Weightless ~

Jack left me a message asking how is everybody and to call him asap. I felt numb, just drinking my coffee and smoking a cigarette. When I remembered what Vic looked like when I first came to the hospital, it shattered my heart even more. You know how much you love and care about someone when you lose them. And I fucked up. I fucked up badly.

Vic doesn't remember us and I'm eventually gonna have to tell Jack about him. In the end I might lose them both. The thoughts in my head were killing me. So many options, so many what ifs. This happens when you listen to your heart. When Vic told me he needed a break, the whole situation just got to me. I was so afraid I'd lose him that I threw myself at Jack. But that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Jack is a person I can really trust, he trusts me and I fucked up because I didn't even mention Vic untill the accident.

How could I let myself into this? Being torn between two amazing guys that I mean the world to... I care about them and I love them. But sadly I can't have both.

I returned to Vic's hospital room to spend some time with him. I was thinking about waiting untill he gets better and return to San Diego with him and Mike. He was still sleeping so I just sat next to his bed and replied to Jack's text. I wrote that I'm okay and so is my friend. I also said that we need to talk when I return. Then I fell asleep.

»Alex, wake up.« I heard Mike saying with his hand on my shoulder. »Oh fuck did I fall asleep?« I snapped out of it and saw Vic wasn't in his bed.

»Where is he?« I asked. »He's in the bathroom. He's gonna take a little walk around the hospital. I thought you might wanted to join him.« He replied.

»Yeah, of course, I'd love to!« I missed spending alone time with Vic. We always joked about everything, watched movies together, played and he would sing to me in bed and just stroke my hair. I don't know why I didn't even try talking him out of this break thing he needed. Maybe he would stay and none of this would've happened.

»Just hold him, let him lean on you, because he still get a little dizzy here and there.« Mike was the best brother ever. He loved Vic so much, everyone could tell and he would give up his life for him. He was very caring, even though he was two years younger.

»Most definitely. Can we go outside?« I asked. »Sure, there's like this mini park in the back and the weather is great, so go ahead and have fun. I trust you with him.« He replied.

»Thank you, means a lot to me.« I was happy to take Vic out a bit.

»You know, even though he doesn't remember being with you, he's been babbling about you all morning. I didn't tell him anything about you two though. You should explain when the time is right.« Mike said, fixing his snapback.

»He's been talking about me?« I looked at him and grinned a little and he nodded.
»Thanks Mike, you're the best.«

Vic returned to the room with a nurse. I stepped up to him and reached out my hand. He leaned on me and smiled. He was better and I got a little less worried.

»Thank you for doing this Alex.« His chocolaty eyes were looking at mine and sparkling like the ocean in the sun. »No problem and anytime.« I replied. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

»I just wish I could remember those 3 months.« He looked a bit disappointed but I quickly fixed everything by pulling him closer into a hug. He put his hands around me and calmed himself a bit. Then we went out to take a little walk, sit in the sun and talk.

Vic was wearing his Superman jammies Mike brought him. They were a gift from me, no ocassion, totally random. We were walking on the boardwalk and passed a store where he saw them. He said they were cute and that he's going to buy them for himself the next time. Well I beat him and bought them first. They were waiting for him on his side of the bed at my place. I actually remember him screaming like a little girl and hugging me for 30 minutes. He was so adorable.

We sat down and enjoyed the sun. »You know,« I started. »I bought you those jammies.« He grinned. »Really? I love them, I thought they were Mike's…« I could tell he was getting better, but I could see that he was upset. I mean who wouldn't be, 3 months of your life gone, forever. Dr. Jensen said that there is a chance of him remembering everything, but it's very small.

»Yeah, I remember like it was yesterday… You screaming when you found the jammies on your side of the bed and hugging me for almost an hour.« Shouldn've said that!

»I mean on your bed.« I corrected myself. He put his hand in mine.

»I like you Alex. Very much. I wanted to tell you in the bathroom at the gig. I just wasn't sure how you would take it.« He said and looked down.

That was it, I couldn't hold it any longer. I had to let him know.

»I have to tell you something. You know when you asked me if there is anything else, important you should know?« He gazed at me and nodded. His beautiful chocolaty eyes met mine again.

»You and I… well… how do I put that.« I was a little nervous how he would take it.
»You and I were kinda official…« I bit my lower lip and made a sour face.

»We were?« He said, still holding my hand. He gently squeezed it and smiled at me. »Are we still together?« He asked.

»No, you wanted a break when you went to the wedding. You called me… we would've eventually worked things out.« Memories were running through my head. So was Jack.

»Oh…« He looked disappointed, again. »Well, what do you wanna do?« I was afraid of that question.

»Umm, I guess we should just take it easy and take care of that when we come home. You don't really know me much and you need some time for yourself…« So did I.
»Okay, that sounds reasonable. I'm really glad you're in my life Alex.« He said and leaned his head on my shoulder. I was staring into the sky without saying a word.

What am I going to do?

Notes

oh, what will Alex do? :D