the clean gauze.

“Where did you learn this?”

Small smile appears on his lips as he gets up and washes his hands,

“My mother was a nurse until our father got better at all this factory stuff, then she left, but I saw her doing this a lot and she taught me. I usually had some…injuries while I was little, she was sick of always seeing me coming back home with bloody knees or elbows so she said, she won’t treat them anymore, I need to learn how to do this myself and I did,” his smile has grown by the time he comes and sits down beside me.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” I put my head in his lap and close my eyes as he starts playing with my hair.

My heart’s racing way too fast, like a startled horse running through the forest in the thunderstorm. My eyes feel heavy and breathing’s fast and hard, my hands are trembling and I feel too weak for even lying in bed.

“Alex? You’re alright?” my head feels like stuffed teddy bear, so does my ears. I look up to Jack to make sure he’s still right here, even if it doesn’t sound like that.

Weak ‘no’ leaves my mouth and even that sound trembly.

“Shit,” he whispers, at least that’s what I hear. He carefully gets up, placing my head on pillows, “I’ll be right back. Just for god’s sake, don’t try to get up, okay?”

I slowly nod and watch him as he leaves the room, leaving me alone with my fears. I look around the small room, only to find out that my vision is blurry. Bright yellow and white spots are dancing in front of my eyes. I close my eyes hoping that it’ll be better that way, but it only makes everything worse. I feel dizzy and like I would be falling.

I shot my eyes open to make the room to spin around me and the next thing I feel is my hurting stomach tightening impossibly tight. Metallic taste burns my throat and fills my mouth as I vomit. I don’t care where, but I think it’s still on the bed ‘cause I hadn’t moved too much. My hands hurts and my back aches, leaving me with horrifying pains shooting through my legs. I open my eyes a bit to see everything red, light sheets covered in red, bloody stains. Everything hurts so much that I can’t take it anymore, I give up and let myself to fall down on the bed, my hair soaking with fresh blood and tears spilling out of my eyes uncontrollably, still coughing on blood.

“…and his temperature…oh shit,” I feel a pair of arms pulling me up from the bed, making me cry out in pain, “sorry, baby, sorry.”

“I’ll change the sheets, you clean him. Just…don’t move him too much, obviously, it’s not good for him,” Arnold states in a worried tone.

I feel myself being put down somewhere, it’s not too comfortable, but I couldn’t care less at this moment.

“Just please don’t leave me again,” I hear Jack’s whispers, “just don’t close your eyes, please,” I hear him sniffle. Don’t cry Jack, please. That’s what I’m asking you.

It’s hard. It’s too hard. Everything hurts too much and I can’t take it anymore. As I feel Jack soaking my hair with water, I let the darkness to take me away. As much as I want to do what Jack asks me, I can’t. He doesn’t know how much it hurts.

I feel cold water dripping from my hair, Jack’s caring fingers running through them. I’m too weak to keep my eyes open, but I’m still here, not sure if Jack knows that. But he continuous his part of the job, letting me to sink into nothing.

“Alex, please. If you’ll get through this I promise to leave this fucked up town with you. We’ll go wherever you want. We can take your mother and Tom with us if you’ll like. I have enough money to buy us some house in the countryside. I know you want that,” every few words are followed by a sniffle, “just please don’t leave me.”

I’m trying Jack, I really am, but you don’t see it.

“You’re done?” I feel Jack jumping a bit by my side as Arnold’s voice comes to our ears.

“Yeah, almost,” he answers quietly, carefully picking me up again. I feel sharp pain in my back again, but not as sharp as before.

“Just carefully,” I can feel how annoyed Jack is. He’s not some five year old who doesn’t know how to take care of a puppy, “he’s unconscious again?”

“It looks like that. Like…he’s still breathing.”

Oh, that explains why pain was more bearable when he picked me up. And unfortunately that also explains why I feel so distant. But I hear full sentences or so I think. That means I shouldn’t be gone too far if I still hear them so good. That’s a good sign and maybe I can get back easier.

“Let’s hope he won’t stay like this for too long. I wouldn’t want him to stay like this for another four or more days.”

They stay silent for a while or maybe I’m gone again? Maybe they’re still talking, but I just lost them?

“Why blood? Why was there blood?”

