Chapter 5

Jack’s POV

Why shouldn’t I love Alex? He was hot, adorable, sweet, the best kisser I’ve ever had the pleasure to experience, and he was just so... Alex. There wasn’t a way to describe his personality. He was just Alex.

I hadn’t brought up the love thing in the video in a few days. He didn’t show any sign that he loved me. We didn’t cuddle, we didn’t kiss. We just talked.

I enjoyed it, really. He still seemed sad and wanting to die, but I liked his company. He wasn’t nearly as perverted as Matt, who still thought I was fucking Alex in my free time. As far as I knew, Alex wasn’t fucking anyone. He and his friends still talked about parties Alex had missed and Alex had to hide his arm, on which the number of cuts was only getting bigger.

Friday came very slow, considering we were both psyched about meeting AVP. Alex was jumping all around in my car when I was driving us there, talking about how he couldn’t wait, fuck the speed limit and just drive already, he wasactually meeting AVP, his other heroes... I never knew the kid had so many words inside of him.

We finally arrived on the other side of Baltimore and got out of the car. We had skipped school that day so we could get front row standing places. We were the third ones there and had to wait for a loooonnggg time, but once we got inside, it was so worth it.

The venue wasn’t huge, but it was still amazing, just because so many famous bands had played there. Alex took my hand and led me towards the meet and greet place. The members weren’t there yet, but would arrive in about half an hour. We were like, fortieth in line. Alex was still jumping all around and making me laugh.

“My god kid, calm down! I didn’t know you had this much energy in you!” I laughed.

“I’m nervous! I have no idea what to say!” He whined.

“My god, you can be such a child sometimes. Just say how much they’ve helped you.”

“Howww? I’m not just going to go up and say, hey, you saved my life! thanks, bye!”

“Say how you’ve been through some rough times, show them your cuts, and then say how much their music has helped.”

He sighed. “Fine.”

We eventually got up there and Alex nervously walked up to Joe. “H-Hi.” He smiled.

“Hey, nice to meet you. What’s your name?” Joe smiled back.

“Alex Gaskarth.”

“What can I do for you, Alex?”

“I just wanted to say how much your music has helped me. I’ve been through some really rough times” He rolled up his sleeve to show the cuts, “And Remember This has helped a lot. I like to sing your songs, somehow they make me feel stronger. So thank you. You guys literally saved my life.”

Joe stared in awe at all the cuts, gently reaching out and grazing one of the scarred over ones. “Wow. I feel pretty damn powerful right now. Hey Dylan, our music saved Alex’s life.” He grinned at Dylan, who grinned at me.

“Wow, I’m glad we could help.”

Jason joined in. “Hey, I saved someone’s life? Sweet! Cross that off the bucket list.”

Alex and I laughed. “Hey Jason, I’m liking the blue hair.” I commented.

“And who are you?” Joe asked nicely.

“Jack Barakat, nice to meet you.” I smiled.

“You too. Here. Special gift courtesy of us three.” Joe gave us a signed album of Remember This. Alex’s face lit up.

“Oh my god, thanks! You guys are fantastic, I hope you realize it.” He grinned once more before taking my hand and leading me away as Joe, Jason, and Dylan talked with other guests.

Alex, however, threw his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, laughing cheerfully. It was nice to see him so happy just because of a concert.

I hugged him back. “You finally got to meet your other heroes.” I said as I pulled back.

“I know! You are so amazing for getting those passes!” He exclaimed, leading me into the front of the crowd again, into the VIP zone.

His eyes were bright with excitement as AVP came on the stage. “Hello Baltimore!” Joe yelled, making us all scream in response. “I wanted to say a little something before we start this. Thanks to all you AVP fans, buying all the shit that we sell and keeping us alive as a band, we have managed to save a certain Alex Gaskarth’s life!”

Alex’s jaw dropped and he looked at me, eyes wide. “Holy shit” He mouthed.

Joe spotted him and pointed to him. “That is one sexy motherfucker right there. I have no clue what made him so upset, but fuck whatever it is because you fucking ROCK!”

