Alex

My whole body felt heavy and tired, eyelids fluttering, fighting to stay open, eyes burning from the lack of sleep. It’s not like I hadn’t been sleeping. I had. In fact, I had been sleeping most of the past few days, only awake for a couple of hours a day but it seemed to do nothing. It almost felt like I had taken a blow to my own head.

Zack was still being painfully annoying, barely letting me in my own room to change or get my laptop or charger. He acted as if I was a wild animal who couldn’t be trusted. Did he really think I would strangle Jack, or even try to? I could see how bad Jack looked and, even though it was the least of my worries, the state he was in wasn’t the best. Not for him, not for us.

I was curled up on the couch, my face turned to the back of it and my eyes boring into its plain fabric. Sometimes I would hear noises around me, words being exchanged, someone’s phone ringing, but during the last few days I had learned to tune them all out which proved to be a useful skill since I practically felt like I was living in a metro station where anybody could pass through at any given moment. I once caught Vic saying to Zack that maybe he should allow me back into my room. That was the only time I actually paid any attention to their conversations. Obviously Zack had refused since I was still camping on the living room couch.

“Will you pick up your damn phone!” Zack nearly yelled right next to me, bringing me back to reality and making me realize that the ringing phone, I’d acknowledged before, was mine.

I blinked a few times, my eyes coming back into focus and turned on my back, scanning the room for my phone. I noticed Zack siting in one of the chairs, his eyes following my every move. I finally saw my phone on the coffee table practically hidden under some magazine. I reached for it and saw an unknown number lighting up my screen. My heart skipped a beat or two but I answered in nonetheless with an unsure ‘Hello’.

It was the drug store lady, “We found your phone number in one of the old receipts here. We’ve had a delivery and the drugs you needed are here as well. If you still need them I can save them for you or if you can come in today…”

“Yeah, I…” my voice broke since I hadn’t actually used it the past few days, “I can come in today. In an hour or so,” I told her and felt Zack’s eyes burning holes in my skin. I put my phone back on the table and stood up to go and change. I had been all but living in the sweat pants and hoodie I was currently wearing so it was not the best idea to leave the house with the same clothes on.

“Where are you going?” Zack asked from behind me and I could already hear him throwing the magazine he’d been reading aside and standing up to follow me.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, “I need to change,” was my only answer. I pushed the doors to my room open and stepped inside, my eyes immediately falling to Jack’s sleeping (or unconscious would be a more correct word) form on my bed, head propped up by two pillows and blankets thrown over his long limbs. He looked pale and not just from the lack of sun. He looked sickly pale and his dark hair only made it worse.

“Don’t you think two pillows is too much?” I asked, walking over to my dresser and opening the top drawer and pulling out a clean pair of jeans.

“Why? You probably want him to have zero pillows and he should preferably be on the floor as well, right?” Zack scoffed from where he was standing by the doors.

“No,” I answered, pulling down the sweats and replacing them with light colored jeans, “I just think that maybe it’s not the best for his head. I don’t know,” I shrugged and found a clean t-shirt and another hoodie to replace the one that had almost become my second skin.

“So now you care, huh? You know, maybe Jaime and Vic are buying it but I’m not. I know you better and you don’t really care about what’s happening to Jack. You just want the money,” I heard Zack say but I refused to look at him no matter how much I wanted to. Instead I pulled out my savings from one of the drawers and counted the right amount of money I knew I’d need to pay for the pills.

“Where did you get that?” Zack stopped his rant as he saw the money in my hands, “How much do you have?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I muttered, putting the right amount into my pocket, hiding the rest of it back inside the drawer.

“You have more money than any of us in the given moment and yet you still need more?” he exclaimed, his eyes following my hands as I closed the drawer and turned to face him.

“I need more than any of you, that’s why I need to have more,” I sneered.

Zack crossed his arms over his chest, “For what? Your pills?”

“You don’t know how much they cost,” I gritted my teeth, “and don’t you dare touch my money, I know how much I have there,” I pushed past him, grabbing my keys and phone from the living room before leaving the apartment.

