Shaken and Tried

I slowly blink my overly-dry eyes open to see that I am surrounded by stark white walls. Where the fuck am I? I hear beeping and sniffles next to me but can't seem to place them. I blink a few more times before fully coming to my senses and realizing that I'm in a hospital room. The beeping must be machines but what is that sniffling. I look to my right (A/N and I see the Hollywood sign) and see a boy that I can't place. I takes a moment before I do, and mentally slap myself. That's the boy I love. He's crying and I don't know why. Is it because I'm in here? Why am I in here? My throat hurts and my arms sting.

I try to speak to him but my breath gets caught so I try one more time, “Jack baby, why are you crying,” I reach a hand out to wipe his face as he looks up at me, “Don't do that, I'm okay,” my voice is rough from lack of use but I push the thought out anyway.

“Lexy, your awake,” he smiles his beautiful smile up at me.

“Yeah, I'm awake,” I weakly smile back, noticing the aching pain all over my body I let out a groan.

Jack doesn't seem to notice as he jumps out of his chair and feathers kisses all up my neck a jaw before planting a firm one on my lips, “Missed. You. So. Much.” he speaks between each kiss. How long was I asleep? “I love you so much baby,” he finishes and looks deep into my eyes.

“I love you too.”

“Why?” he whispers against my hand that's he's holding, eyes closed and breathing deep.

“What?”

“Why did you do it?”

“Why did I do what? Jacky your going to need to be more specific.”

“Do you not remember what you did?” he opens his eyes again and stares up at me with concern.

“Um apparently not,” I answer, confused.

“Alex, you umm, well you tried to kill yourself,” oh yeah. It all comes rushing back to me. The alcohol the pills, the cuts. Shit. Why couldn't I have just died.

“Shit,” I whisper and throw my head back on to the rough hospital pillow, “Why didn't I die?”

“I came in time,” Jack answers me.

“Let me die,” I whisper, all the fight going out in me.

“No baby, you need to stay, I love you,” he whispers back and brushes my dry, dull hair off my forehead with sad eyes.

“Why?” I question, honestly not seeing the point.

“There's to much too see,” he begins, “Rainy days, the smell of coffee in the morning, your favorite band releasing new music, snow on the ground in the sun, what did you call it? Apricity? Late night kisses and morning orgasms. You need to stay,” he doesn't give me bullshit reasons, he gives me real ones, and this is why I love him.

I feel a tear drip down my cheek and Jacks hand reaches up to wipe it.

“Don't cry baby, you're going to be okay. I'll help you as long as you want me.”

“I want you Jack, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

It feels like forever since I've said those words, but in reality I have no idea how long its been.

“Jacky?” I wait for his 'mhm' to go on, “How long has it been?”

“Ummm,” he pulls out his phone to check the time, “About 40 hours, almost 2 days.”

“Oh, that's longer than I thought it'd be.”

“Shit I should probably call the nurses,” Jack says and pushes a small red button on my bed.

Tests tests and more tests, followed by questions upon questions that I don't answer. I just sit there with dead eyes, shrugging or 'mhm'-ing every once and awhile. Needless to say the doctors aren’t very pleased and neither are my parents. When my parents are called I'm greeted with tears and questions, more fucking questions. Why? That is everyone's question that I don’t answer. I have no fucking clue why. I wanted to? I needed to? I was drunk? I don't know. All I know now is I want everyone to leave. Except Jack. I want, no, need Jack to stay. He's the only one keeping me sane. Stroking my hair and lacing my fingers with his, never leaving. If he weren't here I'd have pulled my hair out by now.

He stays the night with me while my parents go home. His eyes look so tired and he reveals to me that he hasn't slept since I got here. I of course scoot over and pull him on the bed with me and push my head into his neck. I feel him relax against me and stroke his hand up and down my hair, lulling me to sleep.

The next day is no better. Questions. No answers. Disappointment. I realize at about 10 in morning, two hours after being rudely awoke by more tests, that I am starving. I haven't eaten in two days and all I am served is a shitty omelet and jello. Great. Rian and Zack come and visit around 12. There presence isn't unwelcome, but also not entirely wanted. They throw more questions, but aren't as demanding as my parents. They're just sad that I didn't talk to them, and I guess I understand. The doctors prescribe me two medicines that have ridiculously long names that I don't remember. One for depression that I might maybe take and one for anxiety that I'll try. My only concern is that they'll make me numb or fat.

Finally, finally, me and Jack are left alone. We remain wordless, him holding me into his side and me lightly feathering kisses on his neck. This, this right here is what makes me want to stay. I love Jack, and I mean it. I never thought any one could ever mean so much to me as he does. He makes me just a little bit happier, and maybe with the help of this medicine I can know what it feels like to be really truly happy again. I'd like that

Notes

wooo 2014! I brought the new year in partyin! and by partying i mean writing fanfiction but same thing... I hope you guys have and awesome new year :D

As forever and always, i love you guys tons and tons. Comment with suggestions or thoughts!