I roll onto my side at two in the morning still unable to sleep. I start a new school tomorrow. I'm sure you can tell why I'm nervous.

Why don't I tell you a bit about myself while I attempt sleep.

I am mentally unstable. I self harm, I'm anorexic, I'm depressed and I have anxiety and panic attacks. My brother died a little over two years ago and my dad left soon after. My mom was pulled into a deep depression where all she does is drink her sorrows away. It hurts to think that all this happened over the course of two years.

I didn't have much friends, but I didn't care. I didn't like myself either. I still don't.

After maybe an hour of trying to sleep, I groan and sit up. I pull open the drawer in my bedside table and I rummage around until I feel the familiar, cylindrical vial of sleeping pills. I smile and pull two out.

I swallow them and shut the bottle. I throw it in my drawer and fall back onto my bed.

I stare at the ceiling and sigh. If these don't work then I don't know what I'll do. Probably to downstairs and sneak a beer to at least pass out.

After another hour of waiting, it's four in the morning. Goddamn it.

I quietly crawl out of bed and sneak downstairs. I quietly open the fridge seeing shelves full of beer. I smile, snag two, and quickly, but quietly sprint upstairs.

i shut my door and turn on the light. I pop open the top of one and smile at it, sinking onto my bed. I press the bottle to my lips and tilt it so the liquid has access to my mouth.

I swallow gulps of it and feel it burn as it slowly moves down my throat. I sigh and stare at the ceiling. I gulp down more and my vision blurs.

I pass out about five minutes later.

--X--X--X--X--

I crawl out of bed the next morning and groan. I have a pounding headache and I feel like crap.

I strip off my shirt and pants, starting the shower. I get in and look at my body. Scars lined up and down my arms, stomach and legs (calves and thighs). Even my shoulders. I sigh. Who would love me? No one. I'm a gay mess.

i hop out and dry my hair. I mess around with it until it's perfect, throw on a long sleeve black shirt, skinnies and converses. I throw on a black beanie and grab my iPod.

I head downstairs and see my mom already passed out on the couch. Surprise, surprise.

I grab my backpack and my stomach rumbles.

"There's a reason why I cut you up." I mutter to myself. It's all fat. I hated It so much, I lost control and cut up my stomach. my mom was scared I'd bleed out so she took me to the hospital which is why I now go to Therapy every goddamn week.

I head down the street to school and come face to face with the first bully of the year. Great...

He's about two inches taller than me and he's really ripped. Damn. He's like the hulk... without the green skin. Anger... I don't know.

In the corner of my eye I see a lanky, skunk-haired kid, clutching his books to his chest looking afraid. The boy in front of me glares at him then me. Well... So much for starting off well right?

Notes

Hey guys! JalexUnicorn here. So xMareBear14x and I decided to do a fanfic together! I hope you guys love this chapter because honestly, I love it:)
keep reading it'll get better.:)
luv you guys!!
-JennA

title credit: Lights; Ellie Goulding