He's Adorable as Hell
My Racing Thoughts
Chapter 7
Jack’s POV
Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK! Alex stared at me, a tiny smile playing at his lips. I expected him to freak out and run, never want to talk to me again, change classes.
Instead, he pushed me back against the wall and kissed me. I knew it was real this time, not fooling around. He was serious and I loved it. I was surprised, definitely, but I kissed back, my eyes closing as I relaxed to his touch of his hands on the back of my neck.
This was really risky, I know. Especially since it was passing period and my kids could come in any minute. But I didn’t give a shit anymore. His fingers ran through my hair and then he broke apart and rested our forehead together, breathing heavily. “I am so glad you said that.” He breathed, giving me a quick kiss.
“W-What?”
“I like you too.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“Did you NOT see the wink earlier?” He laughed.
“No, I saw it, and I wondered if you were trying to tell me something. So I had a clue, I just figured you winked because we’re friends.”
“Well I wouldn’t consider us just friends now.”
“So what are we?”
“Either in a relationship or friends with benefits.”
“What type of benefits?” I asked smugly.
He smirked. “We’ll see how far this gets.”
I grinned and attached our lips one more time before the tardy bell rang. Oh yeah, it’s my prep period. Fantastic! He pulled away. “Fuck, I’m late!”
“I’ll write you a pass.” I said, scribbling a lie on the yellow pass paper and kissing him once more before he ran away grinning.
~~~
Alex’s POV
Jack likes me.
Jack likes me.
Jack likes me, Jack likes me, JACK LIKES ME. Holy fuck. What we just did was really risky, in the middle of passing period with kids bound to come in the room at any moment. But whatever, it was amazing and perfect.
But what where we? Friends with benefits or in a relationship? Oh well, I’d ask him after school.
My day went by so slowly after I kissed Jack. I was craving more, more, more of him. I wanted everything about him. He was amazing, my new addiction. It’s better than cutting. Something about him drew me in, whether it be his looks or his personality, but I couldn’t get enough. I wanted him, NEEDED him.
The final bell eventually came and I sprinted to Jack’s room. I waited for all his students and the teacher he was talking with to leave before running in and pressing my lips to his.
“Hey sexy.” He laughed, kissing me back.
“Hello gorgeous.” I grinned and sat in my spinny chair. “What exactly are we?”
“I was going to ask the same thing.”
“Well, friends with benefits or relationship?”
“Either.”
A student walked in to ask Jack a question about the homework. Jack decided to bring it up with her. “Molly, I have a really weird question for you. Say you liked someone for a while and you are finally together, but you don’t know whether to be friends with benefits or in a real relationship. Which would you prefer?”
“How long have you known the person?”
“You were friends first, but very very close best friends. Like friends with benefits only without all the benefits or the label. Spontaneous kisses, occasional cuddling, sweet words. You accidentally tell them you like them and they happen to like you back. Which one?”
“Are you worried if you would end up breaking up it would ruin the friendship?”
“Potentially, it could. If we let it happen.” Jack shrugged.
“I’d say for now, friends with benefits. Then later, it’ll grow into a relationship.” She smiled. “I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jack looked at me after she left. “Friends with benefits?”
“I can’t believe you just asked her that, but yeah sure.”
“DAMN IT! Matt won!”
“Won what?”
“He said he swore you liked me and I said I swore you didn’t and we bet $20 on it!”
“Sorry, can’t control it.”
He kissed me. “I’m glad.” He whispered, grinning, against my lips. I smiled and kissed him again when the door opened and there was a gasp. We broke apart like we had been struck by lightening. I pushed my chair away from Jack’s to look at the teacher standing there.
“Fuck.” Jack whispered again.
“Um... Mr. Barakat, Mr. Gaskarth, what is going on here?” The woman asked.
My eyes were wide, I knew it. “I-Um...”
“We sort of like each other.” Jack said sheepishly.
“This is extremely inappropriate, Barakat.”
