The past two days since NC have been good, I've written a lot on my article. We were up north somewhere and we got here last night. We are taking a break thank god cause I know I'm exhausted, I can only think how tired all the guys are. I woke up rolling over in my bunk, I listened for any movement and heard none. I crawled out of my bunk and went and grabbed a towel. I decided I needed a shower.

I walked into the bathroom and started the shower. I turned and took all my clothes off. I placed them up on the counter and looked at myself in the mirror. I hated the scars that coated my body, but I missed the security they provided. I've felt a little on edge since Atlanta, good reason too. The words that Will said replayed in my head over and over again. 'I will have you, Paige. If not now...soon.' I shivered thinking about him touching me.

I ran my fingers over the scars that littered my body. I hated everyone, but wanted to feel that sense of control again. I would never be over it, ever. I closed my eyes and tried to remove what I was remembering from my brain. I felt a sharp pain in my hip and when I looked down I noticed a little blood. I had broken through my skin with my finger nails and was now bleeding. I shook my head while running a hand through my hair.

I'll always be a cutter, and alcoholic and a druggy. As much as I didn't wanna be I would always want those things. Even along with cigarettes, I know what they do to your body but I really didn't care. It reminded me of my parents. I didn't smoke any more, along with anything, I was clean. I stepped over to the shower and slipped in. I washed my body and hair and shaved various parts of my body and got out of the shower.

I wrapped my body with my towel and looked out through a crack in the door for anyone. I didn't see anyone up so I stepped out. I walked past the bunks until I got stopped by a hand grabbing my wrist. "Yes?" I asked. "Come snuggle with me?" Jack asked in the cutest morning voice. "I'm naked." He poked an eye out. "All the more reason for you to join me." He pulled on my wrist a little. "No, Jack."

His whole head poked out and he had a pout on his lips. "Why?" "Cause..." I trailed off. I didn't want him knowing the real reason, I hated my body and really if I didn't like my body who would? "You don't have to I just thought it would be nice." "It was a sweet gesture, just let me get dressed." I said. He let go of my wrist and I walked to the back lounge, going through my suit case looking for clothes.

II slipped on some bra and panties and an orange shirt. I pulled on my jeans and pulled some bracelets on my right wrist. I put on my watch and went on a search in my suit case for socks when I came across something in the bottom of one of the compartments of my bag. It was a bracelet, one I hadn't seen in years. I smiled. I remember the only person whoever tried to be my friend in high school.

I actually let him kiss me, which happened to be my first kiss. I pulled the bracelet on with mt watch. I found some socks and walked back over to Jack's bunk. "Hello sir. My I come in?" I asked. The curtain flew open and he pulled me in. I giggled and laid across his bare chest while he intertwined our legs. "But, Of course." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

I was enjoying the silent moment we were having. He was playing with my hair using his left hand and I drew circles on his chest with my right hand while our other hands were holding the other persons tightly. "Hey, remember we're going out with the guys later." Jack said breaking the silence. "Ok. So what should I wear? A dress, some jeans and a shirt, or a skirt. I'll even wear shorts." "I don't care, you look amazing in it all."

I leaned forward and pushed our lips together. "You're so cute." I said leaning up so I straddled his body. "No way, but you on the other hand." I smiled. He smiled back. His right hand climbed up my side and went to the back of my neck pulling me down to meet his lips. I let my elbows rest around his head, while my fingers got lost in his hair. His tongue parted my lips and his and my tongue fought for dominance but I let him win.

His hands rested on either side of my hips. I leaned up a little and bit him bottom lip as I pulled up. I sat up and stared down at the younger male. "I'm gonna go walk around." I said nonchalantly while crawling out of his bunk. "But-" "Barakat, if you want anymore of this you'll just have to hurry up." I said walking grabbing my shoes.

I brought them to the front of the bus. I sat down on the couch and slipped them on. "Well good morning." I heard Alex say as he left the bathroom. "Good morning." I said back with a smile. "Where you going?" "I don't know yet. Wanna walk around with me?" I asked sitting up. The smile grew on his face and he nodded. I stood up and retrieved my phone and wallet, along with my camera.

I walked off the bus with Alex not that far behind. "I used to have family that lived in Pennsylvania. Actually the only person who was ever nice to me moved to Baltimore from Penn and my parents saw how distraught I was and moved us next door to him." "That was nice of them." "Yeah, they were good parents." "Are you still in touch with the guy?" "Yeah, we call each other occasionally. He moved back into his grandparents old house after his grandparents died. So he actually should live around here somewhere."

I said pulling out my phone. Alex gave me a great idea, I'll call him and see if he wants to meet up. I let it ring for a second before he answered.

Sylus: Hello, Sylus speaking.
Me: Hey, Sy!
Sylus: Paige! Oh my god how are you?
Me: Awesome! I'm actually up in your neck of the woods and wanted to know if you wanted to meet up?
Sylus: Of course. Where are you?
Me: We are on Mason street.
Sylus: Alright, I can be there in 15.

He hung up. I turned to Alex. "Hope you didn't mind." I asked. "No, I like seeing you happy." I turned and looked over at something trying to hide my blush. We sat on a bench and just talked, Alex and I. "So about that kiss-" I started. "Paige, your dating Jack, I didn't know that at the time if I did I wouldn't have done it." I nodded almost disappointed. I don't know what I wanted him to say but I pretty sure it wasn't that.

I heard some one running behind us. "God, still the same blonde I always loved!" I jumped up and ran around the bench. I brought Sylus into a crazy tight hug. "God, how long has it been?" I asked my arms wrapped around his neck. "You know, YEARS!" I laughed and pulled away. "Your tall now and you have your hair back." "Yeah, I grew it back out. It looks better this way."

I pulled him into another hug. "What was this one for?" He asked. "Cause I wasn't there when your Grandparents or Mom died. I'm sorry." He hugged back tighter. "It's ok, I forgive you and your here now so." I smiled and we pulled away. "Well, you remember Alex form high school. I'm on tour with his band doing an article."

"That's cool. Nice to see you man." "Yeah you too." They shook hands. "So theres this place down here that does great Cheese steaks, want one?" He asked both of us. "Sounds awesome." Alex said. "I'm good." I said. He poked my belly. "I see you still have an eating disorder then." He said and started walking. I laughed nervously. "N-no." He gave me a look. His eyes trailed down to my wrist.

He picked up my left one. "Hey, I got you this bracelet." "Yep." I said and we started our way towards the cheese steaks. Alex and he got one and we sat down. I sat and we joked about high school and caught up with each other. Alex adding little bits every now and then. We finished our food and stood up. "Well, It's been awesome seeing both of you but I gotta get back to the house. Izzy is coming home today."

"Ooooohhh! Is that your girlfriend?" I said. "Yeah, she's awesome. She actually reminds me a lot of you." He said while raising an eyebrow. "Ok, well we'll let you go on." I said and pulled him into another hug. We hugged for a minute promising to call and when either one of us was in each others towns we would come visit. He gave Alex a hand shake and he walked away.

The sun was going down as we headed back towards the bus. I could tell Alex was nervous about something. I put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you ok, Alex? You seem a little out of it." "Yeah I'm fine... I'm mean I"M fine but..." "What Alex?" I made us both stop. "Do you have an eating disorder? Do you, and no one noticed?" He eyes went to mine and I gulped hard while staring at the little brown pools that stared back at my blue ones.

"Alex, It's more complicated than that, but if in that context you want an answer... then yes. I just don't like to eat food." He turned away. "Why are you so upset?" I asked. "Cause. That means you've been dealing with this be cause of me-" I turned him around. "No, Alex. I've been dealing with this since my brother died. It's not your fault." His eyes turned from hurt to soft. "Wait, your brother?" He asked.

"Yeah he killed himself when I was little." "How little?" "I was 7 about to be eight. It was a couple days before my birthday, September 18th of 1994. The worst birthday I've ever had." I said. I wouldn't allow myself to cry anymore over him, he didn't deserve it. Killing yourself leaving me alone should not have been an option. Alex must have noticed my iner war because he pulled me into a hug. "After I turned 8 my brother killed himself and we moved to Baltimore for England."

I looked up at him. He had tears in his eyes. I wiped them off his cheek. "One day Alex you'll wake up and realize you've cried enough for them, that's the day you gain a new perspective. It wont hurt as much." He leaned into my hand, on his cheek. "Ok." Was all he said. I took his hand and we walked back to the bus.

We both got on and Jack ran up to me engulfing me in a hug. "I looked for you but couldn't find you." He said. I laughed. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked. "I didn't have your number." He said and let go of me. I walked over and sat on the couch. Rian walked in and sat next to me and he was followed by Zack. "Well don't you guys look good." I said. "Thanks, we are going to a club. Gotta look good for those ladies." Rian said popping the collar on his button up.

I stood up and laughed. I walked back to the back lounge past Jack who just finished changing. "Ooh. Handsome." I said. He winked and I went back. I pulled open my suit case. What can I wear that's gonna show off? I pulled out some clothes and changed. I did that and changed a little of my jewelry choice and swapped shoes and wore some black heels. I looked down at my self and decided I was good. I smacked some red lipstick on and walked to the front lounge.

