that's just the way it goes
did you mean it
Jack held on tighter to Alex’s hand, tears streaming down his face. “Lex, please wake up soon.” He said quietly, resting his head on the edge of the bed. He felt a slight shift, and felt a gentle touch on his head. He sat up slowly, to see two big brown orbs staring back at him. A smile spread across his face, as he leaned forward wrapping his arms around Alex.
“Jack, ow.” He said, making Jack jump back.
“Sorry!” He said quickly, sitting back down in the chair. Alex smiled, holding his hand to his shoulder.
“It’s alright.” He said, taking Jacks hand in his own. It was silent for a while, before Jack broke the silence.
“What happened?” He asked, readjusting himself in the uncomfortable chair. Alex sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
“Nothing important, Jack. It’s okay.” He said quietly.
“It’s not okay. You could have died.” Jack scoffed, standing up.
“Well, I didn’t did I?” Alex said harshly. Jack could feel the anger rising inside of him.
“If that bullet was just a couple inches lower, you would be fucking dead!” He said, his voice louder.
“But I’m not, okay?!” Alex hollered back, making Jack jump slightly. “Why does it even matter, Jack? I’m not dead.” He said softer
Jack could feel the tears forming in his eyes. “It matters, because I fucking love you, okay? If you had died, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” He said quickly. Alex sat silently, staring at Jack. “It was pointless to tell you that, sorry.” Jack said, rushing out of the hospital room. He could hear Alex calling for him, but he ignored the calls.
When he was home, he went straight to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He was aware he was acting like a five year old with a temper tantrum, but he didn’t care. He put in his favorite Blink-182 CD, cranking it up as high as it would go. He had to drown out his mind. He climbed into his bed, pulling the blankets up to his chin, squeezing his eyes shut.
It was around five when he got up. The music had long stopped, and his ears were ringing. He felt his stomach grumble with hunger, so he pursued the kitchen. His phone lay where he’d dropped it earlier, and the battery was dead. He plugged it into the wall charger, as he made his way to the fridge.
“Fuck.” He groaned, as he realised that there was no food to eat. He slammed the door shut, sitting down on one of the bar stools. He heard his phone vibrate, so he grabbed it, glancing at the screen. It was a text from Alex.
I’m coming over. I need to talk to you.
Jack didn’t respond, instead he tossed his phone back to it’s place on the counter, and hurried over to the door and locked it. He didn’t want to talk to Alex. Not after what he had said.
Hunkering down on the couch, he flicked on the television, going to his recorded movies and picking Home Alone. It was definitely his favorite. As the theme music began, there was a knock on the door. Jack increased the volume of the television, ignoring the person on the other side of the door.
“Jack, let me in please!” Alex yelled, barely audible over the television.
“No, I don’t want to talk to you.” Jack yelled back, scooting lower into the sofa. Alex didn’t respond, so he believed he’d left. Moments later, he heard feet on the stairs. Alex sat down beside Jack, turning with an expectant smile.
“Hello.” He said. Jack rolled his eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing? That’s breaking and entering you know!” Jack hissed, pausing the movie. Alex ignored him, looking at the television.
“Home Alone. Should’ve known.” Alex said, laughing.
“What are you doing here, Lex?” Jack asked, rolling his eyes. Alex looked over, the smile disappearing from his face.
“Why were you so angry at me earlier?” Alex said, avoiding the actual question he was here to ask about. Jack fidgeted, sitting up straighter.
“Because, you could have died, and you were acting like it was no big deal. Do you even know how it would have effected me if you were killed?” Jack asked, his voice getting loud with anger. Alex said nothing, staring at his hands guiltily.
“I’m sorry, but it’s just Zack-”
“Zack did this to you? I told you to leave it be, Alex!” Jack said, standing up. Alex followed suite, grabbing Jack by the arm.
“It’s fine.” Alex said, twisting him around. Jack shook his head, resisting to turn. He didn’t want Alex to see that he was crying.
“It’s not fine, Alex.” Jack said, whirling around now, not caring if Alex saw him. “Jesus fucking Christ, what part of this are you not understanding. You. Could. Have. Died!” He said angrily. He ripped his arm from Alex’s clutch, backing up ever so slightly.
“I’m not dead, I’m alive. I’m standing right here, Jack.” Alex said, not grasping what the younger boy was trying to say. Jack didn’t feel like going through this whole thing over again, so instead he closed the distance between them, locking his arms around Alex as he sobbed. Alex rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s okay, Jack. It’s alright.” Alex said, trying to reassure him. Jack physically felt like he couldn’t speak, so he just shook his head.
After a little while, Alex felt like he should bring up what he originally wanted to. They were now on the couch, Jack at one end, huddled under a blanket, and Alex at the other. “Jack?” He spoke softly.
“Hmm?” He hummed, not taking his eyes off the movie. Alex took a deep breath.
“I want to talk to you about what you said earlier.” He said quickly, afraid he wouldn’t be able to get it out unless he did it right then. Jack tensed up slightly, his eyes flickering over to the expectant boy.
“What about it?” He said, trying to remain calm. He wished Alex wouldn’t have brought it up, but he had.
“Did... Did you mean it?” He asked. Jack could feel Alex’s eyes on him, so he slowly shook his head. He glanced over at Alex, who was smiling at him.
“What?” Jack asked, pulling the blanket up to his chin. Alex shook his head, turning back to the television.
“Nothing.” He said, pulling his knees into his chest. Jack felt his heart sink in his chest. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Oh.” He said unhappily, but obviously Alex wouldn’t notice. He turned back to Home Alone, wishing he could just disappear into the sofa.
