No Pads… No Helmets… Just Memories!

The rest of the day I treaded on, creating the rut of a routine I would be forced to follow every day for the next school year, each class being as boring as the last, with a few jokes from that one kid every teacher hates to give it some substance. The only thing truly getting me through this day without having the urge to smash my head on a desk was, A. that I just had long period with Mr. Kosher(the Art teacher) and he still stands as my favorite teacher and B. that this class was almost over and I will get to go to tryouts. I was growing anxious as the pace of my bobbing knee picked up and I heard a chuckle beside me. I snapped my head to the side about to shoot a nasty look but I was reminded that Jack was sitting next to me.

“You nervous” Jack laughed motioning to my knee.

Almost as soon as his words filled the air, my hand snapped to my knee to hold its position steady in my grasp, “Uh no not really, anxious, not nervous.”

“Well don’t be, you’re going to do fine I already know it!” he said pushing lightly on my shoulder.

I opened my mouth to thank him for his encouraging words before I was interrupted, what was with this school and interrupting me while I'm ta- “Monsieur Barakat, do you and Mademoiselle Dawson want to continue your conversation after class with me?”

“No thanks Madame, my bad!” he said holding up his hands in defense as I dropped my head already feeling the class staring in our direction.

I looked over at him through my fallen hair and muttered, “Merci” before the bell rang.

Grabbing my bag off the back of my chair and stumbling to the door I had no time to stop for the lanky boy I was to freaking excited. I bolted to my locker, at a controlled pace so not to look like an idiotic freshman running through the halls. When I reached my locker Cass was already standing there with my soccer bag slung over her shoulder and I laughed.

“How did you?”

“Oh please like I don’t know your locker combination.” She laughed, I laughed to but a slightly awkward laugh because I didn’t know she did have my combo.

Cass walked me to the locker room as she fed me her comforting words to sooth my nerves, it wasn’t that I was nervous about the actual tryouts, more of the burden in the back of my mind as to why I didn’t want to try out to begin with. Yeah I decided to try out, yeah I was excited, yeah soccer was what I loved when drawing wasn’t working, it was my best distraction. But I couldn’t seem to ignore the constant nagging in my mind eating away at me telling me that this was just some coping mechanism that wouldn’t work, and that’s what was causing my nerves to be so present in my countenance, not the actual try outs themselves. As much as it calmed me to see a few familiar faces waiting on the other side of that locker room door, one including that smiling girl from my math class Andrea, who throughout the tryout seemed to find herself at my side often, I wasn’t fully at ease until they announced who was cut from the team stating it was easy to disregard the three girls who wouldn’t fit on the roster and meant that I had a spot on the team. The girls in the locker room informed me that the girl who had my old number, 12, had graduated last year and my name was put in her place upon request and no one argued a bit.

I meandered out of the locker room cutting across the now empty gymnasium after picking up the needed paperwork from the Trainer’s office. I stepped out into the cool air to see Rian sitting in our car just beyond the curb. As I walked over as Rian rolled down the window on the passenger side shooting me a toothy grin. “well?”

“I made the team.” I smiled reaching the car as my cheeks painted a flush pink.

“I knew you would! You were so nervous it was to funny!” he laughed as I opened my door tossing my soccer bag to the floor, “but hurry up I need to get you home then get back to Rita’s and close up!”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry for having nerves!” I joked. “Oh shit!”

“what?”

“I left my history book in my locker, I completely forgot I needed it because Cass already had my stuff!” I told him.

“Jace…” he groaned, “Fine but if you’re more than five minutes you have to walk home cause I need to get over to Rita's in fifteen minutes and I'm not getting fired!”

“Okay, I’ll just quickly run to my locker, grab the book, then run back, wait up okay!” I said running the short distance to the door.

I made my way through the double door and slowed down when I reached the main halls making my way to my locker. There were still a few people fileing out of the building from other workouts and clubs but majority of the halls were vacant giving the building an uneasy feeling. With nimble fingers I fiddled with the lock till it popped open and I shoved the rather large tan textbook into my bag. I hadn’t even heard footsteps until-

"Hey Dawson" a venom like voice hissed slamming the locker door shut with a perfectly manicured hand, "I didn't get the flyer that the freak show was back in town."

