Alex’s POV

*Time Lapse*

“Five.” The TV blares loudly from the living room says as the countdown goes down to see the new year while I’m stuck locked inside my room since the incident when I met Jack and Pierre.

“Four.” Maybe this year will be better.

“Three.” Don’t make this year bad for me.

“Two.” No one to kiss at midnight.

“One.” I’ll never find one to have and to be kissed by.

“Happy New Year Alex. Make it good.” I tell myself as I hear the screams from my parents in the living room, then hearing a big make out session from them.

I pull my covers above my head and pretend the sounds I hear are non existent. This happens every year but I just can’t seem to get used to it. You don’t get used to the pains that you’ve dealt with for so long, it’s like that fly in your room that you can’t catch, it just doesn’t happen.

I’ve been trapped in my room ever since I went out of the house about a week and a half ago. A week and a half ago when I met Jack. I wonder what he’s doing right now, probably kissing some pretty girl and forgetting my existence so that he never has to see the bruised and battered boy again.

I’ve learned that people won’t care about you no matter how much you’d like them to, the world just doesn’t work that way. It’s like a girl just dying to be popular and fit in but she can’t, she just tries too hard and the people who she wants to fit in with just bully her and ignore her. Life isn’t fair and it never will be for me, maybe for some people but just not me.

Hearing that the noises stop and my parent’s must’ve gone to bed I look around my cold, dark room and see nothingness, just like the pain inside me. There just isn’t anything to keep my strength and will to live anymore.

Everything I’ve loved isn’t the same when I do it anymore. I used to love being outdoors, being with nature but it just isn’t me anymore with the exception of playing guitar on Thames Street but even then my love for playing just isn’t matching up to how I used to.

Putting my head back down on the pillow I start to doze off and fall asleep, hoping that life will get better but at this rate it won’t.

Alex’s Dream World

“Tommy where are you going?” Twelve year old me asks to my big brother in the bed at the hospital.

“Nowhere bud, I’ll always be there for you. I’m just taking a small vacation but I’ll be back soon okay? I love you Alexander.” He says as the doctors rush in when the beeping thing nears him stops beeping.

The nurses move me out of the room and drag me out of the cold white room.

“Mum, what’s going on?” I ask as she walks out with a pale face and disgust.

“Alexander, get in the car. Not another word, once we get home you’re going to your room and I don’t want to see you come out until we call you down.” She says quickly, dragging me out of the hospital by the arm, getting strange looks from everyone around us.

I don’t say a single word, just let her drag me, fear of getting in trouble.

With my dad in the driver seat and my mom in the passenger side we speed down the highway and to our home where as we get into the driveway I rush to my room and wait to be called down.

“Peter he’s gone, I can’t believe he’s gone!” I hear my mom cry from the living room.

“It will be okay, we still have each other.” My father says, trying to calm down mom.

“But he’s dead! He isn’t coming back and that’s final!” She says and that’s when I hit realization that Tom is gone and he isn’t coming back from his vacation to take care of me.

I start silently crying into my Pokemon pillow and wish my big brother would come back. Knowing he’s gone I know I’ll never have a big brother again to take care of me, mom and dad never really did anyway since they were always busy with work or something.

*End Dream*

It was Tom who helped me on my homework and projects. It was him who cooked dinner. It was him who went to the store when I needed something. It was him who took care of me when I was sick and needed to be looked after. It was always Tom who did everything for me, resembling something of a father like figure so I wouldn’t be so alone in life.

I never was called down that night, or the next night and so on. I’d only come down if it was for school or if I needed to use the bathroom, other than that I’d never leave my room. It was like my own little house, I’d take care of it and live in it. Do my work and stay calm when I felt myself becoming with an unsteady heart beat.

I guess the beatings started a bit later on in life, starting with just smacks on the head whenever I had been seen or when they would walk into my room. Then it would get bigger as I grew up as a person. Now it just couldn’t get any worse and the pain will always stand in my life, I know I could leave whenever I wanted to, they wouldn’t care, they just want me gone anyway.

Picking myself off the ground and looking at the time I see that it’s almost nine the next morning, time to get up and not do anything. I had finished all my break homework throughout the break so I guess I’m up to just doing nothing, unless I just want to read the History textbook the school had issued out for the second time. I do enjoy history, it’s a nice subject and I heard that they fired the old history teacher, Mrs. Darescape because she had been flirting with all the students and when I mean all of them I mean all of them, some even hooked up with her. But of course they would, with her short pencil skirt and tight blouses I’m not surprised. People like pretty girls, not ugly boys. She was a decent teacher though, we learned and I got good grades so that’s all that matters to me. School may be the only way to get out of this small town.

Deciding I’m still not entertained I do flip through the huge textbook that tells the story of our country. It’s a depressing one but we were founded on blood and wars to get freedom right? Well in a way we aren’t free with rights to marry who we want to isn’t legal in all states. Why can’t we just be like Canada, I mean they have gay rights for whoever wants to marry their lover. Plus you don’t hear about a shooting every day on the news there. No you hear happy things not sad things there.

Why can’t things just be normal for me? There are people out there that have happy lives and I’d do anything to just have a tiny piece of it. Maybe someday but at this rate I’ll never get it. Life wants to get me in the ass and I guess that it will because I’ll never have a happy life. Happy lifes are made for happy people and I’m just not happy, I’m depressed and I have been for years. Nothing can change at this rate and I don’t think anything will because I’m not the boy I was at age twelve. I’m seventeen and life wants to get me.

Notes

So you got a bit more of what goes through Alex's head and what happened when his brother died. No that isn't how Tom died, I read the real interview a while ago but I WILL NOT link it to anyone as it isn't my job to do so, it just happened that I had crossed it when I was on the internet late at night when I was looking for ATL interviews and it popped up. I don't feel as it is my right to link it to people, it was Alex's experience and not mine. If he wanted to tell us then it would happen but as a person who was just looking for interviews I clicked on it like any other person to realize it was that one.
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Till darkness completes us,
Sarah's Butterflies