Jack

The black abyss in front of me was pulling me in and I willingly stepped forward, reaching my hand out. The abyss was in the vague form of a human being and while I was overcome by the strangest sensation of familiarity I didn’t know who the figure belonged to. Despite being terrified of it, I let it grab me as I stumbled over my feet and crushed right into it, right through it, and then I was falling, my limbs everywhere, fingertips attempting to touch something that I could cling to.

‘Jack? Jack!?’ my eyes flew open.

I was on the ground, my hands somewhat wet and my shirt sticking to me. William was crouching next to me, his eyes wide and concerned and his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. I opened my mouth to speak, only to find that my mouth felt like I had been eating only rice cakes for weeks. I bit the tip of my tongue and then swallowed the small amount of spit that had gathered in my mouth, thankful for the tasteless wetness as long as I could speak. ‘Alex?’ I cracked, and the man’s brows furrowed before I mimicked his expression. The voice that had left my lips wasn’t mine – it was one that belonged to Z. Alex.

Alex tilted his head, a dark glow in his eyes, like he could see what I was thinking. His strangely shaped skull tattoo came into the view, and I choked on the blood that was suddenly filling up my mouth. ‘Alex!’ He didn’t give me time to spit it out before he was pinning my wrists to the ground as I coughed on the blood that was coming up from within me.Coffee shop. Tattoo. Alex. Alex. The man growled and his hands wrapped around my neck. I stared at him in panic, tears running down the side of my face and blood dripping from my mouth as his veins turned black and his fingers crushed my throat. The jet-black colour spread from his veins and over his skin. I closed my eyes, not wanting to witness his iris turning black.

Suddenly air rushed into my lungs and my mouth tasted like mint, no trace of blood on my tongue. I opened my eyes to find myself on the living room sofa, Rian sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of me, my guitar in his hands as he attempted to tune it. I furrowed my brows and sat up, only to regret the decision when pain shot through my head. I let out a whimper and Rian looked up, letting out a laugh. I took the palm of my hand away from my eyes to look at my best friend, confused as to what was happening. Hadn’t I just been comforting William? How was I home? Why was Rian laughing? ‘There’s aspirin on the table, dude. Based on how drunk you were I wouldn’t be surprised if that doesn’t help you with the hangover.’

I must’ve visibly paled because suddenly Rian’s eyes widened and he was by my side, a paper bag in his hands. ‘Don’t you dare puke on the floor again, I already had to clean up once.’

‘I’m not going to throw up, Ri. I just… How am I here?’ I asked, rubbing my forehead.

‘Well, I can only answer half of that question. You stumbled into my room and scared Cass before puking on my floor and passing out. I took you up to your room and you were out cold, but this morning I found you on the sofa, so I was thinking you’d be the one to explain how you got here,’ Rian finished, flashing me a smile. I didn’t remember any of that.

‘Cass?’ I asked him.

‘Yeah. You know, the girl I met at the bar yesterday? She thought someone was breaking in, and, no offence, you still look just as crap as you did when that happened, so you might want to take a shower before I make you breakfast. Her first impression of you wasn’t that great,’ Ri grinned, ruffling my hair before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

I stared at the aspirin in front of me for a second before picking it up and popping it into my mouth, swallowing the pill dry. Had it all been a dream? I looked at my wrists and there was no trace of the bruises the handcuffs had left on my skin before. I got up from the sofa, feeling somewhat numb as I made my way to the bathroom. Once the clothes were off and the warm water had touched my skin, I let out a content sigh. It felt almost purifying. There was an urge in the back of my mind, nagging at my consciousness, so I grabbed the soap and started scrubbing my skin, wanting to get rid of whatever dirt was there. My stomach felt itchy so I scrubbed as much as I could, only stopping when my skin turned red. What was I doing?

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. ‘What is it, Ri?’ I shouted, squirting a dab of shampoo on my palm. 'Ri?' I asked again, popping my head around the corner of the curtain, massaging the shampoo into my scalp with one hand, only to be greeted by an empty bathroom. I was about to pull the curtain shut when I heard another knock. ‘Come in!’ I shouted at the door but the door handle didn’t move. Instead, my words were followed by another short string of knocks. I frowned, annoyed, but decided to ignore Rian. It took another eight knocks before I finally lost it, pulling the curtain open again. Rian knew how wary I was of the sound of knocking. However, this time the door was open but there wasn’t anyone there.

Another knock.

And another one.

My hands started trembling.

The knocks slowly turned into banging, angry fists colliding with a wall around me. The noises were making my heart jump and I felt ill. ‘Rian!?’ I shouted again, desperate for my friend.

The lights went out and suddenly there were more fists banging inside my head, accompanied with voices shouting at me. I took a step back and let myself slide down the wall of the shower, curling up in the corner and hiding my head between my legs. Dad’s voice. Rian’s. Josh’s. Ron’s. William’s.

William?

A pair of hands grabbed my waist and pulled me backwards.

With a scream I jumped up, my whole body trembling, before I fell back onto the bed. My legs were tangled in the sheets and I couldn’t get out, no matter how hard I tried to kick the blanket away from me. When I finally managed to free myself from the white bedsheet, I wasted no time getting out of the bed, afraid of something grabbing me and pulling me inside the mattress. My legs couldn’t hold me up so I fell onto the ground, my knee hitting the floor painfully but I didn’t feel it because of the adrenaline in my system. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it could jump out through my throat.

