A Daydream Away

Jack’s POV

10 days seemed like a lifetime when you couldn’t look at the person you loved without your heart shattering. This empty house wasn’t use to my sorrow, but it’s accepting it like it was a normal occurrence. Maybe it knew this was going to happen eventually. Maybe everyone knew but us.
I sat in the middle of my kitchen floor eating chocolate ice cream and listening to sad Blink songs. My dad had been yelling at me to move for the past half an hour, but I wasn’t listening. I’d been all but ignoring my parents for almost a month, since everything I said seemed to start an argument. My brother usually slept in my room when he was home, but half the time he was at various family friends or neighbors. I knew he was scared. What little kid wouldn’t be? He was yelled at almost as much as I was, and he didn’t usually do anything wrong. Mom had stopped fighting for him, she simply sighed and looked like she was ready to bomb the country.
“Jack! Get your ass off the kitchen floor!” my father shouted from the living room.
I didn’t respond.
“You do as I say boy! Don’t make me force you do get up, because I will!”
Again, I remained silent and continued to eat my ice cream. For good measure, I turned up my phone so Blink was louder than it needed to be.
“God damn you boy!”
“He already has.” I shouted back.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” My dad stood up and walked into the kitchen, staring down at my heartbroken heap.
I gazed back up at him, debating what I should say. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mom enter the room with a worried look on her face.
“Well, I’m gay.” I stated casually, looking down and digging my spoon into the tub of ice cream once again.
For a moment, all was silent. Then, I heard footsteps walking towards me and noticed my dad’s knees squatting down in front of me.
I looked up at him, his face was inches from mine. I could smell the alcohol in his breath and saw this rage in his eyes.
“You’re what?” he spat out. I blinked rapidly as some of his spit flew into my eye.
“Gay. I like boys.” I replied, trying to act like I wasn’t utterly terrified. If Alex could go through stuff like this every day, then I could too.
At first, my dad didn’t move. He just stared down at me like I was a bug under a microscope. I hadn’t even registered what was going on when I felt a hand wrap around the fabric of my tshirt and yanking me upwards.
“I will not tolerate a homosexual in my household!” my father screamed.
I don’t know what caused me to laugh at him. Maybe since I’d lost Alex for good, I just felt like I had nothing left to lose. He could kill me and I probably wouldn’t care.
“Did you just say homosexual?” I laughed “now that’s funny.”
He shoved me backwards into the sink and moved forwards so I was trapped. I was aware that he was probably going to hurt me, but I was still laughing like a lunatic. Love does drive you mad, I guess.
I noticed his raised fist and continued to laugh. Nothing could hurt like my heart did. Nothing at all.
“George!” my mother shouted, causing my father’s fist to freeze in midair.
“What!” he yelled back, not taking his eyes off of me.
My mom sucked in a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut before she continued.
“Get out of my house. Now.”
My dad’s eyes widened and he spun around to face my mother’s firm face. I knew that look, and so did he. Nothing he could say would make her take her words back. The deed was done.
Instead of arguing, he stomped up to their room, probably going to pack some backs.
I half expected my mom to run over and hug me. To come and say something to make me feel better. To at least acknowledge the fact that I just came out to her.
Instead, she sighed before mumbling “I’m going out tonight. Your brother will be at Peter’s. You’ll be home alone tonight.”
And then she walked out the door.

My father followed suit a half an hour later, not bothering to say anything to me. I only knew he left because the front door slammed shut and I could finally breathe again.
I made myself dinner and finished my tub of ice cream, flipping through random channels until I finally put Home Alone in and decided to spend another night pitying myself.
My phone buzzed at half past 11, which was something I had forgotten it did.
‘Hear a stranger's voice in the front yard
Let the hours tick past the deadline’
I checked the contact, and noticed that it was an unknown number. Why was an unknown number sending me lyrics to a Blink 182 song?
Suddenly, I heard a faint sound of a guitar coming from the front of my house. That kind of explains the text.
Curiously, I walked over to my front door, peaking through the curtains to see what the hell was going on.
My eyes landed on the view of a sitting Alex with a guitar in his lap, strumming away happily on his favorite guitar. I felt my heartbeat quicken and my hands shook as I opened the door clumsily.
Once the door was open, I felt the cool night air on my face and the guitar became louder. Before I could speak, Alex was singing.
“Paint yourself a picture, something perfectly obscure
To hide away the messes behind your manicure
And all of my obsessing to find the perfect words
Sick of second guessing, I didn't mean to make you hurt
Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt hurt”

He looked up at me and smiled. I prayed he didn’t notice the tears forming in my eyes.

“What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know
Break another mirror to keep away the stares
Of another guilty reflex, a reflection left in tears
And all of my obsessing, tell me what was it worth?
Guess I should have learned my lesson, I didn't mean to make you hurt
Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt, hurt
What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know”

He started laughing as he messed up a chord, and I laughed to. That’s what we did best when we were together.

“Wake me, early I've been dreaming
Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else
So wake me, early I've been dreaming
Dreaming that I'm only, only good enough for me and no one else
What do you say when your heart's not in it, your heart's not in it?
What do you do when you just don't get it, you just don't get it?
Where do you go when you reach your limit, you reach your limit?
'Cause all I know, all I know is
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, it's all I know
You are my only one, you are my only one
You are my only one, that's all I know, you're all I know.”

Notes