*If you haven't read the prequel to this story, the dates and time in this chapter might confuse you. I am aware All Time Low was formed in their freshman year of high school, but while I was writing the prequel to this, I had changed it to them forming in their senior years. Sorry for the confusion if it was caused.*

Chapter inspiration: Mixtape – Jimmy Eat World

Victoria cursed herself that she never got her horrible windshield wipers fixed. The rain poured hard down on her shield, making it hard to see as she drove down the highway at a faster speed than she intended. Gripping her steering wheel tight, she decided she should start thinking rationally right about now. But it became so difficult.

She didn’t know where she was driving to. She wished she did. She should have been on her way to work. She could do it: turn around right now and go to work before she got fired. But right now, she honestly didn’t care. She needed to think things out, even though that was far than what she was doing right now.

Looking over at the passenger seat, she spied something she shouldn’t have. Stuffed in between the cushions was the CD Alex had made that Jack had given her just days ago. Every fiber of her being begged her not to listen to it. It would only cause more pain for her. Even so, she didn’t stop herself from reaching over the seat and popping the disc in.

Her hands tightened around the wheel at the sound of Alex’s voice through the speakers. No, not his singing voice, but his actual voice.

“Uh, well, hi.” His voice made a low chuckle through the speakers. Was this supposed to be some kind of stupid monologue? “I don’t know why I’m doing this. This is mostly for me, but I guess it’s better to let everything out. No one is going to listen to this, but―um―here I go, I guess.

“So the first song is called, ‘Hit the Lights.’ I had written it when the band first started. I had actually written it by the time Victoria and I first started dating.” Soft laughter. “I was … so in love with her. In such little time, I had fallen so hard for her. She was just so … Victoria. I can’t really explain it. But the point is, I had written this song so early in the relationship because I already knew I wanted to take her to prom. For some reason, asking someone to high school prom is equal to a marriage proposal. Victoria talked about that once, about how stupid it was to make such a big deal over asking someone a simple question. She would go on about it―‘Why does it have to be so extravagant?’ and ‘Why can’t people just ask others in a simple form?’ Little did she know the plan I had to ask her.

“It wasn’t much of a plan, now that I think about it. I just got all the guys together in Rian’s garage and told Victoria to meet me there later. She opened the garage door and we completely attacked her with the song I had written.” He laughed a little, and that was when Victoria noticed the soft tears falling down her cheeks. “She was kind of pissed about it, which I expected because she hates surprises. But I got her to accept the invitation, and that was all I cared about.”

The song instantly played through the car radio. Victoria remembered this song so clearly. If she could close her eyes, it would be like she was transported back to that time in Rian’s garage. She wanted that time back. Everything was so simple then …

“The next song, ‘Circles,’ I wrote instantly out of high school.” His voice appeared again. “I wrote it when I was―uh―kinda sad. We had gotten a record deal, and I had to move to California with the guys. I―um―I left her behind … I didn’t want to, but I had to. And I … I promised her I’d come back when I knew I couldn’t.”

“He … he knew?” Her whisper came out more hoarse due to the tears falling from her eyes.

His voice continued on: “I was reminiscing a month after I left her so she could finish school. I missed her … I missed her so god damn much. So, yeah. This song’s about me missing her like the crazy lunatic I am.”

The song started immediately, leaving her breathless at the first set of lyrics. “Inquisitive and thoughtful, she was the challenge he'd been waiting for …”

She couldn’t take this anymore. Her driving was becoming sloppy. Without thinking, she pulled on the side of the highway. She turned the speakers on blast. She didn’t understand why she was doing this to herself. She knew this was going to be the death of her, so why was she still playing the CD?

“‘We Say Summer’ is about our summer together. I had first met Victoria the summer of my senior year. I was …” Low chuckle. “… I was kind of a dick to her when I first met her. I had just move from across town to another house so I could attend public school for my last year of high school. Her family had come over for dinner to meet mine for that whole ‘neighborly thing.’ She completely hated it, as well as I. I had invited her into my room even though I didn’t particularly know her. She was pretty and so I thought, ‘Fuck it.’ I never thought I’d start a friendship with her. She liked Incubus and, oh, when she told me she saw them live, I was sold.

