Christmas Eve. I should have been feeling happy and excited. It was our first Christmas in the new apartment with Bailey and we'd agreed to have a small party here, Dirty Santa included. Ember and I had gone shopping for one real gift and one gag gift, wrapped them up tight and placed them under the side of the tree, so they wouldn't get confused with the gifts we bought each other and our family. She made some snacks, put out some chips and I bought a case of beer. There were even wine coolers in the fridge, to keep peopele from getting too intoxicated, but none of it really felt right to me.


I was still bothered by the fact that she wasn't going on tour with us. She said she had to stay back, to finialize things for the wedding or some crap.. But what about her job? There was no way Matt would be able to function without her. Besides, I've watched her over the last few months. She's been busting ass on wedding plans and I honestly thought it was just in case we did head out on tour, she'd be able to go and not have to worry about the wedding as much on the road.


She was hiding something from me, I knew her well enough to know that and it was driving me crazy. It could be any number of things. Maybe her anxiety? Maybe she'd adjusted to life at home so much she couldn't handle being on the road? The thought that she might even be pregnant had crossed my mind, because honestly, that seemed like the most logical answer. Whatever it was, I needed to know, but in the meantime I'd put on my best face and pretend to accept it.


"Oh my gosh, Bailey looks so cute!" Cassadee's high voice scared the hit out of me. I was coming back from the kitchen with snacks in hand and I hadn't expected anyone to be here yet. "Rian, look at the Santa hat on her head!"


"I see it," Rian chuckled, pulling me into a half-bro-hug after I sat the snacks down. "Where do you want us to put these?"


"Over there where Ember and I have put ours."


It was at that moment that Ember came bouncing out of the kitchen, to brag about how cute our dog looked and to hug Cass. Even that bothered me. It seemed like Cass knew more than I did, but I pushed it to the side and plopped down on the couch with Rian. Natrually, Home Alone was playing and we both kicked back to crack open a beer.


As the minutes passed, more people showed up. Hayley came with Tay, Zack and Alex arrived at the same time, Matt was a little late and everyone else we invited already had family plans. At least we'd be seeing most of them at the New Year's Tour Party. Plus, I can't blame them. We'd be visiting our parents tomorrow for the Holiday.


"It smells like Christmas in here," Alex commented, squishing himself between Rian and myself, while Matt and Zack were more respectful and sat on the chair and the floor. "You bought delicious candles, didn't you, Debbie?"


"I'm not a slut tonight, dude," I snickered, shaking my head. "Yeah, we did. What can I say? You take a girl to the mall to go Christmas shopping and that damned Bath and Bodyworks store just pulls you in."


"I'll be right back," Ember smiled, excusing herself to go check on the food. "Girls, join me?"
I kept my growl to myself as all of the chicks left the room. I'm sure they were going to gossip just like girls always do. The guys picked up on my bitterness and formed a circle around me. I'd told them that Ember was hanging back from tour and each of them were as frustrated by it as I was, especially Matt, who had gotten used to the extra help.


"She still hasn't told you the real reason she's staying back, huh?"


"Nope," I groaned, tossing back my beer. "I'm doing my best to pretend it doesn't bother me. I don't want to upset her and I damn sure don't want to leave in the middle of a fight, but fuck. If we're getting married she could at least tell me the truth."


"Maybe she's just telling you what you need to know, dude," Matt offered, a small smile on his lips. "Ember is never vicious with her actions. I'm sure she's not trying to hurt you."


"I'm not hurt. Just because we're together, it doesn't mean she has to tour. It's just, she's lucky enough to be with a guy in a band and have a job with his label. She's one of the select few chicks that actually can go on tour and she doesn't want to. It bothers me."


"Maybe she's pregnant," Alex sighed, his eyes going from his beer, to the television, to me. "It'd make sense."


"I've considered that, but she wouldn't keep something that big from me."


"Yeah, that doesn't sound like the Ember I know," Zack chimmed in, "then again, it's not like her to keep anything from you at all."


"Can we stop talking about this now? You guys are making me nervous."


Depsite their frowns, the guys all moved back to their spots, cracked open new beers and stared at the screen. Sure, Alex had made my mind wander again, but it was Zack's words that were ringing in my ear. It wasn't like her and she wasn't being the Ember we all knew and loved. I thought she adored going on tour. Yeah, our last tour was a little rough, but it won't be like that again. It'll be like old times. Plus, I can't imagine being without her for almost half a year. So much could change in that time.


What if she just didn't want to marry me anymore? What if she's using not going to tour as an excuse to pack up her shit, snatch up Bailey and leave me without giving me a chance to protest?


We've both been doing so much better since we admitted we needed help. My fear now was, that, by getting help, she realized we weren't meant to be. But we are, I swear we are.


"Okay, guys. Time to pig out!"


"Can't we play Dirty Santa while we do this?"


"I expected Jack to suggest that, not Alex," Hay giggled, dropping a bowl of chips on the table in front of me. "I'm game if you guys are."


"Let's get this party started!" Ember cheered, going to grab a single gift from the side of the tree. "Alex, since you're so excited, you get the first gift."


"I'm so going to steal that bitch," Rian poked him, a big grin on his lips. "You're all going down! May the best man, or woman, win the best gift!"


As Ember handed off the gift to Alex, which was perfectly wrapped with a bright blue bow, I made sure to lock my eyes on her. She had a smile, but she could tell from the look in my eyes that I wasn't okay with our current situation. Whatever was going on, I needed to know and she needed to tell me before I left.

Notes

Uh-oh, Jack's not okay with Ember not going on tour! D: