Don't Forget I'm a Lightweight
Chapter Four: Is Everybody Going Crazy, Is Anyone Gonna Save Me?
Alex’s POV
“Liar.” I say.
“What?” He asks as if he didn’t hear me.
“Liar. Get away from me!” I yell, yanking myself out of Jack’s grip. Only a liar would tell me that he’s related to the famous doctor,Bassam Barakat.
Running up the the glass spiral staircase I find my way to the door and rush out, only to see snow mounds all around the area.
“How the hell am I going to get out of here. If he really is Bassam’s son then the tabloids say he has horses roaming the area.” I think to myself. Rushing around the area I find the stable and thankfully working at a ranch for a month I know how to saddle one up. Why the fuck did I quit? Oh wait I didn’t, they fired me when they heard I like dudes. Homophobic asshole if I say so myself, goddamnit society!
Rushing to find a saddle I shove it on the light grey horse and quickly, but gently I put the reins on it.
“Alex!” Jack yells.
“Stop acting like you care when you don’t Jack!” I say, turning around to face him.
“Alex why can’t you understand that I’m not lying to you?”
“You don’t know anything about me so you can shove it! I don’t even know the difference between lies and truths anymore because I’ve been lied to all my life! You think I trust my parents? Hell no! You don’t understand! I just want to go home and never see the light of the living day anymore! Don’t you get I don’t have anyone? I don’t want to see humanity or this society! It’s all screwed up and its going straight to hell! Here, lets make a deal either I hop on the horse and never see you again and society or you give me a reason to stay here!” I scream, full of all emotion I’ve locked inside of me.
“I don’t have a reason for you Alex! You’ve locked yourself in this box with bulletproof windows and vests that I can’t help you! I just don’t know how, my dad was the doctor, not me! I don’t know what to say to you because I just don’t know anything anymore!” He says, bringing me to tears. Maybe I am helpless. Maybe I don’t have a place in this world. Maybe.. Maybe I’m better off dead.
“Thanks jerk!” I cry with the tears flowing down my face. “Where the hell is my guitar? I’m going home!”
“In my car, if you’re going home I’ll get it.” He says, no emotion whatsoever in his face and heading to his car to get my guitar.
He hands it off and I ask how to get to my house. Giving me the directions back I realize it was going to take longer than I thought to get back.
Walking down the cold, abandoned sidewalk I see a guy with black hair and brown eyes singing along with his guitar.
“Tell me what's wrong with society, when everywhere I look, I see. Young girls dying to be on TV, they won't stop till they've reached their dreams.”
“Hey man, you’re good! You write that?” I say to him.
“Yeah, its called Crazy. Society is fucked you know?” He says, patting on the brick stoop and motioning me to sit down with him.
“Society is screwed up for me. I don’t know what I’ve done to make it this way.” I speak and sit next to him.
“Same, at this rate I don’t even know where its going. Like I try to be the best I can be but nothing wants to work out for me. Oh I’m Pierre by the way, Pierre Bouvier.”
“Alex, Alex Gaskarth.” I say, putting out a hand to shake.
“You got a guitar there, you play?” He asks, making me have a tiny smile. Someone at least partially understands but don’t let him get too close Alex, he’ll hurt you and break you. Don’t let people in, doesn’t matter if they do understand because people lie, just like Jack speaking of which I hear the familiar voice coming from a black Chevrolet.
“Alex, I’m sorry where are you!” The liar yells.
“Don’t move, just follow my lead.” I tell Pierre right before pressing my lips to his.
He kisses back and I hear Jack pull up where Pierre and I are.
“Alex! What the fuck?” The skunk haired man says in shock.
“Jack, you’re nothing but a liar! Why can’t you get that in your head?”
“Why is Jack Barakat standing in front of us?” The person I met here says.
I just stand, not saying anything. Jack isn’t a liar? He was telling the truth? Is Pierre right? Why can’t I be normal and listen to people? I’m such a screw up, why can’t I do anything right?
“Alex? Alex?” Jack says, waving a hand in front of my face.
“Wha? Jack take me home. I’m sorry. I didn’t believe you because I just don’t know who to trust anymore. I-Its hard for me okay? I just don’t think I’ll be perfect for anyone with my mentality.” I say, hugging the elder.
