“I’ll do it.”

“You sure?”

“…..just give it to me and you can…”

“Ask if you…I’ll be in the other….side you know….”

“…is he?”

“Just like….how many?”

“Five….we found some by the pond…horrifying…”

“You checked his ribs?”

“Yeah, but… I saw him… what are you gonna do with them?”

“I better do this now…”

“You really…no one will come right?”

“I tried, but this needs to be done…better now than when he’s awake…”

“Can I do…”

“No, just some…and then clean…”

Nothing of that makes sense to me, I don’t even recognize their voices. They sound so far away. They disappear into nothing and then come back just like nothing would’ve happened.

Holly shit that hurts! The fuck are they doing! Isn’t what they done to me enough, why this now? Just chop the goddamn leg off already and leave me alone. I try to pull my leg away, but I can’t. I try to open my eyes and say something, but I can’t do that either. I feel someone holding my hand and I try to squeeze it to give some kind of sign that I feel it, that I feel what they’re doing and I would appreciate if they’d stop, but they don’t stop and I can’t move even one finger! The fuck is wrong with me!

“Get me that…”

And now it’s cold. I guess it’s water, that’s how water feels against your skin. I know that. It’s freezing, but that kind of takes the pain away. A bit. And then something warm and sticky mixes together with that cold water.

“We better hope this stops…he needs…pull yourself…”

“I know…blame me…I tried, I really did…” Jack? What does this all has do with him?

“I don’t…he’s always been…you…stay here…if he…”

Sobs and shaky breath. Someone squeezes my hand and if this was Jack’s voice than this must be his hand. And he’s crying. Why is he crying? And why would he blame himself? For what? Something warm and wet hits my skin and his warm lips are pressed against my skin.

“I’m so sorry…you didn’t…how it looked…they just left…even Sophie said…wrong it is…”

Why can’t I keep my attention to what he or someone else is saying? It’s like I’m falling unconscious, but, I guess, I kind of am already. That means I’m falling deeper into unconsciousness if that’s possible.

“I told him about…here…no you’re not…he called all of them and…agreed with him, like they had some other chance…Mark, he looked scared…he said he’ll…and help, but I guess…work as planned…”

Mark! What about this help and plan? Did it work as planned or not? Who agreed? Why can’t I just stay here and listen? Okay, I can stay lying here, wherever it is, and not move, but please just let me hear the whole thing!

The warm hand is gone and something is moving. The chair scratches the floor and quiet steps walks away from me, leaving me alone in my darkness with my fears and unanswered questions.

“…s he?” they’re back! How long has it been since I heard them last time? It feels like forever!

“…good…even moving…hand’s getting colder…I can’t stay here…see this…”

“…clean his…and then we’ll…strong…he’ll get through this…”

Oh god, it burns! Haven’t they already chopped off that leg? Why? It brings only trouble to them and apparently me. It burns till one moment it feels good like nice cool feeling and then it’s cold. Water. I know this feeling.

Darkness. I seem to spend a lot of time here. I wonder what this place is. Is this like a bridge between two worlds and I’m stuck here? If that’s so then what are these two worlds? Heaven and hell? Earth and…some parallel universe? Am I stuck between death and life?

“He’s been like this for…we do what…change…”

“I heard something…then they all…but she’s getting…and I couldn’t leave…” Tom? Come on, Alex! This would be perfect time to wake up! You can’t stay like this forever!

“We’ve tried…but nothing helps…and his leg…”

“Can’t you just get some doctor? It would be…like he said…money and then…”

“…tried, but no one will come here…after what happened…will come…”

“What about…I heard there’s some…maybe I can…don’t know me…”

“…can try…think so…”

Darkness and silence! No! You fucking consciousness, stop playing with me! I want to hear them! I want to know what’s happening! It’s bad enough that I don’t hear half of what they’re saying, but please just let me hear that other half. I just want to hear their voices. I want to know that I’m not alone and dead. I want to feel Jack holding my hand or that burning feeling and water. Just something to know I’m still alive.

But I’m stuck into this darkness and silence. Even if there’s no time in this place it still feels like forever. Sometimes I will come back and hear someone, some steps or breathing, but no voices. Then I’m gone again and nothing reaches me and I’m alone. What is weird is that I don’t feel anything. Only when they’re doing something with my leg, that’s only when I can feel something, but when I’m left alone…nothing…it’s just my mind that’s working here.

Notes

I had totally different speach prepared for this but YMAS in Latvia!!!!! oh god it's too good for monday!!! it's too good to be real!!!! I'm not sure I totally understand it yet, but I'm getting there!!!!! omfg, my mom thinks I'm crazy, my friends think I'm crazy, but I'm not it's just too good!!!!!

but okay, about this story thing...soo, I forgot what I needed to say...
well, one thing is that I fell like I need to warn you - there soon will be two words the end but I haven't decided how soon. Maybe one... or two more chapters... we'll see ;D