---
As soon as I was back in the car with my pills in hand, I popped two in my mouth, swallowing them with water from the bottle that I’d left in the car. Now that I was finally out of the apartment I didn’t really want to go back there and have Zack following my every move once again. He out of everyone should’ve understood that it wasn’t really my fault that Jack was in this state now. It seemed like Vic was the understanding one and Jaime was…he was just there, gliding along.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts, stopping when my eyes spotted Josh’s name. I hadn’t seen him since the day he gave me the money. He had been calling me, I’d seen that some of my missed calls were from him but I hadn’t really been in the mood to deal with him then. Now, however, felt like the best time to call him and see what he was up to. I didn’t need anything else from him too so that was kind of good.

He answered fairly quickly, his voice a bit groggy as he said his ‘Hello’.

“Hey,” I started slowly, “I’m sorry I hadn’t answered to any of your calls. There was a lot going on.”

“With your mom?” he sounded a little bit more awake. At least I assumed he’d been sleeping. It was the middle of the day but he was known to go to bed late and wake up even later. If he didn’t have to work the next day, that is.

“Yeah, my mom,” I said quietly.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“Umm…kind of,” I threw the packets of pills on the passenger seat, “I could come over if you’d like,” I suggested.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I can be there in fifteen minutes, if there’s no traffic. That’s cool with you?” I asked, starting the car.

“Totally,” I could hear the smile in his voice as we both hung up our phones.

---
I liked Josh’s place. It always seemed so clean and organized. Maybe it was because of the light colors used for everything. Or maybe it was because he actually had hired a maid to come and clean his place once a week. But no matter what the reason was I liked it and I liked spending time there.

“So how is she?” he asked me later that night as we were sitting in his kitchen and eating dinner. Pizza. I liked that about Josh. Despite the money he had, he could still appreciate simple things in life – like ordering a pizza for dinner.

I took a bite as to give myself more time to think of an answer, “I don’t really know,” I said, looking down at the half eaten slice in my hand.

“What do you mean by that? Did they try that new treatment?” he looked at me questioningly.

“Yeah, they did,” an idea popped into my head, “but I wouldn’t say it really helped. I’m not a doctor or anything but judging by her looks I’d say it did nothing. If not make it worse. I mean it doesn’t look like she’s suffering now but…” I stopped myself and quickly looked at Josh.

“What do you mean?” he looked genuinely concerned.

“She’s…sort of asleep. Has been for the last few days,” I spoke rather quickly, “doctors say it’s not coma yet but she could slip into a coma after few more days, if she doesn’t wake up.”

Josh stayed quiet after that, looking thoughtful before speaking up, “Doesn’t that already count as a coma? If she’s been asleep for the last few days?”

“I don’t know,” I almost whispered, my heart leaping in my chest. If Jack really was in a coma he might not wake up. Not any time soon. Or ever. And what good would that do to us? What could we possibly do with Jack in coma? We might still get money but then what? Return him like this? Just drop him off unconscious by his house?

“But people do wake up. Normally people wake up in a few weeks. If it lasts longer then it’s really serious. That’s what I’ve heard at least,” he sent a light smile my way as an attempt to cheer me up. I weakly smiled back, adding a small ‘Thanks’.

---
It was a few days later that I received a text message from Jaime. It just said ‘he’s awake.’ Just two words but that was enough to push Josh’s lips and hands away. I mumbled a quick ‘I gotta go’ and slipped out from under his body, pulling of his shirt I’ve been wearing and putting mine back on.

“What’s going on?” Josh was confused.

“Coffee shop,” I waved my hand in return. I didn’t have time to explain myself. I had to get back to apartment and see what was happening. To be honest I had somehow lost any hope of Jack waking up. I had almost come up with a perfect plan on what to do if he stays like this. But I guess he was a fighter. He might look weak and skinny but deep down he’s fighting.

“Alex,” Josh called me, but I ignored him, running around the room to collect all of my clothes, “Alex,” he repeated louder, getting up from the bed. He put his hands on my shoulders, stopping my movements.

“What,” I huffed, looking in his blue eyes.

He leaned in to press a kiss to my lips, “It’s gonna be alright. With your mom, I mean. Don’t stress about it too much.”

“Yeah, okay,” I relaxed a bit, hugging him close.

---
As I returned to our building I chose to not go straight upstairs, instead quickly walking into the coffee shop where Jaime was washing some cups. Or was attempting to do so. He looked worried and if you looked closer you’d be able to see his hands were slightly shaking.

“What’s happening?” I asked as soon as I was right beside him.

“Well,” he put aside the clean cup and took another one in his hands, “he’s apparently awake.”

“Okay…and?” I tried to get more out of him than he was giving me.

He let out a long sigh, “Zack’s upstairs with him now. Don’t know how he is, haven’t been there yet but Zack sent me a text. The same one I sent you. That’s all I know. Although he scared us shitless when he woke up.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. How could Jack do that? He’s been out for the last four days and Zack and Jaime were down at the coffee shop. How could Jack scare them while not even being in the same room as them?

“He fucking screeched! And then there were some thumping noises. I don’t even wanna go up there to see what’s happening,” he lightly shook his head.

Well that was definitely interesting. Apparently the last four days hadn’t been the worst to him since he was lively enough to scream so loudly to be heard down in the café. “Okay, I’ll go and see what’s happening there. If Zack will even let me in the apartment.”

I quickly walked, almost run, up the stairs to reach our apartment. The flat doors were unlocked so I easily opened them to see the doors of my room ajar. I quietly walked over to look inside the room. Jack was sitting on the floor, back pressed against the wall, his eyes blankly staring past Zack who had crouched in front of him, quietly whispering something to Jack. His bandage was peeled off, letting the blood run down his forehead again.

I pushed the door more open and stepped properly in my room, Jack’s eyes fixating on my form. His blank eyes looking deep inside of me, almost through me. It was hard to tell if he was actually seeing me or if it was just a reflex.

“Jack?” Zack called him, his voice full of concern. Jack’s eyes switched from me to Zack and then away again, looking past us both.

“Can you get a clean bandage?” Zack asked, quickly looking at me and for a second looking surprised to see me there. He probably thought it was Jaime or maybe Vic. Definitely not me. I didn’t say anything, just turned around to go to the bathroom for a fresh bandage. When I returned to the room the scene hadn’t changed one bit. It was even a bit uneasy to see Jack’s blank eyes staring at the space above the doors.

I handed the bandage to Zack and stood right in front of Jack to block his view of the clock. I was really interested to see what he’d do. Was he really looking at the clock and seeing it, or was he in his own world? As I stood in front of him, his eyes fell down and once again he was staring at me, right into my eyes, making me feel a bit nervous but I refused to look away. As Zack was wrapping the bandage around his head, Jack looked away, making me feel like a child who’d won a staring contest. I still wouldn’t look away from him. Something about his behavior was fascinating.

From the corner of my eye I noticed Zack take a pill and try to give it to Jack only to be ignored. Jack didn’t even look at it. He didn’t look at Zack nor did he acknowledge the pill being presented to him. Zack looked up at me, as if asking ‘what’s that supposed to mean?’

I crouched down next to him and took the small pill out of his fingers.

“Just don’t hit him again,” Zack said in a weak tone, sounding like a tired mother.

“I got my pills,” I simply replied, pushing the pill between Jack’s lips before he slightly opened his mouth. I almost let a smirk appear on my lips. Instead I reached for the water bottle, placed on the floor, and pushed it against Jack’s lips as well. He leant his head back against the wall, letting the water flow in his mouth.

“Now just hope he doesn’t choke on it,” I mumbled, screwing the bottle shut and looking back at Jack’s blank eyes. He still looked way too pale, but I wasn’t expecting anything else since he had just woken up. What worried me the most was his eyes. Maybe it was normal after being out for four days but I still didn’t like his blank stare. And him ignoring us.

“Thank god he woke up today cause I was thinking – one more day and I’m taking him to the hospital. Make up some story about how I found him behind our coffee shop or something,” Zack said quietly. I just looked at him and silently thanked my pills cause if not for the pills I might’ve started yelling at him. Instead I was just thinking ‘what an idiot.’ If he’d done that, he would be suspect number one.

He stayed quiet after that, just looking at Jack. We were both just looking at him. Like an animal at a zoo. In his crate. Trying to ignore people around him but being highly aware of them. But was Jack really aware of our presence? He could be. Or not.