“He’s…he’s bleeding inside…”

Holly, shit! Even I know it’s not good. That means I’m as good as dead already. There’s nothing they could do about it. Not without the medical help and I’m not sure if even that would help.

“I guess, when he woke up, his body started to function, more than it was and that caused this. Too much blood circulation.”

“Does that means…” Jack trails off.

“You’re smart Jack and that’s exactly what it means,” whether Arnold started to talk quieter or I start to drift off.


I feel like I’ve been gone for days, not a single sound reached me and I’m sure there wasn’t even such a thing as me. It was almost like I was watching everything from the side, but not really. Like I was there, but I wasn’t.

The next time I feel myself getting back to the real world is because of the water. Cold water on my leg and burning feeling. I pull my leg away. Well, I try, but I feel too weak for that.

“Alex?” I feel warm hands leaving my leg and someone moving closer to my face, “Alex, you hear me?”

I don’t open my eyes, but nod my head in response. That was bad thing to do. Very bad. Next thing I feel is my mouth filling with blood, too much blood. It burns my throat, my back hurts and my hands hurts, but thank god there’s Jack who holds me before I can pass out in my own puked out blood.

“Sshh, don’t cry, Lex, don’t cry,” he holds me close to himself, brushing my hair out of my face. But the tears, I can’t stop them. I have no control over my body lately. If it wants to bleed it will, if it will decide it’s time to puke, that’s what will happen, if it decides to shut down, it will.

“It hurts,” I choke out weakly through my sobs.

“Arnold said to get something that will help that. Let’s hope he’ll get back soon, we didn’t expect you to wake up so soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the same day, you were out for only five or so hours.”

“It was worse than before,” I let Jack to wipe my eyes, “I couldn’t hear anything that happened here.”

“Maybe because nothing happened. Arnold left and I was here alone.”

“No, then I heard you moving around sometimes, whispering something or breathing,” I mumble in his chest.

Quiet knock on the door and Jack’s answer ‘come in’. I lift up my head a bit to see who’s coming and through my teary eyes I see Tom, slowly approaching me and the bed.

“Alex, you’re awake! How…how long?”

“He…can you hold him?” Jack moves me a bit making me wince in pain.

“Yeah, but what are you doing?”

“I didn’t finish with his leg, he woke up and…careful, don’t step in that,” he warns Tom as he’s close enough to step in my puked out blood. I feel Jack’s arms being replaced by Tom’s. Not so warm and a little bit awkward, but still soothingly welcome.

“He woke up today in the morning, but…he passed out after he vomited…all those blood.”

“Blood?” I hear Tom’s voice weirdly echoing through his chest.

“Mhm,” Jack murmurs, finishing his work on my leg.

They stay silent for a while and I have no idea what they’re doing, but I don’t actually care. I feel my eyes closing, my feet and hands getting colder.

“It’s cold,” I whisper, trying to pull the blanket tighter around me, but I fail because my back gives me a warning pain, like saying – move one more time and you’ll regret it.

“How can he be…” I see Jack’s warm eyes leaning closer, his warm hands taking mine and squeezing, then moving to touch my forehead, “get me hot water.”

“Where can I get hot water?”

“There should be some in the room next to this or downstairs in the kitchen if…” I feel Tom getting up and leaving me alone and cold, but soon I’m being pulled closer to a new body – Jack.

“Alex, don’t you dare to close your beautiful eyes,” his voice breaks at one point, but I do as he says. I try.

“Jack…I love you…”

“Don’t you say it like this, don’t!” I feel his tears hitting my skin, leaving hot spots were they land, “Tom will get you hot water, we’ll make you feel warm again, you’ll be okay. Okay?”

I feel my eyes closing, Jack’s calls getting further and further.

“Alex, don’t…please…you are the best thing in my life, don’t leave me now…”

My eyes slip shut, my body getting lighter and pain finally leaving me. It’s funny how happy I actually feel now. Besides the fact that I leave Jack broken and crying over me, I feel happy that I was able to make him happy and if I would have some strength left in me I would say the same to him – you were the best thing in my life, Jack.

Notes

I never believed this will happen to me but I fucking cried writing the last part! How stupid it is to cry over your own work, especially if I knew from the beginning that this will happen.
*crawls in the corner of my room and cries*