I am filled with happiness, filled with desire,
You have turned me into a man who loves.
Filled with strength, filled with lust,
You have turned me into a man who loves.

- Tomas Ledin

Outfit of the chapter
Back in Baltimore
Grocery Shopping

She walked like she was in a trance. It had been almost two days since she ate something. She had been drinking a few cups of tea and coffee, and a few glasses of water. But food was just not something that she could hold down. And the next flight back to Baltimore was the day after. In the evening. So she had to wait the whole night at the airport. Walking around and looking at the small stores and just longing to get away. Bella had tried to call a few times, but she had ignored her calls. She didn’t want to speak with her. Never. Alex had called about three times, and Jack two. Even Matt called once to talk about the next tour and if she wanted to come as the photographer this time as well. All calls to entertain her since they knew she was kinda stranded.

It was the middle of the night when she landed in Baltimore again. It wasn’t cold but about 12 degrees outside. She had her furry vest over a new dress she had bought when she had landed in London. A grey and black one, and she had black tights on. Which she felt was a bit different but she liked it. The dark red vans was the only thing that made her look like she usually would look like. She rubbed her tired eyes, since she had been awake just as long as she had been waiting at the airport. Sitting on uncomfortable chairs was not really the place to sleep at. that was also the reason she had been drinking a lot of coffee. Her big black sunglasses was the only thing that hid the black circles under her eyes, and the red puffiness over them. Since she had cried from time to time as well. How could Bella do that to her? She knew how much she disliked that man?

She walked over to a small café and ordered a cup of tea, takeaway and then she turned around and headed for the exit.
"Hello beautiful" someone said and wrapped their arms around her, and hugged her tightly. She raised and eyebrow and looked at the stranger.
"That would be my girlfriend dude" Alex said and appeared out of nowhere.
"Shit, I’m so sorry. I thought you were someone else" the man said and backed a few steps. Then a girl that reminded of Max appeared, and she laughed.
"I’m here silly" she said and kissed him. Alex turned to Max and he looked at her. then he walked up to her and he wrapped his arms around her, and hugged her softly and placed a kiss on her temple.
"Well I have to agree with that man, hello beautiful" he said.
"Hi" she said and hugged him with her free arm. Alex took her cup and smelled what she was drinking, and then took a sip.
"Mango?" he asked and raised and eyebrow. She nodded and gave him a small smile. She was tired and wanted to go home. Go down under the blankets and just lay next to him, and try to sleep a little. Alex handed her the cup and then he removed her sunglasses.
"You look like shit" he whispered and frowned a little.
"Sunglasses do wonder" she whispered back.
"The car is just outside" he said and took her hand, and she smiled a little.

The drive felt like it took years, but when Alex stopped outside the building Max felt a bit better. She jumped out from the car and Alex locked it, before he headed over to her and took her hand. Just like she wanted to be close, he wanted to be there as well. The elevator ride up was not as dreading as the car ride and when they got inside Alex looked at her.
"You look really pale, are you sure you’re okay?" he asked.
"I have no energy left at all" she answered.
"When did you last eat?" he asked and kicked off his shoes.
"Before the flight to London" she whispered. He stopped and turned around and looked at her. She looked back at him.
"I’ll make something simple" he said and headed for the kitchen. He prepared some soup and crackers, and had some himself. She didn’t eat much but it was at least something and she didn’t feel sick.
"I know it’s not what you want to hear but… everything will be okay" he said and looked at her.
"right now all I want to is to sleep next to you, because I know everything will be fine for a moment if I will" she said and looked at him.
"then let’s go to sleep" he said and placed the dishes in the sink.

Alex changed into a pair of pajama pants that reached him to his calves, then he threw himself at the bed and let out a sigh of relief. He turned over to his back and looked at her as she changed into her pajamashorts and burger tee. Then she crawled in under the blankets and he smiled.

Even though their love was fresh and new, he still loved to have her close. And she loved to feel his skin against hers, and have his smell under her nose.

