Jack’s POV

It’s been five years and I regret everything I’ve done to the poor boy, he was my everything but I ripped him of everything he ever had, hoped, dreamed and lived for. I hate that his dreams are all done for but in that moment it was perfect, my anger controlled me, like it always had. He knew I had anger issues but stuck around, he wanted to give me the love I never had and wanted to give me everything he could. He shared everything with me, whether it be his hoodies or a cupcake he bought to share.

Here I am now, rotting away for the rest of my life, no one will pay bail for the shooter. People don’t pay the shooters bail, shooters get pain and misery from hurting the innocent people of the tragic world. We were made to hurt people and we do what we do, making guiltless people feel the pain that we have.

I was hurt as a child. People picked on me, parents hated my guts and my own family hated me too, they even sent me to an orphanage where I lived till they couldn’t stand me either so I was forced to move out at seventeen to live in a cheap apartment on the bad side of town. I didn’t do anything wrong, I did what I was told, and always listened. They just had a hatred for me and as I got older I met the boy who decided to stay with me and gave me the love I had wanted all my life.

That boy filled a void in my life that I had never had before and he was broken too. He didn’t have friends either, his girlfriend cheated on him and that tore him apart, as well as his brother that died too. We never left each others sides, it was always me and him, him and I but that's also when my anger started…

I hurt the boy, my anger from when I was a kid came and I took it all out on him. Each and every single punch and things thrown had hurt him but he still had love towards me. Or was it “love?” Was he blinded? I’ll never know nor will anyone will.

Placing my head on the cold, hard pillow I cover myself with the thin blanket and close my eyes, prepared for my haunting dreams I suffer from.

*Inside Jack’s dream world*

Holding the pistol in my hand I let it fire off at the man in the distance, I had loved him so terribly much but hated at the same time. He was my everything and I let him down, I let him in and I said too much to him.

The pewter grey smoke comes out of the gun and I drop it on the ground, just to run to the hurt, bleeding boy and hold him in my arms just to hear him say his last words before he blacked out.

“Jack, what did I do wrong? Did I hurt you? I’m sorry if I did, forgive me? Please? Kiss it all better Jacky, I’m not ready to go.” The bloody boy says, eyes filled with Niagara Falls tears as he blacks out into my hoodie covered chest.

“Everything will be alright baby boy, everything will be alright. You did nothing wrong, it was my fault and you certainly didn’t hurt me, other people did and I took it out on you and I regret everything. You won’t go tonight, I won’t let you. No one will hurt you, I have but I won’t do it ever again. I promise.” I say, kissing the innocent boys cheek and holding the cold hands of my broken husband, looking at the metal band around his finger.

I run to our black Fender Volkswagen Beetle, Alex always wanted one as a child and I wanted to make his dream come true so for his birthday when he turned twenty one; two years after we met; I had gotten it for him. I never understood why he loved them so much, they were just the punch buggy cars but after asking him he just responded “I want to be that person with the car that everyone punches each other about. It would be cool, everyone seeing your car and they punch people about it!”

We get to the hospital just in time and they take Alex as they see his hurt body.
The nurses take him into a room and they ask me questions on how he got that way.

I tell the truth.

“I shot him.” And in those three words they call the cops about me, the shooter who shot his husband and once the cops come and put me in cuffs Alex wakes up screaming.

“Don’t put him away! I love him! Please, no!” The broken boy of my other half cries with tears in his eyes.

“Son, he’s only going away for a little while. Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you anymore.” The navy blue uniformed cop tells my husband and places a hand on his arm.

“He never hurt me before though! He gave me the love I never had before!”

“Explain the scars on you then.”

“I-It’s personal, I can’t tell you!” Alex says while the tears still flow across his pale tears.

“He had been hurt at home and hates to talk about it, it brings him to tears, just like right now. Same for me, you know nothing about our past and you never will.” I tell to the stern officer.

He doesn’t listen to a word I say, just takes me away from my lover and Alex runs after me, with all the medical gear flying and IV ripping out of his arm.

“Jacky don’t leave me here alone! I need you, how can you leave me alone in this terrible world? I can’t be left alone, you’re the only one who ever cared about me! Please, I’ll do anything, I’ll do all the work in the apartment, I’ll work tons of jobs and make the money, just don’t leave me! Don’t leave me alone for the night, never forever ever!” He screams, making me cry as the officers lead me out the hospital doors.