That’s when I slowly became aware of the pain again. My mouth was dry and tasted of iron. My head was pulsing, seemingly following my heartbeat, but each beat sent a shooting pain down my scalp and temples. The horrid pain made me reach out with my fingers, only to find a bandage around my head. The light touch made me wince and I tried to pull the bandage off, my fingers betraying me. I couldn’t control my hands and the grip wasn’t strong enough for me to pull the bandage off.

My knee started aching and I realized I was sitting in a somewhat awkward position, my ankle almost twisted beneath me. I pulled my legs out and in front of me before crawling backwards, away from the bed until I could feel a wall behind me. The realization that something could reach out and grab me again made me sick but I couldn’t stand up and I needed to calm down somehow.

The pain wasn’t constant but every pulse was so sharp it made my skin hurt, like a knife was cutting me up everywhere at once. I reached for the bandage again, this time managing to peel it off. Pulling it off hurt, and my eyes filled with bitter tears as I stared down at the bloody gauze in my hands. Peeling off the bandage had also opened up the side of whatever bruise I had on my head so I could feel fresh blood slowly trickling down the side of my face.

The burn of the cold hands in my dream were still on my waist, and with that memory everything stopped. I dropped the bandage and pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around my legs.

‘Jack!’ Z’s voice made me look up. His scarf was tightly around his mouth, hiding from me what I had already seen anyway. How foolish could they be to think I hadn’t seen him run in? Did William think I hadn’t seen him, too? Then again, that was all I was to them, wasn’t I? A way out, an object. They thought that just because I was in their house, under their surveillance, I couldn’t fight back. I could, alright.

Wait. Why did I have to fight them?

I stared at Z blankly as he crouched down in front of me, his fingers softly turning my face so he could look at whatever injury was on my head in concern. I let him, dropping my hands by my sides and staring at the clock above the door instead, watching the time tick. ‘Why did you pull the bandage off?...Jack?’ Z pulled back when I didn’t reply and out of the corner of my eye I could see him frowning at me.

There was a figure in the doorway, messy hair and curious eyes. It was obvious he had been lurking in the corner for quite some time before making an appearance, curiosity getting the best of him. I looked down from the clock and there he was, the cause of my problems, looking at me as if I was there for his entertainment, despite his somewhat falsely sympathetic eyes. That was all for a show, I knew better than to trust his pretence worry.

Why was Ronnie here?

‘Jack?’ Z repeated and I glanced at him blankly before looking back up at the clock. The pain in my head was still pulsating and I knew the best thing I could do was switch myself off from the world until I was numb, so I did just that. William…Alex disappeared from the doorway after Z muttered something and then his fingers were back, combing my hair away from my temple. Alex returned, handing Z a clean bandage. He stood above me, blocking my view of the clock, as if to see what I would do, so to spite him I let my eyes bore into his without blinking. Once he tilted his head, I dropped my gaze to stare at the space in front of me instead while Z wrapped the bandage around my head. When he secured the ends of the gauze, he offered me a pill but since I wasn’t moving he frowned up at Alex. The other man kneeled in front of me and took the pill from Z before pushing it between my lips. I opened my mouth a little, letting the pill slip in. Alex’s hand returned a moment later, pressing a bottle of water against my lips. I didn’t take it in my hands, instead tilting my head back a little to swallow a gulp. He looked intrigued and despite the foolishness of those thoughts, it made me feel accomplished, like I had subconsciously gone pliant to gain praise from him.

No.

I wrapped my arms around my knees again, dropping my gaze to the floor, allowing everything else around me to become blurry. I heard the buzz of Z’s voice but my focus was gone. His hand rested on my shoulder and I wanted nothing less than to shrug it off but I sat frozen, counting the darker spots on the linoleum in front of me instead.

That’s what it turned into then. A blur. My body was frozen. I was mildly aware of the fact the light in the room was changing from sunlight white to dim yellow, I was aware of raised voices from outside the room and the empty space around me, I was aware of a pair of hands trying to pick me up but my limbs wouldn’t move. I glanced up then, seeing James’ face in front of mine before my eyes trailed to see Alex on his bed, the same curious expression on his face as he stared at me, although this time there was a trace of amusement on his features. Keeping the eye contact, I used whatever I had left of my strength to push myself away from the wall by the bed and into what had become my corner, right by the heater. Alex raised his eyebrow at me but I dropped my gaze again, hoping they were going to leave me alone. There was yet another exchange of words before a pair of hands cuffed my wrists behind me hesitantly.

And once again time became a non-existent concept. I stared at the floor until my eyes started closing on their own accord. I wasn’t tired.

Hadn’t I just been at Rian’s? Why was my head so fuzzy? I wanted Alex to help me. Who was Alex? Why was I feeling so ill?

I gagged.

Oh, no.

Was blood coming up again? Was I about to die? I whimpered, trying to keep the liquid down. Was I bleeding inside? My heartbeat sped up, accompanied with panic as I tried to gasp for air without letting the blood run in my mouth.

And then there were the same cold hands forcing my legs down from in front of me, like they were about to drag me away. So I tried to fight by struggling out of the grip, hoping to land a kick, but a black bucket was pushed into my lap and before I could shake it off I was gagging again and the burn in my throat forced tears out from my eyes as I threw up, sweat trickling from my forehead. My body kept jerking as I puked inside the bucket and the headache in my head became obvious again, my head feeling like it was about to be split open. I clutched to the side of the heater behind me to keep myself from falling forward, the cuffs cutting into my skin much like they had before.

Oh.

Panic attack. He pushed me.

My head was bleeding. How long was I out for? Fuck.

They were the guys from the coffee shop.

Notes

oh hey
i'm alive
jack's alive
i'm still in love with kennedy
what else is new?

-guilty x