I woke up this morning and rolled over, regretting the day ahead of me. I groaned and clicked the button on my alarm clock again. Maybe Baltimore will be different, probably not. I fell back on the bed and pulled the covers over my head. "Uuuuygggghhh" I said into the blanket. I finally got enough courage to stand up. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out some clothes for today. More often than not now, considering I've been a little over 3 weeks clean, I wear short sleeves. But considering my past with schools, I decided against it and chose some long sleeves.


I pulled over a black and white strip sweater over my polka dot bra. I changed my piercings and put in some earrings that would match my shoes. I pulled on some regular jeans. I made sure I had my necklace and looked at my hair before deciding something had to be done about it. I walked into my bathroom and straightened my hair. I brushed my teeth and left the bathroom. I took a shower last night so I wouldn't have to deal with it this morning.


I walked over to my bed and sat down with my shoes and socks in hand. I sighed and pulled them on my feet.I stood back up grabbing my wallet and phone and left my room. I walked down the steps and over to my fridge. I pulled out a bottle of water and shoved it into my back pack sitting in the chair at the breakfast bar. I Pulled my back pack on and walked closer to the door. I reached for the door knob.


Can I do this? Is anyone gonna make fun of me? Will they see my scars? Do they know about my sister?! I moved my hand from the door knob. "I can't do this." I said out loud to no one in particular. "Yes you can." I heard a voice from behind me. I turned and came face to face with my dad. "Its just another school, you will be fine. I know you." He said pulling me into a hug. "T-Thanks dad." I said into his chest. "Now hurry up, before I beg you to stay and watch movies with me today." I laughed and hugged him tighter. "You don't know how much I appreciate this dad." He kissed my forehead. "You're welcome baby."


I pulled away and reached for the handle again. I twisted it and walked outside. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and headed towards my car. I slipped in and took a deep breath in. "You can do this, it's your last year. No one is gonna make fun of you, they don't know anything." I nodded at myself in the mirror and started my car. My phone started to ring.


Me: hello.
Alex: We're going out to breakfast wanna come?
Me: Duh. Where at?
Alex: Starbucks, do you know where it is?
Me: Yes Alex. Don't worry, I've been there a couple times, with you none the less.
Alex: Alright, Alright. I was just gonna see if you would accept my offer to drive you.
Me: Awwe. How sweet. I would if I wasn't already in my car almost there.
Alex: Ok then. I'll see you in a second then.
Me: Bye Alex.


I hung up and pulled into the starbucks. I saw everyone's car there, all except Alex's. I laugh ed as I stepped out of my car. I walked up to the door and stepped inside. "Hey!" I heard Rian yell. "Hey, Ri!" I yelled back as I walked over to the table. I sat next to Cassadee, who was sitting next to Rian. I gave her a hug. "So are you excited about your first day at Dulaney?" She asked. "No, not in particular. Where's Zack?" I asked looking around. he and I have gotten really close over this last week. " he goes to Liberty." Rian said. I turned to he, whipping my hair around in the process. "Awwe." I made a little potty face.


"Does someone have a crush on Zack?" Cass asked making a really raised eyebrow. "No, I just enjoy his quiet nature compared to the tweedle-Dee and tweedle-dumb twins." And just as I said that the two walked in. Rian and Cass were in stitches and could hardly breathe they were laughing so hard. "Speak of the devil." I said. "Good morning, lover." Jack said pulling me into a hug. "Awwe. Are we using nicknames now, sweet heart?" I asked as he took the seat across. "Eww. Gross, no way." Alex said pulling me into a hug. "You know we're just kidding." "Yeah I know." He said taking the seat across from me, next to Jack.


"I'm in need of coffee." I said standing up and walking to the counter. "Hello, what can I get you on this fine Monday morning?" This guy behind the counter asked. I looked up at him he was cute. His brown hair swooped over his eyes and they were a hazel brown. He looked adorable in gages, too. I blushed cause I realized I was staring. "Sorry... um... can I get a Grande black coffee?" "Sure... and you don't have to apologize" he leaned over the counter a little. "I was staring too." I blushed even harder and looked down with a huge smile on my face. I scooted down the counter while he took another person's order.