“Jack, ow.” He said, making Jack jump back.
“Sorry!” He said quickly, sitting back down in the chair. Alex smiled, holding his hand to his shoulder.
“It’s alright.” He said, taking Jacks hand in his own. It was silent for a while, before Jack broke the silence.
“What happened?” He asked, readjusting himself in the uncomfortable chair. Alex sighed, looking up at the ceiling.
“Nothing important, Jack. It’s okay.” He said quietly.
“It’s not okay. You could have died.” Jack scoffed, standing up.
“Well, I didn’t did I?” Alex said harshly. Jack could feel the anger rising inside of him.
“If that bullet was just a couple inches lower, you would be fucking dead!” He said, his voice louder.
“But I’m not, okay?!” Alex hollered back, making Jack jump slightly. “Why does it even matter, Jack? I’m not dead.” He said softer
Jack could feel the tears forming in his eyes. “It matters, because I fucking love you, okay? If you had died, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” He said quickly. Alex sat silently, staring at Jack. “It was pointless to tell you that, sorry.” Jack said, rushing out of the hospital room. He could hear Alex calling for him, but he ignored the calls.
When he was home, he went straight to his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He was aware he was acting like a five year old with a temper tantrum, but he didn’t care. He put in his favorite Blink-182 CD, cranking it up as high as it would go. He had to drown out his mind. He climbed into his bed, pulling the blankets up to his chin, squeezing his eyes shut.
It was around five when he got up. The music had long stopped, and his ears were ringing. He felt his stomach grumble with hunger, so he pursued the kitchen. His phone lay where he’d dropped it earlier, and the battery was dead. He plugged it into the wall charger, as he made his way to the fridge.
“Fuck.” He groaned, as he realised that there was no food to eat. He slammed the door shut, sitting down on one of the bar stools. He heard his phone vibrate, so he grabbed it, glancing at the screen. It was a text from Alex.
I’m coming over. I need to talk to you.
Jack didn’t respond, instead he tossed his phone back to it’s place on the counter, and hurried over to the door and locked it. He didn’t want to talk to Alex. Not after what he had said.
Hunkering down on the couch, he flicked on the television, going to his recorded movies and picking Home Alone. It was definitely his favorite. As the theme music began, there was a knock on the door. Jack increased the volume of the television, ignoring the person on the other side of the door.
“Jack, let me in please!” Alex yelled, barely audible over the television.
“No, I don’t want to talk to you.” Jack yelled back, scooting lower into the sofa. Alex didn’t respond, so he believed he’d left. Moments later, he heard feet on the stairs. Alex sat down beside Jack, turning with an expectant smile.
“Hello.” He said. Jack rolled his eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing? That’s breaking and entering you know!” Jack hissed, pausing the movie. Alex ignored him, looking at the television.
“Home Alone. Should’ve known.” Alex said, laughing.
“What are you doing here, Lex?” Jack asked, rolling his eyes. Alex looked over, the smile disappearing from his face.
“Why were you so angry at me earlier?” Alex said, avoiding the actual question he was here to ask about. Jack fidgeted, sitting up straighter.
“Because, you could have died, and you were acting like it was no big deal. Do you even know how it would have effected me if you were killed?” Jack asked, his voice getting loud with anger. Alex said nothing, staring at his hands guiltily.
“I’m sorry, but it’s just Zack-”
“Zack did this to you? I told you to leave it be, Alex!” Jack said, standing up. Alex followed suite, grabbing Jack by the arm.
“It’s fine.” Alex said, twisting him around. Jack shook his head, resisting to turn. He didn’t want Alex to see that he was crying.
“It’s not fine, Alex.” Jack said, whirling around now, not caring if Alex saw him. “Jesus fucking Christ, what part of this are you not understanding. You. Could. Have. Died!” He said angrily. He ripped his arm from Alex’s clutch, backing up ever so slightly.
“I’m not dead, I’m alive. I’m standing right here, Jack.” Alex said, not grasping what the younger boy was trying to say. Jack didn’t feel like going through this whole thing over again, so instead he closed the distance between them, locking his arms around Alex as he sobbed. Alex rubbed his back soothingly. “It’s okay, Jack. It’s alright.” Alex said, trying to reassure him. Jack physically felt like he couldn’t speak, so he just shook his head.
After a little while, Alex felt like he should bring up what he originally wanted to. They were now on the couch, Jack at one end, huddled under a blanket, and Alex at the other. “Jack?” He spoke softly.
“Hmm?” He hummed, not taking his eyes off the movie. Alex took a deep breath.
“I want to talk to you about what you said earlier.” He said quickly, afraid he wouldn’t be able to get it out unless he did it right then. Jack tensed up slightly, his eyes flickering over to the expectant boy.
“What about it?” He said, trying to remain calm. He wished Alex wouldn’t have brought it up, but he had.
“Did... Did you mean it?” He asked. Jack could feel Alex’s eyes on him, so he slowly shook his head. He glanced over at Alex, who was smiling at him.
“What?” Jack asked, pulling the blanket up to his chin. Alex shook his head, turning back to the television.
“Nothing.” He said, pulling his knees into his chest. Jack felt his heart sink in his chest. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Oh.” He said unhappily, but obviously Alex wouldn’t notice. He turned back to Home Alone, wishing he could just disappear into the sofa.
Notes
oooh, long chapter ! what do you guys think of it ?sorry I haven't updated in a while... I've had strep. I'm okay now though..
I hope you guys enjoy this . <333
I read all of the chapters in one setting
6/17/14