I turned to see no other than the venomous bitch herself, Tammy Parkerson. I looked down the hall beyond her, and to my despair, my thought was confirmed that no one was here, it was well past 5 and everyone from tryouts was leaving through the gym. I didn’t have time for her bullshit Rian was waiting for me.

"And I didn’t get the memo you’re still a stuck up bitch... I’m sorry I should have known better then to assume you’d become a decent human being." I spat.

"Please" she scoffed, "maybe you should give up this whole tough chick act you’re a weakling just like the rest, your intimidated by me cause i know what you really are."

"Yeah okay Tammy!" I basically laughed in her face, "why the fuck would I be intimidated by YOU? You’re nothing but a bitch that’s slept with more people than the average mattress."

"Put away your big words Casey, Jasey, whatever the hell your name is, everyone knows you only act like this cause you want to be like me, cause people like me, because I’m" she paused, "wanted here."

I swallowed before answering, "Let me say this so it goes through your thick hairspray damaged skull, I like who I am, and I don't want to be anything like you."

"Oh that’s what you say, but if I were a emo freak or anything like you," she paused again getting closer to my ear and whispered, "I’d probably just 'kill myself'"

I took a step back clenching my fists fighting the urge to puncher her square in her obviously fake nose, her words rattling around in my head like the snake they spawned from. I was about to bitch her out for what she was when a voice rang behind me. A tall blond boy I’d never seen, or maybe I have but didn't recognized was approaching us. I was relieved that someone had come to get this disease infested whore away from me until he laughed as he approached. I had been wishing that Tammy had finally convinced her parents she was "too good" for public school and had been shipped off to some yuppie private school, but I should have known better. Tammy was always the one to unravel my issues and blow them out of portions. After my birth mother died, she spread the word that I didn’t cry, that I didn’t have emotions, and that I was just some emo freak. She had the whole school turn against me, made me feel like I had no place in this world and that no one wanted me here, and by her comments made I knew she was well aware of how she made me feel, and that her memory was left un-tampered in my absence, I turned to look at her knowing she could do nothing with someone else around. That was until she took a hold of my head, tangling her French tipped nails in my brown hair and with a shocking amount of force caused my head to collide with the metal door of the locker.

"Ow, what the fuck!" I yelled holding my head.

"What you wanna go cry home to your mommy freak!?" She paused laughing, "OH WAIT! please save yourself the struggle in fighting me, i already know all your secrets, theirs no winning."

Tammy let out another laugh shoving my head into the locker once more, letting her knee grace my rib-cage as I doubled over, the boy now stepping in and pulled on the girl as they turned and walked away from me. Fuck. Did the whole goddamn school know, even kids I didn’t. I thought I was going to get away this year, going unnoticed, everyone forgetting about how much of a “freak” I was made out to be, but that was all my mom’s fault, and she’s not even alive anymore, but I still feel her hatefulness, I should have known that I wouldn’t get off easy. Tammy would never let me forget about it, she didn’t even know half the story, she just knew she dwelled on other people’s misery and I was an easy target.

But not anymore, or at least I thought that till that moment. I didn’t want to dwell on the fact and slipped my phone out of my pocket to tell Rian I was coming only to see a text from him-to my luck-saying he had to close up the Italian ice shop and id have to walk but he was sorry. Great. I zippered my backpack and tossed it, along with my phone to the floor below my locker. I fell against the bank of lockers and slid to the floor holding my head in my hands. I let out a sigh and thought for a moment until I shook my brain of my internal rambling and pulled myself to my feet. I slung my backpack over each shoulder and after slipping my phone into my back pocket and headed back in the direction of the gym. Luckily trainer Jen hadn’t locked the trainer’s room and I grabbed a bag of ice heading through the gymnasium to the student parking lot. I should have known that leaving for two years wouldn’t change the image of myself I left here.

Notes