Who Said It Was Gonna Be Easy?

I gave jacks hand one last squeeze before getting out of his car and saying goodbye to him before I practically ran away. I was ridiculously paranoid about people finding out about me and jack. Not because I thought they might beat me up for being gay but because they might give jack shit for being with me.

I went to my locker and exchanged the books from my bag to my locker, getting out the ones I needed for the rest of the day. I was lost in my thoughts, thinking about jacks face when he looked concerned about something and how much I just had the urge to pull him on top of me and kiss the fuck out of him and his adorable face.

Without warning, someone kicked me hard in the back of my leg. I dropped my bag in surprise and moved out of the way of my open locker, turning around to see who it was. I didnt get much of a look due to a fist flying into my face, making my nose crack and blood instantly pour down my face. I heard the revolting crunch as their hand made contact with my face but I didnt feel any pain; I guessed that was due to the shock, perhaps adrenaline. With a quick knee to the gut causing me to keel over in agony and another couple of hard punches to the face, I was forcefully shoved to the ground. I was kicked a few more times as I curled up in the fetal position to try and protect myself before they left me alone again.

I lay there for a moment in pain before forcing my shaking, weak body to pick itself up. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, wincing as it sent an extra shoot of pain through me, then limped to the bathroom whilst trying to regain my breath. I noticed in shame that there was a little bit of blood on the floor where I'd been lay. As I was on my way to the bathroom, I walked past a girl at her locker. She turned around and smiled when she saw me. Her name was Cassadee and she was in most of my lessons but she'd never spoken to me before.

"hey, al- oh my god, what's happened?!" her face dropped when she noticed the condition I was in.

"leave me alone" I choked out. She froze and stared at me as I walked away, carrying on past her.

When I reached the bathroom, I went in and slammed the door shut in my panic. My bag fell to the floor and I dropped down to my knees, my body lurching with sobs. I cried with pain, sadness and self hatred. If I wasn't so fat and ugly this wouldn't happen to me. It would happen to someone else. I'd be safe to live a normal life and make friends.

The pain hadn't stopped since that first kick and it seemed to radiate around my body. I somehow stood up and leaned against the sink to clean my face up a bit. My eye was already bruised and I had a fat lip. My face was a bloody mess and my nose looked odd, almost broken. I used a tissue to gently wipe away all the blood from my face. I got my phone out of my pocket and thanked my lucky stars jack hadn't taken my blade off me. I got it out of the back of my phone and pushed my sleeve up.

I pushed the sharp metal into my wrist, slicing through my skin like it was butter. Blood stained my wrist. I tried to steady my hand as I drew lines on my skin, blood dripping onto the floor as I shook and accidentally pressed down even harder than before. After clearing away the blood from my wrist, I sat back and let my self-loathing over-take me.

"fat, ugly, worthless piece of shit" the voice in my head told me. I knelt over the toilet and shoved my fingers down my throat, tears streaming down my face. I gagged and after gagging twice more, I felt the all too familiar rush of throwing up. The smell was something you didn't really get used to but the burning at the back of your throat was. I was hysterical as I flushed the toilet and moved to sit back against the wall. I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I picked up my phone, put my blade back in it then deliberated whether to call jack or not. I decided I probably should, especially when I saw he'd rang me 5 times and texted 3 times. Cassadee must have gone to him. Did she know about us?

"hello? Alex?" jack answered the phone immediately. I could hear the worry in his voice.

"y-yeah?" I managed to make a half intelligible word whilst sobbing my eyes out.

"are you okay?"

"u-um..."

"Alex? Are you there?"

"mhmm"

"lex? Seriously, talk to me. I can't hear you properly. I'm worried about you, where are you?"

"bathroom. I-I'm g-going home"

"no, don't"

"j-j-jack.."

"have you done anything stupid?" he asked. I just sobbed even harder. I knew what he was referring to and his question just reminded me of what I wanted to do most, whether I'd found someone who cared about me or not.

"oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck, Alex, where exactly are you?! I'm going to come and get you, ok?" I heard him begin to panic. My fumbling hands found the end call button. I didn't want him to see or hear me like this. I turned my phone off and put it in my bag.

I then made my way out of the school, returning to my locker on the way, leaving my bag inside it.

I didn't need my phone where I was going.

Notes

I'M SORRY, DON'T KILL ME




psst think about that very last sentence a little less literally and more metaphorically because I guarantee you'll hate me eVEN MORE