Chapter 11

Alex’s POV

I fucking hated my life right now. Jack came by every single day to try and see me and every single time, Tom kicked him out. I know Tom’s trying to help me, but it’s not like I don’t hear him screaming at Jack about how upset I am.

Tom stormed upstairs and into my room. “What’s the matter?” I asked quietly, fumbling with the sleeves of my sweatshirt.

“Jack’s the matter. Damn it, why can’t he just leave us alone?”

“Next time he comes by, just let him in. I still love him, he just broke my heart. I need to get over him.”

“Uh... Okay... Also, some bad news. Your schedule change has been revoked, you’re back in his class.”

“What?”

“Sorry.”

“Goddammit!” I groaned.

“I’m sorry Alex, I tried to fix it. They said this was the only class where there was enough room.”

“You know what? Fine. I’ll just power through. I’m going to school tomorrow. I’ve missed too many days and I’m going to have to face him sometime.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. I actually have a song I wrote directed towards him that I’d like to sing.” I smiled evilly. Tom laughed.

“Alright, have fun with that.”

“I will.”

~~~
I went to school and walked in Jack’s class. I didn’t look at him. I will still really upset over him and I’d probably start crying if I looked at him.

Cass came up. “Hey babe, where you been?”

“Sick.”

She backed away. “How sick?”

“Nothing contagious.” Heartbreak wasn’t contagious, right?

“Okay, good. I’ll talk to you later.” She said, kissing me on the cheek and going to her desk.

Why didn’t I date Cassadee? We already acted like a couple. But... We’ve been friends for too many years. It’d be really awkward. Out of the question.

Jack got up and started teaching. The lesson wasn’t long, thank god. Just hearing his voice made my throat close up. But it eventually came to an end and we had free time.

I sat on top of my desk with my guitar. “What’re you going to sing, Alex?” A slut cooed. I winked at her and she looked like she was about to faint.

“A little song I’d like to dedicate to a certain someone.” I said before starting to play, starting with a few claps and then the tune.

“I’ve been played a fool four, three, two many times...”

People were clapping along to the fast angry tune of the song. “Did you mean it? Did you feel it, when you broke into my head? Did you fake it, just to break another stranger in your bed? Was it worth it? Was it perfect, when you up and left me cynical? Like you planned it, you’re a bandit. Just a no good, two-bit, filthy, rotten criminal...”

I knew the chorus hit Jack hard. I could feel the raw anger and hurt running through my veins. I finished the song and everyone clapped.

“Woah, great song. Who’s it about?” Zack asked.

“You know them.”

“Well I figured, but did some slut use you or something?”

“Basically. Tricked me into thinking I was right about my thinking when I wasn’t.”

“What thinking?”

“Nothing you need to worry about.” I said coldly before moving into The Downtown Fiction.

I didn’t go to Jack’s room after school. I never would again. I just talked to my other teachers about missed work and walked down the now empty halls.

“Alex!” I heard an all too familiar voice call. I didn’t stop. I had nothing to say to Jack. “Alex, please stop.” He said helplessly.

Like I was going to stop. Psh.

I heard feet running towards me and Jack appeared by my side, hand on my arm in attempt to get me to stop walking. I just ripped my arm away from him and turned around without a word.

“Alex please.” He begged.

I didn’t bother with him. I just walked faster and broke into a run when I saw tiny little Cassadee. She was a good seven inches shorter than me, but I didn’t care and ran into her arms to hug her tightly.

“Woah babe, what’s the matter?” She asked.

“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you.” I lied through my teeth. I took her hand and led her back the way I had come. Jack was looking at me with pain in his eyes. I wanted to cry just at the sight of him. I almost did. Instead, I just pushed past him with Cass.

“Hi Mr. Barakat.” She said politely.

“Hi Cass, hi Alex.” He said hollowly, clearly fighting back his emotions. If any.

I pulled Cass to my car and we got in. “Are you taking me home?” She asked. She always walked to school.

“I was actually hoping you could spend the night at my place?”

“Sure, sounds good.” I started the car and drove away.

“Alex, who was your song about?” She asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Sorta. You’re one of my best friends and I’d like to know.”

I sighed. “Only if you promise not to tell anyone. ANYONE. Don’t even write it down. No evidence of it.”

“Okay.”

“Barakat.”

“Wait, what?”

I just nodded and kept my eyes on the road. “We had a friends with benefits thing going on.”

“Are you serious?”

I nodded again. “Very. My feelings became too strong and the other day I asked him to be my boyfriend because I’m in love with him, but he turned me down and now I’m heartbroken. That’s why I was gone. Heartbreak isn’t contagious.” I explained, my throat closing as we reached my house.

“Is that why Tom came and yelled at Jack?”

“Precisely.” I let us in and pulled her up to my room. “There’s background, though.”

So I told her everything. The cutting. How Jack helped. The first kiss, the second, the others. My parents separation. The becoming best friends. The becoming best friends with benefits. The sex and other intimate things. The boyfriend thing. The heartbreak. Everything up until I saw her in the hall today. I was crying silently by the end.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” She said, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged her tightly back, tears falling slowly.

She was so sweet. The best girl friend I could have.

We stayed up late into the night, just talking, until we fell asleep in my bed like we always do. It was a little more meaningful though, we said we loved each other, as friends. And I did love Cassadee. A lot. But strictly as a friend.

Maybe I’d tease Jack a little tomorrow by saying I loved her in front of him. Perfect.

I fell asleep with that thought in my head.

