Who Said It Was Gonna Be Easy?

Alex was already awake when I woke up.

"hey so..I've been thinking about what you said about..us"

"okay.."

"Jack..you make me feel safe and I know that you'll protect me and I haven't felt that in years. I finally feel like somebody cares about me. You're a great person and you're really sweet and you're cute"

"but?" my mouth felt dry.

"But..I don't think we should date. I mean, I want to, I really do but we only just met and I don't want to ruin things by dating you straight away and I'm not sure you quite know what you're getting yourself into"

"lex..I'm sorry, I didn't think. That's fine, we can wait. I don't mind, just as long as you feel secure"

"thank you, jack" he nuzzled my neck gently and I hugged him tighter.

"and I've been thinking about you. Y'know, your self harm and bulimia and stuff. I want you to get help, ok? There's nothing wrong with going seeing a therapist"

"I'll...think about it" he muttered.

"you seem against the idea"

"Well..yeah"

"why?"

"therapists are for fucking crazy people who've lost their marbles. I'm not crazy"

"they're not. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"...no. You've been to therapy?"

"I have. When I was a teenager. One day I was in the car with my parents and my younger sister. Someone crashed into us and the car flipped a couple of times. I escaped with nothing more than a few bumps and grazes and my parents broke bones..but my little sister..she died. I was petrified of roads and cars and all sorts of transport really. I honestly never thought I'd be driving today. I could barely cross a road. I went to therapy and it helped a lot"

"I dunno..can we change the subject please?"

"wait, no, why are you really so against the idea of therapy? I can tell there's something else"

"I've got no money, ok? I have to get the bus every damn day because I can't afford to get driving lessons and buy a fucking car. I don't have enough money to pay for anything. I've been saving for 2 years and I still don't even have half the amount of money for the cheapest second hand car I can find. I barely have enough money for clothes and stuff like that. Me and my grandma, we only just scrape through. I can't afford therapy sessions, alright?"

"lex, you shouldn't have to suffer with self harm and depression and bulimia and stuff every day because you don't have money, ok? I'm glad you told me"

"why?"

"I'll pay for you, lex"

"jack..I can't make you do that"

"let me. Please. You're not making me. I want to. I want to help you"

"jack, no. It's too much"

"it's not enough. 4 times more than that still wouldn't be enough"

"jack..please..don't­ say that. Don't beg me to let you do this"

"please? It'll make me really really happy?"
"jack, stop!"

"pleasepleasepleasep­lease pleeeeease!" I begged him.

"jaaaaack" he whined.

"Alex, please. I'll let you pick which side of the bed you want if you let me pay for therapy for you"

"what?"

"you're stopping here again tonight, right? Well, I'm not going to let you sleep on the sofa again, it'll be bad for you"

"so..what, we're going to share your bed?"

"yep. If you want to, anyway"

"of course"

"please let me pay for it?"

"oh my god, jack. If I let you will you shut up about it?"

"yes!"

"then fine. Go for it"

"thanks" I grinned.

"you know, you smell really nice" Alex murmured as I took his hand in mine.

"do I?"

"mhmm"

"anyway, how are you feeling?"

"shit but not as shit"

"that's good. Youre still a bit warm but youre not as pale now..and you're still tired, huh?"

"yeah"

"well, we can just lay here and cuddle all night"

"sounds perfect"

"I can order a pizza and we can watch a movie or something"

"do you watch supernatural?"

"never heard of it"

"oh my god are you serious?"

"what is it?"

"the best tv programme ever in the entire world and just my whole life basically"

"want to watch it?"

"yes, you have to. Start from the beginning though"

"okie dokie" I grabbed the remote and turned the tv on, going to netflix and typing in supernatural. We started watching it from season 1 and a couple of episodes later, I got up from the settee.

"whaddya doin'?" Alex asked me. I walked up behind the settee and wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling his jaw.

"ordering a pizza" I told him before kissing him on the cheek and standing back up straight.

"so how come you're single anyway? I mean, you're what? 23? And you're hot and cute. Surely someone would want to date you?"

"um yeah, you" I grinned at him.

"no, seriously"

"well..I'm gay. Gay guys don't generally want a guy like me. I dunno I've just never met anybody who it's felt right with. Until now, obviously"

"so..it feels right with me?"

"very right. And effortless. I feel like we kind of just..work, y'know?"

"mhmm"

"how about you, anyway? You're hot, sexy, adorable, sweet and you're talented and deep and intelligent. How don't you have anyone other than me?"

"because at least half of what you said isn't true. Because I don't let people in. Because I don't talk to anybody. Because most people hate me. Want me to go on?"

"lex, I wasn't lying. It's all true, what I said"

"forget it, ok?" he smiled and took my hand, pulling me back down to cuddle with him again.

"hey Alex?"

"yeah?"

"I was wondering..what actually happened to your parents? Cos, you said they left but you didn't explain how or why..y'know?" alexs face grew cold, his eyes losing their twinkle. I saw his jaw set as he clenched his teeth and I felt him tense up.

"I..I don't want to talk about it..I..um..I don't feel comfortable telling you yet" he said stonily. I nodded and rubbed his arms gently.

"hey, it's ok. I was just wondering, you don't have to tell me at all if you don't want. I'm sorry for just asking like that" he nodded and I hugged him tight. I felt him let out a shaky breath and take the hem of my hoodie in his hands. He was more broken than I thought.

Notes

OK SO I UPDATED AGAIN BECAUSE I GOT BORED HAHA OOPS


You should all go check out @JalexInNeverland's fics if you haven't already because they're the cutest things ever in existence I swear



I love your comments and stuff so much omg ILY LOTS