Find a Reason to Feel

“Good morning!” Emma basically sings as I walk through the threshold of my kitchen.

“Morning.” I grunt at her, rubbing my eyes with exhaustion.

She’s flipping pancakes happily, Aria attached to her side. I slip Aria out of her arms and into mine. I hook up my phone to my Bluetooth speaker hiding on the spice rack. Instantly, Skyway Avenue comes on and Aria squeals with excitement.

“Oh you know this song?” I raise my eyebrows in surprise at her.

Aria wiggles in my arms, so I let her down on the floor and she dances around with such happiness. She twirls around the kitchen table, around me, and around her mother. I glance up at Emma, trying to read her face. I know she has to remember this song. She looks happy, but pained at the same time.

“I used to play this song for her all the time while she was growing up. I swear for a solid three months this was the only way I could get her to fall asleep.” Emma rolls her eyes with a small laugh, putting the last batch of pancakes on an already towering stack.

We sit down at the table like a family, all laughter and maple syrup. I look at the two of them, mother daughter, my most prized possessions. It’s amazing to me that just a few weeks ago my life was in turmoil. I couldn’t feel more fulfilled than I do in this exact moment. I kissed Emma last night and she kissed me back. It was the most incredible sensation my lips have ever encountered. Our love sparked between each kiss. That’s all we did. We kissed. I swear I’ve never even had better sex in the past 3 years than that kiss.

“Barakat!” Emma kicks me under the table grinning. “I was talking to you!”

“Sorry.” I laugh bashfully.

“As I was saaaaaying…” She begins. “I called Alex this morning. He said we wanted us all to do something today. Apparently he has a huge agenda for us.”

As she finished her sentence, I hear the front door fling open. Alex comes trotting into the kitchen, like a happy puppy with Lisa trailing by his side.

“Good morning my beautiful extended family!” He grins from ear to ear, grabbing two plates from the cabinets. “We are here for breakfast!”

He looks around the table with a frown, realizing there’s only one chair left. He walks over to Aria’s chair and scoops her up, making her squeal with laughter. He sits in her spot and sits her on his lap, feeding her a bite of syrup soaked pancake. Lisa sits next to me with a quick kiss to my cheek and squeezes Emma’s hand.

“Are you listening to We the Kings?” Alex refers to the playlist blaring. “C’mon man, haven’t you heard of All Time Low?”

The mention of our band makes my gut twist and turn. I don’t want to ever leave this house. “Shut up Alex.” I grumble.

“God I forgot how grouchy you are in the morning princess.” Alex fakes being hurt, throwing his hands in the air. “Well I was up all night planning our day today. How does the aquarium sound? Dolphins, fishies, even sharks!” He tickles Aria.

She squeals and hops up and down in his lap happily.

“That sounds like fun.” Emma smiles, wiping her mouth. “I haven’t done something like that since I was a kid. What do you think Jack?”

Before I can even get a sentence out Alex interrupts. “Actually I was thinking Jack and I could have our own date day. I wanted to send you girls to have an awesome day. After the aquarium I have reservations made for you at Café Hon this funky little restaurant with goofy art I think Aria will like. After lunch you girls are going to get your nails done, hands and toes. We’ll meet back at the house around 3?” He shoves a mouthful of pancakes in his mouth innocently, clearly up to something.

“Oh.” Emma blinks rapidly. “Well that sounds like fun. I could go for a girl’s day. No offense Jack.”

“None taken.” I chuckle lightly. “Although you better watch out. I think we all know Alex well enough to know when he’s up to something.” I shoot him a look.

Lisa laughs. “I know what he’s up to but don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous. Just go along with it!”

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“Okay so you have a diaper bag, baby food, your phone, my card, pacifiers-“ I list.

“Yes Jack! I have it all!” Emma laughs lugging around a bag that’s almost bigger than her. “Although this can of pepper spray is a bit much. We’re going to the zoo not the ghetto!”

“Listen you aren’t going to have me to protect you. I just need to know that you and my daughter are safe.” I pinch her waist playfully.

“I think the pocket knife you gave me will take care of that.” Lisa rounds the corner rolling her eyes, Aria holding her hand. “Come on Jack will you let us leave already!”

“Okay, okay.” I fuss. “Get out of here girls. Go have fun.”

Alex kisses Lisa goodbye and I lean in to do the same to Emma. She ducks and wraps her arms around me instead.

“Goodbye Emmabear.” I murmur in her ears.

She flinches, and turns beet red. “Bye Jack.”

It hurt a little, to not be called Jackypoo. I let it slide and lean down kissing Aria’s head. I watch as my new little family walks to Lisa’s car. Alex jumps in front of me excitedly.

“WHO’S READY FOR DRUNK BABY SHOPPING?!” He shouts, grabbing a wrapped present out from his back pocket.

I crack up. Leave it to Alex to make baby shopping a drinking game. I grab the present from him and unwrap it. It’s a flask that says “Sort of OK Dad” full of Jack Daniels. Taped to it, is a list.

“It’s the key to the game!” Alex explains, unfolding the paper. “We’re supposed to drink every time we hear a baby cry, every time we see an uncomfortable dad, a controlling mom, a loose baby, the list goes on! I’ve set aside $500 and I intend on using every last bit of it on my new niece. Should we get going?”

I grin, happy he is taking interest in Aria. “That means a lot to me man. Thank you for caring about my girl.”

“Like I said man, she’s family now. She stole my heart the second you opened that door. I’m gonna spoil her like no other.” He grins, pulling me in for a bro-hug. “Now come on lets do some shots in the kitchen, refill our flasks, and call an Uber.”

Alex and I sit in my kitchen, taking shots and talking back and forth.

“So what’s up with you and Emma? Tell me you’ve tapped that since she’s been back.” Alex says, 4 shots in.

I down my fifth before speaking. “It’s not like that this time around man. It wasn’t the first time either. She’s like a wounded bird getting ready to fly again. She needs time to herself to work on her demons. She’s still suffering pretty badly. I don’t want to put her at risk of any more pain.”

Alex nods understandingly, pouring us another shot. “She seems almost worse than the last time I saw her. She was troubled in high school but this Emma seems worse. She’s trying to keep it together for your kid but if you guys didn’t have Aria I don’t think Emma would be with us.”

Notes

HELLO PEOPLE OF FANFICTION
I don't know what made me update. Maybe it was the frustration that one of my favorite authors hasn't updated in a year. I feel bad I let you down! Is anyone still out there?? The updates will be slow, but I promise to try to work on them. Give me a chapter or two. My writing doesn't come as natural to me anymore. It has been 2 years, after all.
Let me know if you're still with me!