“I don’t want to do this Alex, they are taking me away from you and I can’t do this. I’ll come back someday. I never want to leave you, you’re my other half but the world is shoving me away. I swear I never wanted to hurt you, but I’ll come back soon. If they put me through trial and I get put in jail I want you to visit me as much as I can and find someone who won’t hurt you. Find a new lover, because I won’t be on the outside world. They will keep me locked up and keep me away so I won’t hurt society. I’m sorry baby, but I love you more than you will ever understand!” I scream to him with tears as they shove me in the cop car and take me away from the only one I ever gave my love to.

Farewell my lover, we shall meet one day. I don’t know when but I’ll see you soon. I think to myself as I look out the window on the clouded day. I didn’t know my world was going to crash on me this early in my life, I knew someday but not now.

My dream ends there and I wake up with sweat all over my face, this dream happens almost every night and it scares me but what makes me come out of my scared position is what one of the guards says to me.

“Barakat, you’re out. Someone paid your bail.” The guard says, letting me out of my cold jail cell.

Who would pay my bail? I haven’t had a visitor or anyone, my family hates me and everyone during school must have long forgotten about me, the thirty two year old male who shot his husband...Husband? Did Alex come save me? It’s been years though. He couldn’t have though. But did he?

The sound of the officer telling me to change into civilian clothes shakes me from my midst of thoughts and I change into the black jeans and grey tee shirt I had been given as well as my old wedding ring I haven’t been able to touch in years.

Finally walking down the last hall to reach freedom I see a man with chocolate brown eyes and caramel hair as well as a silver wedding band around his finger.

“Jacky?” The man says, using the nickname I haven’t heard in years.

“Lexy?”

“I-Is that really you?” He cries, walking slowly towards me and putting a hand out to feel me once he reaches me.

“It is baby boy, it is. Why am I out of that cell?”

“I made money just so that you could come out, I sold the car too.” Alex says, crying and whimpering into my chest. It feels nice.

“But you loved it, you wanted to be the person with the punch buggy car. It was even the Fender one and I know how much you love Fender guitars.” I say as we walk out of the jail and into the streets in which I haven’t seen in so long.

“I had to, I wanted to see you. I cried a lot when you first left, I didn’t know what to do so I worked a few jobs 24/7 just so that I could feel your arms around me tight. I missed it when you couldn’t cuddle me when I slept. When I was sick I kept thinking you would come back to me and give me ramen but you never came and I got sadder and sadder. I had to make due without you just to get by but I knew that I’d get enough money just to get you out. I didn’t visit because I knew I was going to come every day and not get the money to really have you.”

I have tears flowing down my face as he told me what he said, maybe he really does love me and wants to be my everything.

“I always doubted your love you know babe. I always had this feeling that you would leave me for someone else that could stay with you, that wouldn’t make you feel the pain that I did to you. I’m still very sorry for all of that.” I say sincerely, bringing up the fact that I hurt him not only physically but mentally too.

He takes me to small restaurant on the east side of Baltimore near the harbor, the place where we first met.

“Alex, why are we here? Do we have enough money for this place?” I ask the younger male as we never had much cash in the first place and in my case no one will ever let an ex-criminal to work for them, maybe a tattoo parlor receptionist but that would be about it.

Now thinking about it, it wouldn’t be that bad to work in that service. I mean it beats not making any money right? Just enough to live off on and maybe a bit to splurge on once in a while like around Christmas if I get a bonus to splurge on Alex with to get him a tiny gift. Nothing much, like maybe a photo taken at a booth in the mall or if I’m really lucky an album for our old music player.

“I made more more money than I needed to bail you out with so I wanted to take you for a tiny treat to share. It’s not much money but just enough to share a slice of chocolate cake and a small coffee, if you don’t want to we can just go back to the apartment. I’m fine with anything.”

“This would be perfect baby boy. I fell in love with everything you say and do, plus you don’t know how much I’ve wished just to share a small treat with you.” I say before kissing him swiftly on the lips.

We walk to a small table in the back of the restaurant, not wanting to be near the bunches of people. Due to Alex and I never having anyone to talk to we’ve kind of isolated ourselves from most people but each other.

We have small chit chat when a waiter with the name tag Matt Flyzik comes to take our order. Matt looks kind of familiar, like a boy from high school I used to to know so when he comes back with Alex and I’s order I ask him if he went to Dulaney High School, he responds with a yes and asks me how I know him.

“I’m Jack Barakat, I think I knew you.”

“That name rings a bell, I think I may have had some classes with you.” Matt says, then asking who Alex is.

“He’s my husband, Alex.” I say, then pecking him on the lips and whispering I love you.

Alex climbs into my lap, scared of normal human interaction. This scares him, which makes me wonder how he held jobs for five years while I was in jail.

“Hold on, let me clock out of work real quick.” The man with the lip ring says, pausing to look at his watch.

