Drama By Name

Alex knocked in the door of 93 Parkside. He heard a little clattering coming from inside the house before the door was opened. There stood Jay, in nothing but an old looking pair of blue plaid boxer shorts and a Red Dwarf t-shirt that hung loosely around his neck, revealing his smooth pale collarbones.

“Whoa, when you said ‘asap’ I didn’t realise that you meant ‘now’.” Jay laughed, leaning on the doorframe and running his hand through his messy hair. He looked like he hadn’t bothered getting dressed at all, perhaps not planning to go anywhere or do anything.

Alex smiled weakly at the sight before him. He’d never seen Jay looking so casual, and he really liked it, like when you take away the layers of paint and wallpaper in a house and you can see the original colour showing through. “Yeah, I was at the park.” Alex gestured lazily to the park with his thumb.

Jay smiled and stepped back, waving an arm and gesturing for Alex to walk inside. He walked in, slightly awkwardly, and stood only a few steps from Jay. A soon as the front door was shut, Jay whirled around and wrapped his arms around Alex's middle in a gentle embrace, leaning down and gently kissing him. Alex completely forgot why he was there, or what had happened last night, and allowed his hands to slide up Jay's chest, over his shoulders and loop around the back of his neck. It wasn’t anything more than a simple, long, lingering kiss, but it was what Alex needed, to know that Jay missed him. Their lips carefully pulled away from each other, and Jay simply looked at Alex, his eyes full of adoration and love.

“Lex, I have something I need to say...”

“Wait,” Alex cut in, Jay's small, gleeful smile fell slightly. No going back now. “I have something to tell you too.” Alex didn’t smile. He didn’t scowl. He didn’t let his face betray any emotion, and he watched Jay's face fall.

“What is it, Lex?”

Oh god, he sounded so worried. Alex let his arms slide down Jay's arms, lacing their fingers together to reassure him somewhat. He gave Jay's hand a light squeeze, and he squeezed back before leading Alex through the house and into what must be the living room. They sat down on the sofa and Jay reached over to the TV remote and turned the set off. He looked back to Alex, his face a painting of worry.

“What is it, Lex?” He said again in his cool, velvety voice.

“I...” Alex sighed. He kept eye contact this time. This time it really mattered and he hope that his eyes would show any emotion that the rest of him failed to. “Please, Jay, don’t get angry...” Jay's face fell a little more, and it pained Alex to go on, but it was something he had to do. “Last night, we had a little get together for a friend, and I got drunk and-“

“Lex, you’re only 17! You shouldn’t be drinking at all, let alone actually getting drunk!” He cut Alex off, trying to stay calm, but obviously angry. That wasn’t even the worst part of the story, and Jay's reaction already had new tears welling up in his eyes.

“Jay... Jay, please!” Alex pleaded, the tears making their way into his voice too. “Just... listen, please?” Jay calmed down and gently rubbed his thumbs over the back of Alex's hands in a reassuring manor. Alex took a deep breath and carried on. “I got drunk, and things happened...” the tears started falling fast now, and his voice began breaking, “with Z-Zack... I-I’m so, so sorry Jay!”

Alex burst into tears, unable to say anything else. He pulled his hands from Jay's and buried his face in them, the bunched up sleeves muffling his sobs. He didn’t hear Jay say anything. He didn’t feel Jay do anything or even move. He wasn’t surprised. He just sat there and waited for Jay to ask him to leave. A few moments later, he did feel Jay move, as though to get up and go. Instead, Jay stood up and moved himself as close to Alex as possible, wrapping his arms around the crying boy and holding him close to his chest. Alex just cried even harder, trying to speak, but all he could do was sob the words “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over. Jay simply held him, hushing him with his own shaking voice. And so they sat, Alex crying uncontrollably, Jay holding Alex as close as he could, as though he were the most precious thing on earth.

“Jay I am so sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen, I swear!” Alex finally looked up at Jay.

The man’s face was pale and tear stained, his eyes a dull muddy colour, lacking their normal spark. “Do you mean that, Alex?” He asked, not looking at Alex, just staring out of the window, his voice shaking with the effort of not breaking down completely.

“I swear! Honestly Jay, I would never do that on purpose, I was drunk, I-“

“What happened then?”

“Wh-what? What do you mean?”

“What...” Jay's voice caught in his throat as he swallowed a sob “What did you and Zack... do?”

“I... I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I... I can’t remember Jay.” Alex looked up at Jay, finally making eye contact. “I can’t remember, Jay. I don’t know.” Alex was desperate now.

