Teenage Dirtbag

Haley’s POV
The guys were having band practice at Rian’s and I was sitting on the couch in the basement with Cassadee and Aimee, unfortunately. Apparently she wasn’t too ashamed of Jack to come to their practice. I still couldn’t understand what Jack saw in her, but well, I probably never would. Jack and I still hadn’t been talking but I wasn’t too worried about it; Jack and I could never fight for too long. We would work it out eventually and until then I’ll just hang with Alex.

The band was playing some songs while Cassadee and I were catching up, mostly about me and Alex and Jack. Aimee was just sitting there watching them play, though she seemed rather uncomfortable around all of these people she didn’t know nor like without any of her minions.

“So when are you finally gonna give in to Alex?” Cassadee asked.
The music was too loud for the guys to hear us, which was the perfect moment to discuss stuff like this, as we didn’t hang out just the two of us very often.
“Who says I’m gonna give in at all?” I asked laughing.
“Oh come on, I can tell you want to” Cassadee replied. “Are you scared?”
I stopped laughing. “Maybe…” I said doubtfully.

“What are you so scared of?” Cassadee asked, interested.
“Of getting hurt, I guess” I answered, after taking a moment to think. “I’ve lost quite a lot of people I really cared about, whether it’s because of death, alcohol or because they turned out to be assholes. I don’t know, I just find it hard to let someone in because I keep telling myself they’re gonna hurt me.”
“But haven’t you already kind of let Alex in? I mean, you seem pretty close” Cassadee noticed.
“Well, in a way, yes. But there’s still this voice in my head telling me not to do this, that it won’t end well anyway. That he’ll just leave like everyone else” I stated.

Cassadee gave me a sympathetic look. “Not everyone leaves, Hales. Jack has been there through it all and so has your sister. You once let them into your heart.”
“Yeah, but that was before I was such a fuck up” I laughed scornfully.

“You’re not a fuck up.”
I turned to realize the guys had stopped playing. Though I hadn’t seen him say it, I knew it was Jack who said that. I would recognize his voice anytime, anywhere. Apparently he had decided to take this moment to end his silent treatment. I didn’t exactly know what to say to that, but I couldn’t keep quiet either. Jack had taken the first step and now it was my turn to take the next one.

“Then why do I feel like one?” I muttered.
Jack put his guitar down to walk over to us.
“Because you put way too much pressure on yourself. You want to be a good friend, you want to be a good sister, a good daughter, a good student and you’re scared to be a bad girlfriend to Alex which is why you keep blowing him off” Jack said.

Everyone was looking at Jack and me. Zack, Rian and Cassadee all had sympathetic looks on their faces, while Alex looked rather surprised and Aimee mostly bored.
“So don’t ever tell me you think you’re a fuck up. The only thing that’s fucked up is all of the shit you went through” Jack continued.
I still didn’t know what to say and was just quiet for a moment, staring at Jack. I guess he figured I was kind of at a loss of words so he changed the subject.

“Anyway, we have this song we want female vocals on and I would love for you to try” Jack said.
“I don’t know Jack…” I started. “I don’t really sing in public…”
“You do now” Jack said, pulling me onto my feet and handing me a microphone.
“Whoa, hold up, can I at least listen to this song first, or read the lyrics? What’s it about?” I asked.
“You ask too many questions, ma’am” Alex said, handing me a piece of paper. “It’s called Remembering Sunday. We’d like you to sing the bridge. I’ll just sing it first and then it’s your turn.”
I sighed. “Fine.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear” Jack said, seemingly pleased with himself.

I sat down again, next to Cassadee, while they started playing the song.
“He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes, started making his way past two in the morning, he hasn’t been sober for days” Alex started singing while I read along. The bridge was written in bold so that I knew what part to sing. I found myself trying to figure out what the song was about. I figured Alex had written it, since he wrote most of their lyrics but I couldn’t connect it to any of the stories he had told me, though the line ‘Even though she doesn’t believe in love, he’s determined to call her bluff’ did kind of remind me of myself, but I wasn’t sure it was supposed to. They then got to the bridge. It was good, but it wasn’t special. It was missing something. A bit more power perhaps.

“Okay, I’ll try it” I said hesitantly after they finished the song.
“That’s the spirit” Jack exclaimed.
I got up and stood next to Alex.
“You’re ready?” Alex asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be” I muttered.

This would be the first time I sang in front of all of them. The only people, who had ever heard me sing were Jack and my family, not even Alex and to be honest, I was afraid of his opinion. I really did care for Alex and even though I knew a lot about music, I was very self-conscious about my voice and I didn’t want Alex, or any of the people in the room for that matter, to hate it.

The guys started playing and slowly but surely they got to the bridge. I felt my hands shake from the nerves, but tried to ignore it. I focused on the lyrics on the piece of paper I was holding. When Alex nodded at me after he sang his part, I started singing.
“I’m not coming back, I’ve done something so terrible, I’m terrified to speak, but you’d expect that from me” I started.

At first I was unsure, but I got into it pretty quickly. I closed my eyes, as I usually did when I really got into music. It also helped me to not see the reactions from the people around me. Even if they thought I sounded terrible, I’d rather hear that later than now. This was my moment. For the second part of the bridge, I decided to sing it a bit more intense than Alex had done because I felt like it suited the text and the melody. When I heard Alex sing, “I guess I’ll go home now” I opened my eyes again and looked around me.

Jack shot me a big smile.
“You did great” he mouthed.
I couldn’t help but smile a little. Of course I knew Jack liked my voice, but nonetheless it was nice to hear it from him.
“That was really cool, what you did with the last part!” Alex exclaimed after they finished the song. "You're so singing on our album!"
“If we ever make one, that is” Rian said.
“That was fucking awesome!” Cassadee exclaimed and Zack nodded in agreement.
Aimee was the only one who didn’t seem too trilled, but well, why should I care.

“Sing some more!” Alex exclaimed happily.
I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.
“On my own? No way!” I exclaimed. “I can’t.”
“Oh, you do it all the time” Jack said.
“Well, in that case…” Alex chuckled.
I hesitated for a second. “Fuck it. I’ve already sang in front of you anyway now, might as well do this too.”

“You sure? I didn’t mean to push you” Alex said, suddenly hesitant.
“Yes” I replied. “In fact, I think I’m gonna sing one of my own for you.”
“Well, well, I’d love to hear that” Alex said.
“It’s not about Alex, is it?” Jack asked, wrinkling his nose.
“No, sorry Alex” I said. “Guitar please?”

Alex handed me his acoustic guitar. I tuned it the right way and sat down on the stool Alex had just been sitting on. Alex, Jack, Zack and Rian sat down with Cassadee and Aimee. Aimee immediately wrapped her arm around Jack possessively. I rolled my eyes at it and started playing. I wrote this song on piano but it worked on guitar as well.

“Sky’s are crying, I am watching, catching teardrops in my hands, only silence, as it’s ending like we never had a chance, do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me?” I started singing. “You can take everything I have, you can break everything I am, like I’m made of glass, like I’m made of paper. Go on and try to turn me down, I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper.”

After I finished the song, Alex was the first one to get up and walk up to me, pulling me in for a side hug as his guitar was still resting on my lap.
“That was beautiful” he whispered. “You okay?”
“Thanks” I said softly, leaning into his chest. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Get a room!” Jack yelled.
“Shut up” Alex replied.

Then Jack got up to hug me as well, followed by Rian, Zack and Cassadee. In that moment I didn’t feel so much like a fuck up. I had friends who loved me for who I was, I had Alex, I had Jack… What more did I need really? It was in this moment I also realized I didn’t want to move out of Baltimore after my 18th birthday. I couldn’t leave these people behind, now could I?

Notes

Couldn't keep Jack and Haley mad at each other, now could I?

Lyrics are from Remembering Sunday by All Time Low, obviously, and Skyscraper by Demi Lovato (as is the title).

Let me know what you think!