No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

Sprinting through the emergency room doors, the ER had a much different vibe then the last time we had been there. There was frantic desperation in the air as I scrambled through the basically busted doors after my best-friend who was quickly found frozen, just inside the doorway. I let out a small 'oomph' as I crashed into him before quickly recovering and rushing out the words, "what's wrong?"

I was expecting him to dart at the desk, demand to know where Jasey was before running to her side. Only he was standing there, stiff as a board with limbs growing more ridged by the second. "You..." He seethed through what I assumed to be clenched teeth as he lifted a pointed finger. "YOU!" He screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!"

Suddenly Alex was far from frozen as he was striding towards a crumbled body in a seat. "Alex WAIT!" A familiar voice fought as Alex continued his pursuit, leaning in and grabbing the collar of the disembodied figure and lifting it to its feet where I could finally see his face. "It's not what you think!"

Oh God. "I THINK MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND I THINK YOU CAUSED IT!" Alex spat in who I now knew to be Colton's face. His grip tightened on Colton's shirt. "Now tell me, what the fuck did you do to her."

"Nothing, I SWEAR-"

"BULL SHIT!" Alex scream, his elbow flying backwards as he wound up his arm, ready to punch but as if on reflex my hand was there holding it back. He wasn't thinking, he was screaming but tears were still streaming from his eyes. I could feel him fighting me, but I refused to give in.

"Alex, I swear I didn't do it, I was the one that called the ambulance!" Colton cried out as he held his hands up to his face in a defensive manor. Alex seemed to stop fighting me even though his fist stayed lifted. "I WAS THE ONE WHO SAVED HER!" He screamed. I think it was hearing those words from him - from Colton - that set it in Alex's mind, in all of our minds really. Hearing the words that it was he who saved her and none of us that made the severity of the situation all that more real, and I was honestly terrified as to how Alex was going to react after processing that.

"What?" Alex whispered as his arm fell from my grip to lie limp at his side. His grip on Colten giving in slowly till it release all together and the boy fell back helplessly into his seat. Zack and I were both there the second Alex let him go to hold his arms in case he snapped, and Rian well just as it happened Rian sprinted by on his own, gasping and coughing and running right for the front desk with his phone in his hand. How was he supposed to explain this to his parents who were always left in the dark when it came to things like this? They would be devastated and we don't even know what's really wrong yet.

"I-It was u-uh Riley, I s-swear!" Colton stammered as I looked down to see a coat of tears glossing his eyes. "I t-told him n-not to do it, t-to stop but he j-just would-dn't fucking l-listen!" Colton pulled his knees up to his chest, curling into a ball on his seat as he began to frantically sob. "He was n-never supposed to t-take it t-that fa-ar!" He cried. "He told me h-he just w-wanted to talk, I'm so sorry Alex, I'M SO SORRY!"

It was then that I looked up to Alex and saw the un-godliest sight. Tears were leaking from his eyes as he frantically sniffled to keep his runny nose at bay, but even then his attempts were futile, as gross as it may sound. His chest was rising and falling faster than I knew it should and his entire face was flushed. All of his skin down to the flesh of his lips was a sickly white shade, and the only form of pigments that could be seen were the beat red veins causing his eyes to look almost crazed. He would have looked absolutely bat shit crazy had it not been for the trembling of his lip and the broken expression in his heartless eyes.

Alex started to shake his head again out of disbelief and began to let out loud, heart bubbling sobs. "Hey, hey, sh, shhh..." I hushed as I released his arm and wrapped my arms around my crumbling friend’s shoulders. Colton was completely forgotten for now as I looked over at Zack who was sniffling as well and looking down at the ground.

"I'm going to go call Cass and Matt..." He whispered as rushed off towards the exit before I could even have the chance to respond. I knew this was my time to be strong, I could go home and cry alone but for now I needed to be the post that my friends used to be to lean on. I needed to be rational and sensitive for them, for Jasey, for everyone. I would usually be the one to crack a joke and cheer everyone up, or for instance like with Marc I did nothing more than sit silently off to side or offer someone a pat on the back. But now I needed to be strong.

I tipped my head to the side pressing my cheek to Alex's hair and hushed my friend. "It's okay..." I cooed though I had no idea what had even happened to begin with. All I knew was that Jasey was hurt and Alex was no doubt blaming himself.

