Unable to shake myself from the dream, I slip on a sweatshirt and tip toe my way through the dark, still house. I stop in the kitchen and grab the pitcher of fresh lemonade from the refrigerator.

“Midnight snack?” The voice startles me. I close the fridge door to reveal Alex. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“A little.” I get a cup from the cabinet and gesture to Alex if I should get one for him too. He nods and I pour the drinks.

“Come on, the sun is about to come up,” He makes his way to the back porch and I reluctantly follow, pushing away the images of us together in my dream. We take a seat in the side by side rocking chairs. “So I guess it’s happening pretty soon, huh?”

“What?”

“Your wedding...” he looks at me skeptically.

“Oh, yeah right... I guess so. Naomi seems pretty excited about it.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Yeah... Of course.” I take a long drink.

“John’s a really good guy.”

I nod in agreement.

He turns back to the water, a contemplative look on his face, “I wish I loved someone like that. I’m not sure I ever have...maybe.”

I stop myself before responding ‘me neither’. That’s not true.

The sun was coming up now, casting a warm orange blanket across the beach.
I turn at the sound of shuffling feet in the kitchen just as John steps out onto the porch. He smiles a sleepy, boyish grin “There you are. I woke up and you were gone.”

“Sorry, couldn’t sleep.”

He ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead, “No worries, babe. What are you guys talking about?”

Alex steps in, “Love, marriage, girly stuff.”

John wrinkles his nose, “gross.” He smiles at me - seems to be in a good mood. I softened my face into a smile, happy to see that he was happy. I remembered that someone had once said ‘when someone else’s happiness is your happiness, that’s love’ and felt an immense peace take over - the sense of security that I had been in search of. No wet dream was going shake what I felt in that moment.

As I leaned in and placed a kiss on John’s cheek, I could feel Alex’s eyes boring into my back and just as quickly, that sense of security began to leave me. All I could feel was Alex’s hands all over me - tracing my collarbone, my lips, his finger tips in my mouth... No. I dismissed the notion. I pulled back and smiled at John, “Want to go for a walk?”

“Sure,” he took my hand and lead me to the beach. As we strolled along the coastline, I dipped my toes into the water, letting the soft sand rush over them.

“Why do you want to marry me?”

I turned, bewildered at his question. His expression was peaceful and complacent. No sign of hostility. “What? Why?”

“Just curious. I know why I want to marry you.” He squints into the sun but still manages to smile.

“Why’s that?”

“I asked you first.”

I chuckle, “Because you have the come backs of a 13 year old boy.”

He steps closer and takes on a serious tone, “No, come on, I really want to know.”

The smile falls from my face and I search his eyes, “Because you inspire me.”

He kisses me on my forehead and turns on his heel, “let’s head back.”

Baffled by his vague response, I am left standing on the beach - wind whipping around me as thoughts race through my mind.