Thanks To You
Thanks to you.
My brain kind of turned off for a moment, you know like when you feel your life is in slow motion? That’s exactly what happened, the fireworks had stopped in middle air, the wind that before was blowing heavily now stopped, and everything went calm. It was just me and him. He was completely in silence, everything was silent.
“What’s this Jack?” I broke the silence, staring at my hand, I couldn’t really see anything, it was a dumb question though.
“A ring.” He said, he seemed as lost as me.
“And what does that mean?” I asked, turning around to face him, I was just teasing, I knew what it meant, I just wanted to hear it from his mouth.
“It means you’re my boyfriend Alexander.” He said, serious.
“So now I can tell the world you’re my boyfriend?” I asked, pouting and getting on my knees.
“Yes you can Mr.” He said, putting his hands on my waist.
I got up of the ground and stared at the stars once more, now that the fireworks were gone.
“HEY WORLD.” I shouted, Jack giggled and started to get up. “JACK BARAKAT IS MY BOYFRIEND, SO LEAVE HIM ALONE.” Jack was laughing really loud and wrapped his arms around me. We were drunk, so who cares?
“Hey babe?” He said, and I turned around, still in his arms. “You seeing that star up there?” He asked, pointing at one of the billions of stars above us.
“Which one Jack?” I laughed at him.
“That one, near the moon.” He said, he looked serious though.
“Oh, I see it.” I pretended to know where he was pointing at. “What about it?” I asked, biting lightly his chin.
“It doesn’t matter where you are, look at the sky, and you’ll know I’ll always be there, watching you.” He said, kissing my hair. “Your hair smells good.” Jack and his ability of ruining his own fluffy moments.
“Ok Jacky, I won’t forget that.” I said, but I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh. “Go home Jack, you’re drunk.” I said, hugging his neck, still chuckling.
“Ok, but you’re going with me Mr. Gaskarth.” He said, picking me up and running towards the house.
As we got inside, Jack ran upstairs still with me on his arms, we were both laughing so much I was breathless.
As we reached what seemed to be his parents’ old bedroom, Jack dropped me on the bed. The room was completely dark, I couldn’t see a thing, just Jack’s shadow.
“Hey babe, do you think you can survive 20 seconds without me, in complete darkness, in an abandoned house, while I go get some wood to light up the fireplace?” He said, dissapearing into the bedroom’s darkness.
“I think so.” I laughed, but I had no reply.
The bedroom was creepy. The darkness was creepy. I got up and walked towards what seemed to be a window, opening the curtains. Luckily, it was a window, and now I could finally see the rest of the bedroom, that got filled with moonlight.
When I turned around Jack was standing in front of the fireplace with a pile of wood on his hands and I almost had a fucking heart attack and fell off the window.
“Did I scare you?” He said, finally lighting it up. The room was a lot more comfortable now.
“You ARE scary Jack.” I said, and sat on the bed, he just laughed.
The bedroom was really big, but still, simple. There was the bed, the fireplace, a huge closet and a bathroom door. No TVs or anything. I jumped a little bit on the bed, it was good. Jack had closed the window and the bedroom was starting to get hotter.
I stared at my hand and now I could see the silver ring in my finger. I removed it and stared at it for some time, seeing the fire reflexions all over it. There was something written on it, on the inside.
“What’s written here Jack?” I asked, still staring at the ring.
“Thanks to you.” He said.
“Why?” I asked, smiling, it was a cute thing to write on a ring.
“I don’t know, you say “thank you” a lot, and also, this is happening, and it’s all thanks to you, and I felt like it was a nice way of saying thank you for being with me though.” He said, I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his shy smile.
“It’s beautiful Jack.” I said, putting the ring back on my finger.
Jack closed the door and started to take his clothes off. He started to come closer, with a naughty smile on his face and only with his boxers on, and laid on the bed just behind me.
“Are you going to sleep naked like that?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes on his face.
“Ok, first of all, I’m not naked, and second, you should do the same thing too, it’s getting way too hot in here.” He said moving closer.
I now had to stare at the ground, I knew he wouldn’t see me blush, but I just couldn’t stare at him. Jack was skinny, but he still was just too hot for me. But I wasn’t like him. I hated my body, maybe because I was younger, so my body was skinny and had some weird muscles, but I didn’t like the idea of Jack seeing me naked, I was afraid of dissapointing him.
Lost in my thoughts, Jack was already sitting behind me. He had wrapped his arms around my waist and was starting to take my sweater off.
“You need some help with your clothes babe?” He said, kissing my neck, and I couldn’t find the voice to reply.
When he finally took my sweater off, he started to move his hands under my shirt, still kissing my neck.
“You’re so tiny Alex.” He whispered, I swear I moaned quietly, but I was just too lost to notice it.
“Oh, you’re a pedophile Jacky.” I said, bending my head backwards.
He just laughed and finished taking my shirt off, laying me on the bed right under him.
He sat on my thighs and started to remove my belt, then my pants, and when he finally got rid of them, he moved his head closer to mine again, smiling.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let his tongue break into my mouth. I never really tried to take control of our kisses, I didn’t feel confident enough and it looked like Jack knew what he was doing, and it was awesome. As I was getting breathless, I gently moved my tongue around his and he pulled back, moving his mouth behind my ear.
“Hey.” He whispered, grabbing my scarred wrists and holding them next to my head. “Do you trust me?” He asked, nervous.
“You know I do Jacky, why?” I was staring to get what he had in mind.
“Good.” I could feel his smile as he left a quick kiss there. “I want this to be the best night of your life, but I need you to cooperate.” He said, still without looking at me.
“Okay Jack, you can do whatever you want with me.” It was weird to say that, but it was the truth, and I really wanted Jack to do whatever he wanted to do with me.
“Close your eyes then.” It was all he asked for, I did as he said and he just smiled and began to leave a trail of kisses along my neck.
His mouth now moved along my chest and as he was getting closer to my boxers, he released my wrists and placed his hands on both sides of my waist.
I had my eyes closed and all I could feel was his hot breath on my dick. I wrapped my fingers on his hair and bit my bottom lip, trying to control my breath and moans, it was almost impossible though, I had never felt so nervous in my entire life.
And out of nowhere, he bit me, quickly but hard, making me scream, or moan, I wasn’t sure. He laughed and moved closer, now staring at me, only few inches between us.
“If you want me to stop, or even if you don’t want this.” He whispered, looking at me with a serious look. “I want you to tell me, I don’t wanna hurt you Alex.” He said, kissing my neck lightly.
“No Jack.” I said, I almost shouted actualy. “I want you.” My mind was a mess, I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore.
“And what do you want me to do to you Alex?” He whispered, and I could hear him giggling on my ear.
“I… I want you to forget about my age.” I said, between my heavy breathing, he nodded. “And fuck me Jack.” I wasn’t recognizing my own voice anymore. He smiled and kissed my bottom lip.
“So I need you to turn around.” He whispered, and I did as he asked. I trusted Jack, but I was nervous, I really was, my heart was beating fast and my head was spinning, I didn’t know exactly why.
As I was with my stomach against the bed, Jack took my boxers off and lifted my hips, getting me on my knees. I still had my eyes closed when he stopped touching me, I couldn’t feel him anymore.
“J-Jack?” I said, I couldn’t believe he was going to leave me like that.
“I’m here babe, just relax ok?” He said, kissing my back gently.
And suddenly Jack slid something wet into me, I finger probably, it felt weird, but at least it didn’t hurt. Seconds later he slid another one, then a third one, what made me sigh, it was really uncomfortable.
“That’s weird Jack.” I said, forcing a laugh.
“It must be.” He laughed back, he didn’t seem so nervous anymore. “But I’ll make it get better, I promise.” He whispered, kissing my shoulder. “Hey, do you love me?” He said, biting my neck.
“I-I do Jack.” And before I could hardly finish my sentence, Jack put his whole, thing, into me, and I screamed. Without holding back the tears that were now falling from my eyes, I kind of collapsed on the bed and fell with my face on the pillow, man that hurt so much.
“I’m sorry.” He said, I knew he was trying to be serious, but he couldn’t help it but laugh.
I don’t know how much time I spent there, just crying with my face buried in the pillow, but after some time I could finally find my voice back.
“Y-you can move now Jacky.” I whispered, barely hearable voice, I ended up giggling too.
“Dammit Alex, you’re so tight.” He said, laughing.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing though.
He didin’t say anything, he just started to move his hips back and forth. By that moment I didn’t know what was so special about it, it felt just like a huge amount of pain and tears and suffering, I wondered if I was bleeding, because it felt like I was dying, ripped in half. I didn’t say anything though, I wanted to see Jack happy, and he really seemed to be enjoying.
When suddenly, everything got better, like, a thousand times better. I don’t know if it was because he had started to go faster, or because he seemed to have hit a point that made my head spin even more and say random things not even I could understand.
