I wanna feel weightless
Chapter 8
I woke up to my mom yelling at me, telling me someone was at the door. I guessed that it was Jack coming to pick me up, I still looked like shit and was not ready to go yet. I got up and put on some sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, even if he did see my scars yesterday I didn't want him to have to deal with that again. I walked down to the front door stumbling over junk my mom has lying around.
"Hey, I just have to finish getting dres-, what are you doing here?"
but before I let him answer I shut the door in his face, I didn't care, he betrayed me and now? I...I can't trust him, it's gone, the trust is gone and that barrier I built to keep everyone out it back.
"I didn't need anyone before Zack and I sure as hell don't need anyone now. I'll die lonely and drunk like my mom, and you know what?" I thought to myself, "I'll start now"
My mother was passed out on the couch so it gave me a chance to run to her room and grab some whiskey. I didn't even care anymore, what's the point? I heard my phone ring and I picked it up, Jack had texted that he'd be over in 20 minutes to pick me up.
To:Jack
Don't bother
From:Jack
Are you okay?
To: Jack
Zack came over and I just decided to stay in for the rest of the day
From:Jack
Okay :(
I decided to drink my sorrows away, I was going to get shit faced and I was going to have my own little party in my room. I walked upstairs to my room, hooked up my speaker and blasted some Pierce The Veil. Their new Collide With The Sky album is awesome, the songs just spoke to me. I started throwing it back, forgetting about the shot glasses, I was drinking straight from the bottle. Just as I took my fourth huge gulp I realized how I could make everything better; I just wouldn't be here anymore, I can end it. It's all such a blur after that, I can't remember much, just that I was running around trying to find the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed to me. I remember finding the pills; swallowing them down with the whiskey. I remember getting one of my extra blades; going to work on my arms, shoulders, stomach, and thighs, and then when I started getting really tired I wrote a suicide note. I could feel myself slipping away now, my peace would be here any minute. I saw someone standing at my door...please let it be the reaper, the angel of death, my escape. Bye world.
*Alex's POV*
we decided to go pick up Lizzy and surprise her. She deserved some fun after last night. We would go eat, and maybe the movies. We know she doesn't want to see Zack but she'll have to talk eventually right?
"Alex, are you listening?"
"Uh, sorry Jack I zoned out what's up?"
"I was just trying to say that Elizabeth is really sensitive right now and that we don't want to say or do anything to set her off."
"Set her off?" Rian asked
"Oh yeah, I guess it's as good a time as any to tell you guys, or maybe you want to tell them Zack?" Jack reluctantly suggested
"Um...I don't know," Zack shrugged, "She doesn't really want anyone to know."
"Know what?" Rian asked getting more irritated by the second.
"Well...Lizzy kind of...um-"
"She cuts herself." Jack cut in, interrupting Zack.
Suddenly the whole car went quiet, the only sound was coming from the radio. I wondered if Rian was thinking what I was.
"Wow!" that's all I could think
I didn't see that coming, I mean sure Lizzy's home life wasn't the best but she didn't need to cut herself. She was way to good for that.
"Well then I guess she really needs today" I said aloud, trying to open the mood.
*Jack's POV*
"She cuts herself." I stated bluntly. I didn't know how to say it other than that. I didn't want to have to tell the guys but I knew Zack wouldn't and she didn't need to be anymore stressed out by us.
"Well then I guess she really needs today" Alex said. I could tell he was just trying to lighten the mood but it was hard on all of us to know that she had been doing this and we couldn't help. We were pulling up to Lizzy's house when we saw an ambulance.
"Oh shit, did she finally kill her mom?" Rian joked.
we chuckled but as we got out of the car we realized it was more serious than that. We were pushing past people and running to Lizzy's mom.
"What the fuck did you do to her!?" Zack yelled, he was pissed, but I think a little more than that he was scared. If she wasn't a woman I'm sure he would've hit her.
"I didn't do anything but kick her a couple of times," she muttered in between puffs of her cigarette, "She stole my alcohol, plus she wrote this letter, looks like she didn't want to be here anymore, which is good because she's not welcome back. stupid bitch. stealing my alcohol." I could see the anger growing in Zack's eyes. He was about to pounce but instead he grabbed the paper out of her hand. After he read it, with tears streaming down his face, he passed it on.
"YOU FUCKING CUNT! How could you say that about your daughter, she might fucking die and you don't even give a shit? You're a fucking bitch and if and when she turns out okay, I'm going to make sure that it never gets as bad that she feels the only place she can go is here!" Zack was furious, the tears had increased and they didn't look like the would stop anytime soon.
"Let's go guys," Alex encouraged as he finished the letter, "She needs us."
It was finally my turn to read the letter and now I understood why Zack was so hurt.
Dear guys,
I'm writing to all four of you as I know you are the only ones who will care. I decided to end it. I love you guys but life has become too hard. After seeing Zack with that slut last night I realized that no one really cares, you guys care but only because you feel the need to. I don't want to burden y'all anymore. I will not fail at this, I've decided to finally succeed at something. I drank the booze, took the drugs and slit my wrists, if that doesn't work I don't know what will. I love you guys, especially you Zack. I thought you were the best thing to ever happen to me. That first day in freshman year, I thought I had finally found it, my one true happiness, the thing that would keep me here on this earth. After last night I realized I was wrong. I'm sorry. Jack, I know you wanted to help me and I know we were going to hang out today, I'm sorry, please don't hate me. Alex, keep up the good work , I know the band is a mutual effort but your lyrics will help people some day, your lyrics will save lives. Rian loosen up, seeing you at that party, being relaxed, having fun, it made me realize that, that is how everyone should be, free. I have realized that the only way I will be free is to leave. I love you guys, sorry I keep saying that but I do. Please don't miss me too much, I don't want to hurt y'all, Zack this is not your fault it's just Miranda's actions were the means to an end. Goodbye guys
-Love Elizabeth
"Hey, I just have to finish getting dres-, what are you doing here?"
but before I let him answer I shut the door in his face, I didn't care, he betrayed me and now? I...I can't trust him, it's gone, the trust is gone and that barrier I built to keep everyone out it back.
"I didn't need anyone before Zack and I sure as hell don't need anyone now. I'll die lonely and drunk like my mom, and you know what?" I thought to myself, "I'll start now"
My mother was passed out on the couch so it gave me a chance to run to her room and grab some whiskey. I didn't even care anymore, what's the point? I heard my phone ring and I picked it up, Jack had texted that he'd be over in 20 minutes to pick me up.
To:Jack
Don't bother
From:Jack
Are you okay?
To: Jack
Zack came over and I just decided to stay in for the rest of the day
From:Jack
Okay :(
I decided to drink my sorrows away, I was going to get shit faced and I was going to have my own little party in my room. I walked upstairs to my room, hooked up my speaker and blasted some Pierce The Veil. Their new Collide With The Sky album is awesome, the songs just spoke to me. I started throwing it back, forgetting about the shot glasses, I was drinking straight from the bottle. Just as I took my fourth huge gulp I realized how I could make everything better; I just wouldn't be here anymore, I can end it. It's all such a blur after that, I can't remember much, just that I was running around trying to find the sleeping pills the doctor prescribed to me. I remember finding the pills; swallowing them down with the whiskey. I remember getting one of my extra blades; going to work on my arms, shoulders, stomach, and thighs, and then when I started getting really tired I wrote a suicide note. I could feel myself slipping away now, my peace would be here any minute. I saw someone standing at my door...please let it be the reaper, the angel of death, my escape. Bye world.
*Alex's POV*
we decided to go pick up Lizzy and surprise her. She deserved some fun after last night. We would go eat, and maybe the movies. We know she doesn't want to see Zack but she'll have to talk eventually right?
"Alex, are you listening?"
"Uh, sorry Jack I zoned out what's up?"
"I was just trying to say that Elizabeth is really sensitive right now and that we don't want to say or do anything to set her off."
"Set her off?" Rian asked
"Oh yeah, I guess it's as good a time as any to tell you guys, or maybe you want to tell them Zack?" Jack reluctantly suggested
"Um...I don't know," Zack shrugged, "She doesn't really want anyone to know."
"Know what?" Rian asked getting more irritated by the second.
"Well...Lizzy kind of...um-"
"She cuts herself." Jack cut in, interrupting Zack.
Suddenly the whole car went quiet, the only sound was coming from the radio. I wondered if Rian was thinking what I was.
"Wow!" that's all I could think
I didn't see that coming, I mean sure Lizzy's home life wasn't the best but she didn't need to cut herself. She was way to good for that.
"Well then I guess she really needs today" I said aloud, trying to open the mood.
*Jack's POV*
"She cuts herself." I stated bluntly. I didn't know how to say it other than that. I didn't want to have to tell the guys but I knew Zack wouldn't and she didn't need to be anymore stressed out by us.
"Well then I guess she really needs today" Alex said. I could tell he was just trying to lighten the mood but it was hard on all of us to know that she had been doing this and we couldn't help. We were pulling up to Lizzy's house when we saw an ambulance.
"Oh shit, did she finally kill her mom?" Rian joked.
we chuckled but as we got out of the car we realized it was more serious than that. We were pushing past people and running to Lizzy's mom.
"What the fuck did you do to her!?" Zack yelled, he was pissed, but I think a little more than that he was scared. If she wasn't a woman I'm sure he would've hit her.
"I didn't do anything but kick her a couple of times," she muttered in between puffs of her cigarette, "She stole my alcohol, plus she wrote this letter, looks like she didn't want to be here anymore, which is good because she's not welcome back. stupid bitch. stealing my alcohol." I could see the anger growing in Zack's eyes. He was about to pounce but instead he grabbed the paper out of her hand. After he read it, with tears streaming down his face, he passed it on.
"YOU FUCKING CUNT! How could you say that about your daughter, she might fucking die and you don't even give a shit? You're a fucking bitch and if and when she turns out okay, I'm going to make sure that it never gets as bad that she feels the only place she can go is here!" Zack was furious, the tears had increased and they didn't look like the would stop anytime soon.
"Let's go guys," Alex encouraged as he finished the letter, "She needs us."
It was finally my turn to read the letter and now I understood why Zack was so hurt.
Dear guys,
I'm writing to all four of you as I know you are the only ones who will care. I decided to end it. I love you guys but life has become too hard. After seeing Zack with that slut last night I realized that no one really cares, you guys care but only because you feel the need to. I don't want to burden y'all anymore. I will not fail at this, I've decided to finally succeed at something. I drank the booze, took the drugs and slit my wrists, if that doesn't work I don't know what will. I love you guys, especially you Zack. I thought you were the best thing to ever happen to me. That first day in freshman year, I thought I had finally found it, my one true happiness, the thing that would keep me here on this earth. After last night I realized I was wrong. I'm sorry. Jack, I know you wanted to help me and I know we were going to hang out today, I'm sorry, please don't hate me. Alex, keep up the good work , I know the band is a mutual effort but your lyrics will help people some day, your lyrics will save lives. Rian loosen up, seeing you at that party, being relaxed, having fun, it made me realize that, that is how everyone should be, free. I have realized that the only way I will be free is to leave. I love you guys, sorry I keep saying that but I do. Please don't miss me too much, I don't want to hurt y'all, Zack this is not your fault it's just Miranda's actions were the means to an end. Goodbye guys
-Love Elizabeth
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2/5/14