Alex laughed. “THANKS!” He shouted back.

“Anytime, kid. Alright, let’s get going.” Joe grinned and started playing Wait for You.

I felt Alex’s hand brush mine so many times and every time, I felt barely any butterflies. Was I actually in love with him? Or was he just a friend?

I pushed the thought from my mind and followed Alex’s happy mood for the rest of the night.

We had a bag of merchandise as we left, getting in my car. “That was so fucking awesome! I am like, in like with Joe!”

“Why not love?”

“I don’t believe in love.”

I had to stop myself from slamming on the brakes. “What? Why?”

“It only ends in a broken heart. The other person eventually dies or leaves you and you’re left along with nothing but your mind and a razor.”

“I thought you said you were in love with me on your video.”

“I did.”

“So what happened to that?”

“Well, I do love you, I am in love with you, but in more of a friendship way.” He shrugged.

“Okay then, I guess I’m the same way.” I smiled.

He smiled back and gave me a barely there kiss on the cheek. I didn’t do anything, just kept my eyes on the road.

He didn’t love me.

What did this mean for me?

Did I love him?

I thought hard. No, I decided. Well, yes, but as a friend. I love him as a friend.

Nothing more.

We drove back to the school where Alex’s car was parked, talking and laughing about the concert and how awesome it was that Joe remember Alex and called him out. I knew for once, Alex was honestly and truly happy.

“Thanks again, Jay. That was really fun, I liked it.” Alex smiled again before getting out of my car and running to his. He hugged his jacket around his thin little body, making him look small and weak and cold. I smiled at him even though he wasn’t looking.

I made sure he was in his car before I drove away, although I had a feeling in my gut that he was going to get hurt somehow, so I drove back. He was fine at the moment. The feeling didn’t go away, so I just climbed in his car with him.

“What are you doing here, Jay?” He asked, turning down the radio.

“I had a weird feeling you were going to get hurt.”

He smiled. “I’m okay.”

“At the moment. I’d rather not come back in the morning to find you dead in your car because someone broke in and stabbed you or something.”

He laughed, his beautiful addictive laugh that I couldn’t get enough of. “For once, I don’t want that to happen either. I’m genuinely happy for the first time in a while.”

I grinned. “I’m glad.”

He reached up and pulled something from my hair. Sparkly confetti from the concert. “Nice one.” He laughed.

“Fuck off, not my fault!” I whined, laughing with him and blowing the confetti off his finger.

He sighed happily and laid the seat down. I did the same, turning my head to face him. He looked at me too.

“I’m glad you had fun tonight.” I whispered.

“I really did. I swear to god if this is a dream I’m going to wake up and start crying.”

“It wasn’t.”

“I’m going to have post concert depression tomorrow.”

“We don’t have school tomorrow.”

“Really? Fuck yeah!”

I laughed. “I’ll have it too.”

He sighed. “I wish the world wasn’t so awful sometimes.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole world. It’s just confusing. People judge you when they say to be yourself. People are cruel, evil creatures. We’ll never learn, we’ll never get it. Words fucking hurt. The jokes aren’t funny anymore. They just take lives.”

“What jokes?”

“My supposed friends. Every day, ‘Alex, you’re such a fag(laughlaughlaugh)’, ‘Alex, you can’t sing(laughlaughlaugh)’, ‘Alex, your hair is retarded(laughlaughlaugh)’. I can’t take it much longer.” He sighed again.

“So forget about it. Get new friends.”

“But I’ve got this damn rep. I’m a known asshole who only wants sex. I wouldn’t mind a real relationship now and then. It’s not easy to find people as good as you.” He turned his head to look at me again. “I think you’re my only real friend.”

I smiled. “You’re my only non perverted friend.”

He laughed. “Matt’s hilarious, why don’t you see it?”

“He’s fucking annoying!”

“Whatever. Point is, people like you are hard to find.”

“What are people like me?”

“People who are endlessly nice. I could say I fucking hate everything about you and never want to see you again, but you would still be nice.”

I smiled. “Yeah well, what’s the point of being mean when you only have so much time to live? I’d rather not have enemies.”

Alex smiled back but didn’t reply.

“You seem so happy.” I commented.

“I am, for once.”

“How come?”

“Because I just got to meet my heroes and spend the night with my only friend. What’s not to be happy about right now?”

I shrugged. “Nothing, really.”

He smiled softly and closed his eyes, sighing in bliss. I closed my eyes too, drifting off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~
(Monday Morning)

Alex came into my class happily. Different... In a good way. He seemed cheery.

“What’s with you, Alex?” I asked. No one else was there yet.

“I’m happy and I’m happy about being happy!” He exclaimed, laughing.

I laughed too. “Okay... I’m glad you’re happy. Over your post concert depression?”

He nodded, smiling. “Yeah. Still wish I was there again though. Whatever. It was fun.”

“Yeah, it was.” I grinned as other kids came in the class. Alex’s personality didn’t change today. He was laughing almost the entire period, socializing with people he’s probably never talked to before. They looked confused, but didn’t bring it up.

His other popular friends were also catching on to his happy little self. “What’s with you, Gaskarth? Are you like, high or something?” One asked.

“Nope! I’m just happy and I have no idea why. But I love being happy!”

I had to admit, it was so different he COULD have been high. But he was afraid on drugs, he had told me that once. So I figured he wasn’t.

I taught the lesson and Alex was quiet until he finished the work, then waited for his friends to finish too. He was being considerate too? He was really changed today. I liked it.

“Gayskank, I need to talk to you about your grade after class.” I called from my desk. He nodded and turned back to his friends.

The bell rang and Alex came up to my desk. “Hey Jay.”

“Why are you so happy? It’s different.”

“I don’t even know. It’s weird for me too, but everything just seems brighter. The world doesn’t seem so bad. It’s better. I’m taking your advice and being myself for once. Tomorrow I’m coming to school in a band shirt and skinny jeans and I don’t give a shit if people see my cuts. I’m two days clean and I plan to stay that way.”

My jaw dropped. “You’re two days clean? Oh my god, that’s amazing Lex!” I exclaimed.

“Thanks. I’ll see you after school, later Jay.” He waved on his way out.

Wow. Yeah, he had changed for certain.