"N-No it's n-not!" Alex sobbed as he clawed at the back of my shirt trying to find support. His cry was quickly nothing but hacking and strangled moans as he couldn't quite form words in his state but could I blame him. I just rubbed his back and tried to calm him down as best I could. All he kept doing when he could get a few quick words was repeat Jasey's name and mumble apologies before going back to sobs. No more than a few dreadful moments pass till I begin to doubt if I can be the strong one right now as I only know how bad I too want to cry.

I heard the sound of the almost too familiar ICU doors swinging open and I snapped my eyes open to look over Alex's shoulder and see a short younger looking man in scrubs look up from at me. "Are the family and friends of a Miss Jasey Rae Dawson here?" He called out awkwardly, never taking his eyes from mine as if he already knew.

Alex quickly tried to pull himself together as he sucked in a single harsh sniffle that straightened his back. "Uh, y-yeah." Alex quickly stuttered as he spun around, whipping his nose and mouth. "Some of them aren't here yet, but there coming-"

"We don't have to wait," I cut in, seeing the way the nurse/doctor/whatever's face change hearing that not all of us that fell under the category of 'family and friends' where here. The guy looked up at me as I placed a hand on Alex's shoulder. "They wouldn't want us to wait up for them."

"Can we see her?" Alex instantly asked only making the man seem rather uncomfortable as he looked down at the file in his hands and flipped a sheet over.

He pulled his lip between his teeth and seemed to read over the scripture quickly before looking back up at Alex and I. "The brother called for me to fetch you, Ms. Dawson is still under so you cannot see her until she is awake but he thought me taking you both to her room would be in everyone's best interest."

"When will she be up?" Alex asked in a panic, "When will I be allowed to go into her room?"

Again the man gave us both an offset facial expression before looking to Alex, mouth falling open to speak. "I assure you, I- I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name?"

"Alex," he responded with an obvious sniffle as I gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Alex Gaskarth, I'm her boyfriend." And as if Alex had just told the man he had a terminal illness, a bold look of sympathy and remorse washed over his face.

The man looked around the waiting room swiftly before waving at us in a gesture as if asking us to follow before following it with the phrase, "Come on," and back stepping towards the door. Alex rushed to the man as I scrambled after them both to catch up as the man pressed the doors open. "I can't give you an exact timeline for when she will wake up, all I know is what's on her file I'm not even her nurse I was just sent to fetch you both and bring you to her room."

"Hey," I whispered to Alex as his head snapped to me, "everything is going to be okay, it's Jasey." I wasn't sure why exactly I said that, but somehow and in some way it seemed to calm Alex down ever so slightly. But I guess when you really thought about it, saying that was the truest comfort I could provide, just reminding him that this girl was no ordinary girl, she's tough as nails.

"Her room is right down this corridor," The man in scrubs mumbled in a way that told me there was something about this 'ward' that he didn't particularly like. "Usually ICU is immediate family only, but at the family's request and with the patient stable, rules can be bent and well... Accommodations can be made." The man said in a ramble before glancing back at Alex and I over his shoulder. "But if anyone gives you trouble just tell them Eddie said it was okay."

So now the man I knew went by Eddie was leading us down a - what I could only describe as a very depressing hallway. Every room I looked into held a woman or a girl with only the occasional boy. A queasy feeling began to grow in my stomach as I looked into each and every room and I felt ill knowing Jasey was in one.

I didn't want to admit it to myself just yet but I couldn't help but notice that every patient looked as though they had been brutally beaten, most crying into loved one's arms and I had to think. Is this the rape ward? Is this where they shove those who have suffered from domestic violence and sexual assault? Is Jasey really in this hall with all these people who looked like they were in a tremendous amount of both physical and emotional pain? I didn't even want to think about that. But unfortunately, this was just one of those inevitable things.

Eddie came to a halt outside a closed wooden door and turned to us with a solemn look before reaching up and plopping the file from his hand into the plastic container by the door with another manila folder, telling us this was her. "Now, you can't go in just yet, but there are a few seats right there where you may wait." He said as he gestured towards the two chairs behind him, just outside her doorway. Just as he looked back to us, the beeper on his hip began to go off and he instantly snapped it up and frowned. "The parents are here, we have to sit them down but I won’t be taking them down this hallway just yet so you will have to wait to speak to them."

Alex and I nodded our heads sending Eddie back the way we came and though Alex agreed to what he had said, I could see the slight spark of resentment in his eyes. If I were being honest I could probably bet that he was thinking he should be with Rian and their parents, that he was just as much her family as them and I had to kind of agree with him. But even with the aggression in his eyes I could see the hesitation in his expression. There was a large window with the shade drawn and a much, much smaller one cut into the wood on the door, neither of us stood where we could see in and just stared at floor.

"I don't want to look." Alex said suddenly with a shaky voice as I looked over and examined the way his shoulders trembled as he let out a wavering breath.

"Y-You want me t-to?" I stuttered before pulling my lower lip up and between my teeth. He let out a small cracked whimper as he looked up and to the side, eyes locking on his reflection in the shaded glass. I could hear him mumbling into the back of his clench fist as he pressed it to his swollen and shaky lips. Alex was hurting and at this point in time he was walking the line between mentally breaking down and holding his ground. I could see him fighting his mind, fighting his fears, his anxieties, and his pain. I could see him trying to stay strong, like he didn't want to cry, or break down, like he was trying to hold himself together now, unlike before, back at the office.

I couldn't bear to see him this way, I didn't want to see my best-friend fighting himself when he had every right to be in complete hysterics. I wanted to say something, to claim his attention, but it was locked on the glass. The elder shuffling to face it head on and lifted the hand that wasn't being used to barricade his sobs. He didn't say anything but drag his finger across the glass in the shape of a heart. Only when he bent over to breathe hot air on the shape and make it stand out I couldn't take it anymore, I wrapped my arms around Alex and gave him a little kiss on the head and told him that I would do it.

Alex just nodded his head and pressed his palm to the glass and allowed me to untangle my limbs from him and slowly walked over to the doorway. I wasn't sure what I was expecting to see when I reached the window, but what I saw most certainly was not it. Jasey was in there all right but not the Jasey I knew. She looked like Jasey and had her name taped to the file at the foot of her bed but that wasn't the Jasey I knew, the Jasey I grew up with, and the Jasey that Alex fell in love with.

She was lying in the bed with the blanket pulled halfway up her torso, tucked in. Wires and monitors strung to her left and right making her look more like a fucking science experiment than an actual person. From the skin exposed that I could see, I felt sick to the stomach. Her arm was lined with scratch marks and forming bruises that already looked like fingers wrapping around her small fragile arms. As for her second arm, it was secured in a sling, at first my mind took a panicked state as I thought it was broken till I followed up to her shoulder to see that only one of the many buttons that connect the gown on her shoulders was fastened, showing off some strange thick tape that Zack used to use on his shin splints when they acted up. The only assumption I could make would be that her shoulder had been dislocated which wasn't that much of an improvement.

I could feel my eyes prick red at the sight of her. The perfect and beautiful girl we had all known had been ripped to shreds. Her right eye was mangled and swollen, a gash was slit across her nose and another on her cheek and what looked like a claw mark ran from her jaw down her neck and past the neckline of the hospital gown to areas I couldn't see. I will admit that Jasey is by far one of the most beautiful girls I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and I am not saying that as a douche bag guy in anyway. It wasn't just her looks that made her amazing, it was the fact that no matter what life threw at her she took it in strides and came out stronger. She was smart and independent and found the best in everyone. There are some people you have to find the good in, and some people like Jasey, it’s a hunt to find their fault.

Her eyes when they are not swollen shut held light in their nearly lifeless color. Her smile was contagious and her laughter was lifting, it was no wonder why Alex had fallen so hard for her, how could he not. She was everything he needed and more than anyone could ever want. But right now, lying in that bed, I didn't see the Jasey that made my best-friend the good guy I know. She looked tired and broken and just not... Her. "Tell me..." Alex breathed as I looked over to see him solemnly press his forehead against the glass. I was startled to hear his voice let alone the fear in it. "How bad is it?"

I instantly bit my lip. I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want him to see. I didn't want to because I knew his entire world only worked because she was in it. She kept him balanced, picks him up when he's down, calms him down when he gets heated, brings things into perspective and makes sure he's always level headed. Jasey was his first, his first time, his first love and though he continues to deny it to us, she was his first kiss, and we all know it. He always tried to tell me and the guy’s that his first kiss was Casey Carter in the 7th grade, but we all knew. And if beating the shit out of Andy Drays in 8th grade for calling her ugly wasn't enough proof that she was always his then I don't know what is. All my life it had been Jasey and Alex, Alex and Jasey and that's just how it always is and how we all thought it always would be, but how was he supposed to swallow this. How was he supposed to know that the perfect image we had all known, was no longer perfect.

"Alex..." I breathed only Alex instantly held up a trembling hand for me to stop before he tangled it in his hair.

"Jack, I am trying so hard to hold myself together right now because I know that if I fall apart there is no going back!" He breathed in a tone that nearly held anger and had me sending one last look at Jasey before I stepped over to my friend. "I know if I fall apart I can't help put Jasey back together, and I promised her that this would never happen..."

I ran a hand over my own face and looked down at Alex from my slight height advantage as he sniffled. "I promised her Jack..." He whispered. "I promised her that I would never let anything happen to her and look where she is!" He instantly let out a small hiccup as he buried his face in his hands and his angry tone slipping to whimpers in a matter of milliseconds. "I have been learning to control my anxiety, but this is too much," he began to once again cry as he shook his head. "Jack, I can feel it slipping through my fingers!"

"Hey," I whispered, cupping my hand softly to Alex's shoulder, "She's going to be okay... It's all going to be okay Lex, just give it a little time." And despite my assuring words, Alex was crumbing. His sweaty palms pushed himself away from the glass window and sent his body collapsing into mine, the boy on the verge of gasping sobs as tears carelessly leaked from his eyes.

He looked like an innocent little boy who was just woken up from a nightmare. Sitting in a parent's lap sniffling over the bad dream. He looked so small and helpless as he leaned into my chest, eyes shut and sniffling. "I should have been there for her!" He whimpered as I wrapped my arms around my friend and supported his weight with my own. "What if I had lost her Jack-"

"Sh, sh... Lex you didn't lose her, she's fine, she's right in there and any minute now you'll get to see her everything is going to be okay!" I moved my hand up to his head, thinking of ways Jasey would calm him down knowing she was all he really wanted right now so I began to stoke his hair. Rubbing the soft strands at the back of his head as I rocked the both of us side to side like the patent I felt like would do to help make the memories of the nightmare go away. But I guess in Alex's case right now, this was his worst nightmare. "It's okay."

Alex let out a long trembling sigh as I heard the distinct clicking of what could only be Julie's heels and I snapped my eyes open to see a female nurse heading our way, in tow behind her was both of Jasey and Rian's parents. Mr. Dawson had his arm thrown around his wife's shoulders as she rubbed her thumb under her eyes, cleaning her tears. But I couldn't even contemplate that as my focus immediately switched back to the nurse as she flicked open that metal case on the file in hand and looked up at me.

"I'm assuming you're Jack and Alex?" She clarified and I instantly nodded my head, still holding onto Alex. "Mr. & Mrs. Dawson wished for me to have a moment with the boyfriend of the patient, Jack can I have a talk with you?" She asked and I opened my mouth, but Alex spoke first.

"I'm Jasey's boyfriend." He said, turning around and stepping from my embrace with a sniffle. I looked around the nurse to see the Dawson's sitting down at the two seats by the door behind her, seemingly lost between themselves and their own daze. Looking beyond them I saw Rian follow from around the corner, Cass under his arm as she stroked his bicep comfortingly. But Cass and Rian didn't make it all the way up the hall before Rian broke down again, falling into Cass in a fit of tears before she led them both over to the wall for support. "I'm Alex."

"Oh, well my apologies, I just assumed because Jack was the name she was mumbling when the EMT's picked her up..." The nurse said and Alex looked at me as I took a shaky breath.

"That's only because I was the last person she spoke too on the phone." I explained and Alex seemed to relax. "Hey, uhm, is Rian okay?"

"The brother?" She asked and I nodded my head. "Yeah..." She whispered, glancing over her shoulder. "The girl showed up about halfway through my discussion with the family, her presence seemed to help, but it is a lot to digest. But the family did want me to have a moment with you..." She stated turning to Alex who solemnly nodded his head and sniffled yet again.

"Can Jack come with me?" Alex mumbled and the nurse nodded her head and waved us back down the hall where the Dawson's just came. Before following her, both Alex and I glanced over our shoulders at the sound of footsteps only to see both Zack and Matt running down the hall. They reached us in a matter of seconds and quickly noticed the nurse and us.

They both let out a breath at the silence, already knowing what was going on and looked over at us. "Go," Zack whispered, waving a hand carelessly as he stood straight and ran that same hand over his face. "We'll wait here."



Alex held Zack’s stare for a moment before the smallest “okay” left his freshly licked lips and he looked back to the nurse with the name tag reading ‘Martha’ pinned on her scrubs where I could see. She looked up at Alex before looking to me and putting up her most sympathetic grin and waving for us to follow her back down the hallway where she had just came.



“In that case,” she said softly, “follow me.”

Notes