Better Off This Way

I opened my eyes and was content with my surroundings. Staying on the ATL bus was sometimes peaceful and sometimes lively, thankfully it was more of the former than the latter. Every morning Zack would wake me up and we’d go for a quick jog and come back to lift weights or something. We had to stop off at Walmart a while ago so I could get weights that I could actually lift though. Since being on the bus, I’ve grown so much closer to the guys. I’d talk to Rian about most things and sometimes advice, I’d go to Alex for talks about deep thoughts (usually space or something), I’d drink and make ridiculous jokes with Jack. As for Zack, well we have been getting much closer that’s for sure.

I rolled over in my bunk (formerly the junk bunk) and peeked through the curtain. Nobody was up yet; maybe I should stay in for a little while.

“Wakey wakey!” Zack jumped into my bunk and nearly pushed me up against the wall. I squirmed from behind him but his arms wrapped around me and pulled me on top of him, making a bit more room in the bunk.

“Good morning.” I laughed.

“Well are we going on our jog now or later?” He rubbed my back.

“I was thinking that we should maybe just take a day off, I mean, we have been working out pretty hard lately.”

“You got it sunshine.” He pecked my forehead and rolled out from underneath me. “You should probably go back to bed then.”

“Will you snuggle with me then?” I held my arms out for him. The extra space in my bunk was filled and his arm wrapped loosely around my waist. Spooning had turned into a morning ritual for us too, we would lie together for a while and then we’d go workout before coming back and having breakfast together. Neil wasn’t aware of this though and I don’t think that anybody outside of this bus knew either.

“So when are you going back?” Zack sounded upset.

I rolled over so I could look him in the eyes. “I haven’t really thought about that yet.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He tucked a strand of hair out of my face. I sighed and looked into his eyes. There was no going back now. Both of us had obvious feelings for each other but a part of me knew that I’d be better off with Neil.

“I know Zack, and I really appreciate everything that you guys have done for me, I really do. But…” I buried my face into his chest and didn’t continue.

“But what?” His voice was kind.

“I just think that all of this is… temporary.” I could tell that he shrunk a bit by what I had just said and seeing him upset broke my heart.

“Yeah… I kind of thought it would be.” He frowned. “But that doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy it right?”

--

Tonight we were in Bloomington Illinois and Zack decided that we would be going to the zoo since we were skipping our workout. He said it would be our “fist date but not an actual date.” I liked how casual we were about things, not exactly exclusive but definitely cozy. I always got crap from the other guys- and Neil was avoiding me but hey, what else is new? - about me and Zack.

“Come on Blithe, let’s get a move on!” Zack called me from the front of the bus. “I really want to go to the zoo right now!”

“Alright, alright,” I rolled my eyes at him and went to the front of the bus to meet him.

“We’re taking a cab so uh, I hope you have enough money for everything.” Zack smiled.

“You know what, you pay for the zoo and I’ll take care of the taxi.” I suggested.

“I was joking, but I like the sound of that.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we walked out to the street and tried to call a cab.

--

“The zoo, the zoo, the magical zoo: where children play and lions poo.” Zack smiled as we walked into the front gate of, well, you already know.

“Did you just come up with that on your own?” I laughed.

“Just thought that bad boy up, was it good?” He still had a smile on his face.

“I have to admit, it was pretty clever.”

We walked along the pavement and stopped every time we went by an exhibit to see the animals. Kids were scattered amongst the place, playing, yelling, running, and having fun. The parents on the other hand, were just trying to keep up. The zoo wasn’t that big so there weren’t a lot of options on where to go, so we circled the zoo a few times instead.

--

“Oh man, I had a great time.” Zack walked me back to the bus with his arm still around my shoulder.

“Me too,” I agreed.

“Anyways, I have to go do a sound check and then I will be right back so we can have something for dinner.” He nodded and parted ways from me. I wandered sback to the bus but bumped into someone on the way.

“Oh, sorry.” I mumbled.

“Blithe?” I looked at the man. “I haven’t seen you in a while...”

“Neil, um, how are you?” I tried not to act awkward but we haven’t exactly been talking for a while.

“Blithe, are you serious right now? We’re on the same fucking tour and you haven’t even bothered to come back and talk to me at all.” He tried his best not to roll his eyes at me. “Honestly, what have you been doing?”

“Well I mean, just hanging around All Time Low’s bus…” My voice trailed off. I kind of felt like one of those kids who constantly got in trouble for running off.

“It’s not like I haven’t missed you, Blithe.” He took a small step forward and took my hands. “I’m really sorry…”

“You didn’t do anything Neil.” I rubbed circles on the back of his palms with my thumbs. His face softened and looked down at me.

“I was just being a jealous dick, can you forgive me?” He asked.

I nodded and pulled him in for a long hug.

“So does this mean that you’ll come back to the bus? I’ve missed my cuddle buddy.” He asked quietly.

And that’s when it hit me. I’ve been so selfish… While I was off forgetting about Neil by getting cozy with Zack, Neil was stuck without anybody to hold and that must have been worse than when he usually went out on tour. I never should have left him in the first place but being with Zack felt so right… The two of them were really making this hard on me but the decision should be easier than this right?

“Blithe?” Neil pulled me back from my thoughts.

“Yeah I think I will come back.” I managed to pull away from my rambling mind. We let go of each other and I kissed him on the cheek softly. “I’m going to go and gather up my things… Then I’ll go let the guys know.”

“Hurry back.” He laughed.

Notes

Sorry for this long delayed chapter... Writing this made me go through a series of happy and sad moments and if it upsets you in the slightest, then I have reached my goal. But as always, thank you for reading and I seriously hope that you liked it! So if you want, you're welcome to comment, rate, subscribe, whatever you lovelies feel like doing. Have a wonderful day! <3