He comes back a minute later and seems intrigued on our relationship actually.

“So why did he do that?” He says, motioning to the scared boy in my lap, hiding his face in my neck.

“It’s a long-ish story, but if Alex is willing to let me tell you I don’t mind but if he doesn’t want me to I will respect his wishes.” I tell Matt, then asking Alex if I can tell the story of us. He nods and I begin to tell our long tale of a story.

“When Alex was a younger boy like around ten or eleven he had a brother who died of a car accident, it was heartbreaking on him, after all he had no friends and he was the only one who took care of him, no one wanted to take care of him after he died. His parents didn’t want him so they ignored him completely with the exception of the abuse he had to deal with for the first two years. It was physical and verbal, so it took a toll on him. He went into self harm and when he got older around high school all of his friends left him and he had two girlfriends who both cheated on him too. He lost all trust with women and men, and decided to lead himself into selective mutism. It was me who got him to talk once again when we had met here actually, same table too. Alex was cold from the rain that was pouring down and was sitting here all sopping wet so when I came in I had taken a seat next to him. He was scared at first but after a while of getting him to talk by writing things on napkins. He finally used voice after months of us knowing each other and that same night I asked him to be my boyfriend. He didn’t have a nice place to stay so I let him move into my shabby apartment immediately, even before we were dating. It was nice company to have him around and as if you noticed me in high school I had no one. Later on when we were twenty seven I went insane, I shot my lover who I married when we were twenty three, we met at eighteen. I had anger filled from my broken down childhood as I was abused, neglected and basically anything you can imagine. I went to jail but luckily I got out today actually, the day I shot Alex was the day I had hit my rock bottom. I hate everything I did to him but he still loved me and took all of his time to earn the money to bail me out. He did many jobs 24/7 just to get me out. Also about Alex on my lap, we still isolated ourselves from society and I don’t know how he dealt through jobs, must’ve been so painful. Actually this is still a bit hard for me now, I’ve isolated myself all my life. Plus Alex and I never had much material objects so we cling onto each other. We have a special bond that no one can take away from us. It’s nice, well not being able to pay some bills every month isn’t as well as not always having heat in the apartment. Alex sold our car too, it just became too much to pay for. I don’t even know if he has a job at the moment and I certainly don’t as just got out of jail today.” I tell Matt as he has sadden tears down his face.

“Jack if I knew all of that I’d never think of treating you the way I did, I mean just the not realizing it. How could I be so oblivious! I’m an idiot!”

“Matt you’re not an idiot, you just didn’t know. I understand why you may think that way but you can’t beat yourself on it.” I tell him, still holding my scared husband close to me, as if I let go he’d vanish to places unknown.

“How would you like to come to my place tonight? Meet some of my friends and I’ll be happy to get you a nice paying job somewhere, so that you don’t need to worry about not paying rent. Plus treating Alex once in a while with extra money every month is nice too. I can tell you both love each other. Lets go.” Matt says, wanting us to come with him. It feels nice, like being wanted by someone else that cares. It’s a bit weird as well but what can you expect? We both had isolated ourselves from society for so long.

Matt drove us to his two story house and then he invites some of his friends over to meet us. When they come Alex does shy away again but gains confidence as he gets to know the people we now know around us. Guys named, Rian, Zack, Martin, Charles; who just got brain surgery the week before in Boston, a place I’d love to take Alex on a trip; and his wife Alli as well as a few others named Shay and Colette who have four kids named Gavin, Avia, Emmy and Brock and an unknown named child on the way.

“Jacky can we have one!” Alex squeals as he sees Colette’s baby bump and leans down to feel it.

“Once I get a nice paying job we can adopt any child you want.” I tell him.

“Really?” He asks innocently.

“Really, once I get a job and if you want to you can then we can adopt, or you can be a stay at home father. Just as long as we have money I’ll do anything for you.” I say, then Alex hugs me around my waist and I can feel him smiling into it.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

“If you’re in need of a job I can hook you up with one at the record shop. I don’t mind at all.” Martin tells us.

“Would the owner hire a dude with a criminal record? I think not.” I tell him

“Dude I’m the owner, I can hire anyone I want and pay them how ever. Now I’m serious you can start Monday and I’ll give you a nice place to live. I have too big of house and it gets lonely in there. You can stay with me and the kid you adopt can call me Uncle Martin, I’ve always wanted to be an uncle anyway!” He says joyfully and Alex runs over to hug him, always a hugger I swear but he never got hugs so he feels the need to give them to people. I find it adorable.

Later that night Matt ends the get together and Martin takes us back to his place for the night, and that's when Alex and I realize that this “big house” is more of a mansion.

