Sit Back, Gotta Catch My Breath

"Sorry about last night, Jack," I appologized again.
"It's fine," he reassured me, "It's not your fault your mom wouldn't leave us alone. Don't feel bad. It's not that big a deal." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, but then dropped it, remembering we were in school.
I shut my locker. "I just don't think it's fair to you. But whatever. If you're not worried about it, then I guess it really isn't that big a deal." I looked down at the shorts and t-shirt I was holding in my hands, and then back up at Jack. "I better get to gym class. I'll see you later." I turned on my heel and fast-walked down the hall and to the gym. I walked into the locker room and quickly got changed into my P.E. clothes. I always felt self-concious changing in front of other people. I hated my body, so I'm sure the view wasn't pleasant for them, either. So I always changed as quickly as I could.
I finished putting on my shoes and was about to walk out of the locker room when a big hand shoved me against the wall. With wide eyes, I looked at the muscular figure in front of me.
Broc.
"W-What do you want, Broc?" I asked, trying my hardest not to sound frightened, but really, I was scared shitless. I looked around the locker room. Of course we were alone. Why the hell not?
"I wanted to talk to you, faggot," he said, "And I'm telling you now that if you tell anyone about this, I will see to it you regret it for the rest of your short life."
I gulped and nodded.
An evil grin formed on the boy's lips. "Good." He dropped his hand from my chest and took a step toward me so our faces were mere inches apart. "Now, I know you and Jack never broke up. I know it's all just a bullshit lie."
I bit my lip and shook my head. "N-No. We really did b-break up. We're straight. I-It was just an... an experiment."
He punched me in the gut. "Shut up you fucking faggot. You will speak when I tell you to speak. Got it?"
I clutched my stomach and whined as I nodded.
He popped his knuckles. "Now, as I was saying, I know you two are still a couple. And I will tell everyone the truth unless you do everything I tell you."
I nodded again. Where was he going with this?
"From what I've seen, you're the bitch of the relationship. The catcher. The girl. Am I right?"
I bit my lip and nodded. I hated the way he said it, but he was right.
He locked the locker room door before returning to his original spot. "Alright. My girlfriend has gone on a little strike recently. Says she won't have sex with me unless I quit drinking."
Oh, shit. Is this going where I think it's going?
"So get on your knees and do your fucking job, bitch." He put a hand on my shoulder and shoved me down to my knees.
I quickly started skaking my head. "N-no. I w-won't do it." I attempted to stand up, but Broc just punched me in the gut again, causing me to fall back down.
"Don't argue with me, faggot. If you don't do this, I will tell everyone the truth about you and Jack... including Jack's dad."
My stomach dropped at the thought of Jack's dad knowing. He put Jack in the hospital last time. He could very well kill him if he found out Jack was still with me. I had no choice... I had to do this... For Jack.

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I sat there at the lunch table, feeling guilty as fuck. I kept reminding myself that it was to save Jack's life, but it didn't help. Guilt was starting to eat me from the inside out. I was pulled out of my thoughts by a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Jack, and the feeling of guilt doubled. He had a smile on his face. He looked so happy. He had no idea that just about an hour ago, I basically cheated on him.
Damn it, Alex, you had no choice. He won't find out. Stop worrying.
"Hey, Lex," he said, sitting down next to me, shortly followed my Rian and Cassadee, who sat across from us.
"Hey," I said flatly as I continued eating my salad.
The smile disappeared from his face and his eyebrows pulled together. "You okay, Lex?"
"Hm? Oh. Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little sore from gym class." That wasn't a lie. My stomach was sore from Broc hitting me.
He nodded and patted my back. "Well, maybe I can give you a massage later," he said in a hushed tone so no one would hear him.
I nodded. "Maybe."
The rest of lunch went by pretty quick. I listened to Jack and Rian talk about the new Blink-182 album as I picked at my salad, taking a bite here and there. And I couldn't help but wonder... what would happen if Jack did find out what happened in the locker room?

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I sat on my bed, alone in the dark room. It was about two in the morning and I couldn't sleep, because every time I closed my eyes, the images from gym class flashed before me, followed by Jack's smiling face. I sighed and ran my hand through my messy hair. I stood up and started pacing the room. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go on feeling guilty like this, but I couldn't tell Jack. I sighed again. I missed Tom. I could talk to him about this. He would know what to do.
A tear slipped from my eye and rolled down my cheek. Tom. Damn, I miss him. The tears continued to roll down my cheeks and drip off my chin. Why did he have to leave us? Why? Was being my brother really that terrible? Did he really hate this family that much? I mean, why else would he do it?
I wiped the tears from my face and quickly, but quietly, went to the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door and turned on the light. I looked in the mirror at my tear-stained face. My hideous, acne-covered, tear-stained face. How could anyone find that attractive? Why could anyone want that? I bit my lip as more tears fell. I quickly grabbed my shaving razor from the top drawer and plaved it on the counter. I grabbed one of the decorative rocks off the shelf and smashed it down on the razor. I put the rock back in its place and grabbed the blade from the pile of broken plastic.
I turned on the sink and took a deep breath as I pushed the blade to my wrist. I ran the sharp metal across my pale skin as more and more tears fell from my eyes. I felt a wave of relief wash over me as blood dripped into the sink and down the drain. I ran the metal across my skin again and again until I couldn't handle it anymore. I dropped the razor onto the counter and stuck my wrist under the running water. I just stood there watching the water turn red as it touched my broken skin.
After a few minutes, the bleeding slowed and I turned off the sink. I grabbed some gauze from under the sink and wrapped it around my wrist. I sighed as I put the roll of gauze back after using what I needed. I cleaned up all the evidence and disposed of it before returning to my room. I sat down on my bed and pulled my lyric notebook out of my school backpack and opened it to a blank page. I grabbed a pencil and instantly started writing.

My ship went down
In a sea of sound
When I woke up alone
I had everything
A handful of moments
I wish I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare
That cut like a blade

In a city of fools
I was careful and cool
But they tore me apart like a hurricane
A handful of moments
I wish I could change
But I was carried away

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy
You were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery

My lungs gave out
As I faced the crowd
I think that keeping this up
Could be dangerous
I'm flesh and bone
I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delerious

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy
You were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery

Arrogant boy
Love yourself so no one has to
They're better off without you
Arrogant boy
Cause a scene like you're supposed to
They'll fall asleep without you
You're lucky if your memory remains

Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy
You were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery

Therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy
You were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery

Notes

Oh, shit.
Sorry everyone. I'm sure you hate me now. -.-

-Ryan