I wake up to a sharp pain on my thigh; it was now 08:56 remembering last night. Hating myself more and more with every shot of pain.

---

I look over to the clock the big red letters told me it was 02:03; I sat up so wanting them to go away why they had to wake me up. The voices were back I never got them often but I stop self-harming they hate it; this is what they do best. I try to ignore them, telling me to cut. Telling me that there is nothing else. I’m worthless. I try and get rid of them I roll over and tightly shut my eyes they just become louder this time telling if I cut they will go away. I know that it’s true but I don’t want to, half an hour later they were still there, I couldn’t do it anymore I had to do it. I run towards my bathroom light footed, making sure not to wake anyone. I take the new sliver blade and trace my skin with it. Thinking that this is my life now, this is something I will never get over. As I make the first cut. The voices get quieter. 2nd one. They are just a whisper. I kept doing it until they became nothing. 6, deep cuts after. I don’t dare look down at the mess I just made. Instead I find my wipes and clean up my thigh. I flush the wipe away and bandage my leg up. I crawl back into bed; one tear escaping my eyes. I roll over and try to sleep again

---

I get up from my bed and notice blood on the sheets, looking down to my leg seeing that the bandage had come loose. Shit. Shit. Shit I pull the sheet off the bed and carry it downstairs, and put it straight in the washing machine. Making sure my auntie wasn’t looking at me. I go back up the stairs and put a new sheet on the bed, I reach over and grab my phone and notice I had 2 text messages and 1 missed call, the messages were from Dylan but the phone calls from Alex. I open up the messages first.
You free tomorrow because I agree we should hang out again…Ring me in the morning xx
He sent the message just after I had fallen asleep last night
I know its 6am but I have no one else to talk to, I still want to see you today. Stuff has happened with mom and I’m sort of in the hospital. Just ring me when you get this and I’ll explain.
Oh shit. I hope he’s okay; I dial his number straight away hoping he can talk now.
After 4 rings he answers
“Hey ivy.” his voice sounds like he’s been crying, I hope it’s not serious.
“Hey Dylan, are you okay to talk now?”
“Yeah, it’s fine”
“What happened?” I regret this as soon as I said it, he might not want to talk about it
“Well I got home and mom was fine, she seemed sober and I was tired so I went straight to bed and about 5am I heard a loud crash, it had to be loud to wake me up, so I ran to bathroom where the noise had come from and there on the side was a bottle of vodka and some pills it was clear that she had taken some. Oh god ivy I didn’t know what to do, I was so scared. She was unconscious but he pulse was still there and I ran back to room and called for an ambulance, she’s asleep now. When we got here they said it would be lucky if they can get the pills out quick enough but luckily she didn’t take enough to kill her, they told me she could have some internal damage.
That’s when he broke down
Ivy what am I could to do; my mum hates her life so much she actually tried to end it all. I can’t be without her.”
“Dylan calm down it’s going to be okay” I know how patronizing that was but I don’t know what to say
“The hospital keeps telling me to go home and they will ring me when she’s awake but I can’t be on my own at that house. I know I only met you a couple of days ago, but you are the only friend I have right now I just need to talk to someone that wasn’t family. I’m sorry.”
“First you have nothing to be sorry for, it’s fine I don’t mind you talking to me about this. If you need somewhere to be just come here” Shit what did I just do!
“Thanks Ivy, are you sure you want me there, I’m a bit of a state right now”
“If I didn’t want you over do you think I would have said it?”
“No give me 20 minutes I’ll be there”
“Okay”
We said our good byes and hung up, I ran downstairs to tell Aunt Carol what was happening, she said it was fine for him to be here but to stay quiet because my uncle was still sleeping. It felt strange when she said it, it reminded me of mom, she would always said it, if Zack and they guys came over early. I switch that thought of remembering that I have to get changed out of my PJ’s. Maybe being there for someone else could take my pain away. Selfish I know.
Within 10 minutes I was ready, I was in my ribcage top and jumper and my jeans I have 10 more minutes to do my makeup, My hair was up I couldn’t be dealing with it today so that’s how it’s staying.

---

Dylan came round at 9:30 he was a little later than he said but it’s fine I got to eat my breakfast. We were currently sat in my room; Dylan was a wreck he hadn’t stop crying since he got here. He barely said a word all I could do was hug him and try my best to comfort him. I saw him look up at me so shot him a sad smile.
"Ivy” he said curiously
“Yup” I said popping the ‘p’
“How did I help you get out of your house?”
“Why are you asking that?”
“I don’t know it’s been playing on my mind since you told me”

“Well if you never came and spoke to me that day I would have shut myself away again but because you had the guts to come say hello it made me realize that I can’t just hang round with my brother and his friends for the rest of my life. It’s hard to understand why it took you to help me but all I know it that it worked.”
“Okay"
He then went back to thinking. I wish I could help him more but I can’t I’m not even sure how to.
That’s when the ringing of my phone took me from my thoughts Dylan pushed himself off my lap and handed me my phone; I mouth a thank you and walk out of the room. Answering my phone I noticed it was Jack on the other end.
“Heyyylooo Ivy boo”
“Um hey Jacky why are you even awake”
“Because I haven’t spelt silly”
“And why is that?”

---

DYLAN

I heard ivy on the phone I tried not to listen in, but I was growing more curious about the boyfriend situation. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this. My mom is in hospital, it strange though Ivy seems to take my problems away even after a couple of days it’s just when I talk to her everything feels a lot better. I start to listen to the conversation again.
Ivy: “And why’s that”
It’s annoying because I can’t hear the other person, it was the same person as last time ‘The sexiest person I know’
All I know it Ivy replies
“Maybe you shouldn’t get as wasted then Jacky baby”
She called him baby, so she does have a boyfriend. That’s the first thing I’m going to ask her when she comes back in. Until I hear my phone buzz, the happiness inside me disappears, I answer it quickly, the person on the other end just says
“She’s awake”
Just like that I hang up and run out of ivy’s house and go straight to my car and drive to the hospital without even saying goodbye I’ll have to question Ivy later.

---

Ivy

“Jack I got to go, Dylan just ran out of the house, get some water and go to sleep okay?”
“Yes, sir”
“Bye”
With that I hung up, and text Dylan straight away
Is everything okay? Xx
I walk downstairs with my aunt giving me a questioning look I just shrug, “I have no idea at all, his mom might have woken up?”

Notes

-Kay
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