“Martin how can you afford all this!” Alex yells.

“I was in a band for years, money gathered up and our albums still make money to this day from the them. So why not buy a mansion?”

“Will this be a safe place for a child to live in?” I wonder out loud.

“Of course it will! Now let me show you your room where you’ll live in!” Martin says, leading us inside to show us our room.

It has an en-suite bathroom and a large bed, it’s like a dream to be honest. Something I don’t mind living in for a long time with my perfect husband.

“It it nice? If it isn’t we can change it up, I don’t care.” The giving man says.

“It’s perfect, how can we ever repay you?” I ask.

“Easy, you don’t. You live here, get rid of your shitty apartment and once in a while go to work. You think I’m making you pay rent? Hell no, I paid this place off years ago.”

“You have to let me pay for something, it’s too much! I’m not used to all of this, all these material objects of such.” I tell him.

“Yeah, not happening. I’ll see you two later though, I’m tired and if you get hungry just go on the intercom and ask for something, anything and the maids will make. Spare blankets are in the closet as well as pillows. You can do anything you want to, I won’t hear it, trust me my room is across the hall and I’m a deep sleeper so if you have any sexy times I won’t hear it. Night you two!” Martin says, then leaving the room to go to bed.

Alex and I lay on the bed together after stripping just to our boxers like old times and go underneath the warm but heavy down comforter.

“You look cute.” I tell him, facing towards him.

“Thank you, you do too.” Alex blushes and looks down, shy.

“You don’t need to be shy, I like seeing my baby boy blush.” I say, tipping his head up with my finger.

“I missed you, and you know when we were first dating you told me when ever I was ready we would do it?” He asks, bringing up the one foggy day outside of our apartment when I told him that when he was ready he and I would make love to each other.

“Are you ready? I won’t force you. I don’t want to hurt you in any way during it, I told you specifically that you don’t ever have to if you don’t want to. I’m not saying I’m backing out, I’m saying I just want you to be sure.”

“Jacky I’m sure. I’ve thought it over for a while and I wanted to make it special, and I think the day I get you out of that hell is special enough for me.”
I nod and then start kissing him with passion, love and respect, taking dominance over the smaller boy beneath me.

“Let me know when you want me to go further down.” I say, pausing every few moments to kiss him.

“Now.” He says and I move downwards to his neck and chest area.
Going farther down and he lets me we finally end up making love to each other and it was the best experience for both of us.

“I love you Jack-Jack.” He says as he cuddles into my bare chest.

“I love you too Lexy-Lex. Now shhh its sleepy time for you.” I tell him as I wrap my arms around him as he falls asleep and for the first time in years I get a good nights rest and make it through the night not worrying if the bills will get paid or if we have enough money to even eat something.

It’s a nice feeling when people are around you who care, never take advantage of them because when it’s you and one other person who feels the same way too, you may just cling onto them for your life and they just might do the same and maybe, just maybe you won’t feel so alone in this big, but terrifying world we live in.

I learned that there will be people who just can’t stand your existence and you just want to tend it all during that time but there will always be someone who understands that same pain as you, it may take years to find them but they are there. You may have to crack the shell they placed over themselves just to see them but that’s okay, because you learn to love what you have even if it isn’t much and you have to live off of practically nothing but each others love. It’s okay, and someday things will get you to rock bottom but someone may just rise you a bit off the ground, even just by a small inch.

I do regret the pain I put on Alex during our rough patch of time when I hit rock bottom, with abuse I fed him I realize it wasn’t right. Alex didn’t do anything wrong and that shouldn’t have happened. You shouldn’t dwell on the past though, you do need to try to move on with your life and seek new adventures, Alex didn’t dwell on the past in this case, in a way he might’ve when he had his sad and mourning period but that's a general thing that we all do for a portion of time. Sometimes when you dwell but get out of it you may seek adventure and fix the problem from the place that started it all or sometimes you just have to move on and find other things to do in your span of life.
Alex and I are moving on to new things, it's fun actually to have friends who do truly care about you. It feels like the warm clothing that comes out of the dryer, so warm, so nice and oh so very kind feelings fill you and makes life seem a bit perfect.

Perfection is in a way by your definition, since we all think different things are perfect. My way is not a definition but by what is here right now with me. My husband and my newly found friends, but I can’t exclude our little bundle of joy that Alex and I will adopt very soon. I hope for a boy personally, to correct my parents actions around what happened to me and to correct the broken childhood I had. I’d like to change the actions of Alex’s parents too, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, he doesn’t need the pain we had when we were children. It isn’t right, it was plain wrong but like I’ve said, I can’t dwell on the past anymore. I may get times where I do think about it, but it’s only healthy for a human being to do so.

