Missing

''Woah! What the fuck?!'' Alex yelled, immediately cupping the area on his face where my hand had collided.

I couldn't even explain myself. ''Uh,'' I stuttered. ''I-I'm sorry, I don't-''

''What the fuck was that for?!'' He raged, narrowing his eyes whilst nursing his red-raw cheek.

''I'm sorry! I don't know why I did it,'' I hung my head, knowing the actual reason behind the slap. He'd made me feel so embarrassed, because now everybody knew how much of I pussy I was as a kid. I shouldn't have let all those girls walk all over me like that. I wish I could say these past three years since meeting Alex had made me a stronger, more confident person, but I'd be lying.

''Oh my fucking God! I go in for a hug and you fuckin' slap m-'' Alex was cut off, I'm guessing, by the single tear that ran down my cheek.

Joce, you're still a pussy.

Shut the fuck up!

''Joce?'' His voice wasn't raised anymore, it was calm, sympathetic, worried.

''No, I'm fine,'' I objected, knowing that he might probably try to hug me or something. Which was, by the way, the worst thing to do to an angry, upset and confused Jocelyn Walker.

You're a coward.

A wimp.

And you wonder why you weren't capable of stopping Jason.

''NO!'' I screamed, thoughts of Jason and everything he did to me flooding into my head. This was not happening, I was not breaking down in front of Alex.

And suddenly it felt as if all I could feel was Jason. His hands touching me when I didn't want him to, his hot, disgusting breath against my neck, his hands gripping me to keep me from moving. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

''Please don't touch me right now!'' I cried, shaking free of Alex's gentle grip on my forearms. I ran as fast and as far as I could. I didn't even know where I was; all I knew is that I had to get away from there, and fast.

I could hear Alex calling me in the distance, but it was soon blurred out by the sound of my own conscience eating away at my mind. I felt so bad, he'd only asked what was wrong, his touch was nothing of a perverted kind, he just wanted to see if I was okay. I treated people too badly.

-

I stopped running once I'd reached a large patch of trees, surrounded by a row of steel bars and a giant gate to enter. I pushed open the gate, having to haul at it because of the stiffness. I sat down at the bottom of a tree, not too far into the strange park, I didn't want to get lost now.

Oh, it's a cemetery.

The tears had stopped but both my thoughts and the voice inside my head hadn't. I could hear it working away at my confidence, trying to break me with every insult it could throw. I spoke of the voice as it's own person, even though it was just my insane excuse of a head playing tricks on me.There were so many words and phrases being littered into my skull that I couldn't even register the voice anymore, it was just chaotic, all-at-once nonsense.

''Stop! Please, stop!'' I screamed at myself.

I felt something grab my hand and yank me from the ground. My eyes flung open to meet the chocolate ones that belonged to Alex. He'd followed me?

''Jocelyn, stop,'' he breathed, slightly out of breath. I could barely make out the sound of his voice.

I shook my head violently, ''I can't, Alex! It won't stop!''

''What do you mean 'it'?'' He asked, as I slumped back down to the base of the tree. He soon joined me, crossing his legs over and leaning in closer.

''Joce, come on,'' he ushered, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear and trying to soothe me. Though, his kind attempt to comfort me hadn't had any affect.

Wimp.

Weakling.

Pathetic piece of shi-

''I don't think I can tell you,'' I whispered, both relieved and shocked that the voices had began to calm down and drift away.

''Why's that?'' He asked.

''Because the last time I told you a secret, you didn't keep it as one,'' I sighed, rubbing my, now throbbing, forehead.

''W-What secret?'' He asked.

''The one when we first met. When I told you those girls used to beat me senseless everyday and I'd let them walk all over me,'' I explained, looking into his deep brown orbs. ''And, you told Jack. Jack then, I'm assuming, told everyone who I was sat with earlier.''

''What's wrong with that?'' Alex asked, making my stomach flip. Did he seriously just say that? That's because there IS nothing wrong with that, you're just being a baby.

''Really?'' I asked, in a barely audible voice. ''Don't you realize I told you that with the hopes that you wouldn't actually tell anyone?''

He shrugged, ''Well, I'm sorry.''

''Am I taking this too far? Have I said something wrong? Perhaps it was a bad idea, coming on this tour, I thought you were different, Alex.''

''What are you talking about?'' Alex chuckled halfheartedly, ''I only told Jack because he's my best friend, stop overreacting, Jocie! Damn,'' he muttered.

Was I overreacting?

Probably.

''Right, sorry..'' I trailed off, shivering.

''It's alright,'' he shrugged, somehow managing to make me feel even ore uncomfortable. I felt so bad for saying that to Alex. What was I thinking? I should've just kept my mouth closed.

''Is that why you slapped me?'' He laughed.

''I don't really know why I did that,'' I lied.

''Come here,'' he said, holding his arms out. ''You won't slap me this time, will you?''

I just smiled and returned the hug.

Notes

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