A Daydream Away

Alex’s POV

After my whole incident in the cafeteria, the nurse wouldn’t let me go back to class. My mom was in a meeting and couldn’t be disturbed, so I was left to hang out in the nurses office. I had fun rolling around in her spinny chair and pretending that the broom in her office was a guitar, but I was also bored out of my mind. I kept trying to remember what happened in the cafeteria. The nurse made Rian and Zack leave before I woke up, and she said some guy helped me after I blacked out, but she didn’t know who it was. I kept asking myself ‘who would help me?’
I knew that it wouldn’t have been Rian or Zack. Rian would have panicked and just yelled for someone else, and Zack would have actually went and gotten someone else, because he was too nervous to try and touch me. Both of them have lived through my panic attacks, and they still had no idea how to react. I didn’t blame them though, my mom still barely had a handle on them.
My arm was slightly bruised, but it was nothing extremely serious, I just wouldn’t be able to play guitar for a while, which was absolutely awful. After the nurse put me through a whole bunch of tests to make sure I didn’t have a concussion, I was allowed to leave. The bell rang just as I walked out the front door, and I hurried on my way, thankful I didn’t have to suffer through math and Spanish.
It wasn’t until I walked home that something interesting happened.
Jack Barakat was laying on a park bench across from the school in the pouring rain.
‘Fuck.’ I thought, panicking. ‘What do I do? Should I say something? Oh god what if I pass out again?’
My mouth opened before I could figure out what to say, and after two minutes of awkward conversation, he was walking home with me.
My head felt like it was going to explode the entire way home, but luckily I didn’t pass out.
Jack was so fucking easy to talk to. Although we talked about absolutely nothing, it felt right. It was like we were supposed to be friends. Maybe I felt like that because I was pretty much in love with him, but when he looked at me, I swear it was like he was thinking it too.
I didn’t tell him about what happened in the cafeteria, and he didn’t bring it up. Maybe he didn’t even notice. I also didn’t ask why he was laying in the rain all by himself, because that was none of my business.
I led him into my house, picking up my little dog as he tried to attack Jack’s leg. Sure, I thought my dog was cute, but how was I supposed to know if he was allergic or not? I didn’t.
“Aw, he’s so cute!” Jack squealed, a huge smile growing on his face. I tried to hide my excitement as I brought my dog over to him so Jack could pet him.
“His name is Sebastian.” I said, smiling as Jack scratched behind his ears. This moment was just about perfect. Sebastian wagged his tail happily as Jack cooed to him. I kissed my dogs little head and set him down, letting him roam off around the house.
“So, do you just want to borrow some of my clothes while I dry yours?” I questioned, heading up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.
“Nah, I’ll just walk around naked for a half an hour.” Jack said, laughing as we walked into my room.
I stopped short, causing Jack to run into my back.
My room was a disaster area, and Jack was staring it right in the face. There was nothing I could do to take his eyes off my tornado stricken room, and just the thought of what he must me be thinking made my breathing go heavy.
“Uh… Uh… sorry, my room is kind of a mess…” I mumbled, trying to clean it up quickly.
I felt a hand on my arm that stopped me from bending over to speed clean. I spun around to find a smiling Jack Barakat, who didn’t seem fazed at all by the state of my room.
“Dude, its fine. My room is ten times messier, so this is nothing.” He said, laughing.
I smiled, standing straight up and turning towards him. We stood there in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before he realized that he still had his hand on my shoulder.
I saw a slight blush creep onto his cheeks as he dropped his hand. My skin tingled where he had touched it, and like so many times before this, I had to resist the urge to grab the front of his shirt and kiss him until I didn’t know who I was anymore.
“Uh… well…” I stuttered, trying to remember why I was in my room with him in the first place.
“Clothes. I don’t want to be naked.” Jack reminded me gently, slightly chuckling as he spoke.
Somehow, he always managed to say things in just the right tone. Like he wasn’t baby talking me or being rude. He spoke to me like I was his friend, which wouldn’t at all be possible. I was just helping him out.
“Right.” I said, turning towards my dresser and pulling out a Foo Fighters tshirt and throwing it in his direction.
“Dude! You like the Foo Fighters!?” he exclaimed as he looked at the shirt.
I laughed out a yes as he babbled on about his favorite songs and albums. Finally finishing with “I’d give anything to see them live”.
“They’re fantastic live. That’s where I got that shirt.” I said, digging through my pile of sweatpants to find some that weren’t extremely dirty.
I felt something plastic hit the back of my head right as I found some sweatpants that didn’t smell weird.
“Hey!” I said spinning around to face my attacker “what was that for?!” I said, rubbing that back of my head where the cup hit me.
“You went to a Foo Fighters concert and didn’t invite me!?” Jack yelled, pouting.
I laughed, throwing the cup back at him. “Well maybe if you would’ve talked to me, then I would’ve invited you!”
“Maybe you should’ve talked to me!” Jack laughed, throwing the cup back to me.
I scoffed, dodging the cup and letting it hit the wall behind me.
“You know, I could just make you walk home. I don’t have to let you dry off here.” I said, putting on my best sarcastically bitchy voice and face.
“Fine.” Jack said, turning and walking out of my bedroom door.
My jaw dropped, I didn’t actually think he’d take me seriously and leave.
“Jack!” I yelled, still standing in my room. I heard his heavy footsteps moving quickly down the stairs and I started to panic, my heartbeat speeding up.
‘No way, no panic attack here’ I thought, finally bolting out of my room and running into the hallway.
I cursed the layout of my house, wishing I could see the front door from the top of the steps. Instead, there was a hallway that led to the kitchen or the living room, which both met to lead to the entryway.
‘Which way did he go?’ I questioned halfway down the stairs.
I heard Sebastian barking on the side that led to the living room, so I turned that way. I wasn’t even down the hallway when I heard the front door slam shut.
“Jack!” I practically screamed. I sprinted across the rest of the hallway and into the living room, not bothering to check my surroundings.
It wasn’t until my hand was on the doorknob that I heard a loud burst of laughter from behind me.
I closed my eyes, letting out a long breath, attempting to calm myself. I felt my heart beat speed up and soon a wave of dizziness was coming. In the cafeteria, my blood pressure had been low because I didn’t eat lunch, which was why I passed out, but here, my blood pressure was normal and I’d be left screaming and crying. Jack couldn’t see that. He’d know I was a freak and really leave.
I had no idea what had triggered this one. Maybe it was Jack laughing at me or how worried I was that he had left and I had ruined my one shot of maybe getting to know him. Either way, a panic attack was coming, whether I liked it or not.
I heard the laughing stop just as I started hyperventilating, and my name being called from somewhere far away.
“Alex! Hey, are you okay?” I felt a warm hand on my shoulder that was trying to bring be back to the real world.
I was trying so hard to tell him to leave so he didn’t have to see me like this. I was trying to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. I was trying to hard but I was so dizzy and everything was so fuzzy.
“Alex!” I heard Jack yelling my name, but I couldn’t yell his back. Something was in my throat. Something was choking me. I couldn’t breathe. Suddenly, everything was blown out of my mind. Why was I in this state? What’s my name? Where was my mom?
I felt a pair of arms pick me up, and I quickly wrapped my arms around the neck of whoever was helping me. Who was it? I couldn’t remember. I didn’t know where I was or why I was there.
I could feel myself shaking in this persons arms. I felt water seeping through my clothes, and out my eyes.
I felt his grip tighten around me as I let out a whimper, fighting to stay here.
My brain was screaming at me to give up. My heart was pounding at me, telling me I was all along. My lungs begged for air, and my eyes saw nothing but darkness.

Notes