“During the summer before school, we became closer. I was always wondering when to approach her, because I knew she had other things to do than hang with her loser neighbor. But she was always hanging in her room reading or drawing on her ledge below her window. I had taken her to her first party and caused her first ever grounding―something I’m not very proud of. And she―including Jack, whom she made me meet―got me into some of the best music I still like today. Our first summer together was the start of something special, and it started my falling for her.”

She was clawing at the leather on the steering wheel, tears staining her cheeks as the song played. Her forehead crashed on the wheel as the chorus rang: “Smile like you don't give a damn about the consequence, just say anything. We say summer holds such wonderful things.”

“The song, ‘Vegas,’ was something special written in such a broad format.” Her eyes drifted to the speakers as his voice emerged again. “It was written about all the special times Victoria and I had together in general. The nights we stayed up late talking and the mornings we woke up next to each other with smiles. It was almost ironic―she had told me that before we met, she never used to get out much. But I always had so much fun with her than anyone else. She had such a way with people and making others feel better for a girl who barely ever spoke her mind unless it was to cuss someone out. She was … she was someone different. And I told her once, that if I had the chance, I’d marry her in Vegas. She laughed at me and called me a liar, and I let her think that.”

She remembered that time all too clearly. She never believed him when he had said that. She had never believed a lot with Alex because she had never had as many experiences like that before him. She had never been called beautiful or spent nights talking to someone for hours. Everything with Alex was always new when they were young, so forgive her for thinking someone would actually want to marry her in general.

His laughter signaled at the end of the song. “The next song is one of my favorites about the good times we shared. Victoria was always a big lover of music. She always said that ‘music expresses our true desires and feelings when we don’t have the balls to just say it ourselves.’ And she was right. Because I wouldn’t be putting this CD together of songs written about her if I actually had the balls to call her myself and finally talk to her.

“But enough about that. Victoria got me into some of the music that inspired my band today. If she hadn’t gotten me into Blink or Green Day, my band would have been fucked. She always had the best taste, and she was, metaphorically, lost in the stereo.”

The song reached the speakers instantly: “Lost in stereo, lost in stereo!” The song was catchy and fun, and she could feel bubbles rushing to her stomach at the lyrics, “She works for the weekend, mixtape of her favorite bands. Tearin’ up the radio, lost in the stereo sound.” The whole song reminded her of the first party they went to at Jacks, when Victoria spied them dancing crazily together to Blink 182.

“‘Time Bomb’ was written at a time of my realization. I had spent years away from Victoria when I had promised her I’d come back. Not even a call or a text. I had spent years hidden away in Cali or on tour, writing songs about this girl I was still madly in love with while I continued a horrible on-off relationship or slept around. I had realized I needed to get over her. It was kind of a dark time for me. I mean, I started writing it around the anniversary of my half-brother’s death. I had started blaming myself, saying I shouldn’t have even started the friendship with her in the first place. I told myself I should’ve realized how we were going to explode someday, what with me being a grade higher than her. Now I realize I won’t ever regret what I started with her, even though it was literally like a time bomb set into motion.”

There it was. First it was the good songs, the ones that would make her feel happy inside and reminiscing on the good times. Then he had to hit her with this. “Baby, we’re like a time bomb. But I need it, wouldn’t have it any other way.” No, no, no, why hadn’t she taken this CD out already?