"Are the PTV guys coming with us?" I asked. All eyes went to me, and mouths dropped. I gnored them and walked off the bus to the other bus. I tyed in the code and walked on. "Hey, y'all wanna go with us to a club?" I asked. They all looked up at me. "Damn! You're gone a few days and they turn you all bad girl!" Jaime said. "I like it!" Mike said. I rolled my eyes. "Y'all comin with or not?" "Yeah one sec." Vic said. They all hopped up and changed very fast.

I stood and waited. Once they finished I walked off the bus with them behind. "Your hairs pretty wavy." Vic said. I smiled at him. "Thanks." I said. The ATL guys walked off the bus and looked over at me. Jack ran up to me. "You look fantastic!" "Where were you earlier?" I asked. "Bathroom. But wow you look amazing!" He said again. I did a little twirl and he took my hand. "Come on." I followed him and the rest to a little club.

We walked in and immediately walked up to the bar. Some how I got pushed forward. "What would you like darling?" The handsome bartender asked me. I leaned on the counter a little showing off my cleavage. "I would like 9 Tequila shots." "You got it." He said and turned and grabbed shot glasses. The guys stood behind me and watched me. The guy finished the shots and looked at me. "How much do I owe you?" I asked. "Nah, on the house." He said giving me a smile.

I reached over to grab the shots and he pulled a sharpie out and wrote his number on my hand. I giggled and handed out the shots. We walked over to a table. We all sat down. "I gotta give it to you, I didn't know you had it in you." Mike said pulling a shot to himself. "Well I got boobs, boobs always distract." I held out my hand. "Plus I got a number. That puts Paige at one and all you losers at a big fat ZERO!" I said making an L on my forehead. Jack reached over and pulled my hand down.

He licked it and wiped off the number. "Hey-" I said. "Awwe. Someone's a little jealous." Tony said to Jack. "Hell yeah I'm jealous! She's gorgeous and hot and I'm the only one who gets to do stuff to her." I smiled as weird as that sentence was it was sweet. I pulled my hand back. "Alright on 3 do your shot." I said. "1. 2. 3." We all did our shot. I saw a waiter and called him over. "Hey can we get 3 more rounds of Tequila shots?" I asked. "Sure, by the way the bartender is letting y'all drink free of charge tonight."

He walked away and I looked around the table impressed with my work. "And you thought I didn't have it in me. I'm amazing!" I said leaning back and crossing my arms. "Yeah, you are! I've never heard of that happening." Mike said. I smiled and looked over at Jack. He had a weird look on his face. "What's wrong?" I asked. He turned to me. "I don't like the way people are looking at you."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "That's sweet, I'm here with you though, I promise." He turned and kissed my lips quickly. Our shots came and we did them all fast. "Alright, Absinthe next." I said while I stood up. I pulled Jack with me and pulled him onto the dance floor. I put his hands on my hips and rocked back and forth to the music. There was no room between Jack and I, we were grinding on one another. It was hot I'm not gonna lie.

We had been out there for a good 15 minutes. I leaned into Jack's ear. "I'm gonna get a Jack and coke, I'll be back." I said and left him on the dance floor. I walked back up tot he bar. "Hey, look who's back." The bartender said. "What can I get you? I'm Will." He said. I shook the memory of that name away. "Thanks and I'm Paige. Can I get a Jack on the rocks, tall glass." I said. I turned and looked over my shoulder.

Jack had gone back to the table and was talking. Alex was looking at me. I waved and he waved back. "Here you are." Will said. I smiled and took my drink. "Thanks." I walked back over to the table and sat down. "That doesn't look like a Jack and coke." Jack said with a chuckle. "Yeah, I changed my mind. I got a Jack on the rocks instead." "That's a huge glass for that." Vic said. "Yeah, I asked for it."

I took a gulp of it. "You and Jack still have your shots." Zack said sliding Jack and I shots. I took mine and clinked Jack's and did the shot. It burned so I chased it with my Jack. We sat around and just joked. I finished my Jack and I don't know what was wrong but I knew I needed some air. I thought I had a higher tolerance than that. I stood up and looked back at the table. "I'm gonna step outside for a sec."

Everyone said something like yeah. I walked through the crowd of people towards the front door. I stepped outside and walked down the side walk and sat against the wall. I didn't feel right. I don't know why. I felt someone kneel next to me. I leaned over on them thinking it was Jack. He ran his fingers through my hair.

"I told you I would have you." My eyes shot open and I tried to stand up. I couldn't. A cloth went around my mouth and I tried not to breathe but I had to. I felt my body fall further into him and I blacked out.

Notes

Comment Please!!! PLEASE PLEASE comment! I love every one that comments! It makes me update faster!! Thanks for reading!!!

Outfit 1: http://www.polyvore.com/before/set?id=102187128

Outfit 2: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=102191918