You and I Were Born to Die

John, Naomi, Alex, and I shuffle our way into Naomi’s parent’s beachside home. She directs us to our rooms and we part ways. It would be light soon and I wasn’t ready to face the meaning behind my sexually charged dream about Alex. I change into my pajamas and slide into bed, conveniently closing my eyes before I feel the weight of John next to me.

***

The next morning I crawl out from under his arm and take in the stunning view from the second story window of the stately mansion. It truly was incredible. I couldn’t imagine why her parents would allow us there. I dig out my toothbrush and toothpaste from my duffle bag and find the bathroom. I creak the door open to hear some shuffling around inside, “Anyone in there?”

“No, yeah, come in.” I push the door open, revealing Alex riffling through the drawers. I give him a half hearted smile and step in, silently running my toothbrush under the faucet. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he ducks into the cabinets.

“I just... We left in such a hurry...” he mumbles. I squeeze some tooth paste onto my brush. He stands, looking defeated, “I forgot my toothpaste.”

I hold my tube up. He grimaces, “Do you mind?” I shake my head and hand it to him, proceeding to brush my teeth. Attempting to ignore him. I finish up and make my way toward the door.

“Olivia,” I turn. He smiles, “don’t forget your toothpaste.”

***

I sit down at the kitchen table as Naomi places a breakfast food smiley face in front of me, “Eat up! You’ll need your strength!” I shoot a look to John who laughs at her enthusiasm.

Seconds later, Alex plops down next to me and steals a piece of bacon off of John’s plate. They laugh, and wonder why I never knew John and Alex were such close friends. I supposed I didn’t know much about John’s personal life at all... Which left me to wonder what else I was unaware of. It’s not that John was secretive, he would tell me anything. I just never asked.

He reaches across the table and takes my hand. I smile. This is the man I’m going to spend my life with and I should smile at him. I catch Alex’s eye but he quickly looks away. Strange kid.

Naomi swoops down to the table, “So I’ve planned out our day, reception venue, flowers... oh I thought you could just get married right out here... You’re okay with a beach wedding right? Obviously the dress...”

I take a long swig of my orange juice, “have anything stronger than this?”

“Come on Olivia!” I force a toothy smile for her.

***

I stare into the dressing room mirror for so long that I become a foreign being in a white dress that I could never afford. The dress lays perfectly against the curves of my porcelain skin. “Olivia?... Are you okay?”, Naomi calls from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, yeah, come in.”

She gasps, “Oh Liv, it’s beautiful. Please let me get it for you.”

“Absolutely not. This is way to expensive. Here... Unzip it.”

“No, no, this dress was made for you!”

“Naomi...”

She smiles, “It’s done... You’re exquisite.”

“Thank you, Naomi, this really is too much.”

“John is the luckiest guy on Earth.”

Hoping he feels the same way, I suddenly realized I was wondering if I felt lucky to have him in return. John was flawless, etherial - my muse. I was no doubt drawn to him, but was it love or lust?

I stare at my reflection, the blushing bride in the immaculate, far to pricey, dress and felt dirty - disguised that I could even begin to question my life with John. John was my other half, we understood each other and wanted the same things out of life. John was good for me. I smiled.

***

I walk out of the bathroom to see Alex waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the wall.

“Why do you want to marry him?”

“Are we really doing this right now?”

“Yes.”

“Go to bed Alex.”

He doesn’t move.

“He’s kind and he’s generous. He supports my dreams and I support his,” I answer.

“Fiscally generous?”

“Fuck you,” I take a step past him, but he stops me with his arm.

“Is the sex good?”

“I’m not answering that.” He holds me in place.

“So it’s not?”

“It’s the best sex of my life.”

“How?”

“Because he fucks me, he doesn’t make love.”

Alex pushes me up against the wall.

“He takes me without permission.”

His fingers trace up the backside of my thigh.

“He holds me down and doesn’t let me breathe.”

His fingers enter me. I gasp. He covers my mouth with his hand, and then with his mouth....

...I wake up, covered in sweat.