“You need to go down to the coffee shop,” Zack suddenly broke our not-so-comfortable silence.

“Why?” I asked.

“Since you have your pills now, you’re not gonna kill any of our customers. You need to work,” he smiled at me and stood up, pulling me up by my arm and pushing me out of my room.

So that’s what I did. The next three days, as a minimum, I was doomed to work full shifts at the coffee shop. Of course, I was never left alone there. That would just be cruel. But I had to be there from opening till closing time.

Every night I returned back to apartment and went straight to my room to change into more comfortable clothes. Seeing Jack snoozing in the corner of my room, a quick thought of ‘maybe we should put him in bed or on a couch’ ran through my mind, but it was gone as fast as it appeared.

I walked out of the room and went to the kitchen to make myself some tea and heat up a bagel I picked up from the coffee shop. That’s how splendid my dinner was gonna be. At least it was going to be warm. All three of my housemates were in the kitchen, sitting around our small table. I groaned inwardly when all of their heads turned to look at me.

“What’s up?” I asked, walking over to the kitchen counter to prepare my dinner.

“We should try to feed him,” Vic spoke up, “he probably won’t eat that much. He barely ate before this happened, don’t think he’s gonna be too delighted to see the food now.”

“If he’s even going to realize that he’s being fed,” I replied, taking a cup out of the cupboard.

“Nonetheless we should try to give him something,” Jaime insisted, “if he’s not going to get anything to eat, he’s not going to heal!”

They were right. To be healthy (as healthy as he can be living here) he needed to eat. On the other hand, he was causing less problems being like this. He wasn’t talking back, he was less observant of his surroundings and he was pretty much pliant in our hands. Like a teddy bear.

As I was sitting in the living room, eating my bagel and watching tv, I heard them moving around in the kitchen, talking about what to give Jack. I didn’t think it would work, not now at least, so I just let them be and it looked like Zack was relieved when I left them alone. We hadn’t had any big fights during the past few days but he still kept his distance, eyeing me whenever I got too close to my room and Jack. It was annoying but at least he kept his mouth shut.

It was almost twenty minutes later that Zack walked into the room like a scolded child and asked, “Can you come and help?”

I chuckled at his tone and facial expression, “Why? You three can’t feed one guy? He can barely move.”

“Stop being an ass and help us,” he looked at me expectantly.

“Fuck off,” I shrugged him off and returned my attention to the screen.

---
It was dark and at first I didn’t even realize what was happening or why I was slipping away from the soft sleep, but then I heard it again. The noise that woke me up. There were whimpers and rapid breathing coming from Jack’s corner.

“Ughh, stop it,” I pulled the blanket over my head to try and block him out, but his whimpers got louder. And then he started gagging, “Oh shit, no.” I jumped out of the bed, nearly falling face first on the floor and ran to the bathroom to grab a bucket. He could not puke all over my floor. I was not going to clean up all that shit.

I flicked on the light in my room to see Jack’s heaving body in the corner of my room, where he was handcuffed to the heater. “Don’t you dare puke on the floor,” I ran to Jack and tried to pull his legs down so I could push the bucket under his face. He was trying to get out of my grip while still gagging. And maybe (hopefully) it was my imagination, but I was already feeling the smell of puke.

“God damn it, Jack!” I growled at him, forcing his legs down and pushing the bucket in his lap in time for him to start puking. There really wasn’t much coming out, mostly just water and what was left of the pills Zack gave him. He was more dry-heaving than anything.

When he was done I pulled the bucket away and put the water bottle against his lips. He turned his head away and closed his eyes.

“Drink this,” I pushed the bottle against his lips with more force but he kept turning his head away, “Drink the water, Barakat!” he finally opened his mouth wide enough for me to pour some water in his mouth, all the while staring right into my eyes.

When I took the bottle away he leant his head against the wall and closed his eyes. I reached my hand up to scratch my nose only to realize that I had nothing covering my face. I looked at him mortified, my face getting almost as pale as Jack’s.

‘He’s out of it. He doesn’t understand what’s happening around him,’ I told myself.

Notes

heyy, it's my turn to say - im alive and let's just hope this doesn't happen again