“I know. But it’s legal. He’s nineteen.”
“I don’t approve. I could report this to the principle.”
“No!” Jack yelled. “Please don’t! We just got together! Please please don’t!” He begged.
The teacher raised an eyebrow. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Haven’t you ever been crazy for someone? Done anything for them? Never wanted to be away from them for more than a minute?”
She nodded slowly. “Then you should know exactly how I feel about Alex.” Jack said, looking at me and smiling. I smiled back nervously and turned back to the teacher.
“Please don’t tell.” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I thought I didn’t believe in love and I think I might be falling in it. I’m begging you, please don’t tell.”
She sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you get caught.” She said before leaving.
Jack looked at me. “You’re falling in love with me?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never felt pure love for someone.”
“You’ll know.” Jack smiled.
I smiled back and gently slotted our lips together. His hand went to the back of my neck while his other rested on my thigh, his thumb rubbing a line in it. It wasn’t a long kiss, but still amazing.
I grinned and got my guitar out. “What should I sing?”
“The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver.” He smiled. I laughed and began to sing.
A few kids came in while I was singing and waited for me to finished. “That was really good, Alex.” One said.
“Thanks. Sorry, I don’t remember your name, what is it again?”
“I’m Jaycee.” She smiled.
“Oh yeah, I remember now. History together, right?”
She nodded. “Mr. Barakat, I need to homework, I wasn’t here this morning.”
“Okay.” Jack said, handing her the worksheet. I loved when he was all teacherly and in control of things. It was sexy.
“Bye Alex.” She smiled on her way out with her friends.
“Bye Jaycee, see you tomorrow.” I smiled back and turned back to Jack. “Your hair looks a little screwed up.” I laughed.
“Fix it then!” He complained.
I chuckled and kissed him, my fingers running through his soft almost black hair, probably messing it up more. I pulled back. “I made it worse.”
“Whatever, just kiss me again.”
“Later. Let’s talk.”
“About what?”
“Life, exes, family, I don’t care.”
“Alright, exes. Who was your first girlfriend?”
I thought about it. “Uh... I think her name was Morgan. I was in seventh grade? What about you?”
“Let’s see... Girl named Joy in eighth grade.”
“Worst break up.”
He just looked at me. “Stupid question. Best break up.” I changed the question.
“Girl named Harmony in my sophomore year of high school. She was the worst girlfriend ever. I’m so fucking glad we broke up. First girl you have sex with.”
“I think it was someone named Lauren when I was really fucking drunk in my sophomore year.”
“That early? Slut. Just kidding.” He grinned and kissed me.
“Fuck you, I was drunk! Description of your best girlfriend.” I laughed when he broke apart.
“Blonde, big boobs, slut, hate her guts, Holly.”
“She was your best?”
“At first.”
“Hm.”
“Family time. How long has it been since you’ve spoken to your family?”
I sighed. “Months. Three or four, I think.”
“You’ve been living in your car for that long?”
“Or at Cass’s house.”
“Geez kid, get a job so you have some money!”
“I don’t want one!”
He raised an eyebrow. “So you’re going to do what for money?”
I sighed again. “I’ll get a job.” I muttered unhappily. Jack grinned.
“That’s what I thought. But I do think that now that you’re stable without cutting, you should go back home.”
“No.” Was my immediate answer.
“Alex. They’re your family. You’re better. They can’t send you to rehab.”
I groaned. “Fine. Let’s go now and get it over with.” I stood up and took his hand, pulling him to my car and driving back to my house in silence.
I sighed and walked to the front door, knocking on the door with Jack on my side. It opened and there stood Tom.
“Alex?”
“Hi.” I said.
“Why are you here?”
I looked at Jack. “Why AM I here?”
“To make up?”
I raised an eyebrow at Tom. “To make up, apparently.”
“That’s his reason. What’s yours.”
“I don’t really have one. I’ve been living in my car for the last four months, so I guess I need a place to live so I can get a job?”
