It took Alex asking Ember what happened to her lip for me to really register what I'd done. Oh, God, I really can't control myself. I put my hands on her.. How could I put my hands on her?! I am the biggest piece of shit in the world. She must be terrified of me to still be here, pretending that we're fine. FUCK.


What I really needed was to get out of there. Ember had clearly already left or something, because I couldn't find her anywhere to apologize, but I couldn't leave. I had to be here. The guilt swimming through my body was overwhelming. How could I allow myself to end up like my father?


"Guys, show time!" Matt popped his head around the corner, a big grin on his lips. "Whatever you're feeling right now, get rid of it. This is a big deal!"


Feeling like he was speaking directly to me, I inhaled a deep breath and let my emotions go. For the show, at least, I could be fine. I could get through this. I just hope Ember will still be cheering us on like she promised. Grabbing my guitar, I stood beside Alex until Matt shoved us out on the stage. The crowd started screaming to the top of their lungs, making my stomach tingle with joy.


Alex opened for us with a few jokes, which I was involved in. We pretty much had a normal conversation but the kids loved it. From there, he announced that we were playing Circles.
The set went by amazingly. People were trying to throw themselves on the stage and there were so many girls screaming my name I could barely think straight enough to play. Had it not been for a mess of dark hair catching the corner of my eye from the side of the stage, I would have messed up, but Ember being there and cheering with everyone else gave me more confidence. She didn't hate me.


We ended our set with a blink cover, thanked all of our friends for coming out and jumped off the stage. Alex went straight to our merch table to talk with fans while Rian and Zack ran off to the bathroom. I knew I'd be expected to join Alex, but I needed to see Ember first. I grabbed her hand and dragged her away from everyone else, though she didn't really want to come with me. When I got her alone, I swept her up in my arms and spun her around. She was still stiff, but she did laugh a little.


"I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry," I murmured into her neck, kissing it softly. "If you can just stick out with me till Monday we can get through this. I'm getting help, Ember, and I'm getting it for you."


"It was an accident," she sighed, looking away from me. "It's okay."


"It's not okay," I whispered, running my thumb along her busted lip. "I'm really sorry."


Ember only nodded her head, but that didn't stop me from bending down to kiss the wound as gently as I could. She gave me a soft smile, it wasn't very convincing, but it would do.


"I have to go say hi to the fans. You should go hang out with Matt. He really seems to like you."


"Yeah, okay."


Kissing her cheek, I darted off toward the merch table. Fans took over my body almost instantly, pulling me in for hugs and asking for pictures. It was the happiest, most awkward feeling in my life, next to hooking up with my 'sister,' that is. We stayed there for at least thirty minutes before we had to help finish packing up and hit the road. It was going to be a long trip back.


When we finished getting everything loaded up, we all piled back in the van, taking the same seats as before. Zack had a video camera in his hand and Alex and Rian were talking into it with funny voices. Ember and I would join in every now and again, but mostly Alex was talking our heads off.


Actually, it wasn't until Alex pulled out his phone and started scrolling through all of his favorite sites that I really even paid attention to him. His eyes lit up and he shoved his phone in my face.


"Look. Look at how many tags we have on tumblr. Jack, that was us! Like, an hour ago!"


Chuckling, I took the phone from him and started scrolling through all of the pictures. He was right, there was a massive amount of pictures from the show. Some of them had funny captions about wanting to bang every member of the band, while other people talked about lyrics. It was an incredible feeling to be so admired.. Until I got to picture of Ember standing with a guy who was too close for comfort.


I slowly lifted my gaze to meet hers, but she didn't seem phased. She didn't seem to care that while I was feeling guilty as fuck, she was cuddling with a fan. I shoved the phone back into Alex's arm and slid a few inches away from Ember, staring out of the window.


Who was I turning into? I hate constantly feeling like a monster, but fuck, I'm pissed.

Notes

I know this is short and I suck.
& for the record, we have no idea what the other is going to post until it's posted. *I* have been sitting here fighting the desire to comment. WHERE YOU GUYS AT?!