I looked down at my wallet while he took the 5 from my hand. He handed me my change and passed me my coffee. "Hope you think about it." He said and turned around. I looked down at my cup and written on the side was 'we should hang out sometime, I wanna take you bowling. Text me if you wanna go.' I smiled and walked back to the table. I set my cup down and pulled out my phone I typed in his number and gave a text back. 'Would you change your mind if I told you I've never bowled?' 'Not in the slightest but I would be honored if you let me teach you?' 'Yeah, I'd love to go with you.' I think dated back shoving my phone in my pocket.I got a smile on my face knowing I had a date.


"Why are you all smilie?" Cass asked. I looked up at her. "No reason." "What's written on the side of your cup?" She asked pulling my cup out from in front of me. "Cass, don't!" I said trying to pull it from her hands. "Bowling?! That's so cute!" She yelled. She turned her head to look at the guy behind the counter. "Oooh! And he's cute!" I laughed. "What are you talking about?!" Jack asked pulling the cup from Cass's hands. Alex scooted closer to him reading the cup. "Are you gonna go?!" Alex asked. "Yeah, I said I would. I've never been bowling so I thought it would be fun." I said. Jack leaned back in his seat crossing his arms. "I-we would have taken you if we'd a known." Jack said.


Cass shot him a look and it looked like they were arguing with their eyes. I looked down at my phone cause it buzzed. 'I'm Kyle by the way.' 'Paige, so when did you wanna do this bowling thing?' 'We could do it tonight if your free.' 'Sure, sounds great.' 'I'll pick you up around 7? I'll get your address and stuff.' 'Yeah that's perfect.' I finished and looked at the time. "Guys we're gonna be late." I said out loud we all piled out of the booth and went to walk out the door. I was last out. "Bye Paige!" I heard Kyle yell. I ran back in. "Bye Kyle!" He smile at me and I felt a hand on my wrist. "Come on, we're gonna be late." Alex said pulling me out of the store. "Really Alex? I was trying to be nice-" "Well."


I walked over to my car. I slid in the front seat but poked my head out the window. "I'm following you Ri." " Ok." He said climbing into his car. I got into mine. What the fuck is wrong with the two of them? They're acting ridiculous. I followed Rian out of the parking lot and up to the school. I pulled into my spot and got out. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked over to Cass and Rian. Alex and Jack made their way over in a minute. "Do you have your schedule yet?" Jack asked me. "No... I should probably go get that." I said and turned around. "Guys I'm gonna take Paige to get her schedule."

Jack grabbed my arm locking ours at the elbows. "Come on my lady." "Why thank you kind gentle man." I said back. We walked into the building and into the front office. "Ahh, Mr.Barakat. School hasn't even started yet and you're already in trouble?" A tall woman questioned. "No, I'm taking my...friend Paige to get her schedule." "Full name please?" She asked sitting at the computer. I opened my mouth to speak but Jack cut me off. "Paige Elizabeth Colegrove." She looked at Jack then me.

I shrugged and she continued. She printed the paper out. "Alright Mr.Barakat, it would be nice if you let her take her own classes maybe." He blushed and took the paper from her. We walked out of the room. "What was that about, sayin my name for me?" I asked looking over his shoulder, leaning on it from behind, looking at my schedule. "I like your name, your full name. I like saying it." I kissed his neck and moved away. "So where to first?" I asked. "Well, you have math first... You're in calculus?!" He said looking at me funny.

"Yeah, I may be blonde but not dumb." "I didn't mean it like that." "I know." I gave him a smile. He smiled back. Then a bell rang and he fished a piece of paper out of his own pocket. "Alright at lunch we sit outside, just find us and we'll save you a seat." "Ok, thanks Jacky." I said and kissed his cheek pulling my schedule out of his hand. "See you at lunch then." I said and walked towards a hallway hoping I was headed in the right direction. I walked into my first hour and went up to the teacher. "Do you have assigned seats or can I sit anywhere?" "Anywhere's fine." He smiled at me and I walked to the back of the room sitting down.