Jay looked at him, and his eyes betrayed him. Hurt, confusion, betrayal, worry, pity, all flowing from his eyes as freely as the tears. Jay gulped, his eyebrows drawing together and his mouth hanging open. “Did... Did Zack f-force you to... do stuff. Lex?” He sounded so scared, so terrified of what might have happened to Alex.

“I don’t think so... But I don’t know wh... what we did... do.”

“Oh Lex...” He gave up holding back the tears, and let the shaking sobs take over his body.

Alex buried his face in Jay's neck and clutched desperately at his shirt, not ever wanting to let go, Jay held him just as hard, his shaking echoing through Alex's body. “I’m sorry Jay, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen, not with Zack. I wanted to wait... for someone special, someone I love... I wanted to wait... for you.” He finished the sentence quietly and calmly. As the words escaped his lips he felt Jay sob and gasp slightly, his body freezing and his breathing stopping. Alex pulled away for a moment and looked up as Jay, both their faces stained with tears. Jay was looking down at him, his mouth slightly open and eyes shining with tears.

“Lex... Don’t, don't say things you don’t mean.” Jay said quietly, shaking his head in disbelief.

Alex removed one hand from Jay's t-shirt and linked their fingers together. He looked up at the beautiful skunk haired man and gazed into his glistening eyes. “I won’t. I... I mean it. Whatever happened last night, it didn’t mean anything. Zack is my friend, but nothing more. Whatever we did... even if it was just kissing, or... or more... I never wanted it to happen with anyone... but you. I want – wanted – you to... to be my first.”

Jay just looked at him, still in shock, as a single tear rolled down his flawless pale cheek. “Alex... Lex, you haven’t thought abo-“

“Yes, I have.” Alex cut in, trying to make him understand. Jay couldn’t believe Alex's words, and right now that was the most important thing in the world. “I know it’s only been about two months, but Jay, I adored you from the moment I saw you on that first day. I was crushed when you turned out to be a teacher. But, I’m glad that I kept a little bit of hope. You... you were my first kiss. Well, with a guy at least, and that counts for me. I know now that I don’t want what we have to ever break, I want this to last. I want you to be every other first for me Jay, even if I’m not yours. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first... Just, my first. My first love. My first ‘I love you’, because Jay-“

“No, no Lex, don’t say it.” Jay stared at him wide eyed, shaking his head slightly.

“I’m going to say it. Jay, I lo-"

The rest of his sentence was cut off. Jay swooped down and placed his lips to Alex's, stopping the words, and nearly Alex's heart. They moved their lips together, the wetness on their cheeks mixing so neither knew whose tears were whose. They wrapped their arms around each other as though their lives depended on it, pressed chest to chest. Jay pulled out of the kiss, looking at Alex, eyes flickering between his eyes and his pink, wet mouth.

“Don’t say it Lex, because I need to say it first. Lex... I love you. I love you with all my heart.”

Alex smiled widely as he saw Jay's mouth stretch into a full-blown grin. “I love you too.”

That was all either of them needed to hear. They moved their lips back together, locking them in a sweet caress, and it was bliss. They held one another, their mouths telling each other all they needed to know: ‘All is forgiven, and I love you’.
Jay shifted on the sofa and lay down, pulling Alex on top of him, their lips never breaking apart. Alex crawled up Jay a little, settling so they were perfectly face to face. Alex's hand found its way up into Jay's hair, tangling his fingers in the unbrushed black strands. He felt Jay's hands snake up around his waist, and pause for a moment before one gently crept up under his shirt. He couldn’t deny he loved the sensation of Jay's soft hands on his bare skin, but he had to stop. He unwillingly pulled away from Jay's lips.

“Mmm, Jay...”

“Yeah?” He looked up at Alex, his eyes practically glittering with flecks of gold.

“I... This is nice, I just don’t... after what happened last night, I don’t really...”

Jay looked shocked and hurt as he gazed up. He moved his hand out from under Alex's shirt and cupped his cheek instead. “Lex, I would never... I’d only... Only if you wanted to, okay? I swear I’ll never make you do anything.”

“Okay, Jay. I know, I just didn’t-“

“Sshh it’s fine, don’t worry baby.”

Alex smiled. He’d never been called ‘baby’ before, and he loved it. He loved being called baby, he loved being here with Jay, and he loved Jay most of all. Alex laid back down, resting his head over Jay's heart.

“Hey, Lex?”

“Yeah?”

“If you have another party, be careful, yeah?”

“I will, I promise.” Alex nuzzled Jay's chest and reached up to lace their fingers together again.