He sighed. “Come on in.” He opened the door and we walked inside, following Tom up to his room. We all sat on the floor in a circle. “So why’s he here?” Tom asked, pointing at Jack.
“He’s my friend with benefits.” I said.
“Your English teacher?”
“And best friend.”
“Awkward, in my opinion. So why do you need a job?”
“So I don’t run out of money and have none for gas or food or laundry.”
“Okay... And why is there pink in your hair?”
“I dyed it.”
“Gay.”
“I get enough of that at school, fuck off.” I said, glaring.
“You get teased at school?”
“Ever since I started being myself, yeah.”
“Give me your arm.” Tom demanded. I held it out and he rolled up the sleeve, seeing the scars. “Hip.”
I lifted my shirt.
“Other arm.” I showed him that too. “Damn kid, how are you alive?”
I looked at Jack. “He’s how.”
“Okay... I don’t see any new ones.”
“Because I stopped a few months ago.”
“Why?”
“Because of him.” I poked Jack in the side, making him yelp.
“Dude! Not cool!” Jack whined.
“Sorry babe.” I cooed, kissing him on the cheek, forgetting about Tom for the moment.
“PDA is a no no in my room, guys.” He said.
“Screw you. I can only imagine how many girls you’ve had in here.” I said.
“Whatever. Anyway, the house is all mine for a couple months. Mom’s on her hella long honeymoon and Dad moved out.”
“Really? She already married again?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You can live here again if you want to as long as you don’t try to kill yourself. Otherwise it’s rehab for sure.”
“Don’t even go there. I’m over it. Jack’s my remedy now.”
“Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew!” Tom exclaimed, squeezing his eyes shut. I laughed.
“We’ve only kissed, it’s no big deal.”
“Ew. The kissing is fine, it’s the sex I’m thinking about!”
“That hasn’t happened!”
“Anyyyywaaay.... If you’re going to live here can have sex with him as long as I’m gone and you clean up.”
“Okay, ew, and fine.” I agreed. Jack nodded.
“Well, I’m leaving right now, so have fun fucking. Later.” He stood up and left the room. “NOT IN MY ROOM!” He shouted up the stairs.
I laughed and led Jack into my room.
“No.” I whispered at the sight of it. Everything I hadn’t taken with me-Gone. Except my bed. “No, no, no, no! No how could they do this?” I yelled. “How the fuck could they do this?!”
“What? What did they do?” Jack asked worriedly.
“They took everything I didn’t! My poster, my electric guitar, my CDs, they knew how much those meant to me!”
“Oh fuck, your electric?”
“I fucking HATE my parents!” I screamed, tears welling in my eyes. “How could they do this?” Tears began to streaming down my face as I fell face first on my bed, my body shaking with sobs.
Jack sat next to me and rubbed my back underneath my shirt. The skin against skin felt good. I just cried and cried. “Shhhh, it’s okay baby, calm down...” Jack soothed.
“It’s not fucking okay, Jack! That guitar cost over a thousand dollars! I paid for it with my own money that I have saved since I was eight! I can replace the other things, but I have no money for another guitar!”
He didn’t reply. He just lay there and tried to calm me down. Tom came home after a while to see me sobbing on my bed.
“DID YOU HURT HIM DURING SEX?” He yelled to Jack. “YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!”
“We didn’t have sex!” I yelled back.
“So then why are you crying?”
“Everything is fucking GONE! You fucking took my music, my posters, even my electric guitar!”
“Alex, we thought you weren’t coming back! I tried to stop them, but they did it while I was at school!”
“That’s not going to bring it back!”
He didn’t say anything. “Alex, I’m sorry. But I didn’t have anything to do with this. I didn’t want to get rid of it in case you came back. Mom and Dad did it. I couldn’t help it.”
My tears had slowed. Jack still rubbed my back though. “Do you want to sleep at my place tonight?” Jack asked softly. I nodded, my face still in the pillow. I guess he looked at Tom. “Is that okay with you?”