Kids filled in around me talking about their summers and what not. I sat back in my seat trying to get through this shitty day, first days were the worst. You don't learn, you don't know where to sit or whether you had friends in the classes or not and on top of that I'm new and everyone stares. I looked at my time table for the elevendy hundredth time today and finally it said lunch. I walked down the hallway following the signs. I wasn't paying attention when someone pushed me up to a wall. "What the fuck?!" I said as the girl just stared.

"And you are?" She asked in a very fake voice. "Paige, why does it matter to you?! And let go of me!" I said. She let go. "I suggest you stay away from Jack, he's mine." "I don't like Jack like that anyways, and why would he like someone like you?!" "He likes me cause I'm perfect unlike like emo freaks like you!" She spat back crossing her arms. I crossed my own. "I've hung out with Jack a lot and I know he doesn't like fake ass bitches and you are one, I would say sorry if I was sorry." I gave back with just as much attitude.

"I know Jack and I know what he likes and he likes me!" She yelled. I scoffed and began to laugh. "Alright." I said and started to walk away. I got pushed up against the wall again but a lot harder. "Ow! Fuck!" I said as my head hit the wall. "Is this freak bothering you Brandy?" I heard a deep voice ask what I assumed was the girl "Threatening" me. "She is could you teach her a lesson for me? Pwease, Steven?" She begged batting her eye lashes. His fist raised and collided with my stomach. It knocked the air out of my lungs and I gasped for fresh air.

I started coughing when I heard another voice enter the conversation. "Hey, you found her already. This is the chick who's been hanging out with Alex." "Wait, this one?!" Brandy asked. "Yeah." "She's been hanging out with Jack, too then." Brandy added. "Hey, Steven. You should probably hit her again." The third voice suggested. He hit me two more times. One hit my stomach and the other more like my hip bone. I let out a squeal. "Good suggestion Lisa." Brandy said. Steven let go and I fell onto my knees.

"Stay away from both of them and we wont have a problem. Got it?" Lisa said next to my face. "I-I'm not afraid of you, you can have whoever you want beat me up. I'm stronger than you will ever know." I said standing up, I had to use the wall but got up. "Oh this is so not over." Brandy said pulling Lisa with her. I could tell Steven was frustrated and he lunged for me pushing me into the wall with force, and then kicking me. I let out a low squeak and he left trailing behind the two.

I sat up and eventually got up again using the wall for support. I shifted my shirt and wiped the tears from my eyes. I walked down the hallway and came to some doors that led outside. I stepped out and looked around. "Paige!" I heard Alex yell. I went to turn but was picked up from behind, by the waist and carried to the table. It hurt so bad and I bit my lip stifling the cry that was trying to escape. He took me to the table and I stood there looking down, trying to gain composure. "Are you alright?" Rian asked me. "Y-yeah, I'm fine." I said and looked away and wiped my eyes.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked. I turned back. "Yeah, of course." I said sniffling. Cass stood up, grabbed my hand and pulled me around the corner of the building. "What's wrong?" She asked. "Nothing Cass, reall-" "Paige!" She warned. "Cass, I don't wanna get you involved." "Involved in what?!" She asked being a little loud. I lifted up the bottom of my shirt and showed the already forming bruises. Then the one on my hip. "Shit, Paige. Who did that to you?" She asked running her fingers over them. I winced and pulled my shirt back down.

"They had some really big guy in a letter men do it." "you're telling me a guy hit you?" She questioned. "Yes, cause these two bitched were yelling at me." "Do you know their names?" She asked. Did I really want Cass involved? I don't want her to get hurt. "No..." "Ok, well when you find out let me know." "Ok." She pulled me back to the table making me sit in between Jack and Alex. Little did she know she wasn't protecting me but making it worse. I laid my head on the table and let out a large sigh.

I picked my head back up running my fingers through my hair. I noticed a table not that far away and there where all three of them. Lisa and Brandy were staring at me. I suddenly got this feeling in my gut that I haven't felt in a long time. "I-I gotta go!" I said and stood up. I almost tripped getting out of the booth. "Are you-" "I'm fine! I'm-" I couldn't even finish my sentence I was holding m=back the bile that was coming up my throat.

I ran back through the double doors and ran around for a bathroom. I came across one and ran in. I pushed the door open to a stall and let it all go. I sat down once I was done leaned up against the wall. "Yeah, and then the Emo freak ran into the bathroom. I'm assuming to get rid of all that fat the only way she knows how." Lisa said. I tried to stay quiet but it was hard I felt like crying. "I bet you she cuts too." "You're probably right. We should tell some people that she does." Lisa continued. I felt even more sick.

I heard them leave and my stomach made me do it's thing again. I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. I walked down the hallway and back outside. I passed Lisa and Brandy's table and everyone was staring at me. I looked away really fast and got to our table. I leaned down grabbing my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. "Paige, what's wrong?" Alex asked grabbing my wrist. I pulled away gently and walked away. I got a few feet before I heard foot steps behind me then I broke out into a run.

I ran to my car and slid in. I started it and pulled out of the parking spot. I let the tears fall freely. I got down the road a little and started smacking the steering wheel. "I knew this school wouldn't be any different! I'm still a fucking freak!" I yelled. I pulled into the neighbor hood. I whipped my car into our drive way and got out. I walked up to the front door and unlocked it, both my parents were at work. I walked to our liquor cabinet in the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of scotch. I took the top off and shoved it into my pocket.

I walked up my stairs chugging the amber liquid. I opened the door to my room. I took out my phone texting Kyle 'Can't come tonight, raincheck?' I went to my bathroom and pulled out my zip lock baggie. I walked back into my room and took off my pants. I pulled off my sweater. I ran over and closed my door and locked it. I turned on my cd player shoving my mixed CD, it was my favorite. The first song to come on was my favorite by Mad Caddies, Leavin'. I took my bottle and continued to drink it. I took my baggie off my bed and pulled out my bowl. I packed it and lit it up.

"Well, the first time I went out on my own I was a young man, almost seventeen right down to the day. Well, I packed up all my things, grabbed my bag and kissed my mother and told her that I’d be back some day." I sang in between sip and drags. I put my bowl up and pulled out my cigarettes. I took one to my lips and lit it. I continued to dance and drink. I stopped and thought about it. This is a special circumstance right? Yeah!

I stumbled into my bathroom and pulled out my box, I didn't care which one I just needed control. I ran the blade over my wrist. It felt amazing and I no longer felt pain with this new pain. I did it a couple more times with my cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I didn't want just one kind of pain though. It took a second for my finger to register what my brain wanted. I took a drag from the cigarette, making the cherry hot, then I took it and pushed it to an open space on my forearm. "Fuck!" I yelled as I held it there.

I pulled away and brought it back to my lips. satisfied with my just works, I stood up and stumbled back into my room. I took the bottle and climbed out my window. I laid down with my feet dangling off. I never conquered, rarely came 16 just held such better days, days when I still felt alive, We couldn't wait to get outside, The world was wide, too late to try, The tour was over we'd survived, I couldn't wait till I got home, To pass the time in my room alone" I sang along with my CD. I pulled my cigarettes off the window and lit another.

"Paige?" I heard Jack say. "Go away, Jack!" I slurred. He didn't respond and that's when I heard him coming up the lattice work. "You don't fucking listen Barakat!" I slurred again. "Why are you in your underwear?" I sat up. "You too?! Jesus!" I said to Alex and laid back down. I took another drag. "Come on Paige, go inside." Alex said coming closer to me. "Don't come closer. Y'all will get mad at me..." I trailed off. "Why would we be mad at you?" Jack asked. I stood up but almost tripped and Jack caught me. "Cause I promised and I didn't keep it." I whispered tears running down my face.