“I had started writing ‘A Daydream Away’ while I was with Victoria during the spring time. It was based on a weekend we spent together; the weekend she officially told me she loved me. It sounds really cheesy, but I had been waiting for that day from the start. I finally didn’t feel stupid for loving her so much, because now I knew she felt the same. We had laid on her kitchen floor the whole day, talking with all the windows open to let in the warm air. We had later gone out and watched a stupid man chase after his wife who screamed at him to get away. And we got a good laugh out of that as I said it would be us someday, even though she denied it. We had ended up sitting in my car for a while, drinking from an aged bottle of rum I had stolen from my parents’ cabinet when they weren’t looking. I had drunk more than her, and she had offered to drive me home, even though she was a little tipsy herself. For her generous task, I offered her a shirt to the stay at my house, and because she was already sleepy enough, she accepted.

“I didn’t finish the chorus or bridge during that spring though. I had finished it after writing ‘Time Bomb,’ which is the reason for the grim chorus. If only I had written the full song in the past, so it wouldn’t be like how it was intended. But, in the end, the song was truer. She was always just far away, and it was all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault …” She whispered into the steering wheel’s leather, as if he could hear her. She understood and she cared, and all she wanted to do right now was wrap her arms around him and tell him that.

No, she wanted their days in high school back.

She let out a loud sigh as the last voice over began. “The last song, ‘Remembering Sunday,’ was written during our last days together. That last week … I wasn’t the same. I had drank every night and woke up every morning with the worst hangover. We had stayed with each other every night that week, but I still had the nightmares. It was the same one, every night for seven days. It would start with me coming home from tour and searching for her in the rain, but she was …” The sound of him sniffling sounded through the speakers. Was he crying? “But she was always gone. I had asked everyone, even the neighbors, where she was but they kept on saying she moved away. But I could hear her. Over the sound of the pounding rain, I could hear her voice. She kept on saying the same thing: how disappointed she was in me and how I never came back sooner and how she was over me …

“It was probably the reason for me never returning to her. I was scared my dream would come true. But that doesn’t give me any excuse for my mix up. I walked out on her, and that’s all there is to it.”

The song started with a light strumming of guitar, and then his voice flowed softly, “He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes, started making his way past 2 in the morning. He hasn't been sober for days …”

No, she couldn’t do it.

Almost instantly, she ejected the CD and broke it in half. “NO!” She screamed at the object, throwing the pieces in the backseat of her car. She regretted it suddenly. She wanted it back. Why did she break that? That was her only evidence left that Alex still loved her, and she fucking broke it! Why was she always screwing up?

She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and dialed the only person she could talk to at a time like this. Her feelings went in a cycle: from tears to sobbing to sighing, and then all over again. Her head leaned against the steering wheel, the dial tone forever ringing in her ear.

Her first sigh of relief was when he actually picked up.

“Hello?”

“J―Jack?”

“Hey, Hammy! How’s work?” His booming and cheery voice was enough to make her feel the least bit better.

“Jack?” She breathed heavily to stop the tears from falling.

“Yo, Vic, are you okay?”

“Why do I always fuck up?”

He could finally hear her sobs on the other end. “What happened?”

“I always fuck up and mess up people’s lives, Jack.” She cried into the phone, almost forgetting she was talking to a real voice this time. “I can’t get my own fucking life together, so I mess up others’ lives. Why do I have to fucking do that?”

“Victoria, where are you?”

“ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, JACK!” She knotted her hands into her already messed up hair. She felt herself becoming more and more insane as the seconds progressed.

“YOU’RE NOT A FUCK UP, OKAY?” His voice was even louder on the phone. “You’re the farthest from being a fuck up. You’re smart and amazing, Victoria. Whatever happened with Alex, it doesn’t dictate who you are in life. Now tell me where you are.”

She huffed out a sigh, calming herself down. “I’m on the side of the highway, near exit 8.”

“I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Whatever.”

And she let her phone fall to the bottom of her feet as she hung up.

Notes

CD playlist
Whoooooooaaa, long chapter! I spent a LONG time writing this, mostly because it's a huge part in the story.
And, as stated above, if you haven't read the prequel, Bulletproof Love, the situation with the dates might be a little confusing. I know ATL started in their freshman year and not senior year. I wrote it so it was formed in their senior year just for the prequel's plot. Sorry for confusion!
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