Everyone was freaking out around me, but I couldn't hear them. I didn't even feel Zack's fist collide with my face. My body crashed against the nearest wall, but I didn't even blink. Time was moving so slow that I could feel every ounce of breathing coming and going from my body. My fingers and legs were tingling and I wasn't entirely sure what just happened.


Then, reality came crashing down. Alex was on the floor, holding Ember in his arms as he desperately tried to pump air back into her lungs. Rian was running out of the bathroom with a wash cloth, Matt was standing with the rest of the crew, doing his best to get everything sorted out. Zack still had me pressed against the wall, pure hate burning from his eyes.


Ember gave a small cough from Alex's arms, making my heart skip a beat. The crew pushed Matt out of the way and ran to her side. Alex mumbled something that I couldn't understand and Vinny lifted the small girl into his arms and carried her away from us, away from me. It was then that Zack shoved me through the bus and to the couch. He knocked me down on my ass and stood about a foot in front of me. The pain in my jaw was starting to hit my nerves. People were staring to sound and look human again, though I wish they hadn't.


"I have had just about enough of you," Alex growled, kicking the table in front of me. "You almost killed her, Jack! The girl who has stuck by your side for all these years, despite how fucking insane you've been lately, and you almost fucking killed her! How long have you been putting your hands on her?!" Alex stopped moving, but his breath was rising and falling heavily. "Fucking answer me, Jack!"


My mouth formed the shape of an 'o' but no words came out. How long had I been hitting Ember? The memory of actually doing the things I'd done seemed so.. Distant. Like I had been dreaming the whole thing. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore.


"You don't treat someone you claim you love like that, Jack! You just don't fucking do it!"


A part of me still wanted to remind him of the way he'd been treating me. The way everyone had been treating me, like I was a monster. And maybe I was, but shutting me out would only make it worse. They only cared about Ember.


"Stop it, Alex," Matt murmurmed, rubbing his temples with a frustarted face. "Yelling at him won't solve anything now."


"Well someone needs to fucking do it! Come back to the real world, Jack! We're all still fucking here. It's you that went missing. It's you that lost your shit. You're the one who fucking changed!"


"And none of you even bothered to notice it!" I growled, the anger swelling in my chest again. "I have been completely losing my shit and this whole time the only person any of you ever gave a fuck about was Ember! You don't need me, you don't want me, I've been fucking replaced. I fucking get it!"


Alex's foot slammed into the table again and he let out a load moan. Rian rushed to his side to attempt to calm him down, but Alex was whispering things that I couldn't quiet hear.


"Jack, please just tell me what's been going on?" Matt took a few steps, until he was on the couch beside me. "This isn't you, man. The drugs, the anger. I know you love Ember, so I know something has to be seriously wrong for you to treat her the way you've been treating her. Just talk to me, bro."


With Matt's words, Zack backed off. It was apparent that he didn't just want to speak with me, he wanted to beat the living shit out of me. I was thankful at least one person still seemed to care. One person took notice to the fact that I wasn't okay.


And that's when I realized what my problem was.


"I'm not okay," I whispered, blinking a few times. The anger was slowly leaving my body, but it was replaced by something much worse. So many mixed emotions were crashing down around me and I felt like I couldn't feel anything. "I'm just so sick of being the outcast. I'm sick of being sick. I just wanted you guys to love me for who I am. I wanted to be normal."


"Does that mean-"
"He hasn't been taking his fucking medication," Alex cut Matt off, his words dripping with venom. "I fucking told you guys he needed help!"


"Back the fuck off, Alex," Matt snarled back, his own anger showing through. "Jack, we need to get you some help. Please, don't fight us on this."


It was all crashing around me. This whole made up world I've been living in. What is wrong with me? What have I done? Everyone is just as damaged as I am now, but that's never what I wanted.. And Ember, oh God, I almost killed the girl I love! In an instant, tears were sliding down my cheeks. Sure, everything was still squished together in my mind and not a bit of it made sense, but I was a terrible person nonetheless. How could I hurt Ember?


Everyone stopped moving around me. I wasn't looking at them, since my head was now hidden in my hands, but I could hear their breath calming. I shouldn't have been so weak as to cry in front of them, but I couldn't stop the flow. My world, my everything.. It was gone, leaving me alone in a dark place that I didn't want to be.


"We're going to get you help," Matt whispered again, wrapping his arms around my shaking frame. "Everything is going to be okay, Jack."


As comforting as it was to hear, I knew it wasn't the truth. I would never be okay because I could never be normal.

Notes

We left you guys hanging for sixteen hours! I'm so sorry! D: