I’ve been lying in my bed for last three or so hours, staring out in the universe, heavy rain drops hitting window. How could I be so stupid! Why do I need to fuck up the only good thing happening to me! Okay, maybe I said too much and I have to admit that I have no idea how’s his life. Maybe he didn’t grow up with ponies and money in bathtubs. All I know is that his father have a lot of money. Perhaps he’s not from these who spoil their kids.

But that doesn’t change the fact that Jack has never felt hunger and fears of unknown, because he had his life planned before he was even born. Well, I guess, it’s not the best thing either, but at least he had everything he need. He has never lived the way I have. Actually, I can say that last eight years at this House had been the best years in my life. I have food, water, roof above my head and it’s never too cold in here.

Even though, sometimes I hate these rich guys, it’s hard to deny that there’s something special about Jack. There’s just something in him that I need, something about him that keeps me wanting more. I have become a victim in my own game.

I sit up, throwing my legs on the cold floor. I know I won’t get any sleep anyways so why try? I need to get him back or if not back then at least talk things out. I guess you can’t get back someone who was never really yours. But that only means I need to make him be mine. Like, not just someone who’s paying for a good fuck. Stop, kidding yourself, Alex. He walked away; you really think he would’ve done that if he cared about you? And you know you can’t just walk over to his place and talk with him.

Mark!

I scurry around my room to find some kind of jacket to wear, because from what I see, the weather doesn’t look too appealing. I run out of my room, down the stairs and out of the House, across the lawn and into the stables, waking up few horses on my way. I run over to my beauty and read pure concern in his eyes.

“Sorry for waking you up and I know that weather sucks, but I can’t wait till morning.”

I don’t have time to prepare him as I should, so I just tie the leash and walk him outside. For a while he doesn’t want to cooperate with me, obviously for him it is not the best idea to go somewhere at this kind of weather.

“Come on! You really want me to walk alone in this weather?”

---

I knock on the doors and wait. Thanks god there’s a small part of the roof hovering above the doors. I’m already soaking wet and probably will be sick after this, but do I have some other choice?

No answer so I knock again. More and louder. After few more minutes I hear quiet steps and voice, who doesn’t sound happy. Doors creak open and in dim candle light I see Mark’s wife.

“What do you need here?” obviously she doesn’t like me. Not just because her husband prefers me, but because most of the people doesn’t like me. It’s like a small cult in this town, if you don’t like guys from the House, you’re good, if you have nothing against them, it only means you’re just like them. And who would want to be like us.

“Can you call Mark?”

“So now he wants service at home? I’m not putting up with that! You better get off of my property or I will call someone who’ll help you!” she almost yells. In other situation I wouldn’t like that, but now she has made some interest in Mark to come down and see what’s going on.

“Could you keep your mouth shut? You know what time it is?” I hear his voice not far from where his wife is standing.

“You better tell this to him!” she opens doors more, so he can see me.

“Al….what?” he cuts my name, trying to look like he has no idea who I am and why I’m here. Well, he doesn’t know why I’m here, but he sure does know who I am.

“Just get him away from my house! I don’t want your sick little games in my house!” she sneers turning around and walking back in.

“It’s my house!” he yells after her before turning to face me, “why are you here?” he whispers.

“Please, I can’t go to him. I don’t need to get him in trouble, but I need to talk to him somehow!”

“Come in,” he lets me in and checks if no one has seen me walking in his house. He walks to his living room and gestures to comfy couch. I sit down and he rushes out of the room leaving me alone. I look at the doors where he disappeared, but can’t see anything in the small room.

I look around the room where I’m left and spot white fluffy cat on one of the chairs across from where I’m sitting. Small table in the middle of room, book shelf full with books and desk next to it. I spot some pictures framed on wall, but before I can take closer look to them Mark returns to room. He carries a blanket, which he wraps around my shoulders.

“You want some tea or something? You gonna be sick,” he still whispers, probably scared that his wife is listening from other side of the doors. Well, she probably is, I’m pretty sure of that.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Well you won’t be tomorrow.”

“Can you help me?” I change subject, tea is the last thing I want to talk about right now.

“What do you need?”

“I need you to talk to Jack.”

“So it is Jack, I thought so,” he smiles, but his smile fades as he looks me in the eyes, ”what happened?”

“We kind of had an argument, but you know, I can’t go to him and just talk. Everyone knows who I am and that wouldn’t look good if I would just go over to him and have small talk. You can do that. You’re just a normal citizen. It wouldn’t look too suspicious.”

“I don’t know him. I just know his name and how he looks. I have never talked to him. It would look suspicious if I would talk to him. I’m totally different person than he is.”

“Not as different as I am! Please, Mark! You are my only chance.”

“Alex, I…”

“Mark, you owe me! I gave you money! Please, talk to him!” I hear my voice break and feel my eyes filling with tears again. I never thought that human can have so many tears to spill.

“I didn’t ask for you to give me money,” he whispers even quieter, if that’s possible.

“Please,” I let tears to fall. That’s what they need to do. I tried to stop them earlier this night, but it was useless.

He stays quiet, just looking at me and letting me cry. There’s just nothing he could do about that. If he refuses to talk to Jack, than there’s really nothing he could do, just to let me cry.

“You know, since I admitted my feelings towards you, I always hoped that one day you will feel the same way about me. When it didn’t happen I just made me to believe that you don’t know what is love, that you will never love anyone besides yourself, but now you’re sitting here and crying over some guy.”

“He’s not just some guy,” I choke out, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders.

“Dou you love him?”

“Yes,” small whisper. Nothing more, but this is enough for me to understand, that I really do love him. I really do love every little part of him. Not just his smile, his eyes, his perfectly created lips or his hands on me. No, it was something more. It was something that made me feel safe with him. Something that made me feel like he really cared. He made me feel happy about who I am, about lifestyle I had chosen. I had never admitted this to myself, but deep inside me I always felt ashamed of who I am and what I am doing. Everyone thought it is wrong, so why shouldn’t it be wrong? With Jack I feel right, more than right, so this can’t be too wrong or sick, as they think.

“I don’t want to see you like this. I’ll try to get to him and talk, but I can’t promise you anything. He might not want to talk to me, but I’ll try. For you, not for him,” he adds nervous laugh.

“Thank you.”

He pulls me in hug, running his hand over my back in soothing manner,
“I hate him for making you cry,” he whispers in my ear.

“It wasn’t his fault as much as it was mine,” I replay, starting to feel better.

“Mhm, you say this only because you love him.”

“Shut up!” I pull away from him, “I should go. And you should get back to your wife.”

“Yeah,” he looks at me with eyes full with…what…longing?

“She might burn down this room, because of me being here,” I laugh and stand up, handing him back his blanket.

“You’ll be alright?” he asks me, walking me to his front doors.

“I hope so,” I pull him in last hug, before I leave with a wave of my hand and quiet, “bye.”

Notes

I feel like this is too short, but...whatever ;D
and...yeah....I don't know what else to say here...I'm tired....I want some sleep, but I don't have time for that!!! okay, you don't need to know that ;D