~~~
School. Perfect time to tell Cass I loved her. We walked in class and talked some before the bell rang.

“I love you Cass.” I said, smiling.

“Love you too babe.” She smiled back and kissed my cheek before going to her seat. I could feel Jack’s piercing stare on me but I didn’t look up. I’d cry.

He taught the lesson stiffly. Like he was dying to scream or something. He probably wanted to with the way I was acting. But this was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to be jealous and end up finding out he DOES love me. I was getting there.

After the lesson was over, I played some songs. Cass and I had definitely gotten closer last night, so she sat next to me on the desk.

I sang Sick Little Games. That’s what I was playing, sick little games to get Jack to be with me. I felt bad about it, but I wanted him. And I knew I was succeeding.

After I finished, I decided to be a little mean to Jack. I wrapped my arm around Cassadee’s waist and pulled her closer to me, kissing her cheek sweetly. I know that made Jack jealous by the way he tensed up. I saw in the corner of my eye.

“Aw, you’re so sweet babe.” Cass cooed. I think she knew what I was doing and played along. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” I leant in close to her ear. “Kiss me.” I whispered so only she could hear.

She didn’t ask questions and pulled me down to her lips and kissed me gently, not for long, but long enough. I pulled back a little bit. “Thanks.” I whispered again.

“Anything to get him back.” She whispered back.

So she DID know. I grinned and pull away farther. I could see Jack’s hurt face in the corner of my eye and felt bad, but also successful.

“Alex, I’d like to see you after class about missed work.” He called, voice cold and hard. I just glanced at him with an expression saying I might cry to let him know I heard.

I bit my lip to keep from crying at the way he spoke to me directly. Cass noticed. “It’s okay baby.” She whispered. I nodded and kept biting my lip.

The bell rang and I nervously went up to Jack’s desk. My nerves had gotten the best of me and I was really freaking out and ready to cry.

“What the hell?” He asked. I just looked at him, tears in my eyes. “So first you ask me to be your boyfriend and now you’re dating your best girl friend?”

“We aren’t dating.” I whispered.

“So you say you love her and kiss her and you aren’t dating?”

I realized it was a little stupid to kiss her, but stayed quiet, looking at the floor. “I have to go.” I whispered again. I didn’t talk loud in fear of breaking down into sobs.

However, a tear escaped and Jack’s cold look fell. “No, stay. I’m sorry, Alex.”