“I think I may have a song for this moment. Wanna hear it?” Pierre asks.
“Sure.” I say and then he tunes his acoustic and plays the rhythm that’s the almost the story of my life.
“Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again (right again)
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand (you don't understand)
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect” Pierre sings as I feel tears streaming down my face.
“I-I think I need to get going.” I say, not going into Jack’s car and instead just running down the street to my broken paradise of a home.
As I get run down the snow covered sidewalk I finally reach my house where the two people I hate to see waiting on the porch with anger filled in their eyes.
“Where have you been Alex!” My mother screams with anger and fury as I get dragged into the house.
“O-Out, over on Th-Thames Street.” I stutter as I get kicked to the ground.
They yell profanities and words of pain at me with each kick and blow to my already battered body. Wounds that won’t heal for about a week if I’m lucky.
For about what seems like a century but only ten minutes they stop and go back to whatever they were doing before I came to ruin their lives.
Crawling, I climb the stairs to my room even though pain stings my body with each movement I make on the hardwood flooring.
“Why must everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? I’m just an innocent boy trying to live in this world. I do no good for anyone so why do I bother trying anymore? This life wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for a non-broken boy.
Tom why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave me alone in this cold, dark world with Mum and Dad? Why did you have to get cancer and leave me to take on this? I was ten! I was just a ten year old boy who needed his brother to take care of him because no one else would!
Why can’t someone notice me, who won’t lie to me and love me for who I am and for what I’d like to do?” These thoughts fill my head as I lay down on the hard, old mattress on the floor where I hope for love and to get out of the pained misery I suffer from.
“Liar.” I say.
“What?” He asks as if he didn’t hear me.
“Liar. Get away from me!” I yell, yanking myself out of Jack’s grip. Only a liar would tell me that he’s related to the famous doctor,Bassam Barakat.
Running up the the glass spiral staircase I find my way to the door and rush out, only to see snow mounds all around the area.
“How the hell am I going to get out of here. If he really is Bassam’s son then the tabloids say he has horses roaming the area.” I think to myself. Rushing around the area I find the stable and thankfully working at a ranch for a month I know how to saddle one up. Why the fuck did I quit? Oh wait I didn’t, they fired me when they heard I like dudes. Homophobic asshole if I say so myself, goddamnit society!
Rushing to find a saddle I shove it on the light grey horse and quickly, but gently I put the reins on it.
“Alex!” Jack yells.
“Stop acting like you care when you don’t Jack!” I say, turning around to face him.
“Alex why can’t you understand that I’m not lying to you?”
“You don’t know anything about me so you can shove it! I don’t even know the difference between lies and truths anymore because I’ve been lied to all my life! You think I trust my parents? Hell no! You don’t understand! I just want to go home and never see the light of the living day anymore! Don’t you get I don’t have anyone? I don’t want to see humanity or this society! It’s all screwed up and its going straight to hell! Here, lets make a deal either I hop on the horse and never see you again and society or you give me a reason to stay here!” I scream, full of all emotion I’ve locked inside of me.
“I don’t have a reason for you Alex! You’ve locked yourself in this box with bulletproof windows and vests that I can’t help you! I just don’t know how, my dad was the doctor, not me! I don’t know what to say to you because I just don’t know anything anymore!” He says, bringing me to tears. Maybe I am helpless. Maybe I don’t have a place in this world. Maybe.. Maybe I’m better off dead.
“Thanks jerk!” I cry with the tears flowing down my face. “Where the hell is my guitar? I’m going home!”
“In my car, if you’re going home I’ll get it.” He says, no emotion whatsoever in his face and heading to his car to get my guitar.
He hands it off and I ask how to get to my house. Giving me the directions back I realize it was going to take longer than I thought to get back.
Walking down the cold, abandoned sidewalk I see a guy with black hair and brown eyes singing along with his guitar.
“Tell me what's wrong with society, when everywhere I look, I see. Young girls dying to be on TV, they won't stop till they've reached their dreams.”
“Hey man, you’re good! You write that?” I say to him.
“Yeah, its called Crazy. Society is fucked you know?” He says, patting on the brick stoop and motioning me to sit down with him.
“Society is screwed up for me. I don’t know what I’ve done to make it this way.” I speak and sit next to him.
“Same, at this rate I don’t even know where its going. Like I try to be the best I can be but nothing wants to work out for me. Oh I’m Pierre by the way, Pierre Bouvier.”
“Alex, Alex Gaskarth.” I say, putting out a hand to shake.
“You got a guitar there, you play?” He asks, making me have a tiny smile. Someone at least partially understands but don’t let him get too close Alex, he’ll hurt you and break you. Don’t let people in, doesn’t matter if they do understand because people lie, just like Jack speaking of which I hear the familiar voice coming from a black Chevrolet.
“Alex, I’m sorry where are you!” The liar yells.
“Don’t move, just follow my lead.” I tell Pierre right before pressing my lips to his.
He kisses back and I hear Jack pull up where Pierre and I are.
“Alex! What the fuck?” The skunk haired man says in shock.
“Jack, you’re nothing but a liar! Why can’t you get that in your head?”
“Why is Jack Barakat standing in front of us?” The person I met here says.
I just stand, not saying anything. Jack isn’t a liar? He was telling the truth? Is Pierre right? Why can’t I be normal and listen to people? I’m such a screw up, why can’t I do anything right?
“Alex? Alex?” Jack says, waving a hand in front of my face.
“Wha? Jack take me home. I’m sorry. I didn’t believe you because I just don’t know who to trust anymore. I-Its hard for me okay? I just don’t think I’ll be perfect for anyone with my mentality.” I say, hugging the elder.
“I think I may have a song for this moment. Wanna hear it?” Pierre asks.
“Sure.” I say and then he tunes his acoustic and plays the rhythm that’s the almost the story of my life.
“Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again (right again)
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand (you don't understand)
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
'Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect” Pierre sings as I feel tears streaming down my face.
“I-I think I need to get going.” I say, not going into Jack’s car and instead just running down the street to my broken paradise of a home.
As I get run down the snow covered sidewalk I finally reach my house where the two people I hate to see waiting on the porch with anger filled in their eyes.
“Where have you been Alex!” My mother screams with anger and fury as I get dragged into the house.
“O-Out, over on Th-Thames Street.” I stutter as I get kicked to the ground.
They yell profanities and words of pain at me with each kick and blow to my already battered body. Wounds that won’t heal for about a week if I’m lucky.
For about what seems like a century but only ten minutes they stop and go back to whatever they were doing before I came to ruin their lives.
Crawling, I climb the stairs to my room even though pain stings my body with each movement I make on the hardwood flooring.
“Why must everyone hate me? What did I do wrong? I’m just an innocent boy trying to live in this world. I do no good for anyone so why do I bother trying anymore? This life wasn’t meant for me. It was meant for a non-broken boy.
Tom why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave me alone in this cold, dark world with Mum and Dad? Why did you have to get cancer and leave me to take on this? I was ten! I was just a ten year old boy who needed his brother to take care of him because no one else would!
Why can’t someone notice me, who won’t lie to me and love me for who I am and for what I’d like to do?” These thoughts fill my head as I lay down on the hard, old mattress on the floor where I hope for love and to get out of the pained misery I suffer from.
Notes
Hey everybody with a new chapter!For anyone wondering who Pierre is, he's Pierre from Simple Plan. I kinda knew SP back in December but I didn't get into them until the weekend, I got their Still Not Getting Any... album early this year I think or last year and decided to pick up and play it. Sadly the movie side won't play but that's okay since I picked it up used at a 2nd & Charles.
Also I'm doing Run or Dye tomorrow and I'm excited! Wish me luck on the 5K.
Lastly I have to do a report + project on Uranium for my Science Class so I won't have time to update since I'll be busy working on it. I am 1/4 of the way done with chapter five though.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter everyone and don't forget to check out my stories More Specifically, Me Maxine, Make It Through the Fall, Make it Through it All and co-write with Nothing-Personal called Wrong Place, Wrong Time.
Till darkness completes us,
Sarah's Butterflies
@letmesleepwithsirens
Thank you!!!
1/15/14