A Daydream Away

Alex’s POV

Pure happiness was weird. Could someone really feel this amazing all the time, or was that just something people made up so they could deal with their problems easier? Who knows?
“What do you want to do?” Jack mumbled into my ear.
We were laying on the couch, snuggled together. My head was curled into his neck, and his arm was draped lazily around my waist. The truth was, I was perfectly happy with staying where we were, but anywhere with Jack was perfect to me.
“I dunno” I mumbled “what do you want to do?”
“You” he giggled into my hair.
I felt a blush crawl onto my cheeks, but forced it down.
“I’m serious!” I said, poking his stomach.
He laughed, running his fingers over my back. The small movement sent chills up my spine and I thought for the millionth time how lucky I was that this was finally real.
“Do you want to get some food? I’m starving. We have stuff for tacos in the kitchen.” I said after a few quiet moments.
I looked up at Jack and saw a grin slowly spread on his face.
“How about we go on our first real date?” Jack said, adjusting himself so his elbow was propping his head up and he was looking down at me.
I smiled back at him and nodded. A date with anyone had once sounded like a fantasy.
“I’ve never been on an actual date. I wouldn’t know what to do.” I said quietly.
Instead of laughing or making fun of me, Jack smiled.
“I’ve never been on one either. We can learn together.”

We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant, since I craved tacos and Jack said he wasn’t going to take me to Taco Bell on our first date.
Jack drove my car, blasting Green Day because he knew I loved them and singing along in a stupid voice to make me laugh.
When we first arrived, I was slightly nervous. What if people were disgusted with us? Would they say something, or hide behind scrunched up faces, staring us down like we were going to rob them.
“A booth for two please.” Jack said to the hostess. Instead of acting as if we were just good friends, he slipped his hand through mine and squeezing it reassuringly.
I notice the woman’s eyes glance down, but nothing in her eyes changed. I felt a sigh of relief find its way to my lips. Maybe I was getting worked up over nothing.
“Is this okay?” the hostess asked. We both nodded, shuffling into opposite booths.
“Well this is nice.” Jack said, picking up a menu and scanning through it.
For the first time since I’d met Jack, I couldn’t figure out what to say. Talking to him was usually so easy, but this was different. This was an actual date.
I suddenly felt a wave of nervousness wash over me. What if he was silently judging me on this date, deciding whether or not he truly wanted to be with me?
‘Jack wouldn’t do that.’ I assured myself.
‘But he did tell you to leave just because his friend doesn’t like you.’ A sly voice murmured in the darkest corner of my mind
I swallowed, darting my eyes to the table so I didn’t have to look at Jack. Forgiving him so quickly seemed stupid now. What if this was all a game of pretend? What if he was still doing just what Max told him to do?
“Babe, are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.” Jack leaned over the table, gently placing his hand on mine. His voice was laced with concern, but part of me screamed that maybe something was wrong.
I looked back up, meeting his eyes. The brown orbs stared gently back into mine, but my paranoia kept screaming that they were filled with lies.
“I just… are you really… is this real?” I sputtered out, my heart beat speeding up.
Jack seemed to understand what I was thinking. He knew I was having problems trusting him after what we went through, and it seemed like the realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Alex” he started “What I did was stupid. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I understand why you’re struggling to find the truth in my words, but I promise you, I will never ever hurt you again if I can control it. I’m pushing Max out of my life. Hell, I’m pushing anyone out of my life who doesn’t think this is right. I swear with my entire heart, I love you. This is real.”
His eyes never once dropped from mine, and while the tingling feeling that something was wrong was still in the back of my mind, I just let it be. I’d been paranoid of attachment since my dad left, and that must be all this was.
“Okay.” I smiled “I love you too.”
His grin lit up his entire face and mine too. We ordered our meals and spoke just like we had done on that first rainy day we met. Everything and nothing was perfect for us.
The thought made its way to my lips.
“Have you noticed that when we’re together we talk about everything and nothing? It’s weird how well we can roll with that.” I took a sip of my drink.
He paused, and short smile played on his lips. Suddenly, a poetic thought popped into my head. It was something I’d have to write down later, but something I needed to speak right now.
“I guess, in the grand scheme of things, that’s all we are. I know I picture you as my everything.” I mumbled, a pink tinge coming to my cheeks “If everything else was gone, that’d be okay… actually no, I’d miss Rian and Zack and Vic and Cass and my mom… but I feel like so much of them holds memories of thinking about you, that it wouldn’t truly be everything unless they were there. Does that make sense?” I cocked my head and Jack nodded in a silent ‘yes, that totally makes sense’.
“But at the same time, when the world looks back at this state a hundred years from now, we won’t really be important, will we? There will be no mention of an Alex Gaskarth anywhere in kids history books, and I think I’m okay with that… because when I have you here, I don’t feel like I need to live forever in some book. I feel like I’m living a thousand lifetimes by just holding your hand… We are everything… and nothing.”
Jack’s smile was present during my entire speech. Never once did it falter into a smudge of disbelief or a splatter of misunderstanding.
I guess that means he understood what I was saying.
I guess that means I’m everything to him too.

Notes