“No you aren’t.” I whimpered. “If you were, you would have fixed this instead of leaving me to drown in my own stupidity and misery.”

“It’s my prep period. Can you stay here? Skip your next class?”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Please?” The look in his eyes was pleading me to stay.

Another tear fell. “I-I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to get to class.”

I started to walk away, but his hand on my arm stopped me. I pulled it away. “Don’t touch me.” I said quietly. He withdrew his hand.

“Lex, please stay.”

“I can’t miss anymore classes. And don’t call me that.”

“Will you meet me after school, then?” He was basically begging me now. I didn’t know what to say.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Please Alex?”

“Maybe.”

The tardy bell rang. “Fuck.” I whispered before running from the room, Jack watching me go with a sad expression on his face.

I ran into my next class. “You’re late, Mr. Gaskarth.” My teacher said.

“I’m sorry, I was getting missed work from Mr. Barakat.” I said breathlessly.

“Excused.”

I let out a breath of relief and sat down next to Cassadee. “Sorry for making you kiss me.” I said.

“It’s fine, just don’t make me do it again. That was awkward.” She laughed. “How’d it go with Jack?”

“He tried to get me to stay this period with him, but I refused so he asked me to come by after school and I said maybe, then I came here.”

“Go. Meet him after class. You might still have a chance with him babe, go for it.”

I smiled weakly. “Okay.”

~~~
The end of the day came and I nervously walked to Jack’s room. I walked in, biting my lip in anticipation. “H-Hey.” I said quietly.

He looked up from his new phone. “Hey Alex.” Was he seriously acting like we did before this whole thing happened?

“Why am I here?”

He sighed. “I wanted to talk.”

“About what, Jack? You said plenty at my house.”

“I didn’t mean it when I said you shouldn’t come to me when you had problems.”

“So why’d you say it?”

“Because I was frustrated. You weren’t telling me why you were so nervous, so I got mad.”

“Yeah well, I think you know now why I was so nervous. This is the exact thing I didn’t want to happen.”

“What’s ‘this’?”

“Don’t play dumb. THIS. The heartbreak. I didn’t want to get turned down, but that’s just what happened and I spent two days in my bed crying my eyes out over you, so don’t even think about pretending you don’t know what you did to me.” I said harshly.

“Alex. I’m sorry. I really am. I hadn’t realized you loved me. I shouldn’t have let you fall for me when I thought I wouldn’t let myself fall in love again for a while.”

“Oh this is just fantastic, I just told you I loved you and you’re saying you’re sorry for leading me into it and you don’t love me back? Because THAT makes a bad situation better, Jack.”

“You didn’t let me finish. I said I THOUGHT I wouldn’t let myself. I didn’t say I knew I wouldn’t.”

“What?”

“For the record, I didn’t fake anything. I didn’t use you to get another stranger in my bed because frankly, we had sex in YOUR bed.”

“Fuck you, Jack!”

“You fucking did!”

I was so sick of him being so immature in a serious situation. “For fuck’s sake! I’m trying to have an adult conversation with you and FIX this, but you’re over there making sex jokes! How are we going to get past this when you’re doing that?”

“Fine! We’ll be serious. I wasn’t using you for sex or anything else. I didn’t mind helping you with your problems, it made me feel like I was useful, not some worthless piece of shit like Holly told me I was. I hated when you cried because I felt like there wasn’t anything I could do. I loved to cuddle with you, sing or play guitar with you, just having you in my presence was enough to make me happy! I’m being serious, Alex, just like you wanted. I’m in love with you and I realized it too damn late.”

I was silent. He loved me? “You love me?”

“Yes!”

“When did you realize this?”

“When you told Cass you loved her. And then more so when you kissed her and I wanted to put a bullet through her head.”

“You really and honestly truly love me?”

“Why are you not believing me? You wanted to be serious, so I was serious. I am seriously head over heels in love with you and there isn’t anything you can do about it.”

“There isn’t anything I WANT to do about it.”

Notes

Here ya go :) Thank you to all my fantabulous readers! You guys rock!