Three hours later she woke up and felt nauseous again, and soon she jolted up from the bed and hurried over to the bathroom. She still like the nature and greens inside, and she hurled herself over the toilet. Everything came up. Soup and crackers, and the tea from earlier. She let out a small sob and felt how sweat poured out on her forehead and cheeks. She took a deep breath and felt powerless. All the energy left her. She pulled back her fringe and took another breath, only to feel Alex’s hands pull back her hair and stroke her back.
"It’s okay" he said as she hurled over one more time. She trembled and Alex stroked her hair, held it back and held his hand on her shoulder. Max, and Alex, was surprised that she could get so much out when she had so little of the soup and the crackers.
"I’m sorry for waking you up" she said and looked at him.
"It’s okay" he said and smiled a little. She took a deep breath and flushed, and got up on her feet. Alex looked at her as she took a second deep breath.
"More?" he asked, and she shook her head. She walked over to the sink and washed her face, brushed her teeth and tried to calm herself down. Alex sat on the edge of the bathtub, looking at her to see if she was really okay or if she was going to be more sick.
"What time is it?" she asked and looked at him.
"About 6" he said and gave her a small smile. She felt even more guilty now.
"Don’t… It’s okay, really" he said when he saw her face.
"I’m still sorry" she said and rubbed her eyes. She spit out and took a few sips of water, spit that out as well and turned to Alex. He hugged her and kissed her cheek.
"I mean it, it’s okay" he said. They walked out from the bathroom and headed back to the bed. Alex stretched out under the blanket and yawned, and Max sat down and rubbed her eyes again.
"Try to get some sleep, and we’ll see if we can find something for you to keep down tomorrow" he said and wrapped his arms around her waist as she sat there, and pulled her closer so she laid down beside him.
"I was thinking about going to the grocery store tomorrow and buy some thing I think I might be able to keep down" she said and smiled.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Tea, honey… Coconut juice, more crackers but salty, and… cashews" she said.
"Cashews? Why not peanuts… Aren’t they better?" he asked, and looked at her.
"I’m allergic to peanuts" she said and smiled.
"But you can eat cashews?" he asked, confused.
"Just peanuts, because that is not really a nut but are related to… peas" she said and giggled.
"Then I know that I should avoid peanuts… But how allergic are you?" he asked.
"I can breath and smell peanuts, but if I eat them… Well then I kinda get really hard to breath, like someone is almost suffocating me" she said.
"Scary, I should definitely avoid peanuts then" he said and poked her cheek. She giggled and nuzzled in her face in his chest. He chuckled and smiled, and stroked her arm.
"try to get some sleep" he whispered and kissed the top of her head.

Another few hours later, around 10, she woke up to Alex brushing away some hair from her face. When she opens her eyes she sees that he’s fully clothed and holds a tray with some tea and some crackers.
"It’s not much since we don’t have much home, but it’s something" he said and she sat up. He placed it in her lap and sat down across the bed from her.
"Thank you" she said and smiled. She ate up the crackers and drank the tea. It tasted amazing and she felt a little bit hungry. But at the same time she didn’t want to eat too much if she was going to feel sick again.
"Let’s head to the grocery store" she said and looked at Alex.
"Get dressed first" he said with a grin. She laughed and got up from bed, and Alex took the tray. She put on black leggings, a tee Alex probably would like and her bright cardigan. She giggled a little and read on her shirt. "I fancy the lead singer”. Then she put up her hair in a bun and placed a bandana around her head to keep it in place.
"I like your shirt" Alex said with a grin, and Max smiled.
"So do I, but I just took it because they didn’t have lead guitarist" she said and Alex smile faded. He looked at her and she giggled.
"Just kidding" she said and pecked his lips. He smiled and kissed back.

Alex held the basket and wondered if he should take orange juice or grapefruit. Max looked at him and then he picked the orange one.
"Do they have coconut juice?" she asked, and he looked at the shelves. then he saw it and reached for it, and placed it in the basket.
"I guess they did" he said with a grin.
"Let’s go get the salty crackers" she said and smiled.
"Only if I can get some with sour cream and onion taste" he teased.
"Hah, if you want them you can just get them" Max said with a laugh.
"Good, because I like them" he said. He picked a pack of salty crackers and the one he wanted. Then he looked inside the basket.
"We should maybe buy some meat, rice and… pasta" he said. Max nodded and they headed for the pasta. they didn’t get far though until Alex was stopped by two girls.
"I’m sorry but… Are you Alex Gaskarth?" they asked.
"That would be me" he said and put on his charming smile he only had with his fans. He took some pictures with them and signed some autographs. Then they looked at Max and she smiled, they smiled back and disappeared just as they had appeared.
"Pasta?" Alex asked and smiled at her.
"Pasta" she said and laughed a little.