So Wrong, It's Right
I Feel Like Dancing Tonight
Fuck, I messed up.
I didn't think Jack would even see the picture I took with that kid today. The second he looked at me, I tried to play it off as no big deal, but Jack ended up sulking and sitting away from me. It was a long five hours back. I didn't want to bring up anything while we were in the car, just in case it turned into something like this morning.
I was glad Jack apologized, but I was still nervous of if it will happen again. I just had two more days to stick with him and he'll finally be getting some help. This won't go away on Monday, but at least it will the beginnings of Jack getting better, more stable.
We were the third people to get dropped off, and thankfully, it was a Saturday night where Joyce and dad had a party to go and wouldn't be back. Jack and I walked inside, but before he could stomp off to his room or something, I grabbed his arm.
“Jack, we let's about this.”
“I don't want to.” He mumbled, tugging his arm away from me.
“We need to okay?”
“I don't want to get mad and lose control.” Jack argued. “I could hurt you again.”
“Jack, you won't. Okay? Let me just explain why I was in that picture.” I said, and quickly continued so Jack couldn't argue. “I was selling you're guys sample cd, alright? And sales weren't going well, so I offered to do dares for anyone who bought one. This kid just wanted a picture with someone associated with your band. He even asked to kiss my cheek in it, but I said no cause I knew that wouldn't be fair to you.”
“But, he has his arm around you.” Jack mumbled.
“It's just a side hug thing. It's okay, I didn't thnk anything of it.” I reasoned with him. Jack sat down on the couch with a groan.
“I'm such an idiot, I don't deserve you. You're...you're taking this too well.” He started to sniffle. Fuck, no he was sad. This kid and his mood swings. “You're trying so hard for me, even after I hit you.”
“Shh, it's okay.”
“No it's not! What if...what if this therapy thing doesn't help? What if I get worse and seriously hurt you? Or do something stupid to myself and cause you so much emotional damage?” Jack started to sob. “I-i don't want to lose you, but I can't have you if I'm like this.”
Seeing Jack so broken, and upset tore my heart in two. I walked over, and slowly moved his hands away from his leaking eyes, taking a seat in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
“You're gonna get better baby,” I assured, lightly kissing his neck. “It will help, cause I can see how much you want to be better. Working for something does help in the end, okay? You're never going to go to far, alright? And I'm going to be honest. I'm scared...just a little, but still. This morning was an experience I thought would never happen, and it was hard to be by you on the ride to the venue but I stuck it out. Because I love you. I love you, so much. Something like this won't push me away. I can handle you, alright?”
Jack continued to cry, hugging me closer to him, almost crushing me. It was like he never wanted to let me go, and I felt the same. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and stroked his hair. He started to calm down a bit, his grip loosening. I pulled away, kissed his cheek, and wiped away anymore stray tears.
“Do you still want to go to Alex's party? We're not late quite yet.” I asked.
“We should... we've been bailing out on them a lot.” Jack said.
“Okay, we should change though. You're sweaty from a concert, and I wore comfy clothes today.”
“Do I have time to shower?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I patted his hair. “Ready?” Jack nodded, before leaning in to kiss me lightly.
“I love you. So much.” He muttered, and I pecked him back.
“I know. Come on.” I said, getting up, and pulling him to his feet. “Let's just have a fun night okay? We can both just let loose and stuff. It will be just our friends there, so we still don't have to pretend we're not together.”
“Will there be sex at the end of the night?” Jack asked and I laughed. He was acting better now.
“There better be.” I winked, locking out hands together and leading him to the stairs.
I didn't think Jack would even see the picture I took with that kid today. The second he looked at me, I tried to play it off as no big deal, but Jack ended up sulking and sitting away from me. It was a long five hours back. I didn't want to bring up anything while we were in the car, just in case it turned into something like this morning.
I was glad Jack apologized, but I was still nervous of if it will happen again. I just had two more days to stick with him and he'll finally be getting some help. This won't go away on Monday, but at least it will the beginnings of Jack getting better, more stable.
We were the third people to get dropped off, and thankfully, it was a Saturday night where Joyce and dad had a party to go and wouldn't be back. Jack and I walked inside, but before he could stomp off to his room or something, I grabbed his arm.
“Jack, we let's about this.”
“I don't want to.” He mumbled, tugging his arm away from me.
“We need to okay?”
“I don't want to get mad and lose control.” Jack argued. “I could hurt you again.”
“Jack, you won't. Okay? Let me just explain why I was in that picture.” I said, and quickly continued so Jack couldn't argue. “I was selling you're guys sample cd, alright? And sales weren't going well, so I offered to do dares for anyone who bought one. This kid just wanted a picture with someone associated with your band. He even asked to kiss my cheek in it, but I said no cause I knew that wouldn't be fair to you.”
“But, he has his arm around you.” Jack mumbled.
“It's just a side hug thing. It's okay, I didn't thnk anything of it.” I reasoned with him. Jack sat down on the couch with a groan.
“I'm such an idiot, I don't deserve you. You're...you're taking this too well.” He started to sniffle. Fuck, no he was sad. This kid and his mood swings. “You're trying so hard for me, even after I hit you.”
“Shh, it's okay.”
“No it's not! What if...what if this therapy thing doesn't help? What if I get worse and seriously hurt you? Or do something stupid to myself and cause you so much emotional damage?” Jack started to sob. “I-i don't want to lose you, but I can't have you if I'm like this.”
Seeing Jack so broken, and upset tore my heart in two. I walked over, and slowly moved his hands away from his leaking eyes, taking a seat in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
“You're gonna get better baby,” I assured, lightly kissing his neck. “It will help, cause I can see how much you want to be better. Working for something does help in the end, okay? You're never going to go to far, alright? And I'm going to be honest. I'm scared...just a little, but still. This morning was an experience I thought would never happen, and it was hard to be by you on the ride to the venue but I stuck it out. Because I love you. I love you, so much. Something like this won't push me away. I can handle you, alright?”
Jack continued to cry, hugging me closer to him, almost crushing me. It was like he never wanted to let me go, and I felt the same. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and stroked his hair. He started to calm down a bit, his grip loosening. I pulled away, kissed his cheek, and wiped away anymore stray tears.
“Do you still want to go to Alex's party? We're not late quite yet.” I asked.
“We should... we've been bailing out on them a lot.” Jack said.
“Okay, we should change though. You're sweaty from a concert, and I wore comfy clothes today.”
“Do I have time to shower?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I patted his hair. “Ready?” Jack nodded, before leaning in to kiss me lightly.
“I love you. So much.” He muttered, and I pecked him back.
“I know. Come on.” I said, getting up, and pulling him to his feet. “Let's just have a fun night okay? We can both just let loose and stuff. It will be just our friends there, so we still don't have to pretend we're not together.”
“Will there be sex at the end of the night?” Jack asked and I laughed. He was acting better now.
“There better be.” I winked, locking out hands together and leading him to the stairs.
Oh how I always come back to this story
1/27/18