Jack kissed my back and bit from time to time, and I knew I would wake up with some bruises, but I didn’t care. I felt like I was getting closer to collapsing again.
“J-Jacky?” I said. “I’m close.” I gasped, that was awesome.
“Will you wait a little bit babe?” He said, moving faster than before, if that’s even possible. “Ok babe, you can come now.” He whispered on my ear and it didn’t take me long to come all over the bed and fall on top of it, with Jack on top of me. I guess I screamed his name, I wasn't sure though.
He collapsed right after me, and I could feel the hot sticky liquid running down my legs.
Moments later, Jack inverted positions with me, so I rested my head on his chest. I was so done and fucking tired I felt like I could fall asleep at any moment.
After realizing what just happened, I hid my head on his chest. I was afraid I had dissapointed him, somehow.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered against his bare chest.
“Sorry for what?” He asked, laughing. “You were awesome babe, I love you.” He said, kissing the top of my head.
“I love you too.” I smiled, and raised my head to kiss his neck.
I fell asleep moments later in Jack’s arms. No nightmares anymore, I just couldn’t think of anything that could possibly ruin such a perfect moment.
I woke up with annoying sun light on my face. I had a terrible headache and everything about the day before was a big mess in my head.
I got up and saw this gorgeous human being laid on the bed, messy haired and sweaty. The bedroom was cold, the fireplace wasn’t on fire anymore and a cold breeze was coming from under the door. I pulled a sheet on top of Jack and walked towards the bathroom, my whole body was hurting a lot, I really needed a shower.
After a long and cold shower I put my boxers on again and tried to get my hair done, it was a terrible mess.
“I like it messy you know.” I looked through the mirror and Jack was walking towards me. “It’s hot.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around me and kissing one of my neck bruises.
“I hate it.” I laughed. “Thank you for that Jacky.” I smiled, looking at him through the mirror.
“Look at us.” He said, ignoring me, he still hugged me and now rested his head on my shoulder.
“What about us?” I asked, staring at our reflexion on the mirror.
“I don’t know.” He laughed. “We’re perfect.” He said, still staring at the bathroom mirror.
“You’re so gay Jack.” I laughed, turning aroung to face him, he laughed too. “Hey.” I said.
“Hey..?” He said, raising an eyebrow.
“Now that my dad is out of the hospital and things are easier at home.” I started, playing with his hair. “I want you to meet my parents.”
I didn’t know that was the worst decision I ever made.
“What’s this Jack?” I broke the silence, staring at my hand, I couldn’t really see anything, it was a dumb question though.
“A ring.” He said, he seemed as lost as me.
“And what does that mean?” I asked, turning around to face him, I was just teasing, I knew what it meant, I just wanted to hear it from his mouth.
“It means you’re my boyfriend Alexander.” He said, serious.
“So now I can tell the world you’re my boyfriend?” I asked, pouting and getting on my knees.
“Yes you can Mr.” He said, putting his hands on my waist.
I got up of the ground and stared at the stars once more, now that the fireworks were gone.
“HEY WORLD.” I shouted, Jack giggled and started to get up. “JACK BARAKAT IS MY BOYFRIEND, SO LEAVE HIM ALONE.” Jack was laughing really loud and wrapped his arms around me. We were drunk, so who cares?
“Hey babe?” He said, and I turned around, still in his arms. “You seeing that star up there?” He asked, pointing at one of the billions of stars above us.
“Which one Jack?” I laughed at him.
“That one, near the moon.” He said, he looked serious though.
“Oh, I see it.” I pretended to know where he was pointing at. “What about it?” I asked, biting lightly his chin.
“It doesn’t matter where you are, look at the sky, and you’ll know I’ll always be there, watching you.” He said, kissing my hair. “Your hair smells good.” Jack and his ability of ruining his own fluffy moments.
“Ok Jacky, I won’t forget that.” I said, but I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh. “Go home Jack, you’re drunk.” I said, hugging his neck, still chuckling.
“Ok, but you’re going with me Mr. Gaskarth.” He said, picking me up and running towards the house.
As we got inside, Jack ran upstairs still with me on his arms, we were both laughing so much I was breathless.
As we reached what seemed to be his parents’ old bedroom, Jack dropped me on the bed. The room was completely dark, I couldn’t see a thing, just Jack’s shadow.
“Hey babe, do you think you can survive 20 seconds without me, in complete darkness, in an abandoned house, while I go get some wood to light up the fireplace?” He said, dissapearing into the bedroom’s darkness.
“I think so.” I laughed, but I had no reply.
The bedroom was creepy. The darkness was creepy. I got up and walked towards what seemed to be a window, opening the curtains. Luckily, it was a window, and now I could finally see the rest of the bedroom, that got filled with moonlight.
When I turned around Jack was standing in front of the fireplace with a pile of wood on his hands and I almost had a fucking heart attack and fell off the window.
“Did I scare you?” He said, finally lighting it up. The room was a lot more comfortable now.
“You ARE scary Jack.” I said, and sat on the bed, he just laughed.
The bedroom was really big, but still, simple. There was the bed, the fireplace, a huge closet and a bathroom door. No TVs or anything. I jumped a little bit on the bed, it was good. Jack had closed the window and the bedroom was starting to get hotter.
I stared at my hand and now I could see the silver ring in my finger. I removed it and stared at it for some time, seeing the fire reflexions all over it. There was something written on it, on the inside.
“What’s written here Jack?” I asked, still staring at the ring.
“Thanks to you.” He said.
“Why?” I asked, smiling, it was a cute thing to write on a ring.
“I don’t know, you say “thank you” a lot, and also, this is happening, and it’s all thanks to you, and I felt like it was a nice way of saying thank you for being with me though.” He said, I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his shy smile.
“It’s beautiful Jack.” I said, putting the ring back on my finger.
Jack closed the door and started to take his clothes off. He started to come closer, with a naughty smile on his face and only with his boxers on, and laid on the bed just behind me.
“Are you going to sleep naked like that?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes on his face.
“Ok, first of all, I’m not naked, and second, you should do the same thing too, it’s getting way too hot in here.” He said moving closer.
I now had to stare at the ground, I knew he wouldn’t see me blush, but I just couldn’t stare at him. Jack was skinny, but he still was just too hot for me. But I wasn’t like him. I hated my body, maybe because I was younger, so my body was skinny and had some weird muscles, but I didn’t like the idea of Jack seeing me naked, I was afraid of dissapointing him.
Lost in my thoughts, Jack was already sitting behind me. He had wrapped his arms around my waist and was starting to take my sweater off.
“You need some help with your clothes babe?” He said, kissing my neck, and I couldn’t find the voice to reply.
When he finally took my sweater off, he started to move his hands under my shirt, still kissing my neck.
“You’re so tiny Alex.” He whispered, I swear I moaned quietly, but I was just too lost to notice it.
“Oh, you’re a pedophile Jacky.” I said, bending my head backwards.
He just laughed and finished taking my shirt off, laying me on the bed right under him.
He sat on my thighs and started to remove my belt, then my pants, and when he finally got rid of them, he moved his head closer to mine again, smiling.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let his tongue break into my mouth. I never really tried to take control of our kisses, I didn’t feel confident enough and it looked like Jack knew what he was doing, and it was awesome. As I was getting breathless, I gently moved my tongue around his and he pulled back, moving his mouth behind my ear.
“Hey.” He whispered, grabbing my scarred wrists and holding them next to my head. “Do you trust me?” He asked, nervous.
“You know I do Jacky, why?” I was staring to get what he had in mind.
“Good.” I could feel his smile as he left a quick kiss there. “I want this to be the best night of your life, but I need you to cooperate.” He said, still without looking at me.
“Okay Jack, you can do whatever you want with me.” It was weird to say that, but it was the truth, and I really wanted Jack to do whatever he wanted to do with me.
“Close your eyes then.” It was all he asked for, I did as he said and he just smiled and began to leave a trail of kisses along my neck.
His mouth now moved along my chest and as he was getting closer to my boxers, he released my wrists and placed his hands on both sides of my waist.
I had my eyes closed and all I could feel was his hot breath on my dick. I wrapped my fingers on his hair and bit my bottom lip, trying to control my breath and moans, it was almost impossible though, I had never felt so nervous in my entire life.
And out of nowhere, he bit me, quickly but hard, making me scream, or moan, I wasn’t sure. He laughed and moved closer, now staring at me, only few inches between us.
“If you want me to stop, or even if you don’t want this.” He whispered, looking at me with a serious look. “I want you to tell me, I don’t wanna hurt you Alex.” He said, kissing my neck lightly.
“No Jack.” I said, I almost shouted actualy. “I want you.” My mind was a mess, I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore.
“And what do you want me to do to you Alex?” He whispered, and I could hear him giggling on my ear.
“I… I want you to forget about my age.” I said, between my heavy breathing, he nodded. “And fuck me Jack.” I wasn’t recognizing my own voice anymore. He smiled and kissed my bottom lip.
“So I need you to turn around.” He whispered, and I did as he asked. I trusted Jack, but I was nervous, I really was, my heart was beating fast and my head was spinning, I didn’t know exactly why.
As I was with my stomach against the bed, Jack took my boxers off and lifted my hips, getting me on my knees. I still had my eyes closed when he stopped touching me, I couldn’t feel him anymore.
“J-Jack?” I said, I couldn’t believe he was going to leave me like that.
“I’m here babe, just relax ok?” He said, kissing my back gently.
And suddenly Jack slid something wet into me, I finger probably, it felt weird, but at least it didn’t hurt. Seconds later he slid another one, then a third one, what made me sigh, it was really uncomfortable.
“That’s weird Jack.” I said, forcing a laugh.
“It must be.” He laughed back, he didn’t seem so nervous anymore. “But I’ll make it get better, I promise.” He whispered, kissing my shoulder. “Hey, do you love me?” He said, biting my neck.
“I-I do Jack.” And before I could hardly finish my sentence, Jack put his whole, thing, into me, and I screamed. Without holding back the tears that were now falling from my eyes, I kind of collapsed on the bed and fell with my face on the pillow, man that hurt so much.
“I’m sorry.” He said, I knew he was trying to be serious, but he couldn’t help it but laugh.
I don’t know how much time I spent there, just crying with my face buried in the pillow, but after some time I could finally find my voice back.
“Y-you can move now Jacky.” I whispered, barely hearable voice, I ended up giggling too.
“Dammit Alex, you’re so tight.” He said, laughing.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing though.
He didin’t say anything, he just started to move his hips back and forth. By that moment I didn’t know what was so special about it, it felt just like a huge amount of pain and tears and suffering, I wondered if I was bleeding, because it felt like I was dying, ripped in half. I didn’t say anything though, I wanted to see Jack happy, and he really seemed to be enjoying.
When suddenly, everything got better, like, a thousand times better. I don’t know if it was because he had started to go faster, or because he seemed to have hit a point that made my head spin even more and say random things not even I could understand.
Jack kissed my back and bit from time to time, and I knew I would wake up with some bruises, but I didn’t care. I felt like I was getting closer to collapsing again.
“J-Jacky?” I said. “I’m close.” I gasped, that was awesome.
“Will you wait a little bit babe?” He said, moving faster than before, if that’s even possible. “Ok babe, you can come now.” He whispered on my ear and it didn’t take me long to come all over the bed and fall on top of it, with Jack on top of me. I guess I screamed his name, I wasn't sure though.
He collapsed right after me, and I could feel the hot sticky liquid running down my legs.
Moments later, Jack inverted positions with me, so I rested my head on his chest. I was so done and fucking tired I felt like I could fall asleep at any moment.
After realizing what just happened, I hid my head on his chest. I was afraid I had dissapointed him, somehow.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered against his bare chest.
“Sorry for what?” He asked, laughing. “You were awesome babe, I love you.” He said, kissing the top of my head.
“I love you too.” I smiled, and raised my head to kiss his neck.
I fell asleep moments later in Jack’s arms. No nightmares anymore, I just couldn’t think of anything that could possibly ruin such a perfect moment.
I woke up with annoying sun light on my face. I had a terrible headache and everything about the day before was a big mess in my head.
I got up and saw this gorgeous human being laid on the bed, messy haired and sweaty. The bedroom was cold, the fireplace wasn’t on fire anymore and a cold breeze was coming from under the door. I pulled a sheet on top of Jack and walked towards the bathroom, my whole body was hurting a lot, I really needed a shower.
After a long and cold shower I put my boxers on again and tried to get my hair done, it was a terrible mess.
“I like it messy you know.” I looked through the mirror and Jack was walking towards me. “It’s hot.” He whispered, wrapping his arms around me and kissing one of my neck bruises.
“I hate it.” I laughed. “Thank you for that Jacky.” I smiled, looking at him through the mirror.
“Look at us.” He said, ignoring me, he still hugged me and now rested his head on my shoulder.
“What about us?” I asked, staring at our reflexion on the mirror.
“I don’t know.” He laughed. “We’re perfect.” He said, still staring at the bathroom mirror.
“You’re so gay Jack.” I laughed, turning aroung to face him, he laughed too. “Hey.” I said.
“Hey..?” He said, raising an eyebrow.
“Now that my dad is out of the hospital and things are easier at home.” I started, playing with his hair. “I want you to meet my parents.”
I didn’t know that was the worst decision I ever made.
Update: I totally cried.
Again.
1/15/15