“I guess so. Won’t be any different than the last few months if he’s not here.” Tom said before leaving.
I turned my head to the side, my eyes closed. I felt Jack hand wiping away the tears. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. “You’re so nice.”
“Eh. Sometimes.”
I leant in and kissed him. “All the time.” I whispered against his mouth, then pulled back and stood up. “Can we just go?”
He nodded and got up with me and we took our cars back to his apartment. Jack walked in and saw Matt. “Hey Matt, Alex is here again, we’re friends with benefits now.” He said on his way to pulling me to his room.
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Matt yelled. I laughed.
Jack and I went into his room and he shut the door. I lay on his bed, feeling tired out. Jack lay next to me. “You alright?” He asked.
I nodded. “Just tired. Lot of things on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“Tom. Music. Love. Lust. School, careers, life, happiness...”
“Why love and lust?”
“I’m wondering if you have to be in love to lust over someone. Or you have to lust to fall in love. It’s just confusing. I have no clue if I’m in love, I know I like you a lot though. More than anyone else.”
“Alex, you’ll know when you’re in love. Trust me. And if you don’t know right now, you aren’t in love.”
I sighed. “I guess so.”
“Why happiness?”
“I don’t know. I know I’m happy enough right now, in this point of my life, but I wonder where I’ll be in the next few years. Who knows, I might be cutting again. You and I might have gotten together and then had the worst breakup of the century. I might be doing drugs and drinking every night. Destroying myself. I just don’t know, and it worries me.”
Jack took my hand in his, linking our fingers. “Lexi, you’re going to be fine. I promise you. If we do get together and break up, then I don’t want it to be bad. I understand why your brother is on your mind, but why music and careers?”
“I want to have a career with music. I’m not going to college, I know that. I don’t want to go on some singing TV show and make a fool out of myself in front of everyone watching and I wouldn’t be good enough compared to the other people. Music had always been serious for me. I’ve always wanted to do something with it, I just don’t know where to start. Everyone else has everything planned out. College, career choice, maybe even who they want to marry. I’m going nowhere.”
“Lex, you are going somewhere. You’re going to find a job you love. Things will be fine in the end, I promise you. You might not believe in love yet, but you will soon, I hope. It doesn’t matter who, whether it be me or that girl Morgan you went out with. You’ll be okay.” He smiled at me.
I smiled back sadly and leaned in to kiss him. His soft lips connected with mine, moving against each other gently. We didn’t take it any further. I didn’t want to. It didn’t last long, but it was long enough.
Matt came in, opening the door slowly, then faster. “Good, you aren’t fucking. Alright, Alex, are you spending the night?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay, what do you want for dinner?”
I shrugged. “Whatever. I’m not picky.”
“Jack?” Matt asked him.
“Um... I don’t care. Order whatever.”
“M’k, I’m getting pizza.” He grinned and left the room.
I laughed lightly and rested my head on Jack’s shoulder, my eyes closing. I felt his hand rest on my hip, gently rubbing the skin where my shirt had ridden up. I sighed.
“Alex, what’s the matter?” Jack wondered.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Come on babe, tell me.”
“It just feels like I’m losing all my friends to the one thing I can’t live without.”
“What can’t you live without?”
“Music.”
“Why are you losing everyone?”
“I don’t know. I’ve even lost Cassadee. I’ve only not lost you. Ever since I’ve been myself, people have just been distancing themselves from me and it’s not like I’ve made any new friends because of this damn reputation I picked up about being the asshole who puts everyone down for nothing.”
“You’ll never lose me. You need to get Cassadee back. She’s been your friend for a long time, you should be able to keep her.”
I sighed again and kissed the underside of his jaw affectionately. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For sticking with me.”
Jack’s POV
Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK! Alex stared at me, a tiny smile playing at his lips. I expected him to freak out and run, never want to talk to me again, change classes.
Instead, he pushed me back against the wall and kissed me. I knew it was real this time, not fooling around. He was serious and I loved it. I was surprised, definitely, but I kissed back, my eyes closing as I relaxed to his touch of his hands on the back of my neck.
This was really risky, I know. Especially since it was passing period and my kids could come in any minute. But I didn’t give a shit anymore. His fingers ran through my hair and then he broke apart and rested our forehead together, breathing heavily. “I am so glad you said that.” He breathed, giving me a quick kiss.
“W-What?”
“I like you too.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“Did you NOT see the wink earlier?” He laughed.
“No, I saw it, and I wondered if you were trying to tell me something. So I had a clue, I just figured you winked because we’re friends.”
“Well I wouldn’t consider us just friends now.”
“So what are we?”
“Either in a relationship or friends with benefits.”
“What type of benefits?” I asked smugly.
He smirked. “We’ll see how far this gets.”
I grinned and attached our lips one more time before the tardy bell rang. Oh yeah, it’s my prep period. Fantastic! He pulled away. “Fuck, I’m late!”
“I’ll write you a pass.” I said, scribbling a lie on the yellow pass paper and kissing him once more before he ran away grinning.
~~~
Alex’s POV
Jack likes me.
Jack likes me.
Jack likes me, Jack likes me, JACK LIKES ME. Holy fuck. What we just did was really risky, in the middle of passing period with kids bound to come in the room at any moment. But whatever, it was amazing and perfect.
But what where we? Friends with benefits or in a relationship? Oh well, I’d ask him after school.
My day went by so slowly after I kissed Jack. I was craving more, more, more of him. I wanted everything about him. He was amazing, my new addiction. It’s better than cutting. Something about him drew me in, whether it be his looks or his personality, but I couldn’t get enough. I wanted him, NEEDED him.
The final bell eventually came and I sprinted to Jack’s room. I waited for all his students and the teacher he was talking with to leave before running in and pressing my lips to his.
“Hey sexy.” He laughed, kissing me back.
“Hello gorgeous.” I grinned and sat in my spinny chair. “What exactly are we?”
“I was going to ask the same thing.”
“Well, friends with benefits or relationship?”
“Either.”
A student walked in to ask Jack a question about the homework. Jack decided to bring it up with her. “Molly, I have a really weird question for you. Say you liked someone for a while and you are finally together, but you don’t know whether to be friends with benefits or in a real relationship. Which would you prefer?”
“How long have you known the person?”
“You were friends first, but very very close best friends. Like friends with benefits only without all the benefits or the label. Spontaneous kisses, occasional cuddling, sweet words. You accidentally tell them you like them and they happen to like you back. Which one?”
“Are you worried if you would end up breaking up it would ruin the friendship?”
“Potentially, it could. If we let it happen.” Jack shrugged.
“I’d say for now, friends with benefits. Then later, it’ll grow into a relationship.” She smiled. “I’ve gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jack looked at me after she left. “Friends with benefits?”
“I can’t believe you just asked her that, but yeah sure.”
“DAMN IT! Matt won!”
“Won what?”
“He said he swore you liked me and I said I swore you didn’t and we bet $20 on it!”
“Sorry, can’t control it.”
He kissed me. “I’m glad.” He whispered, grinning, against my lips. I smiled and kissed him again when the door opened and there was a gasp. We broke apart like we had been struck by lightening. I pushed my chair away from Jack’s to look at the teacher standing there.
“Fuck.” Jack whispered again.
“Um... Mr. Barakat, Mr. Gaskarth, what is going on here?” The woman asked.
My eyes were wide, I knew it. “I-Um...”
“We sort of like each other.” Jack said sheepishly.
“This is extremely inappropriate, Barakat.”
“I know. But it’s legal. He’s nineteen.”
“I don’t approve. I could report this to the principle.”
“No!” Jack yelled. “Please don’t! We just got together! Please please don’t!” He begged.
The teacher raised an eyebrow. “Why shouldn’t I?”
“Haven’t you ever been crazy for someone? Done anything for them? Never wanted to be away from them for more than a minute?”
She nodded slowly. “Then you should know exactly how I feel about Alex.” Jack said, looking at me and smiling. I smiled back nervously and turned back to the teacher.
“Please don’t tell.” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I thought I didn’t believe in love and I think I might be falling in it. I’m begging you, please don’t tell.”
She sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you get caught.” She said before leaving.
Jack looked at me. “You’re falling in love with me?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve never felt pure love for someone.”
“You’ll know.” Jack smiled.
I smiled back and gently slotted our lips together. His hand went to the back of my neck while his other rested on my thigh, his thumb rubbing a line in it. It wasn’t a long kiss, but still amazing.
I grinned and got my guitar out. “What should I sing?”
“The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver.” He smiled. I laughed and began to sing.
A few kids came in while I was singing and waited for me to finished. “That was really good, Alex.” One said.
“Thanks. Sorry, I don’t remember your name, what is it again?”
“I’m Jaycee.” She smiled.
“Oh yeah, I remember now. History together, right?”
She nodded. “Mr. Barakat, I need to homework, I wasn’t here this morning.”
“Okay.” Jack said, handing her the worksheet. I loved when he was all teacherly and in control of things. It was sexy.
“Bye Alex.” She smiled on her way out with her friends.
“Bye Jaycee, see you tomorrow.” I smiled back and turned back to Jack. “Your hair looks a little screwed up.” I laughed.
“Fix it then!” He complained.
I chuckled and kissed him, my fingers running through his soft almost black hair, probably messing it up more. I pulled back. “I made it worse.”
“Whatever, just kiss me again.”
“Later. Let’s talk.”
“About what?”
“Life, exes, family, I don’t care.”
“Alright, exes. Who was your first girlfriend?”
I thought about it. “Uh... I think her name was Morgan. I was in seventh grade? What about you?”
“Let’s see... Girl named Joy in eighth grade.”
“Worst break up.”
He just looked at me. “Stupid question. Best break up.” I changed the question.
“Girl named Harmony in my sophomore year of high school. She was the worst girlfriend ever. I’m so fucking glad we broke up. First girl you have sex with.”
“I think it was someone named Lauren when I was really fucking drunk in my sophomore year.”
“That early? Slut. Just kidding.” He grinned and kissed me.
“Fuck you, I was drunk! Description of your best girlfriend.” I laughed when he broke apart.
“Blonde, big boobs, slut, hate her guts, Holly.”
“She was your best?”
“At first.”
“Hm.”
“Family time. How long has it been since you’ve spoken to your family?”
I sighed. “Months. Three or four, I think.”
“You’ve been living in your car for that long?”
“Or at Cass’s house.”
“Geez kid, get a job so you have some money!”
“I don’t want one!”
He raised an eyebrow. “So you’re going to do what for money?”
I sighed again. “I’ll get a job.” I muttered unhappily. Jack grinned.
“That’s what I thought. But I do think that now that you’re stable without cutting, you should go back home.”
“No.” Was my immediate answer.
“Alex. They’re your family. You’re better. They can’t send you to rehab.”
I groaned. “Fine. Let’s go now and get it over with.” I stood up and took his hand, pulling him to my car and driving back to my house in silence.
I sighed and walked to the front door, knocking on the door with Jack on my side. It opened and there stood Tom.
“Alex?”
“Hi.” I said.
“Why are you here?”
I looked at Jack. “Why AM I here?”
“To make up?”
I raised an eyebrow at Tom. “To make up, apparently.”
“That’s his reason. What’s yours.”
“I don’t really have one. I’ve been living in my car for the last four months, so I guess I need a place to live so I can get a job?”
He sighed. “Come on in.” He opened the door and we walked inside, following Tom up to his room. We all sat on the floor in a circle. “So why’s he here?” Tom asked, pointing at Jack.
“He’s my friend with benefits.” I said.
“Your English teacher?”
“And best friend.”
“Awkward, in my opinion. So why do you need a job?”
“So I don’t run out of money and have none for gas or food or laundry.”
“Okay... And why is there pink in your hair?”
“I dyed it.”
“Gay.”
“I get enough of that at school, fuck off.” I said, glaring.
“You get teased at school?”
“Ever since I started being myself, yeah.”
“Give me your arm.” Tom demanded. I held it out and he rolled up the sleeve, seeing the scars. “Hip.”
I lifted my shirt.
“Other arm.” I showed him that too. “Damn kid, how are you alive?”
I looked at Jack. “He’s how.”
“Okay... I don’t see any new ones.”
“Because I stopped a few months ago.”
“Why?”
“Because of him.” I poked Jack in the side, making him yelp.
“Dude! Not cool!” Jack whined.
“Sorry babe.” I cooed, kissing him on the cheek, forgetting about Tom for the moment.
“PDA is a no no in my room, guys.” He said.
“Screw you. I can only imagine how many girls you’ve had in here.” I said.
“Whatever. Anyway, the house is all mine for a couple months. Mom’s on her hella long honeymoon and Dad moved out.”
“Really? She already married again?”
He nodded. “Yeah. You can live here again if you want to as long as you don’t try to kill yourself. Otherwise it’s rehab for sure.”
“Don’t even go there. I’m over it. Jack’s my remedy now.”
“Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew!” Tom exclaimed, squeezing his eyes shut. I laughed.
“We’ve only kissed, it’s no big deal.”
“Ew. The kissing is fine, it’s the sex I’m thinking about!”
“That hasn’t happened!”
“Anyyyywaaay.... If you’re going to live here can have sex with him as long as I’m gone and you clean up.”
“Okay, ew, and fine.” I agreed. Jack nodded.
“Well, I’m leaving right now, so have fun fucking. Later.” He stood up and left the room. “NOT IN MY ROOM!” He shouted up the stairs.
I laughed and led Jack into my room.
“No.” I whispered at the sight of it. Everything I hadn’t taken with me-Gone. Except my bed. “No, no, no, no! No how could they do this?” I yelled. “How the fuck could they do this?!”
“What? What did they do?” Jack asked worriedly.
“They took everything I didn’t! My poster, my electric guitar, my CDs, they knew how much those meant to me!”
“Oh fuck, your electric?”
“I fucking HATE my parents!” I screamed, tears welling in my eyes. “How could they do this?” Tears began to streaming down my face as I fell face first on my bed, my body shaking with sobs.
Jack sat next to me and rubbed my back underneath my shirt. The skin against skin felt good. I just cried and cried. “Shhhh, it’s okay baby, calm down...” Jack soothed.
“It’s not fucking okay, Jack! That guitar cost over a thousand dollars! I paid for it with my own money that I have saved since I was eight! I can replace the other things, but I have no money for another guitar!”
He didn’t reply. He just lay there and tried to calm me down. Tom came home after a while to see me sobbing on my bed.
“DID YOU HURT HIM DURING SEX?” He yelled to Jack. “YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!”
“We didn’t have sex!” I yelled back.
“So then why are you crying?”
“Everything is fucking GONE! You fucking took my music, my posters, even my electric guitar!”
“Alex, we thought you weren’t coming back! I tried to stop them, but they did it while I was at school!”
“That’s not going to bring it back!”
He didn’t say anything. “Alex, I’m sorry. But I didn’t have anything to do with this. I didn’t want to get rid of it in case you came back. Mom and Dad did it. I couldn’t help it.”
My tears had slowed. Jack still rubbed my back though. “Do you want to sleep at my place tonight?” Jack asked softly. I nodded, my face still in the pillow. I guess he looked at Tom. “Is that okay with you?”
“I guess so. Won’t be any different than the last few months if he’s not here.” Tom said before leaving.