I look to the side to see Alex peacefully sleeping against my chest, he looks so calm and content. This is the first time I’ve seen him like this with the exception of when we got married; we got married my a J.P in a very deadbeat area for a bit more money we had to pull some strings for. I’ll never regret everything in this moment, with Martin maybe I can ask him to help me out on remaking our marriage, maybe we can have a new wedding to close off our past and promote a better future for the both of us. I’ve always wanted to give Alex the things he never had and maybe this will work out in the end so our future can be brighter, just like the shining ball of flames and gases up in the sky that we see everyday.

*Two years later*

“This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go. I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew, I was enchanted to meet you.” The Taylor Swift song plays in the background as Alex and I ballroom dance around the floor, our daughter and son trying to copy us.

We decided we wanted to get married after we adopted children, Alex wanted a girl and I wanted a boy so we decided to adopt two of them, plus the two we saw were too adorable to not take home.

Serendipity Taylor Barakat and Boston Everett Barakat decided to come back to the same place we moved into we’ve lived in for the past two years, and at this rate I don’t think we’ll move out. The kids love it there and had even given it a name too, Forever Love Jalex Ranch, as they combined our first names together and said that they will “Forever Love” us, which is nice since you kind of don’t want your four year olds to hate you.

“Daddy, when can I get married?” Boston asks as we walk off the dance floor and go to sit with Charles and Alli.

“When you’re older bud, you’re too young at the moment. Plus you need to find your special someone first.” I tell him.

“Okay, when is cake?”

“Soon, actually in just a moment.” I say before standing up to propose a toast.

“Everyone before we serve the cake I’d like to propose a toast! I’ve never had the best childhood but I plan to change that for my children, they deserve the best childhood they could ever have. I’m all happy you could gather here today, the sun is shining and I’ve never really had this many people who care about me. When I was younger and first met Alex, it was just me and him, that’s all so learning to take in all of your love makes me feel great! We made it through the storm and we made it through the flames that took us in! I love you all, now to Jack and Alex!”

“To Jack and Alex!” The whole room yells.

“And cake!” Serendipity and Boston scream like the little four year olds they are.
We all end up eating the huge cake that Alli and Colette made, its wonderful and just perfect.

This life is my definition of perfect. I’ll never change it for anyone, not society, not anything. People hated me for who I was but I made a revolution for myself and nothing will get in my way. I’ll let my kids live their life the way they want to but I’ll never let them do it alone. I’ll guide them with Alex towards the right path to happiness, and I hope they can be the best people they can be so that they don’t turn up to be the people I met in high school.

“Make it through the fall, make it through it all.” Avril Lavigne’s play through my head.

Alex, we made it through it fall, we can make it through it all. Nothing will stop us anymore because we found control over our life. We were made for life and it wants us to shine.

Notes

Whoa, long one-shot, but I had the idea when I was listening to He is We's song Kiss it All Better.
It was going to be a song fic, hence why Jack in the jail cell and the lyrics when Alex speaks before he blacks out and same with Jack.
I feel as this is best thing I've written, I feel so proud of myself as I don't normally feel that way unless it's a huge accomplishment in my life.
Clarifications:
When Jack got out of cell and Alex cried and whimpered into his chest and said it felt nice, I meant it as Jack feeling happy that he can hold him again and protect him when he's sad.
Charles and Alli are the people from the YouTube Channel, CTFxC
Shay, Colette and their kids are from the YouTube Channel SHAYTARDS
Martin is Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls, I use him in my fics a lot since I like Martin but I still like Bryan Donahue as my favorite member. I know he isn't in the band but he shall always be my favorite, Martin also being my favorite.
Martin acts the way he does in this fic just because I felt like portraying him that way.
Why is Alex scared of sex? Because he never had it before, even with the girlfriend he had have before.
Why does Jack tell Alex to go to sleep? Because Alex needs that extra boost to let him know he can. When Jack started hurting Alex physically and mentally in the past he took control over Alex, as it was easy since Alex was already broken to bits, therefore not knowing right from wrong. Alex still has a bit of that mentality from that incident so Jack just needs to help him out until he understands he doesn't need to ask more and just do it.
Why is it Forever Love Jalex Ranch? Martin has horses on his property that he owns named Starlight, Beauty, Roseray and Maralith Dawn
I hope I clarified anything I could if there was to be any questions, if you do have any I'd be happy to answer here or on any of my social media links which can be all be found HERE
Till darkness completes us,
Sarah's Butterflies