You know how at the beginning of summer you feel like your finally awake. Or how it smells just hot when you leave school for the last time. Well I remember those things, especially walking off the stage after receiving my diploma. I was also wearing that god awful robe.

I walked off the stage and down to the group of people that cheered when I got called up. My mother pulled me into a hug. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. "God Paige. Your father would be so proud." She whispered into my ear. I only nodded, I didn't like remembering he was gone. "I need a hug too!" My older brother yelled. "Of coarse who could forget the great Matt!" I yelled back both of us smiling like crazy. We both ran into each others arms.

"God, your so old now." He said. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. "Alright, But you be older and I'll be taller." I said. He pulled away. "Alright so what I'm short! You on the other hand are a fucking tree-" "Hey! I happen to like her height." Alex said walking up with the rest of the guys. Zack, Rian and Jack. I ran over to him jumping into his arms and him holding me up. I wrapped my legs around him.

I eventually after our hug had gone on long enough got off him and gave the rest of the boys a hug. That's when Rian spoke up. "So, What are you doing now that this adventure is over?" "Well-" I began but was interrupted by Matt. He threw his arm over my shoulder. "She's coming with us. I invited her as my assistant." I nodded agreeing with what he said. Alex threw his hands up. "Woohoo! Best tour ever!"

I love Alex, he's my best friend. "Alright guys you know the drill. Pack and tomorrow bring you shit to my house we leave round 11:30." Matt said. We all said goodbye and Alex and I walked to my car. I unzipped my robe and slipped it off. We were almost to my car. "So you excited about tour?" He asked. We made it to my car and I threw my gown into the back. "I guess. It's not what I thought I would be doing but it's ok." I said leaning against my car.

"Well, What do you wish you were doing? And why the hell are you wearing a long sleeve shirt?!" "I wanna be in Australia, Go tot he Sydney Opera house, Touch a kangaroo." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm tired of being in Baltimore, You know? I wanna experience life to the fullest meet new people, get a tan on a real beach, fall in love, and do things today I'll regret tomorrow for the only reason but to say I did it. I want to be free." I looked up at Alex watching him as everything I just said sank in. "Alright, well tell you what when this tours over and we have a break you and I will spend the whole thing in Australia. Consider it a you made it out of high school gift."

I pulled Alex into a hug. My arms around his neck and his around my waist. "You really are the greatest best friend." I said muffled by his shoulder. I was crying a little bit. I mean no body was ever as nice to me as the guys, especially Alex... Jack too, now that I think about it. My mother tried but she was never around and always drunk. And my dad was ok at it, better than my mom but still, he died in a car crash.

Alex pulled away. "Really crying?" "shut up!" I said slapping him arm. "Need any help packing?" I asked Alex. "Does this" He pointed to himself. "Look like it's packing?" I bit my lip and nodded. "No it doesn't. I'll help you." I said. i opened the door to my car and slipped in. I drove the way to Alex's house in silence. Just listening to the sounds as I passed by the kids running around playing in the yards.

I pulled into Alex's house and walked through the front door. I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer. I popped the top and headed up stairs to his bedroom. I walked in and laid on the floor. Alex walked out of his bathroom. "why are you on the floor?" I shrugged and looked up at him. "It looked comfy." "Is it?" "Not bad." Alex came over and laid next to me. He intertwined his right hand with my left.

I held up the can. "Beer?" He took the can from me and took a sip. "Alright ready to pack?" I asked standing up. "I guess." He said standing up with me. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to the suit case. Alex went over to his dresser. He would throw clothes at me and I would fold them and put them in.

I finished and zipped up the suit case. "Alright what now?" Alex asked walking over and pulling me off the bed. "I should probably go home to pack." He looked down at the floor. "What?" I asked not expecting what might come out of his mouth. "Can we uh... talk about... you know..." He looked me in the eyes. "Alex. Can we not-" "I can't just ignore what happened Paige." "Why not?!" I said throwing my hands in the air.

"Cause your my best friend... I couldn't bare to loose you." I pushed past him and he grabbed my wrist. The pain was hard and I winced. I whipped around. "Alex. You saved me. Thank you, but I wished I had died that day." I started to cry. "I didn't wanna be saved, but I-" I cut myself off and pulled from his grip and ran down stairs. I ran out the front door and got out to my car.

I started it and drove home in silence. I got to my house and pulled in the drive way but I changed my mind and peeled out of the drive way. I drove over to Jack's house. I wiped my face off and got out of my car. I walked to his front door. I knocked. "Paige?" He answered the door. "Hey... I came to hang out is that cool?" "Yeah, Of coarse. Get in here." He said closing the door behind me.

I followed him into the kitchen. "Want a coke, water, juice box?" "Jack." "Shots already?" He asked. "Just one of those days. Plus I'm in the house of Jack." He laughed. "Jack it is then." I sat at a bar stool and he did the same. He handed me toe shot glasses and pour Jack in both. I did mine and he did his.

4 shots later I'm done we did them so fast. I wabbled off the stool. Jack was already on the couch. I sat next to him. I was fiddling with the bottom of my shirt. "It's so hot in here." "Well just take your shirt off." Jack said. "No. I can't." "why?" "No reason." We sat quiet for a sec until I noticed Jack starting to doze off.

I stood up and pulled him up. "come on I'll take you to bed." I said he nodded. He rested his hands on my hips behind me as we walked up the steps. I walked into his room. I sat on the bed. Jack pulled off his shirt followed by pants. He laid down next to me. I started to get up. "Where you going?" "Home." "No!" "Yeah. I gotta pack." I said. "Stay. I'll help you in the morning. Plus you can't drive."

"Fine." I said still getting up. "NOW Where you going?" He whined. "The guest room-" "No just stay here with me." He begged bottom lip out. I rolled my eyes. I slipped off my shoes and pulled my sorts off. I pulled my bra off underneath my shirt and got in Jack's bed. It was comfy. He snuggled closer wrapping his arms around my waist resting his head on my chest.

"Your comfy." "Yeah. Thanks to all this fat I have." I said with a little laugh. His head shot up. "You are not fat. Your beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have you. If I found someone half as pretty I would be lucky." He said laying his head back down. Thank god it's dark, otherwise he would have seen the blush on my cheeks. I fell asleep shortly after.

I woke up and stood up and walked over to the bathroom. My head hurt so bad. I splashed my face and left the bathroom. I laid back on Jack's bed. He rolled over and laid his head across my stomach. I laughed. "Stop that." He demanded. It only made me laugh louder. "UUGGHH!" He said. "What time is it?" I asked. He sat up with on eye closed and looked at the clock.

He laid his head back down. "10:30." I shot up and grabbed my clothes. "Jack! I still gotta pack come on grab your stuff." He sat up. "Right..." I slipped on my shoes and clipped my bra on and looked up at Jack. "Jack!" He looked at me. He was still sitting at the end of the bed. "Get your ass into high gear or I'll kick it there!" I threatened.

He stood up and pulled on some jeans and a Blink shirt. I grabbed his suit case in the corner of the room and threw it down the steps. I pulled him behind me. I grabbed my keys off the counter. "come on." I said and grabbed his suit case. He locked the door and got into the passenger side of my car. His head was laid against the window.

"How are you functioning?!" He asked getting out of my car in my drive way. "That's the Flyzik in me." I said running to the door leaving Jack to struggle with his suit case on his own. It was 11:05. I walked in the door. "Paige? That you?" I heard Matt ask. I ignored and started up the stairs. "Paige!?" He said again making it the the bottom of the steps.

I turned around on the top step. "Yes Mathew?" I asked. He walked up the steps till he met me. "Where were you last night? Alex called saying you were headed home and that you were crying?" "Matt, I don't have time for this. My head hurts, and I gotta pack." He followed me to my room. "Where were you though?"

"I was at Jack's alright?" I said throwing all my clothes into my suit case. I walked over pulling everything else I would need and threw it in there too. "What did you do?" "We drank." I said. I walked over and looked through my suit case pulling out something to wear for today. I found something and pulled down my shorts. "Flyzik out." Matt said and walked away.

I finished getting ready. I pulled my bag to the top of the steps and threw it down. I walked down behind it and went to pick it up when Zack beat me to it. "Oh thanks." I said. He smiled. We walked outside and got into the cars. Jack walked over putting one arm in my other. "So glad we can sleep on the flight over." "Me too." I said. We got into the back of Matt's car. Zack was up front talking to Matt, with Jack and I in the back.

Alex and Rian drove in Rian's car. I was leaned up on Jack shoulder going through what all happened yesterday. "You ok?" He asked. "Yeah I'm fine." I said and smiled. He nodded but didn't seem convinced. I pulled out my phone and my head phones. I shoved one bud in his ear and the other in mine. We listened to Blink the rest of the ride over.

We were sitting in our seats waiting for the plane to take off. I was sitting next to Zack. Rian and Matt in front of us and Jack and Alex behind us. Zack leaned over. "What's with you and Jack matching today?" "I don't know I decided to wear my hoodie and he wore the shirt. It wasn't planned." I said. I yawned. Suddenly Jack's head popped up.

"Zack trade seats with me." "Why?" He asked. "So Paige and I can share music, and sleep on each others shoulders. I owe her." He looked at me. "Hey, Your seat give it up if you want." I said. "Please?" Jack asked again. Zack stood up and he and Jack traded spots. "Feel free to lean your head on my shoulder." He said. "Don't mind if I do." I said and wrapped my arms around his left one. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I felt a nudge. "Paige." I opened my eyes. "What?" I asked. "Time to get off the plane." Jack said. "Oh." I stood up and followed behind Jack. I walked up to the guys. "Hey sleepy head." Matt said. I shot him a glare. "Jack and I had a late night, I was tired." I said stretching. "OOH. What happened in this "LATE" night?" Rian asked wiggling eye brows. I smacked his arm.

"Nothing weirdo!" "Paige has never done anything like that anyways." Matt butted in. "Yeah." Alex said the first word I heard him say all morning. I started to blush at the topic we were on. They were all staring at me. I blushed even harder. Of coarse I've done it before, I can keep a secret though. "Paige?" Matt said.

I turned and started running towards the bathroom. "I gotta pee!" I shouted. I ran into the bathroom and calmed down a little. I mean he had to know I wasn't gonna wait forever, right? I looked at myself in the mirror. The blush in my cheeks was fading and I was breathing normal. I decided to leave the bathroom.

I walked out and Matt linked his arm with mine and held it. "Ow!" I said. "Who was it?" He asked all angry. "It doesn't matter Matt." I said. He stopped. "Yes it does! I have to kill him." I looked at him. "You didn't think I was gonna wait forever, right?" I asked. "I-I mean... I guess not but your young and...Wait...When?!" "Your getting a little too personal now." I said.

He looked at me in the eyes. "Paige?!" He warned. "Matt." I said back. "How old were you?" He asked again. I know everyone was listening. "Matt-" "Just answer the question." He demanded. "Fine! I was 15..." I trailed off looking at the ground. "Oh My God." Matt said. "I know." I said back. "Can we stop talking about it?" I asked.

He let go of me and I went over and grabbed my bag. I walked out front where I saw Vinny. I gave him a quick hug and entered the bus. He followed behind. "What's wrong?" He asked. I walked over to the bottom bunk on the right. "Oh you know...everyone found out I wasn't a virgin... The usual." I crawled into my bunk and put my head phones in. I laid there. I felt them get on the bus.

I just stayed there. I rolled up the sleeves of my jacket looking at the scars on my wrists. I scratched at them, drawing up little dots of blood. I wiped the tears away and just listened to my music. I sat up and pulled out of my carry on the sketch pad I brought. I started to draw a tree with light on one side and darkness on the other.

I finished happy with it and took my head phones out and listened. I heard them but figured enough time has gone by. I've been in here for about 2 hours. I jumped down and walked into the living room. I walked over to the fridge. I pulled out a Gatorade and took a sip. Everyone was staring at me. "What?" I asked. "Nothing." Zack said.

I sat at the little breakfast bar we had. I pulled out my phone just texting my friend, Sebastien. "Hey Paige?" Alex said. I turned in my chair. "Yeah." "Is you leg bleeding?" I looked down and sure enough I had some blood on my leg. I wiped it away with my sleeve it just smeared with the other blood on my sleeve. I stood up and walked into the bathroom.

I cleaned it off and checked my wrists and cleaned those. I walked back out. "I got a nose bleed earlier." I said. everyone was convinced but Alex wasn't. I walked over grabbing my drink and headed back to my bunk. "What are you doing back there?" Matt asked. I decided to have fun. "Certainly not any boys...at least not while your around." I yelled. I heard the guys laugh.

I got into my bunk and continued my drawing. I was singing along to Pierce the veil. "Someday I'll drive, close both my eyes. We'll swim in circles in the blue lights, it's gonna be the best day of my life." I was drawing a heart being ripped apart by two hands. Someone pulled the curtain back scaring me. "AAAHHHH!" I yelled and threw my sketch book at them.

"Ow!" Jack said picking it up. "Wow. This is really good." I took the book out of his hands before he had a chance to look through it. It contains songs I've written, poems and drawings. "Thanks..." "Well we're here and meeting with the guys, wanna come?" "Sure." I said and stood up. "Cool. Come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bus.

We were running full speed at another bus. "Jack slow down! I'm gonna trip on you!" I yelled. He just ran faster. We made it to the bus and he knocked. Some guy with spikey hair answered the door. "Hey Jack. I was looking for you!" He yelled. "Hey Jaime! Oh this is Paige." He pointed towards me.

"Hi." I said back. I followed Jack in the bus. "What do you want to drink?" He asked. "Whatever your drinking I guess." He grabbed me a beer. I took it and popped the top off on the buckle of his jeans. "That was so hot." I really tall guy said walking up to Jack and I. "Hey Mike." Jack said. "Sup man." "Hi. I'm Paige." I said.

"Nice to meet you." He said. "Where you learn to do that?" Jack asked taking a sip of his beer. "You know parties." I said. I took a sip of mine. "So introduce me to the rest." I said to Jack. Mike grabbed my hand. I followed him. "This is Tony." He said. "Hi." Tony said. "Hi. Paige." I said back. "Then we have my older brother. Vic!" Mike yelled.

I laughed cause Mike slipped off the couch cushion he was standing on. "What Mike?!" He yelled back. "New Girl!" I laughed. New girl? Alright. He walked over. "I'm Victor but you can call me Vic." He said. "Paige... I go by Paige." I said back. "So what do you do on tour?" Vic asked. Mike walked away and it was just Vic and I in this corner.

"I help Matt and do whatever. I'm his sister. What do you do on tour?" I asked. "I'm in a band. I sing and play guitar." "Cool. What band?" "Pierce The Veil." Oh good God. The man who wrote all those beautiful lyrics that express exactly how I'm feeling is standing right in front of me. Play it cool. "Oh yeah, I've heard of you guys." I said smoothly.

"Hey! You came out of your bunk. Get it?" Matt said hitting me with his elbow. He has had a little too much to drink. "I got it." I said back. "I don't." Vic said. "Well-" "Matt!" I warned. He ignored. "She revealed to all of us today that my little sister isn't so innocent and that she no longer has her virginity." Mat said using Vic shoulder to hold him up.

I grabbed Matt's arm and pulled him off the bus. A few people followed. "Matt! What the fuck!" I yelled at him pulling him toward the bus. "What Paige!? You didn't want the world to know... Woops!" He said. I dragged him behind me. He started to struggle and pull away. "Matt you don't know what your saying you'll apologize tomorrow, when your sober." "Why would I to a slut." I stopped.

I let go of Matt. He stood up. He looked at me with this confused look almost like he wanted to take back what he said, but didn't. I drew back my hand and slapped him across the face. I pushed him to the ground. He hit the ground and I almost punched him but decided against it. He doesn't mean it I said to myself. But its so true. I said back to myself.

I clenched my fist ad ran onto our bus. I ripped open my suit case and searched for my only escape. My blades. I found the little envelope and ran into the bathroom. I started the shower. I took off all my clothes and hopped in. I stood there gripping at the blade in my hand letting the water drip off my body. I looked at the blade in my hand and I started to cry, soft sobs left my lips.

I took the blade between my thumb and index finger on my right hand and slid it across my left wrist. I cut 3 days ago, long time I know... I slid it across about three more times. I let the water run on it. The small amount of water at my feet was red. I switched and held the blade in my left hand. I ran it across my right wrist a couple times, these being deeper than the ones on my left cause I have less control with my left.

That's almost why I like it better. It made it easier to go deeper. I stared at the rivers of red flowing from my wrist. I turned the water on extremely hot. I eventually got used to it. I sat there with my knees against my chest. I used my hand on the wall to help me stand up. I got up and turned off the water. My skin was a bright pink from how hot the water was, I know I'm clean but I still feel dirty.

I put on my sweatshirt and pulled it over my butt. I opened the door to the bathroom and walked out. I heard someone but ignored them. I walked over to my suit case pulling out some panties and a clean shirt. All I can wear is long sleeves. I pulled on the underwear and looked around. I pulled off the hoodie. I looked down at my cuts. I clenched my fists watching my veins pop up.

I pulled on the shirt I pulled out. I threw my hair into a bun and walked back to my bunk, where I can be alone with my music. This was a bad idea. I should have run away like plan B. I wished plan A would have worked, but I just had to be pulled back from the edge. I had my knees up to my chest. I held my arms so tight around my knees. I started to cry. I heard my curtain open.

I looked up to see Alex. "I'm sorry." He said. I just started to cry harder. "I forgive you." I said. He crawled in with me and held me. He will always be my best friend, Through thick and thin. I eventually stopped crying long enough to actually fall asleep.

Notes

Comment Please! I know this one was long it just... went on. Loves :P
Graduation: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=97983444

Outfit 2: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=97998184

Sleep: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=97998400