I turned my head to the side, my eyes closed. I felt Jack hand wiping away the tears. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. “You’re so nice.”
“Eh. Sometimes.”
I leant in and kissed him. “All the time.” I whispered against his mouth, then pulled back and stood up. “Can we just go?”
He nodded and got up with me and we took our cars back to his apartment. Jack walked in and saw Matt. “Hey Matt, Alex is here again, we’re friends with benefits now.” He said on his way to pulling me to his room.
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Matt yelled. I laughed.
Jack and I went into his room and he shut the door. I lay on his bed, feeling tired out. Jack lay next to me. “You alright?” He asked.
I nodded. “Just tired. Lot of things on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“Tom. Music. Love. Lust. School, careers, life, happiness...”
“Why love and lust?”
“I’m wondering if you have to be in love to lust over someone. Or you have to lust to fall in love. It’s just confusing. I have no clue if I’m in love, I know I like you a lot though. More than anyone else.”
“Alex, you’ll know when you’re in love. Trust me. And if you don’t know right now, you aren’t in love.”
I sighed. “I guess so.”
“Why happiness?”
“I don’t know. I know I’m happy enough right now, in this point of my life, but I wonder where I’ll be in the next few years. Who knows, I might be cutting again. You and I might have gotten together and then had the worst breakup of the century. I might be doing drugs and drinking every night. Destroying myself. I just don’t know, and it worries me.”
Jack took my hand in his, linking our fingers. “Lexi, you’re going to be fine. I promise you. If we do get together and break up, then I don’t want it to be bad. I understand why your brother is on your mind, but why music and careers?”
“I want to have a career with music. I’m not going to college, I know that. I don’t want to go on some singing TV show and make a fool out of myself in front of everyone watching and I wouldn’t be good enough compared to the other people. Music had always been serious for me. I’ve always wanted to do something with it, I just don’t know where to start. Everyone else has everything planned out. College, career choice, maybe even who they want to marry. I’m going nowhere.”
“Lex, you are going somewhere. You’re going to find a job you love. Things will be fine in the end, I promise you. You might not believe in love yet, but you will soon, I hope. It doesn’t matter who, whether it be me or that girl Morgan you went out with. You’ll be okay.” He smiled at me.
I smiled back sadly and leaned in to kiss him. His soft lips connected with mine, moving against each other gently. We didn’t take it any further. I didn’t want to. It didn’t last long, but it was long enough.
Matt came in, opening the door slowly, then faster. “Good, you aren’t fucking. Alright, Alex, are you spending the night?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay, what do you want for dinner?”
I shrugged. “Whatever. I’m not picky.”
“Jack?” Matt asked him.
“Um... I don’t care. Order whatever.”
“M’k, I’m getting pizza.” He grinned and left the room.
I laughed lightly and rested my head on Jack’s shoulder, my eyes closing. I felt his hand rest on my hip, gently rubbing the skin where my shirt had ridden up. I sighed.
“Alex, what’s the matter?” Jack wondered.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Come on babe, tell me.”
“It just feels like I’m losing all my friends to the one thing I can’t live without.”
“What can’t you live without?”
“Music.”
“Why are you losing everyone?”
“I don’t know. I’ve even lost Cassadee. I’ve only not lost you. Ever since I’ve been myself, people have just been distancing themselves from me and it’s not like I’ve made any new friends because of this damn reputation I picked up about being the asshole who puts everyone down for nothing.”
“You’ll never lose me. You need to get Cassadee back. She’s been your friend for a long time, you should be able to keep her.”
I sighed again and kissed the underside of his jaw affectionately. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For sticking with me.”
@TotalBandWh0re @JalexInNeverland @TheJalexWhisperer hey guys idk of you knew this, bus Melissa (the author of this story hasn't been able to access this account in a looooong time but it is finished and their are 4 more sequel's to this and neither of them die sorrynotsorry but here's the link to where its finished Hes Adorable As Hell and its totally worth reading :3
6/1/14