Weightless ~

Vic called me the next day and told me that he decided to go to Chicago, but that he was taking Mike. I completely understood. That was the problem with me, I understood everything. I often put other people's needs before mine. But that's just how I am, I can't help it. I cared for Vic, but I didn't wanna hold him back. If he wanted to go to that wedding, why stop him. Taking family instead of me is okay, I guess. I gave him the time he needs, but I will miss him. Since the wedding was in a week, I spent more time with him. He came over a few times and stayed the night twice, I joined them at their rehersals and we grabbed a few drinks. Mike and Vic left one day before the wedding. I escorted them to the airport and told Vic I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for him and he promised to call after the ceremony. I remember his last words being I'm sorry babe, but I must go and confront them both, this has all been too much since I got that invitation. All I could do is wait. I said goodbye and took a cab home.

It was Saturday and Rodrigo didn't need me like the last week, even though it was the weekend. But I promised I'd take care of a little something. So I was free and I did nothing. I kept laying on the bed, listening to music. I didn't even feel like playing. I didn't check my phone since yesterday and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Somehow the whole wedding thing really got to me. I felt a little guilty for not telling Vic about meeting Jack, but the timing was pretty bad and it would just make him more sad, though it's not even that big of a deal. But it was for me, I had to complicate everything.

I dozed off for an hour when my phone started ringing. Shit. I grabbed it and answered without looking at the screen.

»Yeah?« I murmured. »Hey Alex? This is Jack Barakat.« Shit shit shit! I got up in a second and pretended like I wasn't sleeping. »Yeah, hey there, whats up?« »I'm sorry, were you sleeping?« »No…Yes. I mean maybe.« I'm such a douche. »Haha, okay, sorry if I woke you up, but I was wondering if you'd like to join me and the guys for a drink at 7?« I checked the time, 5:12pm. »Yeah, sure, I'd love to. Where?« »Rodrigo told me you live near the boardwalk, so we can pick you up at your place and we can go there if that's okay.« »Sounds great, I'll see you at 7, oh and it's 33 Jackson Street, apartament 4b, just ring when you're here.« »Cool man, thanks, I'll see you. Bye« »K, bye.«

I took a long ''thinking about life'' shower. It's a miracle how I took my anxiety and panic attacks under control with the least amount of pills. It's been a few years since my complete breakdown. I felt so much stronger now, I barely thought of suicide. A few years ago it was my best friend, I couldn't stop thinking about ending my life. People didn't understand though. I had a really nice home and supportive parents that cared for me and still do, they always will. But I just wasn't accepted. People bullied me because I was different and they feared difference. They didn't believe I had a reason to kill myself and be depressed, but it was really them who were that reason in the first place. I was spinning around in circles untill I decided to tell my parents everything. They found a great doctor for me and I owe them all for helping me out.
I opened my eyes and stopped the water from running. I dried my hair and put a beanie on. For tonight I picked a black sleeveless shirt and red skinny jeans. I haven't worn them forever, plus they'd go great with my all black Vans sneaks. I was a little nervous so I opened a drawer and pulled out a pack of ciggs, I lit one and went to sit on my little balcony in the bedroom. I still had a few minutes so I just sat there, listening to Blink 182. After my third cigarette my bell rang. I put it out and closed the door. I went out.

Seeing Jack again was awesome. We went to the boardwalk and I met Zack and Rian. They were so nice, I was surprised how I've only been meeting awesome people. Good! Later on we went to their Crib in the low as they called it. It was actually a small studio with all the gear and a big red couch. I threw myself on it and Jack joined me. He had a guitar case next to it, he grabbed it and opened it. »Alex, meet my baby.« Inside was the most perfect black acoustic guitar with white strings. It was so polished I could see my reflection in it. »Oh, it's beautiful.« »Jack's baby huh, he doesn't let anyone touch that, haha.« Rian teased him while he was rolling his drumsticks. »Here.« Jack said. »Play something and sing for me.« He handed me his guitar. »But it's your baby.« I replied. »It's okay, I trust my instincts with you. Go on, sing.« My hands got all sweaty again. But he was looking at me full of expectations of hearing my voice, so I carefully took the guitar and played the song I sang to Vic when I first met him. »It's called Therapy. I wrote it a few months ago. Here goes.« I sang the first half of the song. They all stopped and starred at me. When I did the chores I was looking at Jack and smiled at him. His eyes were set on mine, he didn't stop looking untill I stopped singing. After that they were all quiet for a few seconds, but then they all gave me a big standing ovation.

I blushed. »Whooooooo! Go Alex!« Zack and Rian were both cheering. Jack took a seat back next to me. »Wow, this is amazing, your voice… it's perfect.« I couldn't even believe what I've just experienced. I handed the guitar back to Jack. »Thanks guys, means a lot.« »Jack, we totally gotta seize him before someone else finds him lol.« Said Zack. Seize. Haha, I most definitely wouldn't mind. »Oh he's already ours.« Jack grinned and they all took places. »Now, let's try together, improvise. We're gonna play your song, or at least try. You go first, take the guitar and start and we'll go along, catch up.« I slowly grabbed Jack's guitar and took the place, facing them. I sang the song again and they caught up, it was beautiful. Pure band chemistry, something I was looking for back in New York. And now I've found it. I've found them. »Alex, welcome to the band, you're officially ours now, If you'd like of course.« Jack said and winked at me when we finished playing. »Fuck yeah I'd like it… no no, I'd LOVE it.« All that was left was to find a cool name for the band. »What are we gonna call ourselves?« Asked Rian. They were all kinda clueless, thinking. »How about All Time Low?« I asked. »Well, you call this studio Crib in the low, so I don't know, you're all time awesome so …« I saw their smiley faces. »Are we feeling it? All Time Low?« Jack asked out loud. They all glanced at eachother. »Yep, I think we're feeling it.« His smile was so beautiful, I wanted to see it more often.

We kept playing for an hour or so, just catching up and trying a few things. I was complete, my soul was filled with joy. I couldn't believe it, still. We are the All Time Low.

Notes