"Oh, fuck you!" I growled, tossing the damned pictures of ink across the room. What the fuck was this? Was I four years old, testing into Pre-K. "I have talked to you ignorant people. I've spelt out words with your stupid blocks, I've paid your stupid games, I've looked at your stupid fucking pictures and tried to think positive, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and look at spilled ink like it holds the key to the meaning of life!"


The psychologist doing my evaluation didn't flinch at my anger. He sat back in his chair and watched as I made the room look as though a hurricane had come through it. I was so ridiculously pissed off by all this shit. Had it not been for the fact that Ember actually came to talk to me last night, I would have blown this whole thing off.


They'd already broken into my emotions. They did that the first hour I was here. The fucking doctor asked so many questions he put me in tears. Then, he started on Ember. I was happy. And then came these stupid fucking tests. What the Hell were they going to figure out through this shit? That I'm an idiot?!


"What the fuck are you looking at?!" I snapped, dragging my feet across the floor towards the doctor. "You probably think this is funny, don't you? A dramatic teenager who can't decide what he's feeling? Fuck you and your stupid fucking degree, you son of a bitch!"


"Jack, calm down."


"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down. I have had enough of this shit. Can I please fucking go home now?!"


"Yes," he nodded his head, crossing his arms over his stomach. "I have everything I need. You did great today, Jack. Just have a parent sign you out and you're free to go."


"Fucking thank you."


I was still so pissed off I couldn't stand it. And now I'd have to survive another fucking weekend with everyone asking if I'm okay, or how it went. I'm so sick of being on display. Storming out into the waiting area, I growled at my mom, which made her jump up and sign me out. She didn't say a word until we got in the car and started driving.


"You don't have to tell me how it went if you don't want to."


"Kay."


And that was it. We didn't speak anymore, at all. When we got home, we silently slipped out of the car and walked to the front door. Ember and Carl were sitting on the couch together, watching tv. Ember jumped up the moment she heard the door shut, but I didn't look at her. Didn't say a word. I just stomped off towards my bedroom.


She didn't need to speak to me right now. I was too upset. Curling up on my bed, I pulled the blanket over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. Of course everyone thinks I'm crazy, why wouldn't they? It doesn't help that most of my own family was scared of me. I was some kind of freak of nature. They'd all be better off without me.


Thinking of going away made me think of tour. What would the guys say when they saw me taking my meds? How would I react - they react - If I flipped out while we were on the road? They should just find someone to take my spot. Ember should find someone who treats her better. My mom should have another son, with a sane man who really loves her.


They should all go on without me. I'm not worth all the trouble I've caused.


My thoughts got the best of me and I broke down crying. I used to be so normal and sane, what happened to me? What if they can't fix me? I'm scared to death to be who I am because I don't want to be my anymore. I just don't want to.. be.


"Jack?" There was a light knocking on my door, which just made my heart sink deeper into the blackness. "Can I please come in?"


When I didn't respond, Ember must have known something was wrong. I heard my door open and shut, I heard her feet shuffle across the floor and I felt my bed sink. Then, she was under the covers with me, her arms holding me close against her body. I cried a tear for every single time I'd hurt her, in any way at all. I cried for all my failures, my grades, my friends, my family, myself.


She shouldn't have to see me like this, no one should. Men don't cry and lately it seems like that's all I did if I wasn't screaming.


"Ember, I'm a fucking freak," I bawled, "you shouldn't be with me."


"I promised you that I'd stick this out and I'm going to, because I love you."


"You shouldn't. No one should. I only hurt people."


"Baby, you're going to get through this. We're going to get through this together."


"I'm going to go see my therapist Monday and she's going to tell me there's no hope for me, I just know it."


"There's always hope," Ember cooed, pressing her lips to my neck. "I'll never give up on you."


"Please give up on me. Please just let me go. I can't do this anymore."


Ember didn't say a word. She stroked my hair and kissed my cheek over and over again, silently telling me she refused to let me go. I was a fucking mess. I didn't deserve her, but fuck, I'm glad I got her.


Without her, I'd be dead already.

Notes

I've actually gone through one of these evaluations before, so I figured I wouldn't bore you guys with all of the tests and such. But here's an emotional Jack to make you want to bash your head into a wall. Only, don't really bash your head into a wall because I love you. <3.