Jack took me inside my room. "What do you mean?" Alex asked as Jack set me down on the ground. I lifted my left wrist. "Shit Paige, that's a lot of blood!" Alex said grabbing my wrist. He pulled his shirt off and wrapped it. "Is that a burn mark?" Jack asked taking a seat next to me, pulling me onto his lap. "Stop helping me." I slurred. "You're gonna get us in trouble." "What do you mean, and where did those bruises come from?" Alex asked applying pressure to my wrist. I squirmed. "Holy fuck!" I said and squeezed Jack's arm.

"Sorry." He said. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have done it I just felt so weak." I said and looked at Jack. "Sorry bout your arm." "I don't care about that. Are you ok? What happened?!" "I was headed to lunch when this girl pushed me against a wall then she threatened me, a guy then pushed me against the wall and punched me. Then yet another bitch showed up and fought with me too and had the guy hit me again. Then they got pissed when I wouldn't back down and he threw me against the wall and kicked me."

I stood and wiped my face with my left hand getting the tears off. "Then after that when I walked outside they started staring at me and I got sick to my stomach and had to puke, then they came into the bathroom and said they were gonna tell everyone that I was a cutter and that I had an eating disorder. I freaked out cause their whole table was staring at me when I walked back outside. I ran home and did this to myself cause I'm an emo freak who cuts, drinks, smokes and my life is just fucked up."

I looked at them. "I mean I'm so fucked up I needed something new to do so I burnt myself with my cigarette. I thought Baltimore was gonna be different but I guess not, everyone probably knows now and I'm gonna get beat for the rest of my senior year. I mean what if I don't make it till May? What if I don't make it to September?!" I was angry with myself for freaking out. "Shh. Paige, calm down." Alex said. Jack wrapped his arms around me the best I could so Alex could still apply pressure to my arm.

"I got my arm really good..." I trailed off. "Yeah, so what did they say? Who were they?" Do I tell them? "It doesn't matter-" "Of course it does!" Jack said. "Some girls named Brandy and Lisa, they got a really big guy named Steven to hit me. Very dick move of them." I finished. "Did they say why?" Alex asked not making eye contact with me. "You don't wanna know." I said. "But we need to.. don't we?" Jack asked. "Probably." "Well then tell us." Alex said. "They told me to stop hanging out with y'all... they said that you both were there's and that I was pretty much in the way."

They didn't say anything but I knew this silence. I live this silence, guilty silence. "It is not y'alls fault, alright? I can handle myself-" "But this is our fault." Jack said. "No, you both have helped me some much and I've only known you like 3 weeks. I was a little over 2 weeks clean, that's more than I have been in a long time." I finished. I tried to stand up, I fell over a little and Alex stood up helping me stand. "I'm just gonna put on a shirt." I said as Alex helped me to my dresser. "Can you even stand on your own?" Jack asked. "I think it's a combination of everything but no not really." I said.

I pulled out a shirt and turned to Alex. "Will you unclip this?" I asked. He did as was asked and I pulled my shirt on and my bra out from under. "Let me clean your arm." Jack said picking me up bridal style, carrying me to my bathroom. "Ok." He set me down on the toilet. "Under the sink." I said. He grabbed the first aid box and cleaned my arm and such. He finished. "I-I'm so glad you guys showed up... I-I don't-t know what I-I would have d-done." I started to cry. Jack pulled me into a hug, I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Hey, It's ok. We'll always be there for you. No one's ever gonna hurt you again." I pulled away. "You know, I'm so sleepy." I said yawning. "Here, I'll carry you to your bed." Jack said. He carried me out of my bathroom and to my bed. "Will... umm will you guys stay?" I asked biting my lip. Jack wasted no time and took off his shirt, pants and crawled under the covers with me. "Alex?" I asked. He nodded and stripped down to his boxers and crawled in behind me.

He wrapped his arms around my waist while I was snuggled into Jack's chest. We were all laying on our sides. I fell asleep so fast. comfortable and safe. I love these boys.

Notes

Comment please!!! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!! please!!! LOVES :P I reallt liked writing this chapter for some reason...

outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=104294174