And for some reason, he was even more attractive than usual.

~~~
Alex’s POV

I don’t know what it was today. Everything was just good. I was going to be myself tomorrow, not give two shits, and possibly kiss Jack for real, if I had the guts.

I really liked Jack. Why should I not? He was adorable, sexy, caring, sweet, a great kisser, funny, a generally good person. He was my teacher, though. It was legal, but if things went wrong and we broke up, first period would be so awkward. And it would ruin our friendship.

I sighed loudly in algebra. My teacher looked up. “Can I help you, Mr. Gaskarth?”

“No, I’m fine.”

He raised an eyebrow and I went back to my song lyrics I was working on. It was a happier song. Called So Long and Thanks for All the Booze. It was good so far.

After school, I went to Jack’s room, like I said I would. He was waiting for me, playing his guitar. His finger was just the slightest bit off on one note, making it sound wrong. I laughed to myself and came up behind him, my hand over his, fixing the position.

He chuckled lightly. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” I sat down in the spinny chair beside him and let my feet rest on the desk. “Is it really weird that I’m so happy today?”

He laughed. “Yeah, sort of.”

“How come?”

“Just because you’ve been down lately. I’m glad you’re trying to stop with the self harm, thinking a little more positively. And I’m thrilled you’re being yourself tomorrow. Still got that plan going?”

I nodded. “I honestly don’t give a shit what other people think anymore. I’m sick of being controlled indirectly by them. It’s my last year here, I’m making it work my way. I’m going to graduate, I’m going to get a real relationship, and I’m going to be myself for the rest of the year. Fuck everyone else. They’re just here to bring me down. I’ll find a new group of friends. People who understand me. But I’ll still have you.” I smiled at him.

He smiled back and looked down at his guitar. “That’s great, Lex. I’m proud of you. What made you realize this?”

“I don’t know. I was already in a good mood today, then one of my soon to be ex friends said something about my hair looking weird, so I sort of ratted him out. Let my previous anger out on him. If there was any chance of us being real friends, it’s gone now.” I laughed.

Jack laughed with me. His fingers ran through his almost black hair, messing it up so it looked like he just had great sex. It was a good look for him, according to me. I grinned at it.

“What are you smiling about?” He asked, amused.

“Your hair.”

“What about it?”

“It looks like you just had great sex.” I laughed, making him chuckle.

“Is that a good or bad thing?”

“Good.”

“Alrighty then.” He looked ahead for a few seconds, a small smile playing at his lips, before his hand flew over and starting messing up my hair.

I screamed at the attack and laughed. I pushed myself away from him, although he just got up and ran after me. I finally just got up from the chair and ran, him chasing me. We were so weird after school.

I tripped over the ground and fell into a laughing heap on the ground. I rolled on my back and Jack lay down next to me, laughing and catching his breath.

“You are such a bastard.” I growled. He just looked me in the eye, still grinning.

Should I kiss him now? It wasn’t a bad moment, but was the timing right? I decided not to go for it.

“You love me.” Was his response.

“As a friend.”

“Same difference.”

I smiled. “I should probably get going.”

“Where to?”

I thought for a minute. “Who am I kidding, I could stay here all day and no one would care.” I laughed.

“How long has it been since you contacted your family?”

“A long time.”

“How long?”

“A few weeks.”

“Wow. Any more texts from Tom?”

I shook my head. “No, thank god. If so, I’d probably be a lot worse with cutting instead of a lot better.”

“I really am happy you’re not doing that anymore. Self harm always scared the shit out of me.”

I smiled sadly. “Sorry...” I rolled up my sleeve. “They’re mostly just scarring over now.”

I was right. The red was fading into raised white line of a scar. He lightly traced it. “Show me your hip.” He said.

I pulled my shirt up a little, letting him see the white scars that were from that first suicide attempt. He traced those too.

“I would kiss them but... That’d be kinda inappropriate.” He said, laughing lightly and continuing to trace.

I laughed a little too. “Another time, Jay. Not today.”

“Another time?”

“Maybe. Depends on the circumstances.” I shrugged and got to my feet too fast, a major headache coming on quickly. I held my head and winced.

“Alex? What’s wrong?” Jack asked.

“Nothing, just every time I lay flat on the ground for a while then get up, I get a fucking awful headache for a few minutes.” I explained, still holding my hurting head.

Jack got up and kissed my forehead quickly. “Let the Magic of Jack heal you.”

Surprisingly, my headache was actually gone. “Dude, it’s gone.”

“No way! I’m a fucking sorcerer!” He exclaimed.

I chuckled. “Yes you are. Thank you for healing me with your magicalness.”

“You’re very welcome.”

I went in sat in the spinny chair which I happily call mine now. Jack sat next to me. “Talk about something.”

“Okay... What have you been working on lately.”

“A new song.”

“Oooh, let me hear!”

I smiled and rolled my eyes. “It’s not done yet, idiot.”

“I still wanna hear it!”

I sighed and got my guitar, tuning it. “You know what? I’m going to play The Maine instead.”

I started playing Color, my favorite The Maine song. “Said let it slide, all the things that I, have running through my mind, we’ll all be gone in time...”

Jack smiled while I sang, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He looked so fucking happy right now and I didn’t know why. I finished the song and he only spoke, not opening his eyes or tilting his head back up.

“I am officially in love with that song and the way you sing it.”

“Thanks, Jay.” I smiled a little although he couldn’t see me.

“I should probably get home. Matt’s going to wonder how fucking you went this time.”

I laughed. “I seriously need to meet Matt. He’s sounds fucking hilarious.”

“So come home with me.”

Notes

Alex is going home with Jack! Comments please! Thank you for the positive rates, I love you all! <3 Please read my other stories on Mibba, it would mean the world to me!