Jay shifted a little under Alex, and spoke again. “Seriously Lex. I’ve seen alcohol do horrid things to people, I don’t want to see it happen to you too.”

Alex looked up and let go of Jay's hands, folded his arms across Jay's and rested his chin on them. “What do you mean?”

“Just... My old friends, and how I used to be.”

“Can... Can you tell me?” Alex asked tentatively, not knowing if Jay wanted to talk about his past.

He sighed, but began to speak. “When we were in high school, I got into a bad crowd. They all hung out with the college drop-outs and did some really bad drugs. At first, I tried not to do anything stupid, you know? But then my Grandmother passed away and Jaime and I got together and... Things got out of control. I still don’t know how I managed to make it through school with all the grief and drugs to help me forget. Jaime always did stupid stuff, but I got involved and things got dangerous.”

“How? What happened?”

Jay sighed again, but carried on. “One night, we were out drinking, and we’d taken something. I, ah, can’t remember what, but it was dodgy. We decided it would be a good idea to climb the fence into the old train station, you know?”

“The wreck on the east side of town?”

“Yeah, that one. Anyway... it was just me and Jaime, and he decided to go first, that way he could help me down on the other side. He’d just reached the top and... he, er... lost his footing. Slipped, fell. He landed on the other side and screamed. He landed and the noise he made... It haunted me for weeks. I can still remember it now...” Jay was obviously upset by telling this story, and Alex didn’t want Jay to be upset.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say what-“

“No, it’s fine. So... He landed and he was, like, howling. I couldn’t get over, the drugs had fucked me up too badly and I couldn’t climb the fence. Instead I called 911. They nearly hung up on me, I was so hysterical and drugged up they couldn’t understand me and thought it was some drunken prank call. Eventually they got there, an ambulance and fire crew. They cut through the fence and got Jaime out. Turns out he’d landed on a piece of metal girder sticking out the ground, it had pierced his neck and he couldn’t move.”

“Couldn’t move? But... He wasn’t paralysed...”

“No, but he lost a lot of blood. He had a huge scar going round the right side of his neck. He grew his hair longer, didn’t want anyone seeing it. He started to get moody all the time, angry...” Jay started to zone out a bit and stopped talking.

Alex remained watching him and grew worried when Jay started crying again. “Jay? Gee what’s wrong?”

“He... He got so angry...”

Alex sat up and sat astride Jay's stomach, holding the man’s face in his hands and wiping away the tears with his thumbs. “Jay? Look at me...” Jay sat up, making Alex shuffle backwards a little. He looked hurt, but quickly wrapped his arms around Alex's middle and held him tightly. Alex was confused and worried, but hugged him back, just as tightly.

“I promise I will never hurt you Alex, I swear. I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want. Not ever, I promise.” He whispered to Alex through his tears. In that moment, Alex realised exactly what was going on.

“Jay... Did... did Jaime hurt you?”

“Yes.” Jay wailed into Alex's shoulder, his body taken over by shaking sobs.

Alex went into a state of shock and just held Jay even tighter. Not only had his friends abandoned him, but Jaime had hurt him. Fucking creepy weirdo Jaime, the sick fuck. How could anyone hurt Jay, his precious, beautiful Jay? They sat there, both quietly crying again until Jay calmed down and stopped shaking.

Alex pulled away and looked Jay in the eyes. “Jay, I swear that as long as I’m living, no one will ever hurt you again. Trust me.” He smiled as the corners of Jay's mouth twitched up. Alex pulled down his sleeve and wiped away Jay's tears, the man peacefully closing his eyes and just enjoying the contact. Alex moved his hand away and place a soft kiss on Jay's lips.The man smiled and opened his eyes.

“You’re wearing the hoodie I bought you.” He grinned.

“Yeah, I am.” Alex smiled back.

That sofa is where they remained for the rest of the day. They lay there, side by side, and spoke about nothing and anything and everything. Hopes, fears, music, books, comics, anything that would distract them from Jay's past.
Soon, before they even realised it, it was dark and after much pleading on Alex's part, they ordered pizza and Alex texted his mom while Jay went to find some old pyjamas for Alex to wear overnight. They sat side by side, eating pizza and laughing at the ‘special effects’ in the old horror movies Jay had stockpiled. When the clock reached midnight, they agreed that they should sleep. As Jay's house only had 1 bedroom, Alex had to decide between the floor and Jay's bed. Safe to say that when Alex did finally fall asleep, it was in Jay's arms, their legs tangled under the duvet, their steadily rising and falling chests unknowingly synchronising as their heads gently rested against each others in innocent, peaceful slumber.

Notes

But what happened between Alex and Zack? o: